whats the core issue in your marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

what have both of you done to fix it?

More specifically, have you tried chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

what have both of you done to fix it?

I have had countless coversations, bought lingerie, toys, taken her on trips, sought feedback on what she enjoys, doesn't enjoy, offered to explore fetishes, desires, even open the marriage, taken days off to meet her at noon when she is more rested, bought and read books on the subject.

She has offered that if it is that important to me, to go ahead and do it but please don't take too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

People who don't think about or want sex.

It is so interesting to me that all of these men believe that all other people value exactly the same things that they themselves value.

Big news: people aren’t all the same and so they may not value exactly the same things and in same order. You need to communicate with your spouse, especially if you have been married so long to the person. Divorce should never be a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

People who don't think about or want sex.

It is so interesting to me that all of these men believe that all other people value exactly the same things that they themselves value.

Big news: people aren’t all the same and so they may not value exactly the same things and in same order. You need to communicate with your spouse, especially if you have been married so long to the person. Divorce should never be a surprise.

You are so right! How could he know that SHE valued monogamy? His affair is her fault, she failed to communicate her need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

People who don't think about or want sex.

It is so interesting to me that all of these men believe that all other people value exactly the same things that they themselves value.

Big news: people aren’t all the same and so they may not value exactly the same things and in same order. You need to communicate with your spouse, especially if you have been married so long to the person. Divorce should never be a surprise.

Ok, just so it isn’t a surprise to you down the road:

Men want sex.

You got that? You won’t claim to be surprised that your husband’s libido didn’t drop just because yours did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this site should be called mommy martyrs. good lord, some of the contrived drama in the last few posts just exemplifies how f"ed up are some folks' lives. y'all need serious doses of therapy if you think all this crap is absolutely essential. None of our parents did this much and yet we all made survived.

Well the problem is most of it IS absolutely essential. Suzys ortho appt? Who cares right? Just 7k down there drain and her teeth will be fugly. Over billed by the HOA? Eh what is $200 anyway. Field trip forms- yeah I’ll just ignore the form but still send Bobby to school and expect them to figure it out. They will be thrilled surely. Vaccines? Who needs ‘em. We love the measles yay! Who needs a chimney sweep- bunch of nonsense-

My parents did all of these things, and more. So did yours- you just did not notice. And if you are not doing these things in your household/ someone else is.

Teacher workday and where are the kids going? No one booked a sitter or day camp? Oh well. Moms are so uptight about these things.

School ends for the year in 2 weeks and no one booked camps? No physicals yet? Camps all full and kids have no care? Oh well. Lighten up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

People who don't think about or want sex.

It is so interesting to me that all of these men believe that all other people value exactly the same things that they themselves value.

Big news: people aren’t all the same and so they may not value exactly the same things and in same order. You need to communicate with your spouse, especially if you have been married so long to the person. Divorce should never be a surprise.

Ok, just so it isn’t a surprise to you down the road:

Men want sex.

You got that? You won’t claim to be surprised that your husband’s libido didn’t drop just because yours did?

You do know that there ar women on here who complain that their husbands have low sex drive right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

People who don't think about or want sex.

It is so interesting to me that all of these men believe that all other people value exactly the same things that they themselves value.

Big news: people aren’t all the same and so they may not value exactly the same things and in same order. You need to communicate with your spouse, especially if you have been married so long to the person. Divorce should never be a surprise.

Ok, just so it isn’t a surprise to you down the road:

Men want sex.

You got that? You won’t claim to be surprised that your husband’s libido didn’t drop just because yours did?

Not my ex. He wasn't ever all that interested and finally told me "it was too much like work". I'm serious. And that's not even close to the reason I divorced him. Now my good friend divorced her husband and one of the reasons was a lack of sex. She found a college bf and left her wonderful husband. Yes they had a lot of sex, BUT a year later she called me saying she made a HUGE mistake. I already told her, so did other people. It was a big mess and she was stuck with the bf. The ex didn't want her back. She was a SAHM that had a great life and traveled. Did anything she wanted until she left her good life for a idiot. Sex doesn't carry a long term relationship, and it does get old like everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

what have both of you done to fix it?

I have had countless coversations, bought lingerie, toys, taken her on trips, sought feedback on what she enjoys, doesn't enjoy, offered to explore fetishes, desires, even open the marriage, taken days off to meet her at noon when she is more rested, bought and read books on the subject.

She has offered that if it is that important to me, to go ahead and do it but please don't take too long.

I have to say that I never understand these conversations. How do you have a conversation about what someone likes in bed without it leading to sex? Are you not doing these things as she tells you about them? Like she tells you what she likes, and you are just like, “ok, after sportscenter, we can try it?” Or she tells you about a fetish, and then you guys do what? Wash the dishes? Fold some laundry?
This isn’t you, man, but sometimes people say that they have these conversations and end up in tears. What is going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

what have both of you done to fix it?

I have had countless coversations, bought lingerie, toys, taken her on trips, sought feedback on what she enjoys, doesn't enjoy, offered to explore fetishes, desires, even open the marriage, taken days off to meet her at noon when she is more rested, bought and read books on the subject.

She has offered that if it is that important to me, to go ahead and do it but please don't take too long.

I have to say that I never understand these conversations. How do you have a conversation about what someone likes in bed without it leading to sex? Are you not doing these things as she tells you about them? Like she tells you what she likes, and you are just like, “ok, after sportscenter, we can try it?” Or she tells you about a fetish, and then you guys do what? Wash the dishes? Fold some laundry?
This isn’t you, man, but sometimes people say that they have these conversations and end up in tears. What is going on?

Here's what it looks like: I ask her what she likes, she says I do it already (oral for example), I ask if there is something she wants to try, she says no, she says she has no fantasies she wants to explore and everything I do is great (we do use toys and she finishes). She just isn't ever, ever in the mood but will do it if I really want it. I know it's hard to believe but I am attractive, fit, nothing overtly wrong. We used to do it all the time, I didn't marry a prude. She just lost desire as I suspect a lot of women do after a while and isn't motivated to get it back. I don't take it personally. It's not me, and I have zero problems attracting other women.

I am not leaving while kids are in the house. Maybe I cheat, maybe I don't, and I will revisit leaving in a few years or sooner if the pros of staying outweigh the cons. I have come to accept wife is a good person, she just has zero drive although I am sure it will come back for her second husband if only temporarily.

[Anonymous]

DW tells me to make it quick all the time. I'm happy to oblige.

[Anonymous]

^^ Pro tip to man whose wife will do it but never wants it. Get over it! Most wives don’t really want sex (with husband), they just do it to stay married. She’s doing her part (is uninterested but willing) so you do i yours (make it quick). This is just how marriage works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ Pro tip to man whose wife will do it but never wants it. Get over it! Most wives don’t really want sex (with husband), they just do it to stay married. She’s doing her part (is uninterested but willing) so you do i yours (make it quick). This is just how marriage works.

Right, I get it. I know but would it kill her to put on a show once a month and not act like I am bothering her? It's why affairs are so powerful, to actually have a night where you can't wait to get each other naked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Pro tip to man whose wife will do it but never wants it. Get over it! Most wives don’t really want sex (with husband), they just do it to stay married. She’s doing her part (is uninterested but willing) so you do i yours (make it quick). This is just how marriage works.

Right, I get it. I know but would it kill her to put on a show once a month and not act like I am bothering her? It's why affairs are so powerful, to actually have a night where you can't wait to get each other naked.

You are so powerless.

[Anonymous]

I’m all in favor of not shaving, (arm pits and a full bush), but she’s turned into Chewbacca. She stopped shaving her legs and it’s a total turn-off...