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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year.  My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it.  So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk.  And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?[/quote]
what have both of you done to fix it?[/quote]

I have had countless coversations, bought lingerie, toys, taken her on trips, sought feedback on what she enjoys, doesn't enjoy, offered to explore fetishes, desires, even open the marriage, taken days off to meet her at noon when she is more rested, bought and read books on the subject.

She has offered that if it is that important to me, to go ahead and do it but please don't take too long.[/quote]

I have to say that I never understand these conversations.  How do you have a conversation about what someone likes in bed without it leading to sex?  Are you not doing these things as she tells you about them?  Like she tells you what she likes, and you are just like, “ok, after sportscenter, we can try it?”  Or she tells you about a fetish, and then you guys do what?  Wash the dishes? Fold some laundry?  
This isn’t you, man, but sometimes people say that they have these conversations and end up in tears.  What is going on?  [/quote]

Here's what it looks like:  I ask her what she likes, she says I do it already (oral for example), I ask if there is something she wants to try, she says no, she says she has no fantasies she wants to explore and everything I do is great (we do use toys and she finishes).  She just isn't ever, ever in the mood but will do it if I really want it.  I know it's hard to believe but I am attractive, fit, nothing overtly wrong.  We used to do it all the time, I didn't marry a prude.  She just lost desire as I suspect a lot of women do after a while and isn't motivated to get it back.  I don't take it personally.  It's not me, and I have zero problems attracting other women.

I am not leaving while kids are in the house.  Maybe I cheat, maybe I don't, and I will revisit leaving in a few years or sooner if the pros of staying outweigh the cons.  I have come to accept wife is a good person, she just has zero drive although I am sure it will come back for her second husband if only temporarily.[/quote]

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