whats the core issue in your marriage

[Anonymous]

His ADHD. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex for sure. It's dwindled down to about every other month and only if I push for it. 42 years old. It used to be a source of tension but I have stopped initiating and now we just don't do it.

I am not resentful towards her anymore over lack of sex. More like indifference now. We coparent well so maybe this can work until the kids leave the house. She talks about retirement plans still which seems odd to me that she thinks this is normal and how couples grow old together.

I'm in a similar boat as we are both in our late 50's and I'm soon to retire and our children are out of the house and doing well on their own. We haven't had sex in five years and my wife has been very honest that that part of her life is behind her but she is really looking forward to all the fun things we can do in retirement given we have a very nice nest egg. I've given up arguing with her about the lack of a love life and any affection and I'm convinced she doesn't see that it is a big issue. I would have filed a couple of years ago but decided to wait until I retire and when I do it will be a big surprise to her. She is a nice person but I'd like someone who is more than a roommate.

Why do you want the divorce to be a surprise to someone you’ve been married to for decades? If you know now you will divorce her, why not communicate with her and give her a chance to work towards a solution unless you just want a divorce.

This. You sound cruel.

[Anonymous]

^+1. The guy sounds like a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My libido is lower than his and I feel bad about it. (We have a baby, a preschooler, and a first grader and have had sex four times in the last week including twice last night, but he’d happily be daily.)

Oh Jesus. Get over yourself. How old are you? 22? FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex for sure. It's dwindled down to about every other month and only if I push for it. 42 years old. It used to be a source of tension but I have stopped initiating and now we just don't do it.

I am not resentful towards her anymore over lack of sex. More like indifference now. We coparent well so maybe this can work until the kids leave the house. She talks about retirement plans still which seems odd to me that she thinks this is normal and how couples grow old together.

I'm in a similar boat as we are both in our late 50's and I'm soon to retire and our children are out of the house and doing well on their own. We haven't had sex in five years and my wife has been very honest that that part of her life is behind her but she is really looking forward to all the fun things we can do in retirement given we have a very nice nest egg. I've given up arguing with her about the lack of a love life and any affection and I'm convinced she doesn't see that it is a big issue. I would have filed a couple of years ago but decided to wait until I retire and when I do it will be a big surprise to her. She is a nice person but I'd like someone who is more than a roommate.

Why do you want the divorce to be a surprise to someone you’ve been married to for decades? If you know now you will divorce her, why not communicate with her and give her a chance to work towards a solution unless you just want a divorce.

This. You sound cruel.

Trust me, if they aren’t having sex, it won’t be a surprise to her. Last kid out of house/retirement are frequently the milestones for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex for sure. It's dwindled down to about every other month and only if I push for it. 42 years old. It used to be a source of tension but I have stopped initiating and now we just don't do it.

I am not resentful towards her anymore over lack of sex. More like indifference now. We coparent well so maybe this can work until the kids leave the house. She talks about retirement plans still which seems odd to me that she thinks this is normal and how couples grow old together.

I'm in a similar boat as we are both in our late 50's and I'm soon to retire and our children are out of the house and doing well on their own. We haven't had sex in five years and my wife has been very honest that that part of her life is behind her but she is really looking forward to all the fun things we can do in retirement given we have a very nice nest egg. I've given up arguing with her about the lack of a love life and any affection and I'm convinced she doesn't see that it is a big issue. I would have filed a couple of years ago but decided to wait until I retire and when I do it will be a big surprise to her. She is a nice person but I'd like someone who is more than a roommate.

Why do you want the divorce to be a surprise to someone you’ve been married to for decades? If you know now you will divorce her, why not communicate with her and give her a chance to work towards a solution unless you just want a divorce.

This. You sound cruel.

Why does he sound cruel? He built them a nice life together. She's obviously happy and got what she want but she doesn't care about what he wants. Seems to me you are pointing the finger at the wrong party. Denying sex for 5 years and not caring about his needs is cruel and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex for sure. It's dwindled down to about every other month and only if I push for it. 42 years old. It used to be a source of tension but I have stopped initiating and now we just don't do it.

I am not resentful towards her anymore over lack of sex. More like indifference now. We coparent well so maybe this can work until the kids leave the house. She talks about retirement plans still which seems odd to me that she thinks this is normal and how couples grow old together.

I'm in a similar boat as we are both in our late 50's and I'm soon to retire and our children are out of the house and doing well on their own. We haven't had sex in five years and my wife has been very honest that that part of her life is behind her but she is really looking forward to all the fun things we can do in retirement given we have a very nice nest egg. I've given up arguing with her about the lack of a love life and any affection and I'm convinced she doesn't see that it is a big issue. I would have filed a couple of years ago but decided to wait until I retire and when I do it will be a big surprise to her. She is a nice person but I'd like someone who is more than a roommate.

Why do you want the divorce to be a surprise to someone you’ve been married to for decades? If you know now you will divorce her, why not communicate with her and give her a chance to work towards a solution unless you just want a divorce.

This. You sound cruel.

DH: Honey, you know how you've been rejecting me for sex past 5 years? Well this does not work for me and I intend to divorce you.
DW: Gee I did not know you want sex! But now that you've communicated, I am suddenly feeling horny so shut up and f%@k me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex for sure. It's dwindled down to about every other month and only if I push for it. 42 years old. It used to be a source of tension but I have stopped initiating and now we just don't do it.

I am not resentful towards her anymore over lack of sex. More like indifference now. We coparent well so maybe this can work until the kids leave the house. She talks about retirement plans still which seems odd to me that she thinks this is normal and how couples grow old together.

I'm in a similar boat as we are both in our late 50's and I'm soon to retire and our children are out of the house and doing well on their own. We haven't had sex in five years and my wife has been very honest that that part of her life is behind her but she is really looking forward to all the fun things we can do in retirement given we have a very nice nest egg. I've given up arguing with her about the lack of a love life and any affection and I'm convinced she doesn't see that it is a big issue. I would have filed a couple of years ago but decided to wait until I retire and when I do it will be a big surprise to her. She is a nice person but I'd like someone who is more than a roommate.

Why do you want the divorce to be a surprise to someone you’ve been married to for decades? If you know now you will divorce her, why not communicate with her and give her a chance to work towards a solution unless you just want a divorce.

This. You sound cruel.

Why does he sound cruel? He built them a nice life together. She's obviously happy and got what she want but she doesn't care about what he wants. Seems to me you are pointing the finger at the wrong party. Denying sex for 5 years and not caring about his needs is cruel and selfish.

People often make assumptions about what other people know/think. She might think they have a great companionate marriage with a DADT sexual component. She might assume he’s meeting his need for sex elsewhere and content with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex for sure. It's dwindled down to about every other month and only if I push for it. 42 years old. It used to be a source of tension but I have stopped initiating and now we just don't do it.

I am not resentful towards her anymore over lack of sex. More like indifference now. We coparent well so maybe this can work until the kids leave the house. She talks about retirement plans still which seems odd to me that she thinks this is normal and how couples grow old together.

I'm in a similar boat as we are both in our late 50's and I'm soon to retire and our children are out of the house and doing well on their own. We haven't had sex in five years and my wife has been very honest that that part of her life is behind her but she is really looking forward to all the fun things we can do in retirement given we have a very nice nest egg. I've given up arguing with her about the lack of a love life and any affection and I'm convinced she doesn't see that it is a big issue. I would have filed a couple of years ago but decided to wait until I retire and when I do it will be a big surprise to her. She is a nice person but I'd like someone who is more than a roommate.

Why do you want the divorce to be a surprise to someone you’ve been married to for decades? If you know now you will divorce her, why not communicate with her and give her a chance to work towards a solution unless you just want a divorce.

This. You sound cruel.

DH: Honey, you know how you've been rejecting me for sex past 5 years? Well this does not work for me and I intend to divorce you.
DW: Gee I did not know you want sex! But now that you've communicated, I am suddenly feeling horny so shut up and f%@k me.

That's pretty much how it went when I told DW

[Anonymous]

I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
People often make assumptions about what other people know/think. She might think they have a great companionate marriage with a DADT sexual component. She might assume he’s meeting his need for sex elsewhere and content with it.

Or, she might think he is fine with this no-sex arrangement and will suddenly get jealous and angry when she finds out another woman is interested in him. Amazing how that flipped my DW's switch back to on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
People often make assumptions about what other people know/think. She might think they have a great companionate marriage with a DADT sexual component. She might assume he’s meeting his need for sex elsewhere and content with it.

Or, she might think he is fine with this no-sex arrangement and will suddenly get jealous and angry when she finds out another woman is interested in him. Amazing how that flipped my DW's switch back to on.

Same happened to me, wife found some very flirty texts from another woman, went ballistic but we are also having sex again. So worth it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

People who don't think about or want sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1.. the article is great. It's interesting that women and men are both happy with men doing only 35% of activities. It's good to have data that women actually do a lot more work around the house and with kids.

her book was good, too. https://www.amazon.com/All-Rage-Mothers-Fathers-Partnership/dp/0062861441

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not in my 50s, but also in a very low sex marriage mid 40s, it's been 4 months since the last time and maybe 6 times this year. My wife knows its not sustainable, and at this point, we are both seemingly resigned to it. So it's wouldn't be a shock to her if I announced a divorce now although she said she doesn't want one when we have the talk. And if it had been 5 years, my guess is she would expect it.

Who believes a sexless marriage is a happy one?

what have both of you done to fix it?