For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Don’t have a second family. Problem solved. Unless you have a breeding fetish.

Maybe you were the mistake, not his second set of kids that he had with a spouse he actually loves? I'm a child of a second marriage. My dad's older kid and baby mamma have caused a lot of problems in our lives. My parents have been married over 35 years.

You gotta love a 2nd wife and her hubris. FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Don’t have a second family. Problem solved. Unless you have a breeding fetish.

Maybe you were the mistake, not his second set of kids that he had with a spouse he actually loves? I'm a child of a second marriage. My dad's older kid and baby mamma have caused a lot of problems in our lives. My parents have been married over 35 years.

You’re upset that the older children had the temerity to be born before you? Did your dad accidentally trip on a banana peel into his first wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

And I am sure you treat his original kids the same way.

If you treat my child like rubbish I will treat you the same way. Your parents divorce is not my issue not is it my job to make sure you have a good relationship with your father. Your mother should have done a better job of that instead of using him as a pay check.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Don’t have a second family. Problem solved. Unless you have a breeding fetish.

Maybe you were the mistake, not his second set of kids that he had with a spouse he actually loves? I'm a child of a second marriage. My dad's older kid and baby mamma have caused a lot of problems in our lives. My parents have been married over 35 years.

You’re upset that the older children had the temerity to be born before you? Did your dad accidentally trip on a banana peel into his first wife?

Second wife here. I sympathize with you. First kid is jealous of you and the relationship you have with your dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my dad started a second family. In my case, his new wife really did not want me to be a part of his new family, so while I have a good relationship with him personally, I am not a part of his "life", if that makes sense. I'll always love my dad and I cherish our time together when I was younger, but I have had to accept over the past ten years that my previous relationship with him is gone and has been replaced by his current family. Hopefully your stepmom is not as selfish as mine, and your father has a bit more perspective and grip than mine.

Maybe you are the problem

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So many self centered people here. Me me me.... My reduced share of money, my reduced quality of time with dad, and my kids' reduced share of money from grandpa...

You are not entitled to anything. How about your father's life and happiness? You father has done his share of taking care of you. Are you going to take care of your father when he needs care?

Me me me

Why are 2nd wives do selfish.

Denying him time with his kids fishing and golfing and spending weekends at sports events.

How about his happiness? Instead he’s changing diapers and watching kids lol v shoes. So sad.

Why do you need a man to support you, support yourself.

Yes adults take care of their parents when they need care, you seriously over estimate your mental and physical ability as an old woman. Your ability to move a man from bed to chair with your frail 70 yo body.

No marriage with young kids goes well where one parent goes fishing and golfing while the other takes care of toddlers. If it’s a one-off thing, okay. If it’s a regular thing. The souse doing the heavy lifting with the little kids will grow to hate the one who’s out recreating.

It's not about fishing and golfing just for fun! It's about spending time with and being a good father to your adult children. Things like helping me care for my toddler when I'm on bed rest with a difficult pregnancy. Visiting to spend time with the grandkids so I don't have to travel with them every single time. If you just can't stand the idea of your DH being a good father to his children, what does that say about you? You knew he had adult children, and you chose to marry him.

Remember, how he treats his adult children is how he's going to treat your children when they are adults, if he lives that long. What do you want for your children?

Get a job and get a nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

If you wanted all resources to be joint, you should not have married someone who already had kids. this is one of many reasons most people don't want their first marriage to be to someone who already has kids (it is different if you both have kids already).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

And I am sure you treat his original kids the same way.

If you treat my child like rubbish I will treat you the same way. Your parents divorce is not my issue not is it my job to make sure you have a good relationship with your father. Your mother should have done a better job of that instead of using him as a pay check.

lol

says the wife using his paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

And I am sure you treat his original kids the same way.

If you treat my child like rubbish I will treat you the same way. Your parents divorce is not my issue not is it my job to make sure you have a good relationship with your father. Your mother should have done a better job of that instead of using him as a pay check.

lol

says the wife using his paycheck.

PP don't use the pay check have my own career and assets. Many second wives do. Husband's do a better job of picking the second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

And I am sure you treat his original kids the same way.

If you treat my child like rubbish I will treat you the same way. Your parents divorce is not my issue not is it my job to make sure you have a good relationship with your father. Your mother should have done a better job of that instead of using him as a pay check.

lol

says the wife using his paycheck.

PP don't use the pay check have my own career and assets. Many second wives do. Husband's do a better job of picking the second.

Great so he can give as much money to his kids as he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Don’t have a second family. Problem solved. Unless you have a breeding fetish.

Maybe you were the mistake, not his second set of kids that he had with a spouse he actually loves? I'm a child of a second marriage. My dad's older kid and baby mamma have caused a lot of problems in our lives. My parents have been married over 35 years.

You’re upset that the older children had the temerity to be born before you? Did your dad accidentally trip on a banana peel into his first wife?

I'm the PP. No, I'm annoyed at the idiot who suggested my dad shouldn't have had more kids. He found love and happiness with my mom and my siblings and I exist because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Don’t have a second family. Problem solved. Unless you have a breeding fetish.

Maybe you were the mistake, not his second set of kids that he had with a spouse he actually loves? I'm a child of a second marriage. My dad's older kid and baby mamma have caused a lot of problems in our lives. My parents have been married over 35 years.

You’re upset that the older children had the temerity to be born before you? Did your dad accidentally trip on a banana peel into his first wife?

I'm the PP. No, I'm annoyed at the idiot who suggested my dad shouldn't have had more kids. He found love and happiness with my mom and my siblings and I exist because of it.

Great … your are there for life not money.

So he should be able to dorms 1/2 his time and money on his other kids and you shouldn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Love not life ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

And I am sure you treat his original kids the same way.

If you treat my child like rubbish I will treat you the same way. Your parents divorce is not my issue not is it my job to make sure you have a good relationship with your father. Your mother should have done a better job of that instead of using him as a pay check.

lol

says the wife using his paycheck.

PP don't use the pay check have my own career and assets. Many second wives do. Husband's do a better job of picking the second.

Great so he can give as much money to his kids as he wants.

My husband doesn't want to says they can earn their own the he earnt his

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Don’t have a second family. Problem solved. Unless you have a breeding fetish.

Maybe you were the mistake, not his second set of kids that he had with a spouse he actually loves? I'm a child of a second marriage. My dad's older kid and baby mamma have caused a lot of problems in our lives. My parents have been married over 35 years.

You’re upset that the older children had the temerity to be born before you? Did your dad accidentally trip on a banana peel into his first wife?

I'm the PP. No, I'm annoyed at the idiot who suggested my dad shouldn't have had more kids. He found love and happiness with my mom and my siblings and I exist because of it.

Great … your are there for love not money.

So he should be able to spend 1/2 his time and money on his other kids and you shouldn’t care.