For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

And I am sure you treat his original kids the same way.

If you treat my child like rubbish I will treat you the same way. Your parents divorce is not my issue not is it my job to make sure you have a good relationship with your father. Your mother should have done a better job of that instead of using him as a pay check.

lol

says the wife using his paycheck.

PP don't use the pay check have my own career and assets. Many second wives do. Husband's do a better job of picking the second.

Great so he can give as much money to his kids as he wants.

My husband doesn't want to says they can earn their own the he earnt his

You married someone who doesn’t want to spend money to see his kids and grandchildren?

Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Don’t have a second family. Problem solved. Unless you have a breeding fetish.

Maybe you were the mistake, not his second set of kids that he had with a spouse he actually loves? I'm a child of a second marriage. My dad's older kid and baby mamma have caused a lot of problems in our lives. My parents have been married over 35 years.

You’re upset that the older children had the temerity to be born before you? Did your dad accidentally trip on a banana peel into his first wife?

I'm the PP. No, I'm annoyed at the idiot who suggested my dad shouldn't have had more kids. He found love and happiness with my mom and my siblings and I exist because of it.

Great … your are there for life not money.

So he should be able to dorms 1/2 his time and money on his other kids and you shouldn’t care.

It's obvious her and her siblings have a better relationship with dad and he got the wife and life he wanted. Baby mama and her child jealous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Yes, i'm married.

Actually legally the money you earn is yours and your spouse has nos rights to earned money (after food and shelter, they can't starve you or kick you out). If you divorce your savings is split 50/50 but earnings is not.

"our" assumes the he can spend it any way he wants, it's his money, right.

When you marry somebody with children you immediately know that some of his earnings and savings will be used for his children adult or not... college/rent/food/weddings/vacations/visits/grandchildren/etc. It's not for you to decide how he will spend his money. That is not how a healthy marriage works.

If there is not enough then the wife should work more or have less children. People only have 2 kids all the time due to resource issues. If you choose to have kids with somebody who already has kids you have already decided your children will get less resources than somebody who does not already have children.

Providing... food/shelter sure... but after that really it's just a money grab.

The reality is that you need to understand some of his money will go to his adult children and his time and his love and his attention. If you can't share that, you should not be a 2nd wife/ or 3rd or 4th to somebody with children.

Okay, all these people on DCUM who are adult children thinking they are entitled to their parents' money are so freaking entitled and nuts. My parents are married and I don't think that way. It's not their responsibility to fund MY kids' education. Is that what it's like to grow up wealthy? You live your whole lives feeling entitled? And your parents forever enable you? Glad we made our own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

And I am sure you treat his original kids the same way.

If you treat my child like rubbish I will treat you the same way. Your parents divorce is not my issue not is it my job to make sure you have a good relationship with your father. Your mother should have done a better job of that instead of using him as a pay check.

lol

says the wife using his paycheck.

PP don't use the pay check have my own career and assets. Many second wives do. Husband's do a better job of picking the second.

Great so he can give as much money to his kids as he wants.

My husband doesn't want to says they can earn their own the he earnt his

You married someone who doesn’t want to spend money to see his kids and grandchildren?

Sad.

Didn't say that. Also he doesn't have grandkids. He says adult children can work on creating their own wealth. Up until 18 they had all demands met.

[Anonymous]

People fight the worst when there are limited resources. If dad made all of his children feel loved and cherished there would not be this nastiness. The underlying subtext is that the father is insufficient and everyone is begging for too little of a not great relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Yes, i'm married.

Actually legally the money you earn is yours and your spouse has nos rights to earned money (after food and shelter, they can't starve you or kick you out). If you divorce your savings is split 50/50 but earnings is not.

"our" assumes the he can spend it any way he wants, it's his money, right.

When you marry somebody with children you immediately know that some of his earnings and savings will be used for his children adult or not... college/rent/food/weddings/vacations/visits/grandchildren/etc. It's not for you to decide how he will spend his money. That is not how a healthy marriage works.

If there is not enough then the wife should work more or have less children. People only have 2 kids all the time due to resource issues. If you choose to have kids with somebody who already has kids you have already decided your children will get less resources than somebody who does not already have children.

Providing... food/shelter sure... but after that really it's just a money grab.

The reality is that you need to understand some of his money will go to his adult children and his time and his love and his attention. If you can't share that, you should not be a 2nd wife/ or 3rd or 4th to somebody with children.

Okay, all these people on DCUM who are adult children thinking they are entitled to their parents' money are so freaking entitled and nuts. My parents are married and I don't think that way. It's not their responsibility to fund MY kids' education. Is that what it's like to grow up wealthy? You live your whole lives feeling entitled? And your parents forever enable you? Glad we made our own money.

Again, all these 2nd wives thinking they are entitled 100% to their new H's money are so freaking entitled and nuts. I'm married, my parents are married, my in laws are married and they love to take us on vacations, or we take our adult kids on vacations, we help each other with projects at their home, they send care packages and money to their adult grandchildren at college. They take weekends away to visit adult children at college or in whatever town they live. They take them on trips to Europe.

It's up to them how they want to spend their money. If they want to fund an education go for it, but some new wifey and their kids should not stop them from doing with their money what they want to do. Why would you want to stand in the way of their happiness? If you can't care for your own kids for a weekend or a week by yourself don't marry somebody with adult kids. If you are so bent out of shape by them helping with a wedding for adult children don't marry them. If you think a 21 year old college student doesn't need help with money, you are insane and a little entitled money grubbing gold digger.

You live your whole life feeling entitled because you shake your ars and got a ring? Are you forever a burden, can you not care for yourself and your children. Do you need 100% of your new spouses funds? Did you live off the dole your whole life? If not his money going where ever he wants should not be a problem.

Glad you make your own money but apparently it's not enough you want your H's too. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People fight the worst when there are limited resources. If dad made all of his children feel loved and cherished there would not be this nastiness. The underlying subtext is that the father is insufficient and everyone is begging for too little of a not great relationship.

It's not even 100% about money.

Most 2nd wives are complaining about weekend visits to see the adult children because they don't even want to care for their own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

Sorry but what did she say that warrants that nasty response from you. Also second wife here. 18 year age gap between SD and my kids. She acts like they do not exist. Don't be an a*$hole like her. Make an effort

And I am sure you treat his original kids the same way.

If you treat my child like rubbish I will treat you the same way. Your parents divorce is not my issue not is it my job to make sure you have a good relationship with your father. Your mother should have done a better job of that instead of using him as a pay check.

lol

says the wife using his paycheck.

PP don't use the pay check have my own career and assets. Many second wives do. Husband's do a better job of picking the second.

Great so he can give as much money to his kids as he wants.

My husband doesn't want to says they can earn their own the he earnt his

You married someone who doesn’t want to spend money to see his kids and grandchildren?

Sad.

Didn't say that. Also he doesn't have grandkids. He says adult children can work on creating their own wealth. Up until 18 they had all demands met.

So after 18 nothing? No college? No help with wedding? Can't buy a crib for a grandchild if they want?

Can't do weekend visits to see adult kids monthly?

So once your kids are18 they are out of the house on their own, no funds, nothing?

[Anonymous]

You know why I find 2nd wives pathetic? My dad is on his 4th. All those rules about him enjoying his own money, and adult kids being adults? Hope you mean it. Because you're just as replaceable as the last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Yes, i'm married.

Actually legally the money you earn is yours and your spouse has nos rights to earned money (after food and shelter, they can't starve you or kick you out). If you divorce your savings is split 50/50 but earnings is not.

"our" assumes the he can spend it any way he wants, it's his money, right.

When you marry somebody with children you immediately know that some of his earnings and savings will be used for his children adult or not... college/rent/food/weddings/vacations/visits/grandchildren/etc. It's not for you to decide how he will spend his money. That is not how a healthy marriage works.

If there is not enough then the wife should work more or have less children. People only have 2 kids all the time due to resource issues. If you choose to have kids with somebody who already has kids you have already decided your children will get less resources than somebody who does not already have children.

Providing... food/shelter sure... but after that really it's just a money grab.

The reality is that you need to understand some of his money will go to his adult children and his time and his love and his attention. If you can't share that, you should not be a 2nd wife/ or 3rd or 4th to somebody with children.

Okay, all these people on DCUM who are adult children thinking they are entitled to their parents' money are so freaking entitled and nuts. My parents are married and I don't think that way. It's not their responsibility to fund MY kids' education. Is that what it's like to grow up wealthy? You live your whole lives feeling entitled? And your parents forever enable you? Glad we made our own money.

Again, all these 2nd wives thinking they are entitled 100% to their new H's money are so freaking entitled and nuts. I'm married, my parents are married, my in laws are married and they love to take us on vacations, or we take our adult kids on vacations, we help each other with projects at their home, they send care packages and money to their adult grandchildren at college. They take weekends away to visit adult children at college or in whatever town they live. They take them on trips to Europe.

It's up to them how they want to spend their money. If they want to fund an education go for it, but some new wifey and their kids should not stop them from doing with their money what they want to do. Why would you want to stand in the way of their happiness? If you can't care for your own kids for a weekend or a week by yourself don't marry somebody with adult kids. If you are so bent out of shape by them helping with a wedding for adult children don't marry them. If you think a 21 year old college student doesn't need help with money, you are insane and a little entitled money grubbing gold digger.

You live your whole life feeling entitled because you shake your ars and got a ring? Are you forever a burden, can you not care for yourself and your children. Do you need 100% of your new spouses funds? Did you live off the dole your whole life? If not his money going where ever he wants should not be a problem.

Glad you make your own money but apparently it's not enough you want your H's too. Sad.

Who are you writing to here? I'm the PP and my spouse doesn't have any other kids. I started following because my dad had a child before he met my mom, married and started a family with her. These are a lot of crazy assumptions and accusations in your post. I am commenting on a universal theme I see here on DCUM of adult children who are entitled and developmentally stunted. And frankly, I consider DH's money my money and I would be pissed if he started spending it on whatever he wanted without my signoff. I know he feels the same way. What you are describing sounds like a very unhealthy marriage, definitely not the marriage my parents modeled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Yes, i'm married.

Actually legally the money you earn is yours and your spouse has nos rights to earned money (after food and shelter, they can't starve you or kick you out). If you divorce your savings is split 50/50 but earnings is not.

"our" assumes the he can spend it any way he wants, it's his money, right.

When you marry somebody with children you immediately know that some of his earnings and savings will be used for his children adult or not... college/rent/food/weddings/vacations/visits/grandchildren/etc. It's not for you to decide how he will spend his money. That is not how a healthy marriage works.

If there is not enough then the wife should work more or have less children. People only have 2 kids all the time due to resource issues. If you choose to have kids with somebody who already has kids you have already decided your children will get less resources than somebody who does not already have children.

Providing... food/shelter sure... but after that really it's just a money grab.

The reality is that you need to understand some of his money will go to his adult children and his time and his love and his attention. If you can't share that, you should not be a 2nd wife/ or 3rd or 4th to somebody with children.

Okay, all these people on DCUM who are adult children thinking they are entitled to their parents' money are so freaking entitled and nuts. My parents are married and I don't think that way. It's not their responsibility to fund MY kids' education. Is that what it's like to grow up wealthy? You live your whole lives feeling entitled? And your parents forever enable you? Glad we made our own money.

Again, all these 2nd wives thinking they are entitled 100% to their new H's money are so freaking entitled and nuts. I'm married, my parents are married, my in laws are married and they love to take us on vacations, or we take our adult kids on vacations, we help each other with projects at their home, they send care packages and money to their adult grandchildren at college. They take weekends away to visit adult children at college or in whatever town they live. They take them on trips to Europe.

It's up to them how they want to spend their money. If they want to fund an education go for it, but some new wifey and their kids should not stop them from doing with their money what they want to do. Why would you want to stand in the way of their happiness? If you can't care for your own kids for a weekend or a week by yourself don't marry somebody with adult kids. If you are so bent out of shape by them helping with a wedding for adult children don't marry them. If you think a 21 year old college student doesn't need help with money, you are insane and a little entitled money grubbing gold digger.

You live your whole life feeling entitled because you shake your ars and got a ring? Are you forever a burden, can you not care for yourself and your children. Do you need 100% of your new spouses funds? Did you live off the dole your whole life? If not his money going where ever he wants should not be a problem.

Glad you make your own money but apparently it's not enough you want your H's too. Sad.

Who are you writing to here? I'm the PP and my spouse doesn't have any other kids. I started following because my dad had a child before he met my mom, married and started a family with her. These are a lot of crazy assumptions and accusations in your post. I am commenting on a universal theme I see here on DCUM of adult children who are entitled and developmentally stunted. And frankly, I consider DH's money my money and I would be pissed if he started spending it on whatever he wanted without my signoff. I know he feels the same way. What you are describing sounds like a very unhealthy marriage, definitely not the marriage my parents modeled.

I am commenting universal theme.

Men (and women) marry and their 2nd spouse want to dictate their time/energy/money. They feel like the time/energy/money is all theirs and when they see some of the time/money/energy going to adult children the 2nd wife cries fowl... OMG they are ADULTS!

I think its unhealthy to dictate how your husband spends his time/money/energy and it's very unhealthy to feel jealous when it is on his adult children.

But apparently you have a H who does not want to spend money/time/energy on his adult children. To me that is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Yes, i'm married.

Actually legally the money you earn is yours and your spouse has nos rights to earned money (after food and shelter, they can't starve you or kick you out). If you divorce your savings is split 50/50 but earnings is not.

"our" assumes the he can spend it any way he wants, it's his money, right.

When you marry somebody with children you immediately know that some of his earnings and savings will be used for his children adult or not... college/rent/food/weddings/vacations/visits/grandchildren/etc. It's not for you to decide how he will spend his money. That is not how a healthy marriage works.

If there is not enough then the wife should work more or have less children. People only have 2 kids all the time due to resource issues. If you choose to have kids with somebody who already has kids you have already decided your children will get less resources than somebody who does not already have children.

Providing... food/shelter sure... but after that really it's just a money grab.

The reality is that you need to understand some of his money will go to his adult children and his time and his love and his attention. If you can't share that, you should not be a 2nd wife/ or 3rd or 4th to somebody with children.

Okay, all these people on DCUM who are adult children thinking they are entitled to their parents' money are so freaking entitled and nuts. My parents are married and I don't think that way. It's not their responsibility to fund MY kids' education. Is that what it's like to grow up wealthy? You live your whole lives feeling entitled? And your parents forever enable you? Glad we made our own money.

Again, all these 2nd wives thinking they are entitled 100% to their new H's money are so freaking entitled and nuts. I'm married, my parents are married, my in laws are married and they love to take us on vacations, or we take our adult kids on vacations, we help each other with projects at their home, they send care packages and money to their adult grandchildren at college. They take weekends away to visit adult children at college or in whatever town they live. They take them on trips to Europe.

It's up to them how they want to spend their money. If they want to fund an education go for it, but some new wifey and their kids should not stop them from doing with their money what they want to do. Why would you want to stand in the way of their happiness? If you can't care for your own kids for a weekend or a week by yourself don't marry somebody with adult kids. If you are so bent out of shape by them helping with a wedding for adult children don't marry them. If you think a 21 year old college student doesn't need help with money, you are insane and a little entitled money grubbing gold digger.

You live your whole life feeling entitled because you shake your ars and got a ring? Are you forever a burden, can you not care for yourself and your children. Do you need 100% of your new spouses funds? Did you live off the dole your whole life? If not his money going where ever he wants should not be a problem.

Glad you make your own money but apparently it's not enough you want your H's too. Sad.

Who are you writing to here? I'm the PP and my spouse doesn't have any other kids. I started following because my dad had a child before he met my mom, married and started a family with her. These are a lot of crazy assumptions and accusations in your post. I am commenting on a universal theme I see here on DCUM of adult children who are entitled and developmentally stunted. And frankly, I consider DH's money my money and I would be pissed if he started spending it on whatever he wanted without my signoff. I know he feels the same way. What you are describing sounds like a very unhealthy marriage, definitely not the marriage my parents modeled.

I am commenting universal theme.

Men (and women) marry and their 2nd spouse want to dictate their time/energy/money. They feel like the time/energy/money is all theirs and when they see some of the time/money/energy going to adult children the 2nd wife cries fowl... OMG they are ADULTS!

I think its unhealthy to dictate how your husband spends his time/money/energy and it's very unhealthy to feel jealous when it is on his adult children.

But apparently you have a H who does not want to spend money/time/energy on his adult children. To me that is sad.

My H doesn't have adult children. We have young children and I expect him to be a 50% parenting partner. We are millennials and this is how all our friends seem to parent as well. Happy to give him time off to recreate and spend our money as long as he does the same for me. 50/50. Also, I don't feel entitled to my parents' money as an adult. I just can't relate to people who feel that way. DH and I both send money to one of our parents when they need help, so all the hate and entitlement from adult children just sounds pathetic to me, but we didn't grow up wealthy, we earned our money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Yes, i'm married.

Actually legally the money you earn is yours and your spouse has nos rights to earned money (after food and shelter, they can't starve you or kick you out). If you divorce your savings is split 50/50 but earnings is not.

"our" assumes the he can spend it any way he wants, it's his money, right.

When you marry somebody with children you immediately know that some of his earnings and savings will be used for his children adult or not... college/rent/food/weddings/vacations/visits/grandchildren/etc. It's not for you to decide how he will spend his money. That is not how a healthy marriage works.

If there is not enough then the wife should work more or have less children. People only have 2 kids all the time due to resource issues. If you choose to have kids with somebody who already has kids you have already decided your children will get less resources than somebody who does not already have children.

Providing... food/shelter sure... but after that really it's just a money grab.

The reality is that you need to understand some of his money will go to his adult children and his time and his love and his attention. If you can't share that, you should not be a 2nd wife/ or 3rd or 4th to somebody with children.

Okay, all these people on DCUM who are adult children thinking they are entitled to their parents' money are so freaking entitled and nuts. My parents are married and I don't think that way. It's not their responsibility to fund MY kids' education. Is that what it's like to grow up wealthy? You live your whole lives feeling entitled? And your parents forever enable you? Glad we made our own money.

Again, all these 2nd wives thinking they are entitled 100% to their new H's money are so freaking entitled and nuts. I'm married, my parents are married, my in laws are married and they love to take us on vacations, or we take our adult kids on vacations, we help each other with projects at their home, they send care packages and money to their adult grandchildren at college. They take weekends away to visit adult children at college or in whatever town they live. They take them on trips to Europe.

It's up to them how they want to spend their money. If they want to fund an education go for it, but some new wifey and their kids should not stop them from doing with their money what they want to do. Why would you want to stand in the way of their happiness? If you can't care for your own kids for a weekend or a week by yourself don't marry somebody with adult kids. If you are so bent out of shape by them helping with a wedding for adult children don't marry them. If you think a 21 year old college student doesn't need help with money, you are insane and a little entitled money grubbing gold digger.

You live your whole life feeling entitled because you shake your ars and got a ring? Are you forever a burden, can you not care for yourself and your children. Do you need 100% of your new spouses funds? Did you live off the dole your whole life? If not his money going where ever he wants should not be a problem.

Glad you make your own money but apparently it's not enough you want your H's too. Sad.

Who are you writing to here? I'm the PP and my spouse doesn't have any other kids. I started following because my dad had a child before he met my mom, married and started a family with her. These are a lot of crazy assumptions and accusations in your post. I am commenting on a universal theme I see here on DCUM of adult children who are entitled and developmentally stunted. And frankly, I consider DH's money my money and I would be pissed if he started spending it on whatever he wanted without my signoff. I know he feels the same way. What you are describing sounds like a very unhealthy marriage, definitely not the marriage my parents modeled.

Children who were abandoned by a parent do tend to be developmentally stunted. How old was your sibling when your father abandoned them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Yes, i'm married.

Actually legally the money you earn is yours and your spouse has nos rights to earned money (after food and shelter, they can't starve you or kick you out). If you divorce your savings is split 50/50 but earnings is not.

"our" assumes the he can spend it any way he wants, it's his money, right.

When you marry somebody with children you immediately know that some of his earnings and savings will be used for his children adult or not... college/rent/food/weddings/vacations/visits/grandchildren/etc. It's not for you to decide how he will spend his money. That is not how a healthy marriage works.

If there is not enough then the wife should work more or have less children. People only have 2 kids all the time due to resource issues. If you choose to have kids with somebody who already has kids you have already decided your children will get less resources than somebody who does not already have children.

Providing... food/shelter sure... but after that really it's just a money grab.

The reality is that you need to understand some of his money will go to his adult children and his time and his love and his attention. If you can't share that, you should not be a 2nd wife/ or 3rd or 4th to somebody with children.

Okay, all these people on DCUM who are adult children thinking they are entitled to their parents' money are so freaking entitled and nuts. My parents are married and I don't think that way. It's not their responsibility to fund MY kids' education. Is that what it's like to grow up wealthy? You live your whole lives feeling entitled? And your parents forever enable you? Glad we made our own money.

Again, all these 2nd wives thinking they are entitled 100% to their new H's money are so freaking entitled and nuts. I'm married, my parents are married, my in laws are married and they love to take us on vacations, or we take our adult kids on vacations, we help each other with projects at their home, they send care packages and money to their adult grandchildren at college. They take weekends away to visit adult children at college or in whatever town they live. They take them on trips to Europe.

It's up to them how they want to spend their money. If they want to fund an education go for it, but some new wifey and their kids should not stop them from doing with their money what they want to do. Why would you want to stand in the way of their happiness? If you can't care for your own kids for a weekend or a week by yourself don't marry somebody with adult kids. If you are so bent out of shape by them helping with a wedding for adult children don't marry them. If you think a 21 year old college student doesn't need help with money, you are insane and a little entitled money grubbing gold digger.

You live your whole life feeling entitled because you shake your ars and got a ring? Are you forever a burden, can you not care for yourself and your children. Do you need 100% of your new spouses funds? Did you live off the dole your whole life? If not his money going where ever he wants should not be a problem.

Glad you make your own money but apparently it's not enough you want your H's too. Sad.

Who are you writing to here? I'm the PP and my spouse doesn't have any other kids. I started following because my dad had a child before he met my mom, married and started a family with her. These are a lot of crazy assumptions and accusations in your post. I am commenting on a universal theme I see here on DCUM of adult children who are entitled and developmentally stunted. And frankly, I consider DH's money my money and I would be pissed if he started spending it on whatever he wanted without my signoff. I know he feels the same way. What you are describing sounds like a very unhealthy marriage, definitely not the marriage my parents modeled.

I am commenting universal theme.

Men (and women) marry and their 2nd spouse want to dictate their time/energy/money. They feel like the time/energy/money is all theirs and when they see some of the time/money/energy going to adult children the 2nd wife cries fowl... OMG they are ADULTS!

I think its unhealthy to dictate how your husband spends his time/money/energy and it's very unhealthy to feel jealous when it is on his adult children.

But apparently you have a H who does not want to spend money/time/energy on his adult children. To me that is sad.

My H doesn't have adult children. We have young children and I expect him to be a 50% parenting partner. We are millennials and this is how all our friends seem to parent as well. Happy to give him time off to recreate and spend our money as long as he does the same for me. 50/50. Also, I don't feel entitled to my parents' money as an adult. I just can't relate to people who feel that way. DH and I both send money to one of our parents when they need help, so all the hate and entitlement from adult children just sounds pathetic to me, but we didn't grow up wealthy, we earned our money.

Come back when he has a 2nd wife and isn’t allowed to spend the weekend with his adult kids during graduation because “it’s not fair” to leave the new wife to care for her own children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.

Not np. I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could. I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact. But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds. Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any. Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood. I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice. They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.

Nicely said. The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults. If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.

It’s your husband’s money, second wife.

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income. It's "our" money. In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home. If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children. That's just the nature of parenting. If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children. If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.

Yes, i'm married.

Actually legally the money you earn is yours and your spouse has nos rights to earned money (after food and shelter, they can't starve you or kick you out). If you divorce your savings is split 50/50 but earnings is not.

"our" assumes the he can spend it any way he wants, it's his money, right.

When you marry somebody with children you immediately know that some of his earnings and savings will be used for his children adult or not... college/rent/food/weddings/vacations/visits/grandchildren/etc. It's not for you to decide how he will spend his money. That is not how a healthy marriage works.

If there is not enough then the wife should work more or have less children. People only have 2 kids all the time due to resource issues. If you choose to have kids with somebody who already has kids you have already decided your children will get less resources than somebody who does not already have children.

Providing... food/shelter sure... but after that really it's just a money grab.

The reality is that you need to understand some of his money will go to his adult children and his time and his love and his attention. If you can't share that, you should not be a 2nd wife/ or 3rd or 4th to somebody with children.

Okay, all these people on DCUM who are adult children thinking they are entitled to their parents' money are so freaking entitled and nuts. My parents are married and I don't think that way. It's not their responsibility to fund MY kids' education. Is that what it's like to grow up wealthy? You live your whole lives feeling entitled? And your parents forever enable you? Glad we made our own money.

Again, all these 2nd wives thinking they are entitled 100% to their new H's money are so freaking entitled and nuts. I'm married, my parents are married, my in laws are married and they love to take us on vacations, or we take our adult kids on vacations, we help each other with projects at their home, they send care packages and money to their adult grandchildren at college. They take weekends away to visit adult children at college or in whatever town they live. They take them on trips to Europe.

It's up to them how they want to spend their money. If they want to fund an education go for it, but some new wifey and their kids should not stop them from doing with their money what they want to do. Why would you want to stand in the way of their happiness? If you can't care for your own kids for a weekend or a week by yourself don't marry somebody with adult kids. If you are so bent out of shape by them helping with a wedding for adult children don't marry them. If you think a 21 year old college student doesn't need help with money, you are insane and a little entitled money grubbing gold digger.

You live your whole life feeling entitled because you shake your ars and got a ring? Are you forever a burden, can you not care for yourself and your children. Do you need 100% of your new spouses funds? Did you live off the dole your whole life? If not his money going where ever he wants should not be a problem.

Glad you make your own money but apparently it's not enough you want your H's too. Sad.

Who are you writing to here? I'm the PP and my spouse doesn't have any other kids. I started following because my dad had a child before he met my mom, married and started a family with her. These are a lot of crazy assumptions and accusations in your post. I am commenting on a universal theme I see here on DCUM of adult children who are entitled and developmentally stunted. And frankly, I consider DH's money my money and I would be pissed if he started spending it on whatever he wanted without my signoff. I know he feels the same way. What you are describing sounds like a very unhealthy marriage, definitely not the marriage my parents modeled.

I am commenting universal theme.

Men (and women) marry and their 2nd spouse want to dictate their time/energy/money. They feel like the time/energy/money is all theirs and when they see some of the time/money/energy going to adult children the 2nd wife cries fowl... OMG they are ADULTS!

I think its unhealthy to dictate how your husband spends his time/money/energy and it's very unhealthy to feel jealous when it is on his adult children.

But apparently you have a H who does not want to spend money/time/energy on his adult children. To me that is sad.

My H doesn't have adult children. We have young children and I expect him to be a 50% parenting partner. We are millennials and this is how all our friends seem to parent as well. Happy to give him time off to recreate and spend our money as long as he does the same for me. 50/50. Also, I don't feel entitled to my parents' money as an adult. I just can't relate to people who feel that way. DH and I both send money to one of our parents when they need help, so all the hate and entitlement from adult children just sounds pathetic to me, but we didn't grow up wealthy, we earned our money.

Come back when he has a 2nd wife and isn’t allowed to spend the weekend with his adult kids during graduation because “it’s not fair” to leave the new wife to care for her own children

This. Come on. Being in a family with his adult children and his grandchildren is not recreation. It can be really fun, or it can be really hard. But it's not just recreation.

What do you think you'll do for your adult children? Just being present at their major life events and being an adequate grandparent is a lot of work. What would you want for your children if your DH divorces you and remarries?