For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not be happy for them. How is it affecting you?

It affects you because you are very rarely still treated as your parent's child. They are focused on a toddler and you're "all grown up". Men are not good with this.

How does it not:
-additional heirs to your dad's estate, reducing your future share
-future estate also reduced by the education, college and overall cost of those children-- this affects grandchildren too since there will be more of them
-possible total disinheritance if the 2nd wive comes sole heir after he passes
-kids who may have better lives than you ever did bc he is wealthier now and also more available
-reduced loyalty since you are "done"
-dividing up the holidays
-stigma and reduced ability to attract desirable mate since one's parents are no longer married to each other
-graduations and weddings become occasions where you have to keep mom and step mom away from each other

It truly sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing you can do to stop it so you may as well try to create an aunt like relationship. It’s good to have siblings who are much younger - they can be helpful when you are old.

Dream. On.

[Anonymous]

OP whenever I see this, I think it’s so gross. I’m sure you’ll be able to handle it, especially with your new sibling. But obviously for you it sucks and will make your holidays awkward, etc. It’s probably just the icing on the cake of the divorce.

The good thing is that having another sibling might be awesome, especially since you have your own household and won’t be absorbed in baby stuff day to day.

[Anonymous]

Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

[Anonymous]

Guys, I’m sure OP is not focused on a hypothetical inheritance. It sucks in terms of relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

What are you talking about? He had been divorced many years before we got together and his ex cheated and went with her AP. He doesn't get to be happy, only her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

There are plenty of other ways to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am not sure how to approach it. I just don’t know what kind relationship I should have or how I should behave around the child in the coming years. I feel awkward around my dad when I see him, like he’s a stranger! I don’t want that to be the case, how can I mend that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not be happy for them. How is it affecting you?

It affects you because you are very rarely still treated as your parent's child. They are focused on a toddler and you're "all grown up". Men are not good with this.

How does it not:
-additional heirs to your dad's estate, reducing your future share
-future estate also reduced by the education, college and overall cost of those children-- this affects grandchildren too since there will be more of them
-possible total disinheritance if the 2nd wive comes sole heir after he passes
-kids who may have better lives than you ever did bc he is wealthier now and also more available
-reduced loyalty since you are "done"
-dividing up the holidays
-stigma and reduced ability to attract desirable mate since one's parents are no longer married to each other
-graduations and weddings become occasions where you have to keep mom and step mom away from each other

It truly sucks.

And don't forget, your parent DGAF about his grandchildren because he's occupied with his new family, which he's too old to parent effectively so it wears him out. Fun times. Happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Translation: why should you care, this is not your sibling, not really, I’m not your mom. You’ve been replaced. Move on, you’re not welcome here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My spouse and I agree our two kids are the only ones we want. And it’s laughable to us the men that start an entirely family once their first set of kids reach college. Ohmygod hell no! We are 3 years to empty nest and have all kinds of trips and fun plans lined up. He also got a vasectomy.

Blended family drama - no thanks. And having to go back to preschool, and teacher conferences and kids sports and busy weekends and worry …no way!

So, you think its ok women move on and get remarried and have more kids but men should just stay divorced and hand over their entire check to their ex?

It's more the large age gap where the second set of kids are young enough to be the guy's grandkids that makes people uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Wow. I hope he divorces you someday and you will see your error.

What are you talking about? He had been divorced many years before we got together and his ex cheated and went with her AP. He doesn't get to be happy, only her?

So he picked two horrible wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not be happy for them. How is it affecting you?

In many cases Mrs. Second Wife is hardly older than her DH’s oldest child.