For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

This whole thread. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not be happy for them. How is it affecting you?

This happened to me, and it was upsetting to me as well.

It's because I think I had to mourn the loss of what I thought my relationship with my Dad would be. And what his relationship with his grandchildren would be.

It took me a while to figure that the 20-30 years I envisioned I had with him would look totally different, and honestly, not what was I was hoping for.

You eventually come to terms with it, buts its ok to mourn/grieve for the loss of the relationship you thought you would have

This is well-said. I’d only add that OP, you need to make a decision how much of a relationship you want with the kids. There is a pretty high chance they will be badly behaved and really challenging as young adults, as lot of kids in that situation are. Their odds of enduring a divorce or the death of a parent are also really high. I guess all I’m saying is be intentional in your decisions about interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it just one ranting loon trying to derail this thread, or more than one? You are not answering the question posed by OP, so start your own thread.

One crazy 2nd wife defending her H who abandoned his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it just one ranting loon trying to derail this thread, or more than one? You are not answering the question posed by OP, so start your own thread.

One crazy 2nd wife defending her H who abandoned his kids.

Nope it is not just one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My uncle got a vasectomy reversal when he married his 2nd wife and now they have a son about 20 years younger than his first set of kids. It's so awkward. My parents are also divorced and I have half siblings on both sides. Also beyond awkward around the holidays. DH & I have pledged not to do this to our kids, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My uncle got a vasectomy reversal when he married his 2nd wife and now they have a son about 20 years younger than his first set of kids. It's so awkward. My parents are also divorced and I have half siblings on both sides. Also beyond awkward around the holidays. DH & I have pledged not to do this to our kids, ever.

Until he divorces you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My uncle got a vasectomy reversal when he married his 2nd wife and now they have a son about 20 years younger than his first set of kids. It's so awkward. My parents are also divorced and I have half siblings on both sides. Also beyond awkward around the holidays. DH & I have pledged not to do this to our kids, ever.

Until he divorces you

Even if they divorce, the odds of it happening aren’t high. It’s rare because it’s only creepers that do this, and they are fortunately a small subset of the male population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My uncle got a vasectomy reversal when he married his 2nd wife and now they have a son about 20 years younger than his first set of kids. It's so awkward. My parents are also divorced and I have half siblings on both sides. Also beyond awkward around the holidays. DH & I have pledged not to do this to our kids, ever.

Until he divorces you

Even if they divorce, the odds of it happening aren’t high. It’s rare because it’s only creepers that do this, and they are fortunately a small subset of the male population.

Many men go onto have second families. You are so uneducated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My uncle got a vasectomy reversal when he married his 2nd wife and now they have a son about 20 years younger than his first set of kids. It's so awkward. My parents are also divorced and I have half siblings on both sides. Also beyond awkward around the holidays. DH & I have pledged not to do this to our kids, ever.

Until he divorces you

Even if they divorce, the odds of it happening aren’t high. It’s rare because it’s only creepers that do this, and they are fortunately a small subset of the male population.

Many men go onto have second families. You are so uneducated

Lol no. You’re just delusional. The rest of us know the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always feel relieved that my husband and I both agreed to get fixed when we had our last kid. No matter what happens our kids will not be second fiddle.

My uncle got a vasectomy reversal when he married his 2nd wife and now they have a son about 20 years younger than his first set of kids. It's so awkward. My parents are also divorced and I have half siblings on both sides. Also beyond awkward around the holidays. DH & I have pledged not to do this to our kids, ever.

Until he divorces you

Even if they divorce, the odds of it happening aren’t high. It’s rare because it’s only creepers that do this, and they are fortunately a small subset of the male population.

Many men go onto have second families. You are so uneducated

www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2340896/amp/Do-second-time-Dads-make-feel-second-best-When-older-fathers-start-new-families.html

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1119243.page

Good eg of a destructive ex wife

[Anonymous]

This thread is not about that, start a different thread. STOP derailing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not be happy for them. How is it affecting you?

This happened to me, and it was upsetting to me as well.

It's because I think I had to mourn the loss of what I thought my relationship with my Dad would be. And what his relationship with his grandchildren would be.

It took me a while to figure that the 20-30 years I envisioned I had with him would look totally different, and honestly, not what was I was hoping for.

You eventually come to terms with it, buts its ok to mourn/grieve for the loss of the relationship you thought you would have

This is well-said. I’d only add that OP, you need to make a decision how much of a relationship you want with the kids. There is a pretty high chance they will be badly behaved and really challenging as young adults, as lot of kids in that situation are. Their odds of enduring a divorce or the death of a parent are also really high. I guess all I’m saying is be intentional in your decisions about interaction.

Stop with the nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not be happy for them. How is it affecting you?

This happened to me, and it was upsetting to me as well.

It's because I think I had to mourn the loss of what I thought my relationship with my Dad would be. And what his relationship with his grandchildren would be.

It took me a while to figure that the 20-30 years I envisioned I had with him would look totally different, and honestly, not what was I was hoping for.

You eventually come to terms with it, buts its ok to mourn/grieve for the loss of the relationship you thought you would have

You need to stop playing games and have a relationship with your Dad and stop blaming others. Lots of parents are not good grandparents. I thought mine would be great and involved and they suck. That's life. It's not their job to raise my kids, it's mine. It would be nice if they'd help in an emergency but they don't, so we figure it out.

Or, maybe wonder why your mom kept you from your dad and maybe you don't know the entire story.

Let me clarify a few things. I'm a 43 year old man with 2 kids. Prior to my father leaving my mom, I would see my Dad 1-2 times a week. Golf. Workouts/Runs. We both worked downtown so we would grab lunch.

I envisioned that relationship continuing and him being a consistent presence in my children's (his grandchildren) lives.

Shortly after my first was born, he left my mother, moved about 800 miles away and remarried.

I still have a relationship with him. We see each other 3-4 times a year, and speak/text frequently. But its different. And its very different from what I envisioned for the future for my children. I don't know what made you assume I don't have a relationship with him. I never said I didn't have a relationship with him; I just said that it changed.

Nor am I expecting him to raise my kids. What a ridiculous thing to say.

And why do you think my mom kept me from my dad? How do you think I'm blaming anyone? Your post makes absolutely no sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter as you are grown? I am the second wife. We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal. Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.

Honestly, I couldn’t be happier about my stepmom and the toddlers running around. My dad is almost 60. She will be around to change his depends and deal with all his issues. Then her kids get to take care of her after she’s widowed early.

You are making a big assumption that she will stick around. If your dad develops Parkinson's or Alzheimer's, I wouldn't count on her helping.