Reply to For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does it matter as you are grown?   I am the second wife.  We have kids and they are 20 years from the youngest and no big deal.  Kids were adults so it did not impact their lives.  [/quote]
Typical second wife trying to disappear the kids from the first marriage.[/quote]

Not np.  I am a second wife and I tried desperately to have one big family, even settled for not always happy if I could.  I love my DH and know how much ALL his DC mean to him, it was his kids from his first marriage who became magicians and disappeared, that is a fact.  But I'm sure they'll magically turn back up as soon as he or I are on our deathbeds.  Funny enough, their mother was the one who had all the money and pissed through it, we live a middle class life with two working people and very few vacations if any.  Pretty normal I think, at least in our neighborhood.  I suspect we lost some of the financial shine my step children needed/wanted, but that was their choice.  They are always welcome in our home and in our lives, but I will not be blamed for their adult choices.[/quote]

Nicely said.  The adult kids and their kids are always welcome in our home but we will not be funding their adult lives as they are adults.  If the relationship is only about money, then it’s not a relationship worth us chasing and forcing.[/quote]
It’s your husband’s money, second wife.  :lol: [/quote]

It crazy how the 2nd wives are like… my h can spend his money any way he wants as long as it’s on me and my kids and not his adult children.

They keep saying “they are adults they don’t need his money” but they are also adults and need his money.[/quote]

Are you married? Presumably you understand that when you get married, there is no "his" money, especially with regard to earned income.  It's "our" money.  In marriage, one person doesn't make unilateral decisions about the couple's money, especially when a couple has young, dependent children at home.  If there's not enough money to financially support adult children and care for young children, then obviously something has to give, and it's not the young, dependent children.  That's just the nature of parenting.  If you have young children of your own, then surely you wouldn't choose to finance another adult over providing for your young children.  If someone is uber wealthy and can still spread their money around to their adult children indefinitely, that's great, but that like 0.1% of the population.  [/quote]

If you wanted all resources to be joint, you should not have married someone who already had kids. this is one of many reasons most people don't want their first marriage to be to someone who already has kids (it is different if you both have kids already).[/quote]

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