Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

You’re taking it personally, but they’re just parroting parent culture. Talking about how vacation with little kids is a “trip” and not a vacation is a common trope. So is problems with the curtains. A lot of parents of young kids travel with trash bags and a tape for the windows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re taking it personally, but they’re just parroting parent culture. Talking about how vacation with little kids is a “trip” and not a vacation is a common trope. So is problems with the curtains. A lot of parents of young kids travel with trash bags and a tape for the windows.

Great idea! Thank you! Not OP, BTW.

OP seems to be looking for fault with the DIL, which seems absurd.

[Anonymous]

It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack. And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack.[/b] And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re clearly being rude but the sentiments are fine. We occasionally cave to intense pressure and guilt trips to go on a vacation my in laws pay for (at their insistence) to a place we don’t enjoy, staying in accommodations that they like but we would never choose. We would never say out loud what your son and dil do but the fact is we are there as a favor to them, using our precious vacation time and it in no way feels like vacation.

Say something if you like but be prepared for them to never join you again.

A more constructive approach might be discussing some type of rotating of who gets final say on family vacation plan-when it’s your year you pick beach, their year they can pick lake house if they prefer, etc.

Or maybe son/DIL can quit the moaning and wait until after the trip to talk about what would work better next time. In the mean time they're being rude jerks. They accepted the invite that doesn't make voicing their "sentiments" at every turn appropriate or necessary. If you have nothing nice to say.....

I completely agree they are bring rude but I also know they (especially the dil!) likely have a very different version of events.

Likely a totally inaccurate view, though.

Im the DIL generation and my DH and I cover the whole rental cost for between 2 and 4 weeks at the beach for us, my parents , and guests. Two summers in a row we had my brother, SIL and their DC. SIL complained about everything and contributed nothing, and it got old. It’s just not a helpful or pleasant perspective, and it’s weird for a 40something woman to whine.

Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re clearly being rude but the sentiments are fine. We occasionally cave to intense pressure and guilt trips to go on a vacation my in laws pay for (at their insistence) to a place we don’t enjoy, staying in accommodations that they like but we would never choose. We would never say out loud what your son and dil do but the fact is we are there as a favor to them, using our precious vacation time and it in no way feels like vacation.

Say something if you like but be prepared for them to never join you again.

A more constructive approach might be discussing some type of rotating of who gets final say on family vacation plan-when it’s your year you pick beach, their year they can pick lake house if they prefer, etc.

Or maybe son/DIL can quit the moaning and wait until after the trip to talk about what would work better next time. In the mean time they're being rude jerks. They accepted the invite that doesn't make voicing their "sentiments" at every turn appropriate or necessary. If you have nothing nice to say.....

I completely agree they are bring rude but I also know they (especially the dil!) likely have a very different version of events.

Likely a totally inaccurate view, though.

Im the DIL generation and my DH and I cover the whole rental cost for between 2 and 4 weeks at the beach for us, my parents , and guests. Two summers in a row we had my brother, SIL and their DC. SIL complained about everything and contributed nothing, and it got old. It’s just not a helpful or pleasant perspective, and it’s weird for a 40something woman to whine.

Sorry, OP.

She probably didn’t want to spend between two and four weeks at her in-laws. Next time invite them for no longer than a long weekend or a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

It's an opportunity for the family to spend time in the same house. That's the point of it -- mature people like OP get this. Immature people like you and OP's son are still childish and think a family vacation should include roller coaster rides and cotton candy.

It's spending time together. They're lucky OP and their father care enough to do this for the family.

This is wonderful satire. Well-done.

I'm sure there are well adjusted, healthy, loving and emotionally functional adults who can see that it's not satire. Bitterness and sarcasm is a red flag, PP....

Can’t decide if satire or possibly brunch grandma…

Man, you’re swinging and missing like crazy. This thread is bananas.
If OPs son was so put out by the invitation and the subpar accommodations, surely he could handle it differently, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re clearly being rude but the sentiments are fine. We occasionally cave to intense pressure and guilt trips to go on a vacation my in laws pay for (at their insistence) to a place we don’t enjoy, staying in accommodations that they like but we would never choose. We would never say out loud what your son and dil do but the fact is we are there as a favor to them, using our precious vacation time and it in no way feels like vacation.

Say something if you like but be prepared for them to never join you again.

A more constructive approach might be discussing some type of rotating of who gets final say on family vacation plan-when it’s your year you pick beach, their year they can pick lake house if they prefer, etc.

Or maybe son/DIL can quit the moaning and wait until after the trip to talk about what would work better next time. In the mean time they're being rude jerks. They accepted the invite that doesn't make voicing their "sentiments" at every turn appropriate or necessary. If you have nothing nice to say.....

I completely agree they are bring rude but I also know they (especially the dil!) likely have a very different version of events.

Likely a totally inaccurate view, though.

Im the DIL generation and my DH and I cover the whole rental cost for between 2 and 4 weeks at the beach for us, my parents , and guests. Two summers in a row we had my brother, SIL and their DC. SIL complained about everything and contributed nothing, and it got old. It’s just not a helpful or pleasant perspective, and it’s weird for a 40something woman to whine.

Sorry, OP.

She probably didn’t want to spend between two and four weeks at her in-laws. Next time invite them for no longer than a long weekend or a week

We invited her each time for a briefer stay and she asked to extend. Both times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could be they felt pressured or guilted into using their vacation time in a way they wouldn’t choose. We get guilted into family cruises that are definitely not our thing. So while the cruise is paid for it’s not at all how I would choose to spend my limited PTO

And yet you are choosing it, because no one put a gun to your head and marched you onto the ship. You may politely decline, but accepting and then complaining is ridiculous. And don’t give me “pressure and guilt,” because so what? My ILs pressure and guilt us to try to get us to go camping with them every year, and it’s a big fat no. And then what? They don’t cast a spell to turn us into frogs or something. They’re disappointed. And? So?

This. How is this not the most agreed upon POV here? Why are people with crows feet still harrumphing that mommy and daddy made them make certain leisure decisions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re clearly being rude but the sentiments are fine. We occasionally cave to intense pressure and guilt trips to go on a vacation my in laws pay for (at their insistence) to a place we don’t enjoy, staying in accommodations that they like but we would never choose. We would never say out loud what your son and dil do but the fact is we are there as a favor to them, using our precious vacation time and it in no way feels like vacation.

Say something if you like but be prepared for them to never join you again.

A more constructive approach might be discussing some type of rotating of who gets final say on family vacation plan-when it’s your year you pick beach, their year they can pick lake house if they prefer, etc.

Or maybe son/DIL can quit the moaning and wait until after the trip to talk about what would work better next time. In the mean time they're being rude jerks. They accepted the invite that doesn't make voicing their "sentiments" at every turn appropriate or necessary. If you have nothing nice to say.....

I completely agree they are bring rude but I also know they (especially the dil!) likely have a very different version of events.

If she didn’t want to spend the time there she shouldn’t have spent the time there. I don’t understand any responses relating to it’s ok to complain because the invited guests didn’t want to do the vacation. Either don’t do the vacation (or make it shorter, whatever) or go and don’t complain.

Likely a totally inaccurate view, though.

Im the DIL generation and my DH and I cover the whole rental cost for between 2 and 4 weeks at the beach for us, my parents , and guests. Two summers in a row we had my brother, SIL and their DC. SIL complained about everything and contributed nothing, and it got old. It’s just not a helpful or pleasant perspective, and it’s weird for a 40something woman to whine.

Sorry, OP.

She probably didn’t want to spend between two and four weeks at her in-laws. Next time invite them for no longer than a long weekend or a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could be they felt pressured or guilted into using their vacation time in a way they wouldn’t choose. We get guilted into family cruises that are definitely not our thing. So while the cruise is paid for it’s not at all how I would choose to spend my limited PTO

And yet you are choosing it, because no one put a gun to your head and marched you onto the ship. You may politely decline, but accepting and then complaining is ridiculous. And don’t give me “pressure and guilt,” because so what? My ILs pressure and guilt us to try to get us to go camping with them every year, and it’s a big fat no. And then what? They don’t cast a spell to turn us into frogs or something. They’re disappointed. And? So?

This. How is this not the most agreed upon POV here? Why are people with crows feet still harrumphing that mommy and daddy made them make certain leisure decisions?

I'd imagine because they don't want to spend the next year hearing passive-aggressive comments and weird attempts at guilt trips from parents/ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could be they felt pressured or guilted into using their vacation time in a way they wouldn’t choose. We get guilted into family cruises that are definitely not our thing. So while the cruise is paid for it’s not at all how I would choose to spend my limited PTO

And yet you are choosing it, because no one put a gun to your head and marched you onto the ship. You may politely decline, but accepting and then complaining is ridiculous. And don’t give me “pressure and guilt,” because so what? My ILs pressure and guilt us to try to get us to go camping with them every year, and it’s a big fat no. And then what? They don’t cast a spell to turn us into frogs or something. They’re disappointed. And? So?

This. How is this not the most agreed upon POV here? Why are people with crows feet still harrumphing that mommy and daddy made them make certain leisure decisions?

I'd imagine because they don't want to spend the next year hearing passive-aggressive comments and weird attempts at guilt trips from parents/ILs.

Why does it have to be so extreme though? So DIL and son are being kind of dicks. So OP is being kind of oversensitive. They're all still there together and presumably are more glad to be there than not. Let people be people - imperfect, sometimes annoying - and just accept that's part of the deal.

[Anonymous]

This is obviously not their idea of an ideal vacation and they are being rude by vocalizing it. I am very picky about my vacation homes/hotels because our time off is precious so I get why they may have issues. However, I would never complain out loud to the person who arranged the rental unless it wasn't livable. Next time don't invite them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack.[/b] And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

+1

I'm surprised that parents thought children wouldn't change their lives, including their vacations a bit. Our vacations with our (now grown) kids were so much fun, a little different than pre-kids, but I wouldn't have missed those for the world. Especially as we were both working demanding jobs, those vacations were precious bonding time.

We did have limited vacation time, so I understand that not all adult kids want to spend it with the grandparents. We never got to do that as young parents, so I'm a little envious. It does seem that the trips with extended family give the parents some extra hands when it comes to entertaining the little ones. I guess that's a trade-off, even if the accommodations are not luxurious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They sound annoying, OP. This a type of people. The type of people who like to run things down and don't see the need to contribute to the positive atmosphere of the group. It's a family trip and it's nice when people pitch in with good spirits.

An ex-boyfriend and his brother always split the cost for a beach vacation for their family, including his mom. His mom was a complainer. If the beach house wasn't up to her standards, she complained nonstop. It was annoying. These were guys in their 20s getting a beach house, primarily for their mom, and they couldn't afford top of the line.

If you want, you could give them a role in picking the house next year. Maybe if they have some ownership of the decision, they'll be less likely to be annoying about it.

Until then, just ignore.

I agree, they are being annoying and I would be irritated. I also think the suggestion to let them pick the rental next time is good