How to handle this with DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Contact questbridge.org about College Match. they might give special consideration to DH finances as separate, and if you really earn very little, they might pay for college

Questbridge is not going to divert money from students who are genuinely low income to pay for this child's tuition.

If DH won't offer nickel, mother earns less than 60k, deadbeat dad they might.

I work for a college access program. Sometimes we make exceptions to our income guidelines, but it's usually for something like the young person is homeless after being kicked out and parents won't pay, or the young person was sent to the US to stay with a relative who has guardianship but that person has never had financial responsibility for the kid. OP's kid is in a terrible situation, but it's outside of what we do. My off the record advice would be to build a paper trail that dad is the custodial parent and apply using his info. With the current lookbacks, that might be a couple year process.

Hi, I am dating someone with kids. My impression is that the current system is that CSS schools ask for info from both biological and stepparents, regardless of custody. But that Fafsa only asks for custodial parent, which includes stepparent of stepparent is living with custodial parent. So ops kid could claim dad is custodial and only put his info down. However, I’ve read the law on this is changing and Fafsa is going to become more like css. I’m not sure what’s accurate. Would love to have your insight!

Yes, you got most of that right! My understanding with FAFSA is that they will move from using custodial parent info to using the info for the parent with the higher AGI. The FAFSA is also getting shorter so I don't think they will add all the questions about assets that are on the CSS profile-it will still be about income. The other big FAFSA change will be that no discount for multiple kids in college will be calulated.

Thanks! Yes, my boyfriend is the higher AGI parent, at least right now. Does that mean his ex’s income does not factor in? And how does my income factor in, if at all, if we were to marry?

[Anonymous]

If I am the step dad, I am not going to give less money to my kids so I can afford to give some to step kids. OP's daughter has 2 parents who should have been saving for college. I would be furious if my ex gave money to step kids when that could go to our kids.

I do think OP should take a loan and pay. She sounds horrible.

[Anonymous]

Personally I don’t think stepparents should be expected to pay for college. But I think the financial aid system should change to reflect that. The two parents whose financial information should matter should be the two biological parents and only the two parents. Assuming no adoption, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I don’t think stepparents should be expected to pay for college. But I think the financial aid system should change to reflect that. The two parents whose financial information should matter should be the two biological parents and only the two parents. Assuming no adoption, etc.

Yep. If step-parents want to pay, that's awesome, and if I was a well off step-parent, I certainly would, but there shouldn't be an obligation. My kids come first.

[Anonymous]

Bunch of gold digging dumped old ladies in this thread. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I am the step dad, I am not going to give less money to my kids so I can afford to give some to step kids. OP's daughter has 2 parents who should have been saving for college. I would be furious if my ex gave money to step kids when that could go to our kids.

I do think OP should take a loan and pay. She sounds horrible.

It sounds like stepdad has plenty to do both. Its not one or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bunch of gold digging dumped old ladies in this thread. Gross.

Nobody is gold-digging. This is about helping this child pay for college, not a Mercedes. The financial aid system is a social safety net and DD doesn’t qualify bc of stepdad’s income. Society itself thinks he should pay. I get that people have blended families and things get complicated but family is family and the kids come with it. They need to find a middle ground and work this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I don’t think stepparents should be expected to pay for college. But I think the financial aid system should change to reflect that. The two parents whose financial information should matter should be the two biological parents and only the two parents. Assuming no adoption, etc.

It shouldn't be. But, since many women replace Dad with stepdad and collect child support, in some ways it makes sense to include the adults the child lives with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I am the step dad, I am not going to give less money to my kids so I can afford to give some to step kids. OP's daughter has 2 parents who should have been saving for college. I would be furious if my ex gave money to step kids when that could go to our kids.

I do think OP should take a loan and pay. She sounds horrible.

She doesn’t need a Liam she has an income and pays no bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This situation is truly weird. One set of kids in blended family gets latest iPhones, fancy vacations, blank check for education. The “poor” one, Cinderella, gets jack sH!t? Your DD has good reason to resent you and the stepfather. You and husband should have figured out how to raise these kids together. The idea that because they were tweens when you married, you could each punt on being meaningful parents to the “others” kids is cray. Troll, I hope.

If after 5 years stepdad doesn't treat daughter equally that's a red flag.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. Look, the situation is what it is. She has 30k she can decide what to do with. The rest is up to her. That’s not going to change unless she gets a scholarship.

Mostly, I want to know what to say to her to get her to stop lashing out at her step siblings and my H. I’ve tried talking to her and get nowhere.

She is 17 and plenty old enough to deal with the consequences of her actions. She can say whatever she wants to her step siblings and stepfather, and if she ruins her relationships with them, that's on her. If I were you I would tell her she is an embarrassment and doesn't even deserve the $30k you'd saved for college, and you'd be going to the step siblings and stepfather and apologizing for bringing such a spoiled brat into their family, that you're very ashamed and sorry and definitely do NOT agree with anything she's saying.

She can go have her temper tantrum and if she wants to go to Vassar, she can figure out how to pay all on her own. Maybe you use some of that $30 to take the other people in the family on a nice vacation, or fix up the house or something.

I hope you don't have any kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Talk to you husband first. Tell him you are concerned about financing college for DD because of the income issue. Ask him what he did when his kids applied with regard to his ex's contributions etc. Not that that matters, but it opens a door for you to start a conversation. Maybe he will offer some help or a loan, or some agreement when it comes to a longer term division of assets between the kids down the road.

2. Tell you DD to knock off the bratty jealously while you figure this out because first it's going to ruin her relationships with her whole stepfamily and second, it's certainly not going to help gain any goodwill with her stepfather.

3. Discuss the idea of education loans with her and what she feels she's comfortable with taking on. If you feel you can continue contributing in years to come to help her pay them off, then offer that.

Also, what kind of student is she? Will she be a buckled-down college kid who uses a private school education to her advantage?

I really don't get it. You expect from a 17 yr old what? Do you realize that most adult Americans are financially inept?

"Standard & Poor's survey ranked the U.S. No. 14 globally in terms of its citizens' financial literacy and rated just 57% of U.S. adults financially literate."

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Your complete lack of awareness as to how you have screwed your kid over is astonishing.

Actually, I think OP knows but doesn’t care.

You mean she should have thought ahead and strategically delayed any marriages in order to have her daughter apply from a lower income family?

People do that? Or get divorced to ramp up aid and welfare? Nice!

Most people who get married after they have children, choose people who will care for their child and treat them like family.

But yes, if you want to marry someone who isn't going to care for your children, you should wait until your children are launched.

Many of us saved for 10-20 years per child for college. Same for retirement. Second marriages where one is supposedly wealthy- this hasn’t been defined by OP- have a built in prenup, as assets at time of marriage are clear and separate in any future divorce.

[Anonymous]

The financial aid system is not fair. I had friends that had parents that were totally unwilling to pay for college. Step parents should not be responsible for their spouses children. The guy is already providing her basic necessities like food and shelter. That is beyond generous. College is a t a necessity. Sounds like she needs to go to community college or take loans and move on

Op, you should have thought of this before you married. You are irresponsible. I hope your daughter does well inspire of you.

[Anonymous]

Inspire = in spite