How to handle this with DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s a rising senior with good grades, test scores, etc. She wants to attend a $$$ private school for college. I’ve explained many times over the years that I can’t afford that. Her father and I are divorced. I struggled to make rent for a long time and didn’t have decent savings until recently. Her father lives paycheck to paycheck and is not reliable either (hence the divorce).

So you explained to her many times something that is not true ie not relevant - until you got married, that is. Are you not familiar with the need based aid? Do you understand now how your marriage screwed up your daughter’s college plans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contact questbridge.org about College Match. they might give special consideration to DH finances as separate, and if you really earn very little, they might pay for college

Questbridge is not going to divert money from students who are genuinely low income to pay for this child's tuition.

If DH won't offer nickel, mother earns less than 60k, deadbeat dad they might.

I work for a college access program. Sometimes we make exceptions to our income guidelines, but it's usually for something like the young person is homeless after being kicked out and parents won't pay, or the young person was sent to the US to stay with a relative who has guardianship but that person has never had financial responsibility for the kid. OP's kid is in a terrible situation, but it's outside of what we do. My off the record advice would be to build a paper trail that dad is the custodial parent and apply using his info. With the current lookbacks, that might be a couple year process.

Hi, I am dating someone with kids. My impression is that the current system is that CSS schools ask for info from both biological and stepparents, regardless of custody. But that Fafsa only asks for custodial parent, which includes stepparent of stepparent is living with custodial parent. So ops kid could claim dad is custodial and only put his info down. However, I’ve read the law on this is changing and Fafsa is going to become more like css. I’m not sure what’s accurate. Would love to have your insight!

[Anonymous]

Some of you dummies are acting as of everyone who wants or qualifies for financial aid actually gets it. You are full of bull. I know TONS of students who get into greats chills but the schools offer ZERO financial aid. And FAFSA is not a guarantee.

[Anonymous]

not at the schools OP’s daughter is considering at the income she used to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contact questbridge.org about College Match. they might give special consideration to DH finances as separate, and if you really earn very little, they might pay for college

Questbridge is not going to divert money from students who are genuinely low income to pay for this child's tuition.

If DH won't offer nickel, mother earns less than 60k, deadbeat dad they might.

I work for a college access program. Sometimes we make exceptions to our income guidelines, but it's usually for something like the young person is homeless after being kicked out and parents won't pay, or the young person was sent to the US to stay with a relative who has guardianship but that person has never had financial responsibility for the kid. OP's kid is in a terrible situation, but it's outside of what we do. My off the record advice would be to build a paper trail that dad is the custodial parent and apply using his info. With the current lookbacks, that might be a couple year process.

Hi, I am dating someone with kids. My impression is that the current system is that CSS schools ask for info from both biological and stepparents, regardless of custody. But that Fafsa only asks for custodial parent, which includes stepparent of stepparent is living with custodial parent. So ops kid could claim dad is custodial and only put his info down. However, I’ve read the law on this is changing and Fafsa is going to become more like css. I’m not sure what’s accurate. Would love to have your insight!

Yes, you got most of that right! My understanding with FAFSA is that they will move from using custodial parent info to using the info for the parent with the higher AGI. The FAFSA is also getting shorter so I don't think they will add all the questions about assets that are on the CSS profile-it will still be about income. The other big FAFSA change will be that no discount for multiple kids in college will be calulated.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Some of these responses trashing OP sound privileged AF.

OP has no obligation to pay for her daughter's college, let alone an expensive one. I understand it looks unfair because the step siblings are going where they want to, but that's life. If OP had come on here saying she asked her husband to pay for her daughter's college, he refused and now she's resentful, there would be SO many responses saying OP's husband isn't the dad and has no responsibility, blah, blah, blah. Get real.

OP, I grew up poor with five other siblings and parents didn't have anything saved for college. I applaud you for having $30k saved. I was working 25+ hours in high-school from the time I was 16, then full-time while in college. I went to a commuter school, had some loans, and had to pay them off. Such is life. Can't always get what you want.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if they keep finances separate re: the kids when it comes to claiming her daughter on their joint taxes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you dummies are acting as of everyone who wants or qualifies for financial aid actually gets it. You are full of bull. I know TONS of students who get into greats chills but the schools offer ZERO financial aid. And FAFSA is not a guarantee.

You’re confusing grants with aid. Aid includes loans. If your parents make too much you can’t even go into debt for school. That was my situation. I had to switch to a fluff major to finish before running out of money thanks to my mom’s re-marriage to a rich guy who didn’t want to pay for me.

[Anonymous]

This situation is truly weird. One set of kids in blended family gets latest iPhones, fancy vacations, blank check for education. The “poor” one, Cinderella, gets jack sH!t? Your DD has good reason to resent you and the stepfather. You and husband should have figured out how to raise these kids together. The idea that because they were tweens when you married, you could each punt on being meaningful parents to the “others” kids is cray. Troll, I hope.

[Anonymous]

Agree with other posters who said it’s not a parent’s responsibility to pay for a name brand university when the money isn’t there. Think parents should help a child get through college if they can - and sounds like Mom is willing to do that, just a state school rather than brand name. This may be a good learning curve for the daughter - as The Rolling Stones said, “you can’t always get what you want”. Daughter needs to deal with reality and start making plans/ working with what is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Some of these responses trashing OP sound privileged AF.

OP has no obligation to pay for her daughter's college, let alone an expensive one. I understand it looks unfair because the step siblings are going where they want to, but that's life. If OP had come on here saying she asked her husband to pay for her daughter's college, he refused and now she's resentful, there would be SO many responses saying OP's husband isn't the dad and has no responsibility, blah, blah, blah. Get real.

OP, I grew up poor with five other siblings and parents didn't have anything saved for college. I applaud you for having $30k saved. I was working 25+ hours in high-school from the time I was 16, then full-time while in college. I went to a commuter school, had some loans, and had to pay them off. Such is life. Can't always get what you want.

This is a good point. I wonder if there are similar resentments between biological siblings if the oldest sibling received little or no help, but younger siblings benefit from mom and dad having regular increases in salaries and being able to contribute more to younger siblings college costs (assuming there is a significant age gap)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with other posters who said it’s not a parent’s responsibility to pay for a name brand university when the money isn’t there. Think parents should help a child get through college if they can - and sounds like Mom is willing to do that, just a state school rather than brand name. This may be a good learning curve for the daughter - as The Rolling Stones said, “you can’t always get what you want”. Daughter needs to deal with reality and start making plans/ working with what is.

paying for brand name college is not the point. OP is not paying for state college either but even that is beside the point. a mother needs to put her child’s needs ahead for her own and OP is not doing that. everything else is red herring.

[Anonymous]

First, yes, op would have been better off waiting to marry until her dd was out of college for financial aid purposes. But what is done is done and you don’t seem to have any sympathy for the situation your dd is in (nor does anyone else in the family for that matter - how lonely for her). Perhaps using some of that $30,000 for therapy would be money well spent (and I’m not being snarky). Second, just bc she has good grades and test scores doesn’t mean that she will get into a top school like Amherst or Williams. There are a lot of small private liberal arts colleges where she can get a lot of MERIT aid to bring the cost down to around $30,000 per year and then she would have to take the same amount of loans she would have to take to go to Maryland. I’m assuming the amount you are giving her is $30,000 total and not $30,000 per year? She would likely have to work for money for books and spending money (unless you are willing to kick in extra for that). But there is a happy medium between an $80,000/year private that doesn’t offer any merit aid and University of Maryland. The privates that give merit may not be as prestigious but the professors are excellent. Just another option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Some of these responses trashing OP sound privileged AF.

OP has no obligation to pay for her daughter's college, let alone an expensive one. I understand it looks unfair because the step siblings are going where they want to, but that's life. If OP had come on here saying she asked her husband to pay for her daughter's college, he refused and now she's resentful, there would be SO many responses saying OP's husband isn't the dad and has no responsibility, blah, blah, blah. Get real.

OP, I grew up poor with five other siblings and parents didn't have anything saved for college. I applaud you for having $30k saved. I was working 25+ hours in high-school from the time I was 16, then full-time while in college. I went to a commuter school, had some loans, and had to pay them off. Such is life. Can't always get what you want.

And you don’t seem to get that OPs kid won’t qualify for those loans because of her stepdads income and assets!! The most she can get on her own without a co-signer is 5k a year.

And how much did college cost when you went? What year did you go?

[Anonymous]

If things remain unchanged in the trajectory of this family, I totally see the DD growing up and disavowing mom.
But mom is so selfish, she’ll just shrug.