Boy slapped my daughter's butt on the walk from school

[Anonymous]

When I was in 1st grade in the early 70s a few of my classmates kept trying to kiss me (Annette and Laura were their names -- is it too late to report these little monsters)? I also remember some of us little cretins bra-snapping the first girl in 6th grade to begin puberty -- playing Robin Hood, we called it. Makes me cringe, now, with a 10 yo daughter of my own. That said, this boy clearly needs to be talked to by someone, to teach him about personal limits and appropriate treatment of others. But let's not over-blow it. This is a "teachable moment". If these kids were older (upper high school), I would treat this more seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

Not the PP, but OP could teach her daughter to loudly say, I don't appreciate that! I will be letting the principle and your parents know about this. Or fend off and block the guy. Or hit him.

There are some really bad people in the world. I was walking in Spain when a group of migrant workers came up to me and a gang of them accosted me and assaulted me touching me through my clothes. I fended them off by knocking them off. OP's daughter should figure out how to defend herself and stand up for herself, and assess the situation instead of immediately involving the police.

PP you are responding to. Ok, I see what you are saying. I agree. I also OP should contact the school, and let this be a learning experience for the young man as well that slapping people's butts is not funny or acceptable.

Helicopter parenting at its finest.

Why is this helicopter parenting?

NP. I don't think this is helicopter parenting.

I'm a dad of two girls. I understand the dynamics at play here. It's all fine and good to try to "empower" your daughters to stand up for themselves and counter unwanted male attention. Yes. But a 12 yo girl really doesn't possess the assertiveness yet to do this. Meanwhile, if a boy that does what was described is permitted to go get away with it without severe consequences being meted out, then the lesson here is that this is somehow acceptable, and next time it won't be just unwanted touching; that "next time" may occur a decade from now, but the foundation of that attitude begins now.

So, here's what needs to happen. The boy needs to be tracked down. The girl's parents need to go over and describe to the boy's parents what happened and give them a factual account of what happened. The boy's parents are to be appropriately horrified and assure the girl's parents they will nip this in the bud now and the boy will be disciplined at home. If the boy's parents do not behave in this expected fashion, then the girl's parents are free to involve the police -- a visit from a cop to investigate sexual battery, even if the end result isn't an arrest (because no one really wants that, not even the 12 yo girl) it should be to scare the boy senseless into knowing that what he did was unconditionally inappropriate and not sanctioned by anyone.

Then, the 12 yo girl really needs to be told to let it go (with the appropriate lessons about asserting herself in the future). Ideally, the boy apologizes, and they become friends.

But, this is indeed serious and warrants a serious reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The police??

Hitting people is assault.

Good grief. Yes lets get this 12 year old boy arrested for assault. He should be a registered sex offender too.

You have boys, yes?

no girls?

I have both, and if a little fucker slapped my kid on her butt, I'd train her to karate kick him in the balls.

[Anonymous]

I'm a dad of two girls. I understand the dynamics at play here. It's all fine and good to try to "empower" your daughters to stand up for themselves and counter unwanted male attention. Yes. But a 12 yo girl really doesn't possess the assertiveness yet to do this.

Bullshit. If you have done your job as a parent a 12 year old most certainly can have the assertiveness and skills to stand up for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you OP. It's people like you who keep the lowest common denominator in my profession in business. Signed, a lawyer

I'm glad lawyers can find a way to profit from this kind of thing, but your intent with this post is lost on me. I'm pretty sure attorneys aren't needed to speak to his parents.

You rely on your perception for your job? I hope not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a dad of two girls. I understand the dynamics at play here. It's all fine and good to try to "empower" your daughters to stand up for themselves and counter unwanted male attention. Yes. But a 12 yo girl really doesn't possess the assertiveness yet to do this.

Bullshit. If you have done your job as a parent a 12 year old most certainly can have the assertiveness and skills to stand up for herself.

OP here. Just to be clear one more time, she did stand up for herself. That doesn't mean we just let it go from here. She wants a record of it at school, at an absolute minimum.

Please teach your kids to not paw at girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

Not the PP, but OP could teach her daughter to loudly say, I don't appreciate that! I will be letting the principle and your parents know about this. Or fend off and block the guy. Or hit him.

There are some really bad people in the world. I was walking in Spain when a group of migrant workers came up to me and a gang of them accosted me and assaulted me touching me through my clothes. I fended them off by knocking them off. OP's daughter should figure out how to defend herself and stand up for herself, and assess the situation instead of immediately involving the police.

PP you are responding to. Ok, I see what you are saying. I agree. I also OP should contact the school, and let this be a learning experience for the young man as well that slapping people's butts is not funny or acceptable.

Helicopter parenting at its finest.

Why is this helicopter parenting?

NP. I don't think this is helicopter parenting.

I'm a dad of two girls. I understand the dynamics at play here. It's all fine and good to try to "empower" your daughters to stand up for themselves and counter unwanted male attention. Yes. But a 12 yo girl really doesn't possess the assertiveness yet to do this. Meanwhile, if a boy that does what was described is permitted to go get away with it without severe consequences being meted out, then the lesson here is that this is somehow acceptable, and next time it won't be just unwanted touching; that "next time" may occur a decade from now, but the foundation of that attitude begins now.

So, here's what needs to happen. The boy needs to be tracked down. The girl's parents need to go over and describe to the boy's parents what happened and give them a factual account of what happened. The boy's parents are to be appropriately horrified and assure the girl's parents they will nip this in the bud now and the boy will be disciplined at home. If the boy's parents do not behave in this expected fashion, then the girl's parents are free to involve the police -- a visit from a cop to investigate sexual battery, even if the end result isn't an arrest (because no one really wants that, not even the 12 yo girl) it should be to scare the boy senseless into knowing that what he did was unconditionally inappropriate and not sanctioned by anyone.

Then, the 12 yo girl really needs to be told to let it go (with the appropriate lessons about asserting herself in the future). Ideally, the boy apologizes, and they become friends.

But, this is indeed serious and warrants a serious reaction.

OP again. Thanks for this. I think a lot of the other posters are parents to younger children. My daughter is shaped like a woman and gets attention from boys that she doesn't know what to do with. I cannot let this lesson be that she doesn't get a say over what happens with her own body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a dad of two girls. I understand the dynamics at play here. It's all fine and good to try to "empower" your daughters to stand up for themselves and counter unwanted male attention. Yes. But a 12 yo girl really doesn't possess the assertiveness yet to do this.

Bullshit. If you have done your job as a parent a 12 year old most certainly can have the assertiveness and skills to stand up for herself.

OP here. Just to be clear one more time, she did stand up for herself. That doesn't mean we just let it go from here. She wants a record of it at school, at an absolute minimum.

Please teach your kids to not paw at girls.

I have hetrosexual girls they are not pawing anyone.

[Anonymous]

Something that happened off of the school grounds is not an issue to be dealt with by the school. If you absolutely feel this needs to be addressed further (and I fervently disagree), you need to deal with the boys parents directly. Before you say you can't find them, I call bull. My daughter attends a similarly sized school and she absolutely could find out the name of any student and from there in this day and age, it would not be difficult to track the parents down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

Not the PP, but OP could teach her daughter to loudly say, I don't appreciate that! I will be letting the principle and your parents know about this. Or fend off and block the guy. Or hit him.

There are some really bad people in the world. I was walking in Spain when a group of migrant workers came up to me and a gang of them accosted me and assaulted me touching me through my clothes. I fended them off by knocking them off. OP's daughter should figure out how to defend herself and stand up for herself, and assess the situation instead of immediately involving the police.

PP you are responding to. Ok, I see what you are saying. I agree. I also OP should contact the school, and let this be a learning experience for the young man as well that slapping people's butts is not funny or acceptable.

Helicopter parenting at its finest.

Why is this helicopter parenting?

NP. I don't think this is helicopter parenting.

I'm a dad of two girls. I understand the dynamics at play here. It's all fine and good to try to "empower" your daughters to stand up for themselves and counter unwanted male attention. Yes. But a 12 yo girl really doesn't possess the assertiveness yet to do this. Meanwhile, if a boy that does what was described is permitted to go get away with it without severe consequences being meted out, then the lesson here is that this is somehow acceptable, and next time it won't be just unwanted touching; that "next time" may occur a decade from now, but the foundation of that attitude begins now.

So, here's what needs to happen. The boy needs to be tracked down. The girl's parents need to go over and describe to the boy's parents what happened and give them a factual account of what happened. The boy's parents are to be appropriately horrified and assure the girl's parents they will nip this in the bud now and the boy will be disciplined at home. If the boy's parents do not behave in this expected fashion, then the girl's parents are free to involve the police -- a visit from a cop to investigate sexual battery, even if the end result isn't an arrest (because no one really wants that, not even the 12 yo girl) it should be to scare the boy senseless into knowing that what he did was unconditionally inappropriate and not sanctioned by anyone.

Then, the 12 yo girl really needs to be told to let it go (with the appropriate lessons about asserting herself in the future). Ideally, the boy apologizes, and they become friends.

But, this is indeed serious and warrants a serious reaction.

I think you would be making a big mistake in the long run taking over the handling of this situation for your daughter unless you are comfortable with the idea of always stepping in on her behalf and in her defense. She *needs* to know that she can look out for herself

Your daughter and this boy are both 12 year old kids and really she should learn to how to say LOUDLY - "What are you doing? Stop it!!". According to Op, her daughter did say something like that and the boy did stop. So maybe OP's daughter deserves some credit for handling the whole thing.

On a side note and in all honestly, if possible she should be walking home with a friend. Seriously. There is safety in numbers. Take it from a former curvy latch key girl who used to walk home from school....there are weirdos in this world. A 12 year old boy being a jerk is nothing compared to the creeps that use to slow down and drive next to me offering me rides as I walked home to an empty house or the sicko who chased me half a block with his dick hanging out of his pants. And unfortunately this type of stuff happened even when I was in my late teens, early/mid 20's. It didn't happen often but when it did it was scary but I did what I had to do to extricate myself from those situations.

Maybe a self defense class would help to give her some confidence, too.

[Anonymous]

She's calling the shots on this, PP. I too was a curvy girl. Soon, we'll approach the subject of what to do when a grown man starts hitting on her. I told her more than a year ago that this would happen, and how she should handle it. She did what I suggested.

I'm all too familiar with what happens when you are developed and too many boys/men see that as a green light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's calling the shots on this, PP. I too was a curvy girl. Soon, we'll approach the subject of what to do when a grown man starts hitting on her. I told her more than a year ago that this would happen, and how she should handle it. She did what I suggested.

I'm all too familiar with what happens when you are developed and too many boys/men see that as a green light.

Most guys are decent. The creeps are just...creeps. And all kids should know how to handle being approached by a creep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You women are nuts. You blow little shit out of proportion and then wonder why people aren't outraged when really bad stuff happens. It's like the little boy who cried wolf or chicken little. Do yourselves, your daughters and all women a favor and get a grip.

So you're entitled to play grabass with 12 year old girls? NOPE. Sorry, the world has changed. We're not here for your amusement anymore. F off.

This, x 1,000

You must have missed the part where the poster was a women not a man...Some women are logical, mature, practical thinkers who don't get hysterical over every injustice and teach our daughters strength, character and maturity in the face of adversity recognizing that 12 year olds of both sexes do dumb things for which they need not be publicly castigated or hauled to jail.

I don't care if you're a woman. You're perpetuating an extremely sexist viewpoint. And I'm as logical and non-hysterical (which, by the way, is a pretty loaded word) person as they come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. The stuff in middle school and junior high was nothing. Wait until shes a young lady and attracting male attention from all sides. Empower her, don't make her a victim.

I'm not OP- what in the world do you mean by this?

Not the PP, but OP could teach her daughter to loudly say, I don't appreciate that! I will be letting the principle and your parents know about this. Or fend off and block the guy. Or hit him.

There are some really bad people in the world. I was walking in Spain when a group of migrant workers came up to me and a gang of them accosted me and assaulted me touching me through my clothes. I fended them off by knocking them off. OP's daughter should figure out how to defend herself and stand up for herself, and assess the situation instead of immediately involving the police.

PP you are responding to. Ok, I see what you are saying. I agree. I also OP should contact the school, and let this be a learning experience for the young man as well that slapping people's butts is not funny or acceptable.

Helicopter parenting at its finest.

Why is this helicopter parenting?

NP. I don't think this is helicopter parenting.

I'm a dad of two girls. I understand the dynamics at play here. It's all fine and good to try to "empower" your daughters to stand up for themselves and counter unwanted male attention. Yes. But a 12 yo girl really doesn't possess the assertiveness yet to do this. Meanwhile, if a boy that does what was described is permitted to go get away with it without severe consequences being meted out, then the lesson here is that this is somehow acceptable, and next time it won't be just unwanted touching; that "next time" may occur a decade from now, but the foundation of that attitude begins now.

So, here's what needs to happen. The boy needs to be tracked down. The girl's parents need to go over and describe to the boy's parents what happened and give them a factual account of what happened. The boy's parents are to be appropriately horrified and assure the girl's parents they will nip this in the bud now and the boy will be disciplined at home. If the boy's parents do not behave in this expected fashion, then the girl's parents are free to involve the police -- a visit from a cop to investigate sexual battery, even if the end result isn't an arrest (because no one really wants that, not even the 12 yo girl) it should be to scare the boy senseless into knowing that what he did was unconditionally inappropriate and not sanctioned by anyone.

Then, the 12 yo girl really needs to be told to let it go (with the appropriate lessons about asserting herself in the future). Ideally, the boy apologizes, and they become friends.

But, this is indeed serious and warrants a serious reaction.

This is nothing. A silly boy prank. You are one over-the-top asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a dad of two girls. I understand the dynamics at play here. It's all fine and good to try to "empower" your daughters to stand up for themselves and counter unwanted male attention. Yes. But a 12 yo girl really doesn't possess the assertiveness yet to do this.

Bullshit. If you have done your job as a parent a 12 year old most certainly can have the assertiveness and skills to stand up for herself.

He is only saying this because he is a dad of two daughters and that is whay dads of daughters do when they realize their daughters sre approachimg the preteen/teen years and are no longer.little girls.

If he was perfectly honest with himself he would kmow how ridiculous what he is suggesting is.