Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

[Anonymous]

As an adult having an “A” last name is basically only a benefit when I need to find my name tag at conferences 😂

I’m not sure that’s worth changing your name or not. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a general point, I think a woman who refuses to take her husband’s name is trying a little too hard to make a point.

But I couldn’t care less about their decision.
It has absolutely nothing to do with me.

I feel the same about a man refusing to change their name.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you want to do, your partner should respect your decision about your own name. The fact that he doesn't is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

If he wants everyone to have the same last name (both of you and any future children), then find a name you both like and both of you change to that name.

[Anonymous]

If I met a guy and the reason he and his fiance broke up was because she wouldn’t change her name at marriage I’d be laughing for weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a general point, I think a woman who refuses to take her husband’s name is trying a little too hard to make a point.

But I couldn’t care less about their decision.
It has absolutely nothing to do with me.

I feel the same about a man refusing to change their name.

For a man, changing his name would be trying too hard to make a point.

[Anonymous]

She changed the name or can be single

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a general point, I think a woman who refuses to take her husband’s name is trying a little too hard to make a point.

But I couldn’t care less about their decision.
It has absolutely nothing to do with me.

So you think Chinese and Arab women are trying too hard?

Chinese women officially don’t change their names but their children always take the husband’s last name and when addresses they are addressed as Mrs husbands last name. They are also viewed as part of the husbands family when married. The only thing they do is not make the last name official in paperwork that’s all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was surprised by the conversation, his first reaction may not have been the best reaction. Don’t blow this out of proportion.

Double barrel names aren’t common outside of certain cultures and they can be a burden.

This is a good chance to use communication skills that will serve you both well in marriage. Good luck!

I'm a woman with a double surname and have never had a single problem.

Yeah, but you're only thinking about yourself. How does this play out over the next several generations? So three generations from now, they would be some young bride with a name with like 5 or 6 hyphens? This somewhat novel view about hyphenated last names that maintain the maiden name is so short-sighted, IMO. Do what you want. Personally, I like consolidating my family under one name and having the same last name as my children. But OP, to me the BIG red flag here is your thought to cancel your wedding and breaking off your engagement over this. Listen to your gut. This is not the man you want to marry and you're looking for an excuse to get out of it.

I'm a woman with a hyphenated name with a daughter to whom I passed the first part of said name. I'm Larla Smith-Wilson and my daughter is Lola Smith-Father's last name. This is what they've been doing in Spain and Latin America for many years. The US is very liberal when it comes to names. All your whatifs are the result of your lack of imagination, not some legal roadblock in the law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was surprised by the conversation, his first reaction may not have been the best reaction. Don’t blow this out of proportion.

Double barrel names aren’t common outside of certain cultures and they can be a burden.

This is a good chance to use communication skills that will serve you both well in marriage. Good luck!

I'm a woman with a double surname and have never had a single problem.

Yeah, but you're only thinking about yourself. How does this play out over the next several generations? So three generations from now, they would be some young bride with a name with like 5 or 6 hyphens? This somewhat novel view about hyphenated last names that maintain the maiden name is so short-sighted, IMO. Do what you want. Personally, I like consolidating my family under one name and having the same last name as my children. But OP, to me the BIG red flag here is your thought to cancel your wedding and breaking off your engagement over this. Listen to your gut. This is not the man you want to marry and you're looking for an excuse to get out of it.

I'm a woman with a hyphenated name with a daughter to whom I passed the first part of said name. I'm Larla Smith-Wilson and my daughter is Lola Smith-Father's last name. This is what they've been doing in Spain and Latin America for many years. The US is very liberal when it comes to names. All your whatifs are the result of your lack of imagination, not some legal roadblock in the law

In this hypothetical, is Smith your mother’s surname or your father’s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I met a guy and the reason he and his fiance broke up was because she wouldn’t change her name at marriage I’d be laughing for weeks.

I would too . . . . at the guy. For being such a coward he can't bear to have his wife with another last name. What a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a general point, I think a woman who refuses to take her husband’s name is trying a little too hard to make a point.

But I couldn’t care less about their decision.
It has absolutely nothing to do with me.

I feel the same about a man refusing to change their name.

For a man, changing his name would be trying too hard to make a point.

he's already trying to hard to make a point by being such a baby. The point that his name is what matters. She's right to balk at that if she doesn't agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a general point, I think a woman who refuses to take her husband’s name is trying a little too hard to make a point.

But I couldn’t care less about their decision.
It has absolutely nothing to do with me.

So you think Chinese and Arab women are trying too hard?

Chinese women officially don’t change their names but their children always take the husband’s last name and when addresses they are addressed as Mrs husbands last name. They are also viewed as part of the husbands family when married. The only thing they do is not make the last name official in paperwork that’s all.

This isn't really true. It is not uncommon in China for the children or some children to take the mother's surname. It happened in pre-1950s China and it is probably even more common today. Happens for a variety of reasons. And really, they are only addressed by husband's surname in more formal settings (and in HK/Taiwanese backgrounds, not so much mainland).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was surprised by the conversation, his first reaction may not have been the best reaction. Don’t blow this out of proportion.

Double barrel names aren’t common outside of certain cultures and they can be a burden.

This is a good chance to use communication skills that will serve you both well in marriage. Good luck!

I'm a woman with a double surname and have never had a single problem.

Yeah, but you're only thinking about yourself. How does this play out over the next several generations? So three generations from now, they would be some young bride with a name with like 5 or 6 hyphens? This somewhat novel view about hyphenated last names that maintain the maiden name is so short-sighted, IMO. Do what you want. Personally, I like consolidating my family under one name and having the same last name as my children. But OP, to me the BIG red flag here is your thought to cancel your wedding and breaking off your engagement over this. Listen to your gut. This is not the man you want to marry and you're looking for an excuse to get out of it.

I'm a woman with a hyphenated name with a daughter to whom I passed the first part of said name. I'm Larla Smith-Wilson and my daughter is Lola Smith-Father's last name. This is what they've been doing in Spain and Latin America for many years. The US is very liberal when it comes to names. All your whatifs are the result of your lack of imagination, not some legal roadblock in the law

In this hypothetical, is Smith your mother’s surname or your father’s?

Both are mine, but smith is maternal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She changed the name or can be single

I'd rather be single.