17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

Imagine having to force your 17.5 year old to see one of their parents, and thinking it’s the kid that’s the problem.

Image a teen having their own opinion.

PP here. I was implying the dad was the problem.

Or, maybe Mom doesn't want the relationship and she prioritizes everything else but Dad. Sends a strong message to the teen that friends, activities and other things are more important. Child wants to please mom.

Its ok. There is no relationship anymore but don't expect financial support after the child graduates high school. No relationship should mean no money. If he's grown enough to make these decisions he's grown enough to financially support himself.

Do you think OP should physically restrain her child and buckle him in the car?

Her attitude and parenting goes a long way. If your kids refused school would you just say fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP? I've been thinking about you. Sorry you're in such a tough situation.

This is OP back.

I haven’t wanted to post on here with any specifics because I am afraid of my ex reading this, and things got uglier. But things have been absolute hell and when my DS turns 18 in a couple months, I genuinely fear he will never speak to my ex again. I did not alienate my ex - he alienated himself from our son.

It sounds like you did help alienate him. Hope you aren't going to demand Dad pay for college now.

The question or college will have been decided years ago at the original order. I am sure dad isn’t paying. No loss to the kid here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP? I've been thinking about you. Sorry you're in such a tough situation.

This is OP back.

I haven’t wanted to post on here with any specifics because I am afraid of my ex reading this, and things got uglier. But things have been absolute hell and when my DS turns 18 in a couple months, I genuinely fear he will never speak to my ex again. I did not alienate my ex - he alienated himself from our son.

It sounds like you did help alienate him. Hope you aren't going to demand Dad pay for college now.

Troll, read the thread, it was addressed.

That poster doesn't care. He is hell bent that this is all mom's fault.

Op in a couple of months your son will make his own decision. He may be just like one of my ds's friends. He went to his dad's until 17, and stayed in his room the entire time. He was there, though and dad had nothing to threaten with. At 18 the friend was done. It's been almost 4 years, he hasn't been back.

I'm sorry things worsened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

Imagine having to force your 17.5 year old to see one of their parents, and thinking it’s the kid that’s the problem.

Image a teen having their own opinion.

PP here. I was implying the dad was the problem.

Or, maybe Mom doesn't want the relationship and she prioritizes everything else but Dad. Sends a strong message to the teen that friends, activities and other things are more important. Child wants to please mom.

Its ok. There is no relationship anymore but don't expect financial support after the child graduates high school. No relationship should mean no money. If he's grown enough to make these decisions he's grown enough to financially support himself.

Do you think OP should physically restrain her child and buckle him in the car?

Her attitude and parenting goes a long way. If your kids refused school would you just say fine!

No, not to a preschooler.

[Anonymous]

OP when does he turn up 18 specifically? Before the end of the school year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

Imagine having to force your 17.5 year old to see one of their parents, and thinking it’s the kid that’s the problem.

Image a teen having their own opinion.

PP here. I was implying the dad was the problem.

Or, maybe Mom doesn't want the relationship and she prioritizes everything else but Dad. Sends a strong message to the teen that friends, activities and other things are more important. Child wants to please mom.

Its ok. There is no relationship anymore but don't expect financial support after the child graduates high school. No relationship should mean no money. If he's grown enough to make these decisions he's grown enough to financially support himself.

Do you think OP should physically restrain her child and buckle him in the car?

Her attitude and parenting goes a long way. If your kids refused school would you just say fine!

It’s the 11th hour. Things are pretty much baked in the cake by this point.

Make yourself likeable and people will want to be around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP? I've been thinking about you. Sorry you're in such a tough situation.

This is OP back.

I haven’t wanted to post on here with any specifics because I am afraid of my ex reading this, and things got uglier. But things have been absolute hell and when my DS turns 18 in a couple months, I genuinely fear he will never speak to my ex again. I did not alienate my ex - he alienated himself from our son.

It sounds like you did help alienate him. Hope you aren't going to demand Dad pay for college now.

Troll, read the thread, it was addressed.

+1. OP, ignore the troll. Sorry things have been so ugly. I see this happening with my 17yo nephew, although the facts are a little different (no football, closer than 80 miles, etc.) and he just turned 17 so still has a year to go. At least you only have a couple months to go, and if there is no relationship between DS and your ex after that, then so be it. Hang in there.

You are the troll if you cannot see why the relationship between a father and the child are important. No wonder teens are so screwed up with people like you advising them.

Clearly the father doesn't see it this way, If he did he wouldn't have moved so far away and he would be willing to work with his son for a more convenient visitation schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

Imagine having to force your 17.5 year old to see one of their parents, and thinking it’s the kid that’s the problem.

Image a teen having their own opinion.

PP here. I was implying the dad was the problem.

Or, maybe Mom doesn't want the relationship and she prioritizes everything else but Dad. Sends a strong message to the teen that friends, activities and other things are more important. Child wants to please mom.

Its ok. There is no relationship anymore but don't expect financial support after the child graduates high school. No relationship should mean no money. If he's grown enough to make these decisions he's grown enough to financially support himself.

Do you think OP should physically restrain her child and buckle him in the car?

Her attitude and parenting goes a long way. If your kids refused school would you just say fine!

And yet, OP's kid is NOT refusing school. He's refusing to see his father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP when does he turn up 18 specifically? Before the end of the school year?

OP here: he turns 18 about one month before the end of the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

OP here: this is BS.

I have explained to my son over and over the importance of seeing his dad - both because I actually (genuinely!) do want them to have a relationship, but also because of what the court order requires. I do not think parties are more important than his father.

DS’s response is that if his dad lived closer, he could still see friends/participate in school-related stuff on weekends AND be able to see his dad easily. He says over and over again “I don’t want to be 80 miles from my entire life two weekends a month anymore.” He very much feels like it’s his dad’s fault for choosing to move far away from his life. This wasn’t an issue when he was younger, but it started to become an issue in high school. Now that he is a senior, he says he is “just done.” I’ve told him he can’t be “just done” until he is 18, but DS won’t listen.

Also, I never would have stopped or prevented my ex from seeing my son whenever he wanted to during the week, or even on my weekends, if he’d wanted to drive down here for lunch or dinner or whatever. I have never prevented my ex from seeing my son.

I think the father holds resentment, is being lazy and/or playing this particular circumstance to his advantage for the sake of revenge.

If doubting the veracity of the son's feelings, he could have agreed to flip the pick-up/drop-off arrangement and tried to pick up the son and mom could have brought him home. Since he didn't want this, it's clear that he knew what the outcome would be and is just bitter and playing games now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when does he turn up 18 specifically? Before the end of the school year?

OP here: he turns 18 about one month before the end of the school year.

I’d find someway to drag this out for the next 8 weeks. Then it will be over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

OP here: this is BS.

I have explained to my son over and over the importance of seeing his dad - both because I actually (genuinely!) do want them to have a relationship, but also because of what the court order requires. I do not think parties are more important than his father.

DS’s response is that if his dad lived closer, he could still see friends/participate in school-related stuff on weekends AND be able to see his dad easily. He says over and over again “I don’t want to be 80 miles from my entire life two weekends a month anymore.” He very much feels like it’s his dad’s fault for choosing to move far away from his life. This wasn’t an issue when he was younger, but it started to become an issue in high school. Now that he is a senior, he says he is “just done.” I’ve told him he can’t be “just done” until he is 18, but DS won’t listen.

Also, I never would have stopped or prevented my ex from seeing my son whenever he wanted to during the week, or even on my weekends, if he’d wanted to drive down here for lunch or dinner or whatever. I have never prevented my ex from seeing my son.

I think the father holds resentment, is being lazy and/or playing this particular circumstance to his advantage for the sake of revenge.

If doubting the veracity of the son's feelings, he could have agreed to flip the pick-up/drop-off arrangement and tried to pick up the son and mom could have brought him home. Since he didn't want this, it's clear that he knew what the outcome would be and is just bitter and playing games now.

Wonder what dad says about all this? We don’t know his side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP? I've been thinking about you. Sorry you're in such a tough situation.

This is OP back.

I haven’t wanted to post on here with any specifics because I am afraid of my ex reading this, and things got uglier. But things have been absolute hell and when my DS turns 18 in a couple months, I genuinely fear he will never speak to my ex again. I did not alienate my ex - he alienated himself from our son.

It sounds like you did help alienate him. Hope you aren't going to demand Dad pay for college now.

Troll, read the thread, it was addressed.

+1. OP, ignore the troll. Sorry things have been so ugly. I see this happening with my 17yo nephew, although the facts are a little different (no football, closer than 80 miles, etc.) and he just turned 17 so still has a year to go. At least you only have a couple months to go, and if there is no relationship between DS and your ex after that, then so be it. Hang in there.

You are the troll if you cannot see why the relationship between a father and the child are important. No wonder teens are so screwed up with people like you advising them.

Clearly the father doesn't see it this way, If he did he wouldn't have moved so far away and he would be willing to work with his son for a more convenient visitation schedule.

He moved for better housing. Not inreadonable. Maybe mom moved too.

OP here: I have not moved more than 2 miles since we split up. I moved/downsized into a condo, for cost savings, but stayed in the same town/school district.

My ex did not move for housing reasons. I don’t want to get into it to keep some anonymity, but it was not a financially related decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when does he turn up 18 specifically? Before the end of the school year?

OP here: he turns 18 about one month before the end of the school year.

I’d find someway to drag this out for the next 8 weeks. Then it will be over.

OP here: Here’s the thing - I have done everything in my power for the last 5 months to make this work and to comply with the order, including by fighting with and borderline bribing my kid. Despite that, my ex has involved the courts, the police, and other relatives, at great expense/harassment to me, and at emotional duress to my son. I wouldn’t wish the last 5 months on my worst enemy. Even if I legally “prevailed” (because no alienation was found and I wasn’t found in contempt), it has been hell.

I’m not really sure why I came back, except to vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when does he turn up 18 specifically? Before the end of the school year?

OP here: he turns 18 about one month before the end of the school year.

I’d find someway to drag this out for the next 8 weeks. Then it will be over.

OP here: Here’s the thing - I have done everything in my power for the last 5 months to make this work and to comply with the order, including by fighting with and borderline bribing my kid. Despite that, my ex has involved the courts, the police, and other relatives, at great expense/harassment to me, and at emotional duress to my son. I wouldn’t wish the last 5 months on my worst enemy. Even if I legally “prevailed” (because no alienation was found and I wasn’t found in contempt), it has been hell.

I’m not really sure why I came back, except to vent.

You son sees his dad four days a month. You could have found a way to make it work. You complain he isn’t doing enough but it sounds like he’s trying everything to see your son. You’d complain if he did nothing and you complain when he does some thing.

OP here: eff off troll. Nowhere in this entire thread have I complained that my ex isn’t doing enough. I WANTED my kid to go see his dad. He. Does. Not. Want. To. Go.

And believe me, I did everything in my power to force my kid in the car when it was time to go. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. I’m not going into more details than that.