17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

I think a better alternative is for Dad to come to where his son lives twice a month to visit and spend time. Why should a 17-year-old have to put up with all that travel? He's sick of it and wants his life. That's not being spoiled or unreasonable. It's great Dad wants to be involved; he should just make a different kind of effort. He can stay in a hotel or Airbnb.

He is not a family friend he is dad and two to four nights is reasonable for the kid to be at his house. Seeing your kid for dinner two nights a month is not a parent.

Neither is moving 80 miles away from your child.

[Anonymous]

Any update, OP? I've been thinking about you. Sorry you're in such a tough situation.

[Anonymous]

The Dad here has been accommodated for a long time and that is part of the problem - change is hard for most men as they age.
Another part of the problem is that Dad does not recognize the needs of his young adult child.

Sure Dad can make a lot of noise about court but not only is it expensive but the likely outcome is that the 17 year old's will is prioritized.
When it comes to custodial time, the courts consider what is in the best interest of the child. It is not in the best interest of a 17 year old to travel 1.5 hours each way to visit a Dad when the 17 year old is extremely busy with school which more than ever is a huge factor in college admissions. The courts COULD mandate the father make the 1.5 hr trip instead to acccommodate the child's needs. Is Dad willing to take that risk?

One of my friends grew up spending the summers with her father on the east coast (she grew up on the west coast). During and after college she stayed on the east coast near dad, married locally and raised a family. Although she didn't grow up with her father as a daily presence 9 months of the year, she still had a strong relationship with him.
Another one of my friends was forced to live with her divorced dad as a teen. She really didn't like it and as soon as she was old enough, she left him to live with mom. To this day she doesn't talk to him (he was apparently a deeply unpleasant person). He doesn't get to see his grandchildren.

It is not advised to treat children like a punch-in, punch-out time clock. They are people with needs - little people, but people nonetheless. The courts create a framework to facilitate those needs but at the end of the day the courts cannot mold a relationship. For that, the parents need to rely on their people skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP? I've been thinking about you. Sorry you're in such a tough situation.

This is OP back.

I haven’t wanted to post on here with any specifics because I am afraid of my ex reading this, and things got uglier. But things have been absolute hell and when my DS turns 18 in a couple months, I genuinely fear he will never speak to my ex again. I did not alienate my ex - he alienated himself from our son.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear that, OP.

I hope your son has had some happiness his senior year, despite everything.

He sounds like a great, and busy, kid. It's a shame that his father has so little respect and regard for him and what is important to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update, OP? I've been thinking about you. Sorry you're in such a tough situation.

This is OP back.

I haven’t wanted to post on here with any specifics because I am afraid of my ex reading this, and things got uglier. But things have been absolute hell and when my DS turns 18 in a couple months, I genuinely fear he will never speak to my ex again. I did not alienate my ex - he alienated himself from our son.

It sounds like you did help alienate him. Hope you aren't going to demand Dad pay for college now.

Troll, read the thread, it was addressed.

+1. OP, ignore the troll. Sorry things have been so ugly. I see this happening with my 17yo nephew, although the facts are a little different (no football, closer than 80 miles, etc.) and he just turned 17 so still has a year to go. At least you only have a couple months to go, and if there is no relationship between DS and your ex after that, then so be it. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP, fortunately you only have a few months left. If the court holds you in contempt, let them. Just document everything (your sons texts etc) and demonstrate diligence.

Buy your son train tickets with his name on it so that you can prove diligence with planning and facilitating visitation. Send your son and husband emails with specific times and dates for where they need to be for drop offs and pickups.

If a motion for contempt is filed, you have 30 days to respond to the motion. Respond with the paperwork (copies of emails, train tickets 🎫 etc) and a written answer showing an attempt to comply. The judge won't rule contempt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you negotiate all summer next summer in return for no more every other weekend? Sign him up for football camp at his dad's city?

There’s no “next summer” for a 17 year old who will be 18 in Spring ‘23. He’ll be 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

Imagine having to force your 17.5 year old to see one of their parents, and thinking it’s the kid that’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

Imagine having to force your 17.5 year old to see one of their parents, and thinking it’s the kid that’s the problem.

Image a teen having their own opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

Imagine having to force your 17.5 year old to see one of their parents, and thinking it’s the kid that’s the problem.

Image a teen having their own opinion.

PP here. I was implying the dad was the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

Imagine having to force your 17.5 year old to see one of their parents, and thinking it’s the kid that’s the problem.

AMEN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, fortunately you only have a few months left. If the court holds you in contempt, let them. Just document everything (your sons texts etc) and demonstrate diligence.

Buy your son train tickets with his name on it so that you can prove diligence with planning and facilitating visitation. Send your son and husband emails with specific times and dates for where they need to be for drop offs and pickups.

If a motion for contempt is filed, you have 30 days to respond to the motion. Respond with the paperwork (copies of emails, train tickets 🎫 etc) and a written answer showing an attempt to comply. The judge won't rule contempt.

Buying train tickets and not putting him on the train is not facilitating visits. Be real. That's clear you are setting up the situation to fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From an attorney website:

IN INSTANCES OF A CHILD REFUSAL’S, THERE ARE A FEW OPTIONS PARENTS CAN TAKE.
1. WHEN YOUR CHILD REFUSES TO VISIT WITH THE OTHER PARENT, DOCUMENT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO ADHERE TO THE CUSTODY SCHEDULE
First, the custodial parent should document every step he or she takes to adhere to the schedule. Record dates and times your child refuses and the circumstances surrounding the refusal. Record your attempts to have the child honor the custody schedule. In the case of older children, record attempts to discuss possible consequences from refusals and the possibility that the custody order can be altered to even greater detriment. List every concern or development that results in your inability to adhere to the schedule.

2. HIRE A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST TO REVIEW AND EVALUATE YOUR CHILD’S REASONS FOR THE REFUSAL
psychologist talking to child regarding refusal to visit parent
Second, hire a child psychologist or therapist, and have the child’s fears and concerns documented by someone other than yourself. Often, a child may not want to openly discuss their issues with the other parent with the custodial parent. A therapist may be able to learn more about what is the root cause of the child’s refusal. Follow through with several appointments such that firm information can be gathered. Appraise your spouse ahead of time that you will be taking the child to a therapist. Provide the therapist’s name, address and contact information. This will demonstrate a responsible attitude of cooperation and disclosure on your part.

You’ll want to have the therapist testify in court about his or her findings. The therapist will need to appear and serve as a witness at any court proceedings regarding the custody schedule. This can be expensive. However, in the court’s eyes, such testimony will provide unbiased evidence that there is a legitimate threat to the child’s well-being.

3. REQUEST THAT AN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY REPRESENT YOUR CHILD
In extreme circumstances, one final tactic would be for the custodial parent to request that the child be appointed his or her own attorney.

OP here: I appreciate this, but I don’t see what a psychologist evaluation is going to do here. My DS isn’t being psychologically harmed by spending time with his dad. He just doesn’t want to do it on the strict schedule he has followed for the last 16 years.

He goes twice a month for one or two nights. That is not an unreasonable expectation. You tell him he’s going.

Imagine having to force your 17.5 year old to see one of their parents, and thinking it’s the kid that’s the problem.

Image a teen having their own opinion.

PP here. I was implying the dad was the problem.

Or, maybe Mom doesn't want the relationship and she prioritizes everything else but Dad. Sends a strong message to the teen that friends, activities and other things are more important. Child wants to please mom.

Its ok. There is no relationship anymore but don't expect financial support after the child graduates high school. No relationship should mean no money. If he's grown enough to make these decisions he's grown enough to financially support himself.

Do you think OP should physically restrain her child and buckle him in the car?

[Anonymous]

If your 18 y/o needs to be threatened and forced to see you, look in the mirror.