Advice Needed: parents who both work long hours

[Jujuji]

bruh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I leave for work at 6am and get home around 5:30pm, and my husband is in big law so long hours every day. We are expecting our 4th kid. Our kids are in school/preschool all day then we have a sitter who works from 4-8pm. We also have a housekeeper who comes twice a week. I’m perfectly happy with the set up. My husband makes a lot of money so that neither of us has to do housework beyond light picking up, and I have my dream career plus the big(ish) family I wanted. I wouldn’t want to give up the money or personal fulfillment for the additional 1-2 hours per day doing housework and hounding the kids about their worksheets or picking up their socks, but that’s just me. Maybe things will change when they are in middle school.

This can’t possibly be real. You spend… an hour? At the most? Per day with your kids during the week, and you’re pregnant with your fourth child? Sweet Jesus.

I had the same sentiment but didn’t want to say it. Why did you choose to have a fourth PP?

Huh. I didn't see it that way. But it does sound to me like she has a family dinner with the babysitter instead of her DH every night. I hope she likes the babysitter!

I didn't assume she does family dinner. What's the point of a babysitter until 8pm every night if this PP gets home at 5:30? I don't understand.

Also, the things she so easily dismisses, like hounding the kids about their worksheets, is part of parenting. It's part of being a family. People who dismiss the mundane don't realize how much of life is in that space, and how much you miss when you don't have it.

I’m the first poster. I spend an hour with them in the morning and then 2-3 in the evening, then all weekend. Yes, the biggest downside is that our sitter eats with us instead of my husband most weekdays. Our sitter helps clean up after dinner, getting the kids stuff packed for the next day, and helps me in making sure the kids are getting through the bedtime routine. My husband sees them for 2-3 hours in the morning and then an hour in the evening, plus most of the weekend. He does sacrifice, but it’s worth literally having everything we could want and never having to worry about money for retirement, college, etc.

I don’t miss hounding them about worksheets, cleaning up their dishes, and packing their backpacks even if that is part of “parenting.” I did it for a really long time before we could afford help. Our sitter does that while I spend quality time with them. It’s much better this way.

How do you spend an hour with them in the morning if you leave for work at 6am?

But yeah, different strokes and all that. I wouldn’t want to outsource that much of my parenting life (and I sure as hell wouldn’t have a fourth kid if I already did so much outsourcing) to have everything I could want. It’s just stuff.

So there you have it, OP: be rich and outsource. That’s how it works with parents who both work long hours.

They wake up between 5 and 5:30. As they grow older I’m sure they will sleep in more but then I’ll get to spend more of the evenings with them.

It’s not really about stuff, it’s about not having to do as much of the grunt work of parenting that takes so much time and leaves me frustrated and exhausted with them. Our time together is quality time and I’m in a much better place to really appreciate them. I did it when I was on maternity leave with my later kids (I took between 8 months and a year for each) and I still do it on the weekends so I know what it’s like. I see the upsides but personally for me the costs outweigh the benefits. I wouldn’t sacrifice my career, independence, and sense of self for the opportunity to be grumpy cleaning up spills in the kitchen or double checking that my third grader did his writing homework. And I like that they see that moms are their own people and do not live to wipe their noses or pack their lunches. I do know that means I’m missing out on some things. And obviously it only works if financially feasible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I leave for work at 6am and get home around 5:30pm, and my husband is in big law so long hours every day. We are expecting our 4th kid. Our kids are in school/preschool all day then we have a sitter who works from 4-8pm. We also have a housekeeper who comes twice a week. I’m perfectly happy with the set up. My husband makes a lot of money so that neither of us has to do housework beyond light picking up, and I have my dream career plus the big(ish) family I wanted. I wouldn’t want to give up the money or personal fulfillment for the additional 1-2 hours per day doing housework and hounding the kids about their worksheets or picking up their socks, but that’s just me. Maybe things will change when they are in middle school.

This can’t possibly be real. You spend… an hour? At the most? Per day with your kids during the week, and you’re pregnant with your fourth child? Sweet Jesus.

I had the same sentiment but didn’t want to say it. Why did you choose to have a fourth PP?

Huh. I didn't see it that way. But it does sound to me like she has a family dinner with the babysitter instead of her DH every night. I hope she likes the babysitter!

I didn't assume she does family dinner. What's the point of a babysitter until 8pm every night if this PP gets home at 5:30? I don't understand.

Also, the things she so easily dismisses, like hounding the kids about their worksheets, is part of parenting. It's part of being a family. People who dismiss the mundane don't realize how much of life is in that space, and how much you miss when you don't have it.

I’m the first poster. I spend an hour with them in the morning and then 2-3 in the evening, then all weekend. Yes, the biggest downside is that our sitter eats with us instead of my husband most weekdays. Our sitter helps clean up after dinner, getting the kids stuff packed for the next day, and helps me in making sure the kids are getting through the bedtime routine. My husband sees them for 2-3 hours in the morning and then an hour in the evening, plus most of the weekend. He does sacrifice, but it’s worth literally having everything we could want and never having to worry about money for retirement, college, etc.

I don’t miss hounding them about worksheets, cleaning up their dishes, and packing their backpacks even if that is part of “parenting.” I did it for a really long time before we could afford help. Our sitter does that while I spend quality time with them. It’s much better this way.

How do you spend an hour with them in the morning if you leave for work at 6am?

But yeah, different strokes and all that. I wouldn’t want to outsource that much of my parenting life (and I sure as hell wouldn’t have a fourth kid if I already did so much outsourcing) to have everything I could want. It’s just stuff.

So there you have it, OP: be rich and outsource. That’s how it works with parents who both work long hours.

They wake up between 5 and 5:30. As they grow older I’m sure they will sleep in more but then I’ll get to spend more of the evenings with them.

It’s not really about stuff, it’s about not having to do as much of the grunt work of parenting that takes so much time and leaves me frustrated and exhausted with them. Our time together is quality time and I’m in a much better place to really appreciate them. I did it when I was on maternity leave with my later kids (I took between 8 months and a year for each) and I still do it on the weekends so I know what it’s like. I see the upsides but personally for me the costs outweigh the benefits. I wouldn’t sacrifice my career, independence, and sense of self for the opportunity to be grumpy cleaning up spills in the kitchen or double checking that my third grader did his writing homework. And I like that they see that moms are their own people and do not live to wipe their noses or pack their lunches. I do know that means I’m missing out on some things. And obviously it only works if financially feasible.

This is not intended to be as judgmental as it will read, but it sounds like you only want the fun parts of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I leave for work at 6am and get home around 5:30pm, and my husband is in big law so long hours every day. We are expecting our 4th kid. Our kids are in school/preschool all day then we have a sitter who works from 4-8pm. We also have a housekeeper who comes twice a week. I’m perfectly happy with the set up. My husband makes a lot of money so that neither of us has to do housework beyond light picking up, and I have my dream career plus the big(ish) family I wanted. I wouldn’t want to give up the money or personal fulfillment for the additional 1-2 hours per day doing housework and hounding the kids about their worksheets or picking up their socks, but that’s just me. Maybe things will change when they are in middle school.

This can’t possibly be real. You spend… an hour? At the most? Per day with your kids during the week, and you’re pregnant with your fourth child? Sweet Jesus.

I had the same sentiment but didn’t want to say it. Why did you choose to have a fourth PP?

Huh. I didn't see it that way. But it does sound to me like she has a family dinner with the babysitter instead of her DH every night. I hope she likes the babysitter!

I didn't assume she does family dinner. What's the point of a babysitter until 8pm every night if this PP gets home at 5:30? I don't understand.

Also, the things she so easily dismisses, like hounding the kids about their worksheets, is part of parenting. It's part of being a family. People who dismiss the mundane don't realize how much of life is in that space, and how much you miss when you don't have it.

I’m the first poster. I spend an hour with them in the morning and then 2-3 in the evening, then all weekend. Yes, the biggest downside is that our sitter eats with us instead of my husband most weekdays. Our sitter helps clean up after dinner, getting the kids stuff packed for the next day, and helps me in making sure the kids are getting through the bedtime routine. My husband sees them for 2-3 hours in the morning and then an hour in the evening, plus most of the weekend. He does sacrifice, but it’s worth literally having everything we could want and never having to worry about money for retirement, college, etc.

I don’t miss hounding them about worksheets, cleaning up their dishes, and packing their backpacks even if that is part of “parenting.” I did it for a really long time before we could afford help. Our sitter does that while I spend quality time with them. It’s much better this way.

How do you spend an hour with them in the morning if you leave for work at 6am?

But yeah, different strokes and all that. I wouldn’t want to outsource that much of my parenting life (and I sure as hell wouldn’t have a fourth kid if I already did so much outsourcing) to have everything I could want. It’s just stuff.

So there you have it, OP: be rich and outsource. That’s how it works with parents who both work long hours.

They wake up between 5 and 5:30. As they grow older I’m sure they will sleep in more but then I’ll get to spend more of the evenings with them.

It’s not really about stuff, it’s about not having to do as much of the grunt work of parenting that takes so much time and leaves me frustrated and exhausted with them. Our time together is quality time and I’m in a much better place to really appreciate them. I did it when I was on maternity leave with my later kids (I took between 8 months and a year for each) and I still do it on the weekends so I know what it’s like. I see the upsides but personally for me the costs outweigh the benefits. I wouldn’t sacrifice my career, independence, and sense of self for the opportunity to be grumpy cleaning up spills in the kitchen or double checking that my third grader did his writing homework. And I like that they see that moms are their own people and do not live to wipe their noses or pack their lunches. I do know that means I’m missing out on some things. And obviously it only works if financially feasible.

This is not intended to be as judgmental as it will read, but it sounds like you only want the fun parts of parenting.

+1

Also you’re story quickly falls apart at examination. You spend “1 hour” with them in the morning and it turns out that sometimes they sleep till 530- so that’s only 30 minutes. Also how are you spending time with them when you are no doubt getting ready to leave the house? Hair/makeup/packing up work stuff and lunch/ all takes time that you aren’t accounting for. Look, I actually don’t care what you do - but at least be honest in yourself accounting of your own hours. No way do you spend as much time with your kids as you claim AND work the hours you do. It just doesn’t add up.

[Anonymous]

OMG, just stop. So much judgement! Everyone does what is right for them/their family. Newsflash, there is not one right way to parent. As long as your kid has a roof over their head, isn't cold in the winter, hot in the summer, eats multiple meals in a day and are loved, they and their family will be just fine. So knock it off if you do it one way and are happy and someone else does it another way and is happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, just stop. So much judgement! Everyone does what is right for them/their family. Newsflash, there is not one right way to parent. As long as your kid has a roof over their head, isn't cold in the winter, hot in the summer, eats multiple meals in a day and are loved, they and their family will be just fine. So knock it off if you do it one way and are happy and someone else does it another way and is happy.

But OP is not happy, dummy. That’s why this thread exists 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I leave for work at 6am and get home around 5:30pm, and my husband is in big law so long hours every day. We are expecting our 4th kid. Our kids are in school/preschool all day then we have a sitter who works from 4-8pm. We also have a housekeeper who comes twice a week. I’m perfectly happy with the set up. My husband makes a lot of money so that neither of us has to do housework beyond light picking up, and I have my dream career plus the big(ish) family I wanted. I wouldn’t want to give up the money or personal fulfillment for the additional 1-2 hours per day doing housework and hounding the kids about their worksheets or picking up their socks, but that’s just me. Maybe things will change when they are in middle school.

This can’t possibly be real. You spend… an hour? At the most? Per day with your kids during the week, and you’re pregnant with your fourth child? Sweet Jesus.

I had the same sentiment but didn’t want to say it. Why did you choose to have a fourth PP?

Huh. I didn't see it that way. But it does sound to me like she has a family dinner with the babysitter instead of her DH every night. I hope she likes the babysitter!

I didn't assume she does family dinner. What's the point of a babysitter until 8pm every night if this PP gets home at 5:30? I don't understand.

Also, the things she so easily dismisses, like hounding the kids about their worksheets, is part of parenting. It's part of being a family. People who dismiss the mundane don't realize how much of life is in that space, and how much you miss when you don't have it.

I’m the first poster. I spend an hour with them in the morning and then 2-3 in the evening, then all weekend. Yes, the biggest downside is that our sitter eats with us instead of my husband most weekdays. Our sitter helps clean up after dinner, getting the kids stuff packed for the next day, and helps me in making sure the kids are getting through the bedtime routine. My husband sees them for 2-3 hours in the morning and then an hour in the evening, plus most of the weekend. He does sacrifice, but it’s worth literally having everything we could want and never having to worry about money for retirement, college, etc.

I don’t miss hounding them about worksheets, cleaning up their dishes, and packing their backpacks even if that is part of “parenting.” I did it for a really long time before we could afford help. Our sitter does that while I spend quality time with them. It’s much better this way.

How do you spend an hour with them in the morning if you leave for work at 6am?

But yeah, different strokes and all that. I wouldn’t want to outsource that much of my parenting life (and I sure as hell wouldn’t have a fourth kid if I already did so much outsourcing) to have everything I could want. It’s just stuff.

So there you have it, OP: be rich and outsource. That’s how it works with parents who both work long hours.

They wake up between 5 and 5:30. As they grow older I’m sure they will sleep in more but then I’ll get to spend more of the evenings with them.

It’s not really about stuff, it’s about not having to do as much of the grunt work of parenting that takes so much time and leaves me frustrated and exhausted with them. Our time together is quality time and I’m in a much better place to really appreciate them. I did it when I was on maternity leave with my later kids (I took between 8 months and a year for each) and I still do it on the weekends so I know what it’s like. I see the upsides but personally for me the costs outweigh the benefits. I wouldn’t sacrifice my career, independence, and sense of self for the opportunity to be grumpy cleaning up spills in the kitchen or double checking that my third grader did his writing homework. And I like that they see that moms are their own people and do not live to wipe their noses or pack their lunches. I do know that means I’m missing out on some things. And obviously it only works if financially feasible.

This is not intended to be as judgmental as it will read, but it sounds like you only want the fun parts of parenting.

So? Who wouldn’t only want the fun parts of life? No need to be a martyr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I leave for work at 6am and get home around 5:30pm, and my husband is in big law so long hours every day. We are expecting our 4th kid. Our kids are in school/preschool all day then we have a sitter who works from 4-8pm. We also have a housekeeper who comes twice a week. I’m perfectly happy with the set up. My husband makes a lot of money so that neither of us has to do housework beyond light picking up, and I have my dream career plus the big(ish) family I wanted. I wouldn’t want to give up the money or personal fulfillment for the additional 1-2 hours per day doing housework and hounding the kids about their worksheets or picking up their socks, but that’s just me. Maybe things will change when they are in middle school.

This can’t possibly be real. You spend… an hour? At the most? Per day with your kids during the week, and you’re pregnant with your fourth child? Sweet Jesus.

I had the same sentiment but didn’t want to say it. Why did you choose to have a fourth PP?

Huh. I didn't see it that way. But it does sound to me like she has a family dinner with the babysitter instead of her DH every night. I hope she likes the babysitter!

I didn't assume she does family dinner. What's the point of a babysitter until 8pm every night if this PP gets home at 5:30? I don't understand.

Also, the things she so easily dismisses, like hounding the kids about their worksheets, is part of parenting. It's part of being a family. People who dismiss the mundane don't realize how much of life is in that space, and how much you miss when you don't have it.

I’m the first poster. I spend an hour with them in the morning and then 2-3 in the evening, then all weekend. Yes, the biggest downside is that our sitter eats with us instead of my husband most weekdays. Our sitter helps clean up after dinner, getting the kids stuff packed for the next day, and helps me in making sure the kids are getting through the bedtime routine. My husband sees them for 2-3 hours in the morning and then an hour in the evening, plus most of the weekend. He does sacrifice, but it’s worth literally having everything we could want and never having to worry about money for retirement, college, etc.

I don’t miss hounding them about worksheets, cleaning up their dishes, and packing their backpacks even if that is part of “parenting.” I did it for a really long time before we could afford help. Our sitter does that while I spend quality time with them. It’s much better this way.

How do you spend an hour with them in the morning if you leave for work at 6am?

But yeah, different strokes and all that. I wouldn’t want to outsource that much of my parenting life (and I sure as hell wouldn’t have a fourth kid if I already did so much outsourcing) to have everything I could want. It’s just stuff.

So there you have it, OP: be rich and outsource. That’s how it works with parents who both work long hours.

They wake up between 5 and 5:30. As they grow older I’m sure they will sleep in more but then I’ll get to spend more of the evenings with them.

It’s not really about stuff, it’s about not having to do as much of the grunt work of parenting that takes so much time and leaves me frustrated and exhausted with them. Our time together is quality time and I’m in a much better place to really appreciate them. I did it when I was on maternity leave with my later kids (I took between 8 months and a year for each) and I still do it on the weekends so I know what it’s like. I see the upsides but personally for me the costs outweigh the benefits. I wouldn’t sacrifice my career, independence, and sense of self for the opportunity to be grumpy cleaning up spills in the kitchen or double checking that my third grader did his writing homework. And I like that they see that moms are their own people and do not live to wipe their noses or pack their lunches. I do know that means I’m missing out on some things. And obviously it only works if financially feasible.

This is not intended to be as judgmental as it will read, but it sounds like you only want the fun parts of parenting.

So? Who wouldn’t only want the fun parts of life? No need to be a martyr

Just think about the message you’re sending your kids? I want to be around you sometimes, only if it’s fun and doesn’t inconvenience me? Do what you want, but that’s not great parenting IMO. (And taking care of the children you presumably chose to have doesn’t make you a martyr, JFC)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I leave for work at 6am and get home around 5:30pm, and my husband is in big law so long hours every day. We are expecting our 4th kid. Our kids are in school/preschool all day then we have a sitter who works from 4-8pm. We also have a housekeeper who comes twice a week. I’m perfectly happy with the set up. My husband makes a lot of money so that neither of us has to do housework beyond light picking up, and I have my dream career plus the big(ish) family I wanted. I wouldn’t want to give up the money or personal fulfillment for the additional 1-2 hours per day doing housework and hounding the kids about their worksheets or picking up their socks, but that’s just me. Maybe things will change when they are in middle school.

This can’t possibly be real. You spend… an hour? At the most? Per day with your kids during the week, and you’re pregnant with your fourth child? Sweet Jesus.

I had the same sentiment but didn’t want to say it. Why did you choose to have a fourth PP?

Huh. I didn't see it that way. But it does sound to me like she has a family dinner with the babysitter instead of her DH every night. I hope she likes the babysitter!

I didn't assume she does family dinner. What's the point of a babysitter until 8pm every night if this PP gets home at 5:30? I don't understand.

Also, the things she so easily dismisses, like hounding the kids about their worksheets, is part of parenting. It's part of being a family. People who dismiss the mundane don't realize how much of life is in that space, and how much you miss when you don't have it.

I’m the first poster. I spend an hour with them in the morning and then 2-3 in the evening, then all weekend. Yes, the biggest downside is that our sitter eats with us instead of my husband most weekdays. Our sitter helps clean up after dinner, getting the kids stuff packed for the next day, and helps me in making sure the kids are getting through the bedtime routine. My husband sees them for 2-3 hours in the morning and then an hour in the evening, plus most of the weekend. He does sacrifice, but it’s worth literally having everything we could want and never having to worry about money for retirement, college, etc.

I don’t miss hounding them about worksheets, cleaning up their dishes, and packing their backpacks even if that is part of “parenting.” I did it for a really long time before we could afford help. Our sitter does that while I spend quality time with them. It’s much better this way.

How do you spend an hour with them in the morning if you leave for work at 6am?

But yeah, different strokes and all that. I wouldn’t want to outsource that much of my parenting life (and I sure as hell wouldn’t have a fourth kid if I already did so much outsourcing) to have everything I could want. It’s just stuff.

So there you have it, OP: be rich and outsource. That’s how it works with parents who both work long hours.

They wake up between 5 and 5:30. As they grow older I’m sure they will sleep in more but then I’ll get to spend more of the evenings with them.

It’s not really about stuff, it’s about not having to do as much of the grunt work of parenting that takes so much time and leaves me frustrated and exhausted with them. Our time together is quality time and I’m in a much better place to really appreciate them. I did it when I was on maternity leave with my later kids (I took between 8 months and a year for each) and I still do it on the weekends so I know what it’s like. I see the upsides but personally for me the costs outweigh the benefits. I wouldn’t sacrifice my career, independence, and sense of self for the opportunity to be grumpy cleaning up spills in the kitchen or double checking that my third grader did his writing homework. And I like that they see that moms are their own people and do not live to wipe their noses or pack their lunches. I do know that means I’m missing out on some things. And obviously it only works if financially feasible.

This is not intended to be as judgmental as it will read, but it sounds like you only want the fun parts of parenting.

+1

Also you’re story quickly falls apart at examination. You spend “1 hour” with them in the morning and it turns out that sometimes they sleep till 530- so that’s only 30 minutes. Also how are you spending time with them when you are no doubt getting ready to leave the house? Hair/makeup/packing up work stuff and lunch/ all takes time that you aren’t accounting for. Look, I actually don’t care what you do - but at least be honest in yourself accounting of your own hours. No way do you spend as much time with your kids as you claim AND work the hours you do. It just doesn’t add up.

Yep, definitely right I prefer the fun parts of parenting. Who doesn’t?

We have a gym at my office and I work out/shower there everyday. Which is nice because I don’t have to do it on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I leave for work at 6am and get home around 5:30pm, and my husband is in big law so long hours every day. We are expecting our 4th kid. Our kids are in school/preschool all day then we have a sitter who works from 4-8pm. We also have a housekeeper who comes twice a week. I’m perfectly happy with the set up. My husband makes a lot of money so that neither of us has to do housework beyond light picking up, and I have my dream career plus the big(ish) family I wanted. I wouldn’t want to give up the money or personal fulfillment for the additional 1-2 hours per day doing housework and hounding the kids about their worksheets or picking up their socks, but that’s just me. Maybe things will change when they are in middle school.

This can’t possibly be real. You spend… an hour? At the most? Per day with your kids during the week, and you’re pregnant with your fourth child? Sweet Jesus.

I had the same sentiment but didn’t want to say it. Why did you choose to have a fourth PP?

Huh. I didn't see it that way. But it does sound to me like she has a family dinner with the babysitter instead of her DH every night. I hope she likes the babysitter!

I didn't assume she does family dinner. What's the point of a babysitter until 8pm every night if this PP gets home at 5:30? I don't understand.

Also, the things she so easily dismisses, like hounding the kids about their worksheets, is part of parenting. It's part of being a family. People who dismiss the mundane don't realize how much of life is in that space, and how much you miss when you don't have it.

I’m the first poster. I spend an hour with them in the morning and then 2-3 in the evening, then all weekend. Yes, the biggest downside is that our sitter eats with us instead of my husband most weekdays. Our sitter helps clean up after dinner, getting the kids stuff packed for the next day, and helps me in making sure the kids are getting through the bedtime routine. My husband sees them for 2-3 hours in the morning and then an hour in the evening, plus most of the weekend. He does sacrifice, but it’s worth literally having everything we could want and never having to worry about money for retirement, college, etc.

I don’t miss hounding them about worksheets, cleaning up their dishes, and packing their backpacks even if that is part of “parenting.” I did it for a really long time before we could afford help. Our sitter does that while I spend quality time with them. It’s much better this way.

How do you spend an hour with them in the morning if you leave for work at 6am?

But yeah, different strokes and all that. I wouldn’t want to outsource that much of my parenting life (and I sure as hell wouldn’t have a fourth kid if I already did so much outsourcing) to have everything I could want. It’s just stuff.

So there you have it, OP: be rich and outsource. That’s how it works with parents who both work long hours.

They wake up between 5 and 5:30. As they grow older I’m sure they will sleep in more but then I’ll get to spend more of the evenings with them.

It’s not really about stuff, it’s about not having to do as much of the grunt work of parenting that takes so much time and leaves me frustrated and exhausted with them. Our time together is quality time and I’m in a much better place to really appreciate them. I did it when I was on maternity leave with my later kids (I took between 8 months and a year for each) and I still do it on the weekends so I know what it’s like. I see the upsides but personally for me the costs outweigh the benefits. I wouldn’t sacrifice my career, independence, and sense of self for the opportunity to be grumpy cleaning up spills in the kitchen or double checking that my third grader did his writing homework. And I like that they see that moms are their own people and do not live to wipe their noses or pack their lunches. I do know that means I’m missing out on some things. And obviously it only works if financially feasible.

Wow. What do you think parenting is, exactly? Sitting down for a peaceful game of chess each night only? It's time, fun and easy, hard and boring and a slog. It's not solely time spent in meaningful conversation, it's being around. Kids want their parents around. If you think it's lowering yourself to wipe your child's nose or feed them then I feel sorry for your child.

[Anonymous]

I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Ok, what time do you get home from work? Did you miss the part a about spending 4 hours a day on weekdays and all weekend with the kids? Do you think moms who work full time are bad parents for missing out on every single small moment?

Let’s not turn this into a working moms vs SAHM debate. The fact is, lots and lots of moms choose to work even when they don’t have to. I know, my mom worked full time and I never felt like I needed her more. We were very close and still are, and I respect her so much. I want my kids to have that. I don’t think spending an extra hour a day doing the dishes myself is going to meaningfully affect their lives or make them feel more loved. Having a mother who is happy, fulfilled, and able to spend real time with them makes a huge difference. I know my personality and I know doing ALL of the grunt work (vs just some of it and getting help for the rest) would make me and all of us unhappy.

I’m not sure what you people do for a living, but this situation is de rigueur in highly educated professional fields. My husband and I both worked in biglaw - he became a partner, I peeled off and took a more interesting but lower pay and lower hours job. This is par for the course in that world. Husband earns the money, wife has the “hobby job” (and sometimes the roles are reversed). For every partner who is married to a SAHM there seems to be a partner married to another partner (now that arrangement I will never wrap my head around). I truly feel like I have it all, though it does make me sad sometimes that my husband works so much. If I had a meaningless job that I didn’t like I’d imagine feeling differently.

I’m not trying to brag or tell you how I did everything right in life. I’m just saying it is entirely possible for two parents to work significant hours and still have a happy, healthy family life. I know many people aren’t as fortunate and I feel like people like PP are bitter with their lot and enjoy feeling like martyrs. The thing is, you don’t have to spend your morning making your kids individual bento boxes for lunch (my kids buy lunch at school). You don’t have to work part time so that you can take your kids to Kumon or their chess lessons (my kids come home and play with each other or neighborhood friends). Yes, those are trade offs, but my kids really don’t care whether I send them little notes in their lunch box everyday. Frankly I think they’d be embarrassed. But then again, I’m not a helicopter parent and it’s really important to me that my kids don’t feel like special snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Ok, what time do you get home from work? Did you miss the part a about spending 4 hours a day on weekdays and all weekend with the kids? Do you think moms who work full time are bad parents for missing out on every single small moment?

Let’s not turn this into a working moms vs SAHM debate. The fact is, lots and lots of moms choose to work even when they don’t have to. I know, my mom worked full time and I never felt like I needed her more. We were very close and still are, and I respect her so much. I want my kids to have that. I don’t think spending an extra hour a day doing the dishes myself is going to meaningfully affect their lives or make them feel more loved. Having a mother who is happy, fulfilled, and able to spend real time with them makes a huge difference. I know my personality and I know doing ALL of the grunt work (vs just some of it and getting help for the rest) would make me and all of us unhappy.

I’m not sure what you people do for a living, but this situation is de rigueur in highly educated professional fields. My husband and I both worked in biglaw - he became a partner, I peeled off and took a more interesting but lower pay and lower hours job. This is par for the course in that world. Husband earns the money, wife has the “hobby job” (and sometimes the roles are reversed). For every partner who is married to a SAHM there seems to be a partner married to another partner (now that arrangement I will never wrap my head around). I truly feel like I have it all, though it does make me sad sometimes that my husband works so much. If I had a meaningless job that I didn’t like I’d imagine feeling differently.

I’m not trying to brag or tell you how I did everything right in life. I’m just saying it is entirely possible for two parents to work significant hours and still have a happy, healthy family life. I know many people aren’t as fortunate and I feel like people like PP are bitter with their lot and enjoy feeling like martyrs. The thing is, you don’t have to spend your morning making your kids individual bento boxes for lunch (my kids buy lunch at school). You don’t have to work part time so that you can take your kids to Kumon or their chess lessons (my kids come home and play with each other or neighborhood friends). Yes, those are trade offs, but my kids really don’t care whether I send them little notes in their lunch box everyday. Frankly I think they’d be embarrassed. But then again, I’m not a helicopter parent and it’s really important to me that my kids don’t feel like special snowflakes.

Didn’t read your whole diatribe but once again, OP started this thread because she is NOT HAPPY. You are having a different discussion in your own mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Ok, what time do you get home from work? Did you miss the part a about spending 4 hours a day on weekdays and all weekend with the kids? Do you think moms who work full time are bad parents for missing out on every single small moment?

Let’s not turn this into a working moms vs SAHM debate. The fact is, lots and lots of moms choose to work even when they don’t have to. I know, my mom worked full time and I never felt like I needed her more. We were very close and still are, and I respect her so much. I want my kids to have that. I don’t think spending an extra hour a day doing the dishes myself is going to meaningfully affect their lives or make them feel more loved. Having a mother who is happy, fulfilled, and able to spend real time with them makes a huge difference. I know my personality and I know doing ALL of the grunt work (vs just some of it and getting help for the rest) would make me and all of us unhappy.

I’m not sure what you people do for a living, but this situation is de rigueur in highly educated professional fields. My husband and I both worked in biglaw - he became a partner, I peeled off and took a more interesting but lower pay and lower hours job. This is par for the course in that world. Husband earns the money, wife has the “hobby job” (and sometimes the roles are reversed). For every partner who is married to a SAHM there seems to be a partner married to another partner (now that arrangement I will never wrap my head around). I truly feel like I have it all, though it does make me sad sometimes that my husband works so much. If I had a meaningless job that I didn’t like I’d imagine feeling differently.

I’m not trying to brag or tell you how I did everything right in life. I’m just saying it is entirely possible for two parents to work significant hours and still have a happy, healthy family life. I know many people aren’t as fortunate and I feel like people like PP are bitter with their lot and enjoy feeling like martyrs. The thing is, you don’t have to spend your morning making your kids individual bento boxes for lunch (my kids buy lunch at school). You don’t have to work part time so that you can take your kids to Kumon or their chess lessons (my kids come home and play with each other or neighborhood friends). Yes, those are trade offs, but my kids really don’t care whether I send them little notes in their lunch box everyday. Frankly I think they’d be embarrassed. But then again, I’m not a helicopter parent and it’s really important to me that my kids don’t feel like special snowflakes.

Didn’t read your whole diatribe but once again, OP started this thread because she is NOT HAPPY. You are having a different discussion in your own mind.

Point is, martyr PPs are trying to guilt PP into working less or quitting by implying she is a bad mom for not sacrificing her livelihood to tend to her children’s’ ever need at all times. OP, congrats on your promotion, keep it up if it means a lot to you and use whatever extra money you earn to outsource the things that just aren’t important for you to vs a housekeeper or a sitter. Many educated professionals do it all the time. Your kids will be fine and will probably even thank you for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Point is, martyr PPs are trying to guilt PP into working less or quitting by implying she is a bad mom for not sacrificing her livelihood to tend to her children’s’ ever need at all times. OP, congrats on your promotion, keep it up if it means a lot to you and use whatever extra money you earn to outsource the things that just aren’t important for you to vs a housekeeper or a sitter. Many educated professionals do it all the time. Your kids will be fine and will probably even thank you for it.

OP, just send your kids to boarding school. Problem solved.