Advice Needed: parents who both work long hours

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I remember thinking some SAHMs were either lazy or just couldn’t get their shit together when I was working. When I was working, I was highly productive at both work and the school things. I would volunteer and able to knock out flyers and organize events while at work. It was far easier for me to run an errand alone during lunch vs lugging 1-3 kids to run an errand. It is hard for me to spend 10 min on the computer in the home office without a kid needing something. I had to plan and do everything in advance while now everything is day by day. We do a lot of impromptu play dates and outings so my to do list often gets pushed back. I actually volunteer less now that im home. Things may change when all kids are in school full time but I still have a little one to take around with me now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I remember thinking some SAHMs were either lazy or just couldn’t get their shit together when I was working. When I was working, I was highly productive at both work and the school things. I would volunteer and able to knock out flyers and organize events while at work. It was far easier for me to run an errand alone during lunch vs lugging 1-3 kids to run an errand. It is hard for me to spend 10 min on the computer in the home office without a kid needing something. I had to plan and do everything in advance while now everything is day by day. We do a lot of impromptu play dates and outings so my to do list often gets pushed back. I actually volunteer less now that im home. Things may change when all kids are in school full time but I still have a little one to take around with me now.

A good friend of mine is an ER doctor in an inner city hospital who recently had her second baby and went back to work after a six month maternity leave. I asked her how being back was and she said "SO much easier than being home with two".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Honestly, you're just as bad as the "fun parents of parenting" PP and you don't even see it. At least she owns how she feels. You try to act superior and humble at the same time and you're failing.

You don't have to be around your children 24/7 in order to maybe catch every single moment of joy with them. That's not how it works. PP says she spends the whole weekend with her kids, and she also sees them mornings and evenings during the week. She doesn't have to be there putting away Tupperware in the pantry in case one of her kids says something funny. That stuff will happen when they're at a friend's house. At school. With their grandparents. Playing on their own. A million times that you wouldn't see even if you were a SAHM. You might not want PP's way of life, and that's fine, but you don't have to be sanctimonious and rude about it.

+1 These posters are the same ones who got so worked up and judgy about nursing vs formula, baby wearing vs strollers, baby led weaning etc. I don’t know how they get through life with so much judgment and guilt about parenting. It is more about them wanting to feel like they’re being the best mother ever. Kids will be fine either way.

SAHM here who is laid back about that stuff. I find that my WOHM friends were uber competitive and weird about breastfeeding, hitting milestones and other stupid crap. I am competitive, but only for things that matter, like when I play sports or do the best I can at my job. I think some of the WOHM friends internalized harmful messages about being a bad mom if you work and were trying to ease their own minds with this stuff. While I internalized harmful messages about being a bad woman for taking a few years off so my family life was calm and fun.

I have one SAHM friend (we were friends from before kids) and she is sooooo competitive about milestones. Oh my kid can ride a bike, my kids can read sight words! It’s so annoying and the only reason I maintain the friendship is bc of the fun we used to have before kids. She really needs to go back to work and get a life (and she says the same thing - but her DH does nothing at home so she’s waiting until school age)