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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I leave for work at 6am and get home around 5:30pm, and my husband is in big law so long hours every day. We are expecting our 4th kid. Our kids are in school/preschool all day then we have a sitter who works from 4-8pm. We also have a housekeeper who comes twice a week. I’m perfectly happy with the set up. My husband makes a lot of money so that neither of us has to do housework beyond light picking up, and I have my dream career plus the big(ish) family I wanted. I wouldn’t want to give up the money or personal fulfillment for the additional 1-2 hours per day doing housework and hounding the kids about their worksheets or picking up their socks, but that’s just me. Maybe things will change when they are in middle school. [/quote]

This can’t possibly be real.  You spend… an hour? At the most? Per day with your kids during the week, and you’re pregnant with your fourth child?  Sweet Jesus.[/quote]

I had the same sentiment but didn’t want to say it. Why did you choose to have a fourth PP? [/quote]

Huh.  I didn't see it that way.  But it does sound to me like she has a family dinner with the babysitter instead of her DH every night.  I hope she likes the babysitter![/quote]

I didn't assume she does family dinner.  What's the point of a babysitter until 8pm every night if this PP gets home at 5:30?  I don't understand.

Also, the things she so easily dismisses, like hounding the kids about their worksheets, is part of parenting.  It's part of being a family.  People who dismiss the mundane don't realize how much of life is in that space, and how much you miss when you don't have it.[/quote]

I’m the first poster. I spend an hour with them in the morning and then 2-3 in the evening, then all weekend. Yes, the biggest downside is that our sitter eats with us instead of my husband most weekdays. Our sitter helps clean up after dinner, getting the kids stuff packed for the next day, and helps me in making sure the kids are getting through the bedtime routine. My husband sees them for 2-3 hours in the morning and then an hour in the evening, plus most of the weekend. He does sacrifice, but it’s worth literally having everything we could want and never having to worry about money for retirement, college, etc.

I don’t miss hounding them about worksheets, cleaning up their dishes, and packing their backpacks even if that is part of “parenting.” I did it for a really long time before we could afford help. Our sitter does that while I spend quality time with them. It’s much better this way.[/quote]
How do you spend an hour with them in the morning if you leave for work at 6am?

But yeah, different strokes and all that.  I wouldn’t want to outsource that much of my parenting life (and I sure as hell wouldn’t have a fourth kid if I already did so much outsourcing) to have everything I could want.  It’s just stuff.

So there you have it, OP: be rich and outsource.  That’s how it works with parents who both work long hours.[/quote]

They wake up between 5 and 5:30. As they grow older I’m sure they will sleep in more but then I’ll get to spend more of the evenings with them.

It’s not really about stuff, it’s about not having to do as much of the grunt work of parenting that takes so much time and leaves me frustrated and exhausted with them. Our time together is quality time and I’m in a much better place to really appreciate them. I did it when I was on maternity leave with my later kids (I took between 8 months and a year for each) and I still do it on the weekends so I know what it’s like. I see the upsides but personally for me the costs outweigh the benefits. I wouldn’t sacrifice my career, independence, and sense of self for the opportunity to be grumpy cleaning up spills in the kitchen or double checking that my third grader did his writing homework. And I like that they see that moms are their own people and do not live to wipe their noses or pack their lunches. I do know that means I’m missing out on some things. And obviously it only works if financially feasible. [/quote]

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