Advice Needed: parents who both work long hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the cleaning lady and hire a housekeeper.

It sounds like OP needs a 20–30 hour a week housekeeper. Someone who comes every morning or afternoon and handles groceries, meals, cleaning, random errands, laundry, etc. Yes, this is expensive, but that’s the only thing that will make your days bearable. Look into the cost and decide if you feel it’s worth it to spend at least half your raise on outsourcing.

I posted above about us being double biglaw and I certainly don’t need 20-30 hours of a housekeeper. That’s wild. We have laundry delivery/pickup and twice-weekly cleaners, Whole Foods grocery delivery, and an au pair. I don’t even know what I would use that many hours of housekeeper time for.

This

DP, but if you add up all the things you get delivery for, plus your twice weekly cleanings, that's easily 20-30 hours/week. It's a different model: hiring one person who cleans, gets groceries, and does laundry, which combined would take the same length of time you apparently can't conceive of it taking.

Agreed. I have a housekeeper 25 hours/wk.
Generally, she has something bigger that she does each day that takes 2-3 hours. Monday she does the laundry for the week. Tuesday’s she goes grocery shopping. Wednesday’s she does some kind of bigger organizational or deep cleaning project (blowing out the garage, changing out clothes for the season, putting out decorations, making Christmas cookies, organizing linens, putting up stuff kids have outgrown on amazon marketplace, etc). Thursday’s and Friday’s she splits up the cleaning of the house. She also cooks a meal, cleans up the kitchen, and spot cleans bathrooms/entryway, etc.
it’s definitely harder to manage someone with this job than it is to hire a bunch of services, but I think it’s been good for our kids to have another adult they trust in the home, especially when parents are gone so much. When the kids were little, she helped them make their beds, fed them little pieces of bacon and cookie dough, and yelled at them if they peed on the toilet seat.

[Anonymous]

OP, I read page 1 and 26. First, congrats on the jobs! Second, you need a person who fits your new lifestyle. Contact a service and request an older person with more time and more flexible time to fit your new lifestyle and work schedule. Or, another person, younger, who fits your new schedule. Sorry about the current person, but you need something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the cleaning lady and hire a housekeeper.

It sounds like OP needs a 20–30 hour a week housekeeper. Someone who comes every morning or afternoon and handles groceries, meals, cleaning, random errands, laundry, etc. Yes, this is expensive, but that’s the only thing that will make your days bearable. Look into the cost and decide if you feel it’s worth it to spend at least half your raise on outsourcing.

I posted above about us being double biglaw and I certainly don’t need 20-30 hours of a housekeeper. That’s wild. We have laundry delivery/pickup and twice-weekly cleaners, Whole Foods grocery delivery, and an au pair. I don’t even know what I would use that many hours of housekeeper time for.

This

DP, but if you add up all the things you get delivery for, plus your twice weekly cleanings, that's easily 20-30 hours/week. It's a different model: hiring one person who cleans, gets groceries, and does laundry, which combined would take the same length of time you apparently can't conceive of it taking.

I will also bet that PP can’t conceive of what a SAHM of school age children possibly does all day… 🙄. I guess if you don’t see the work being done (actually washing the clothes you send out, or doing the shopping at the grocery store) then it only takes as long as the walk from the delivery vehicle to your front door.

Dude..many working parents don’t send these things out. We handle it in addition. Being a SAHP to little kids is definitely hard but school age children? Come on - for any neurotypical children this cannot possibly be this difficult. And that’s fine! It sounds glorious to be honest, and also like a reward for surviving the slog of the first 5 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the cleaning lady and hire a housekeeper.

It sounds like OP needs a 20–30 hour a week housekeeper. Someone who comes every morning or afternoon and handles groceries, meals, cleaning, random errands, laundry, etc. Yes, this is expensive, but that’s the only thing that will make your days bearable. Look into the cost and decide if you feel it’s worth it to spend at least half your raise on outsourcing.

I posted above about us being double biglaw and I certainly don’t need 20-30 hours of a housekeeper. That’s wild. We have laundry delivery/pickup and twice-weekly cleaners, Whole Foods grocery delivery, and an au pair. I don’t even know what I would use that many hours of housekeeper time for.

This

DP, but if you add up all the things you get delivery for, plus your twice weekly cleanings, that's easily 20-30 hours/week. It's a different model: hiring one person who cleans, gets groceries, and does laundry, which combined would take the same length of time you apparently can't conceive of it taking.

I will also bet that PP can’t conceive of what a SAHM of school age children possibly does all day… 🙄. I guess if you don’t see the work being done (actually washing the clothes you send out, or doing the shopping at the grocery store) then it only takes as long as the walk from the delivery vehicle to your front door.

Dude..many working parents don’t send these things out. We handle it in addition. Being a SAHP to little kids is definitely hard but school age children? Come on - for any neurotypical children this cannot possibly be this difficult. And that’s fine! It sounds glorious to be honest, and also like a reward for surviving the slog of the first 5 years

I work PT, rarely during school hours, and I don’t feel that way at all. My youngest just finished first grade, and my day to day is pretty similar to when he was home, but I do it all alone instead of having my little buddy with me. I still fold laundry and go grocery shopping and weed the garden, but now I do it all by myself. There were a few hours a week that I did things just for him that I don’t do anymore. He had a couple of little classes, and we used to go to the zoo every week, so I have a few hours to do some other things, but it’s nothing like the days before I had children where, even working 60+ hours/wk, I still had hours strung together and even entire days with nothing pressing that I needed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the cleaning lady and hire a housekeeper.

It sounds like OP needs a 20–30 hour a week housekeeper. Someone who comes every morning or afternoon and handles groceries, meals, cleaning, random errands, laundry, etc. Yes, this is expensive, but that’s the only thing that will make your days bearable. Look into the cost and decide if you feel it’s worth it to spend at least half your raise on outsourcing.

I posted above about us being double biglaw and I certainly don’t need 20-30 hours of a housekeeper. That’s wild. We have laundry delivery/pickup and twice-weekly cleaners, Whole Foods grocery delivery, and an au pair. I don’t even know what I would use that many hours of housekeeper time for.

This

DP, but if you add up all the things you get delivery for, plus your twice weekly cleanings, that's easily 20-30 hours/week. It's a different model: hiring one person who cleans, gets groceries, and does laundry, which combined would take the same length of time you apparently can't conceive of it taking.

I will also bet that PP can’t conceive of what a SAHM of school age children possibly does all day… 🙄. I guess if you don’t see the work being done (actually washing the clothes you send out, or doing the shopping at the grocery store) then it only takes as long as the walk from the delivery vehicle to your front door.

Dude..many working parents don’t send these things out. We handle it in addition. Being a SAHP to little kids is definitely hard but school age children? Come on - for any neurotypical children this cannot possibly be this difficult. And that’s fine! It sounds glorious to be honest, and also like a reward for surviving the slog of the first 5 years

Dude… 1) no s@&t!, and 2) what’s your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the cleaning lady and hire a housekeeper.

It sounds like OP needs a 20–30 hour a week housekeeper. Someone who comes every morning or afternoon and handles groceries, meals, cleaning, random errands, laundry, etc. Yes, this is expensive, but that’s the only thing that will make your days bearable. Look into the cost and decide if you feel it’s worth it to spend at least half your raise on outsourcing.

I posted above about us being double biglaw and I certainly don’t need 20-30 hours of a housekeeper. That’s wild. We have laundry delivery/pickup and twice-weekly cleaners, Whole Foods grocery delivery, and an au pair. I don’t even know what I would use that many hours of housekeeper time for.

This

DP, but if you add up all the things you get delivery for, plus your twice weekly cleanings, that's easily 20-30 hours/week. It's a different model: hiring one person who cleans, gets groceries, and does laundry, which combined would take the same length of time you apparently can't conceive of it taking.

I will also bet that PP can’t conceive of what a SAHM of school age children possibly does all day… 🙄. I guess if you don’t see the work being done (actually washing the clothes you send out, or doing the shopping at the grocery store) then it only takes as long as the walk from the delivery vehicle to your front door.

Dude..many working parents don’t send these things out. We handle it in addition. Being a SAHP to little kids is definitely hard but school age children? Come on - for any neurotypical children this cannot possibly be this difficult. And that’s fine! It sounds glorious to be honest, and also like a reward for surviving the slog of the first 5 years

Dude… 1) no s@&t!, and 2) what’s your point?

“I will also bet that PP can’t conceive of what a SAHM of school age children possible does all day”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the cleaning lady and hire a housekeeper.

It sounds like OP needs a 20–30 hour a week housekeeper. Someone who comes every morning or afternoon and handles groceries, meals, cleaning, random errands, laundry, etc. Yes, this is expensive, but that’s the only thing that will make your days bearable. Look into the cost and decide if you feel it’s worth it to spend at least half your raise on outsourcing.

I posted above about us being double biglaw and I certainly don’t need 20-30 hours of a housekeeper. That’s wild. We have laundry delivery/pickup and twice-weekly cleaners, Whole Foods grocery delivery, and an au pair. I don’t even know what I would use that many hours of housekeeper time for.

This

DP, but if you add up all the things you get delivery for, plus your twice weekly cleanings, that's easily 20-30 hours/week. It's a different model: hiring one person who cleans, gets groceries, and does laundry, which combined would take the same length of time you apparently can't conceive of it taking.

I will also bet that PP can’t conceive of what a SAHM of school age children possibly does all day… 🙄. I guess if you don’t see the work being done (actually washing the clothes you send out, or doing the shopping at the grocery store) then it only takes as long as the walk from the delivery vehicle to your front door.

Dude..many working parents don’t send these things out. We handle it in addition. Being a SAHP to little kids is definitely hard but school age children? Come on - for any neurotypical children this cannot possibly be this difficult. And that’s fine! It sounds glorious to be honest, and also like a reward for surviving the slog of the first 5 years

Totally agree, SAHP to school aged kids sounds like a cushy gig. Which is fine! Dunno why they have to be so defensive about it though.

Def agree SAHP to toddlers who are home all day is way harder than most jobs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the cleaning lady and hire a housekeeper.

It sounds like OP needs a 20–30 hour a week housekeeper. Someone who comes every morning or afternoon and handles groceries, meals, cleaning, random errands, laundry, etc. Yes, this is expensive, but that’s the only thing that will make your days bearable. Look into the cost and decide if you feel it’s worth it to spend at least half your raise on outsourcing.

I posted above about us being double biglaw and I certainly don’t need 20-30 hours of a housekeeper. That’s wild. We have laundry delivery/pickup and twice-weekly cleaners, Whole Foods grocery delivery, and an au pair. I don’t even know what I would use that many hours of housekeeper time for.

This

DP, but if you add up all the things you get delivery for, plus your twice weekly cleanings, that's easily 20-30 hours/week. It's a different model: hiring one person who cleans, gets groceries, and does laundry, which combined would take the same length of time you apparently can't conceive of it taking.

I will also bet that PP can’t conceive of what a SAHM of school age children possibly does all day… 🙄. I guess if you don’t see the work being done (actually washing the clothes you send out, or doing the shopping at the grocery store) then it only takes as long as the walk from the delivery vehicle to your front door.

Dude..many working parents don’t send these things out. We handle it in addition. Being a SAHP to little kids is definitely hard but school age children? Come on - for any neurotypical children this cannot possibly be this difficult. And that’s fine! It sounds glorious to be honest, and also like a reward for surviving the slog of the first 5 years

Dude… 1) no s@&t!, and 2) what’s your point?

“I will also bet that PP can’t conceive of what a SAHM of school age children possible does all day”

Right… a basically agreed upon 20-30 hours per week worth of tasks (including cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry) which some parents outsource and some do after work/on weekends. No one claimed that it’s hard, or difficult, just that… that’s what SAHMs of school aged kids do all day. So again, Dude, what is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not so much OP who people are reacting to this far down the thread. It's the other "only the fun parts of parenting" PP whose tone I have no problem judging.

The “only the fun parts of parenting” quote is yours, not hers. What is wrong with admitting that the fun parts are worse than the drudgery? Sorry but kids don’t need to see their mom doing laundry to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the cleaning lady and hire a housekeeper.

It sounds like OP needs a 20–30 hour a week housekeeper. Someone who comes every morning or afternoon and handles groceries, meals, cleaning, random errands, laundry, etc. Yes, this is expensive, but that’s the only thing that will make your days bearable. Look into the cost and decide if you feel it’s worth it to spend at least half your raise on outsourcing.

I posted above about us being double biglaw and I certainly don’t need 20-30 hours of a housekeeper. That’s wild. We have laundry delivery/pickup and twice-weekly cleaners, Whole Foods grocery delivery, and an au pair. I don’t even know what I would use that many hours of housekeeper time for.

This

DP, but if you add up all the things you get delivery for, plus your twice weekly cleanings, that's easily 20-30 hours/week. It's a different model: hiring one person who cleans, gets groceries, and does laundry, which combined would take the same length of time you apparently can't conceive of it taking.

I will also bet that PP can’t conceive of what a SAHM of school age children possibly does all day… 🙄. I guess if you don’t see the work being done (actually washing the clothes you send out, or doing the shopping at the grocery store) then it only takes as long as the walk from the delivery vehicle to your front door.

Dude..many working parents don’t send these things out. We handle it in addition. Being a SAHP to little kids is definitely hard but school age children? Come on - for any neurotypical children this cannot possibly be this difficult. And that’s fine! It sounds glorious to be honest, and also like a reward for surviving the slog of the first 5 years

Totally agree, SAHP to school aged kids sounds like a cushy gig. Which is fine! Dunno why they have to be so defensive about it though.

Def agree SAHP to toddlers who are home all day is way harder than most jobs

There is a serious lack of critical thinking skills/basic reading comprehension on display on this thread. The snarky comment about one specific PP not being able to comprehend what a SAHM does all day was directed toward… that specific PP. Not all working parents. And yet two posters read into it that now SAHMs of school aged kids are defensive and claiming that their job is so difficult! No. That’s not what that post says, nor is it what the post implies.

I actually think some WOHMs (on this thread) get defensive when anyone dares to point out that what a SAHM does actually have some value. No one is claiming that it has MORE value than whatever it is you do, just that it’s not worthless.

And yes, being a SAHM to kids in school IS cushy and glorious! No one claimed otherwise. It’s just not sit-around-on-your-butt-all-day-doing-nothing glorious. It’s getting stuff done so that when your spouse and kids get home that stuff is, well, done. So they don’t need to “do it in addition” OR send it out…

Seriously, I hope that some of you aren’t in positions where paying attention to details and interpreting what you read is important, because you seem incapable of doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Honestly, you're just as bad as the "fun parents of parenting" PP and you don't even see it. At least she owns how she feels. You try to act superior and humble at the same time and you're failing.

You don't have to be around your children 24/7 in order to maybe catch every single moment of joy with them. That's not how it works. PP says she spends the whole weekend with her kids, and she also sees them mornings and evenings during the week. She doesn't have to be there putting away Tupperware in the pantry in case one of her kids says something funny. That stuff will happen when they're at a friend's house. At school. With their grandparents. Playing on their own. A million times that you wouldn't see even if you were a SAHM. You might not want PP's way of life, and that's fine, but you don't have to be sanctimonious and rude about it.

+1 These posters are the same ones who got so worked up and judgy about nursing vs formula, baby wearing vs strollers, baby led weaning etc. I don’t know how they get through life with so much judgment and guilt about parenting. It is more about them wanting to feel like they’re being the best mother ever. Kids will be fine either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I think people are way overreacting to this poster. The things she mentions she doesn't want to do include cleaning up spills in the kitchen and packing lunches. Do you really think it's a requirement of great parenting to be the one who does that mundane crap? Do you think kids even notice who does those things? Wiping noses and doing homework are a little different, because they're hands on, but anyone who says that it's bad parenting to not want to do your kids' laundry, for example, is being ridiculous.

I will preface this by saying that I genuinely don’t care how other people raise their kids, but I actually think this attitude is part of our societal tendency to degrade women and traditional women’s work (and yes I was a WOHM). I actually get not wanting to do it, but the condescending dismissiveness is offensive, especially since you are almost certainly paying other women to do it for you (and your spouse, obviously).

I mean outsource if you want, but maybe try to show a little respect? Clearly if you are willing to pay someone to do those tasks you understand that they are tasks worth doing, even if you’re too good for that kind of thing yourself…

I’m the PP. I respect our housekeep and sitter so much because of how much they help our family. They are part of our family. Our housekeeper is a professional who gets $35/ hour and has been with us for a long time end doesn’t seem interested in going anywhere anytime soon. There’s no condescension whatsoever, but that stuff is work that I don’t have time to do, just like I don’t have time to sew our clothes from fabric or the skill to cut my kids’ hair. Division of labor is a beautiful thing. Both the drudgery and the parenting has to be done - I’d rather work in a rewarding job and spend the rest of my time parenting than quit my job to do drudgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Honestly, you're just as bad as the "fun parents of parenting" PP and you don't even see it. At least she owns how she feels. You try to act superior and humble at the same time and you're failing.

You don't have to be around your children 24/7 in order to maybe catch every single moment of joy with them. That's not how it works. PP says she spends the whole weekend with her kids, and she also sees them mornings and evenings during the week. She doesn't have to be there putting away Tupperware in the pantry in case one of her kids says something funny. That stuff will happen when they're at a friend's house. At school. With their grandparents. Playing on their own. A million times that you wouldn't see even if you were a SAHM. You might not want PP's way of life, and that's fine, but you don't have to be sanctimonious and rude about it.

+1 These posters are the same ones who got so worked up and judgy about nursing vs formula, baby wearing vs strollers, baby led weaning etc. I don’t know how they get through life with so much judgment and guilt about parenting. It is more about them wanting to feel like they’re being the best mother ever. Kids will be fine either way.

SAHM here who is laid back about that stuff. I find that my WOHM friends were uber competitive and weird about breastfeeding, hitting milestones and other stupid crap. I am competitive, but only for things that matter, like when I play sports or do the best I can at my job. I think some of the WOHM friends internalized harmful messages about being a bad mom if you work and were trying to ease their own minds with this stuff. While I internalized harmful messages about being a bad woman for taking a few years off so my family life was calm and fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Honestly, you're just as bad as the "fun parents of parenting" PP and you don't even see it. At least she owns how she feels. You try to act superior and humble at the same time and you're failing.

You don't have to be around your children 24/7 in order to maybe catch every single moment of joy with them. That's not how it works. PP says she spends the whole weekend with her kids, and she also sees them mornings and evenings during the week. She doesn't have to be there putting away Tupperware in the pantry in case one of her kids says something funny. That stuff will happen when they're at a friend's house. At school. With their grandparents. Playing on their own. A million times that you wouldn't see even if you were a SAHM. You might not want PP's way of life, and that's fine, but you don't have to be sanctimonious and rude about it.

+1 These posters are the same ones who got so worked up and judgy about nursing vs formula, baby wearing vs strollers, baby led weaning etc. I don’t know how they get through life with so much judgment and guilt about parenting. It is more about them wanting to feel like they’re being the best mother ever. Kids will be fine either way.

SAHM here who is laid back about that stuff. I find that my WOHM friends were uber competitive and weird about breastfeeding, hitting milestones and other stupid crap. I am competitive, but only for things that matter, like when I play sports or do the best I can at my job. I think some of the WOHM friends internalized harmful messages about being a bad mom if you work and were trying to ease their own minds with this stuff. While I internalized harmful messages about being a bad woman for taking a few years off so my family life was calm and fun.

I do think I was more focused on my kid’s development when I was working. My oldest was always on the late side for everything. I was not necessary competitive but I often felt bad, especially when he could not read at age 6. I am now a SAHM and I have no idea what milestones my third child should be hitting but I know she is bright, happy and healthy and not concerned one bit.

Being home for the past year has been challenging. I can’t wait for my youngest to start kindergarten next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that "fun parts of parenting" PP is a troll anyway, but if not I feel bad for her. Parenting is in the small moments, when you're doing something mundane and then suddenly your 4yo turns to you with joy or a comment that cracks you up.

If you get a lot of fulfilment from your job, that's great. But don't deluxe yourself about the tradeoffs. I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Honestly, you're just as bad as the "fun parents of parenting" PP and you don't even see it. At least she owns how she feels. You try to act superior and humble at the same time and you're failing.

You don't have to be around your children 24/7 in order to maybe catch every single moment of joy with them. That's not how it works. PP says she spends the whole weekend with her kids, and she also sees them mornings and evenings during the week. She doesn't have to be there putting away Tupperware in the pantry in case one of her kids says something funny. That stuff will happen when they're at a friend's house. At school. With their grandparents. Playing on their own. A million times that you wouldn't see even if you were a SAHM. You might not want PP's way of life, and that's fine, but you don't have to be sanctimonious and rude about it.

+1 These posters are the same ones who got so worked up and judgy about nursing vs formula, baby wearing vs strollers, baby led weaning etc. I don’t know how they get through life with so much judgment and guilt about parenting. It is more about them wanting to feel like they’re being the best mother ever. Kids will be fine either way.

SAHM here who is laid back about that stuff. I find that my WOHM friends were uber competitive and weird about breastfeeding, hitting milestones and other stupid crap. I am competitive, but only for things that matter, like when I play sports or do the best I can at my job. I think some of the WOHM friends internalized harmful messages about being a bad mom if you work and were trying to ease their own minds with this stuff. While I internalized harmful messages about being a bad woman for taking a few years off so my family life was calm and fun.

Fair enough, it’s true women who work and women who SAHM are both guilted for different things. Point is, sanctimonious mom posters above who “feel bad” for women who work and “only” see their kids for 4 hours a day and weekends because they might possibly miss a moment where their kid might crack them up or because they don’t do their own laundry are contributing to this toxicity for women. The truth is, I work and you don’t and we can both be great parents, and either way our children will be fine.