Dilemma: Support Son National Sports Championship or Ex’s Wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, to all that claim I’m a bitter ex, completely not true.

I left my ex years ago, and have had other children and a new relationship since.

This was strictly about either supporting my son’s wishes or to try to convince him to support a dad who has not supported him very much.

My son won’t even know anyone at this wedding ( other than his dad and a handful of living family members on his side who are all in their sixties/seventies. His dad hasn’t even asked him to be IN the wedding, just there.

Sticking with the original decision; he’s going to champs.

What 13 year old wants that?

Or it could blow up here. Are those other children and that new relationship connected?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, to all that claim I’m a bitter ex, completely not true.

I left my ex years ago, and have had other children and a new relationship since.

This was strictly about either supporting my son’s wishes or to try to convince him to support a dad who has not supported him very much.

My son won’t even know anyone at this wedding ( other than his dad and a handful of living family members on his side who are all in their sixties/seventies. His dad hasn’t even asked him to be IN the wedding, just there.

Sticking with the original decision; he’s going to champs.

What 13 year old wants that?

So, you left dad or cheated and replaced dad with your husband or partner.

Do you actually invite dad and girlfriend? I doubt it. You probably limit contact and make it clear to son he is not a priority.

Just stop taking dads money and have his rights terminated. That’s what you really want. Have your husband adopt him.

Would you be ok if your son missed special events in your home.

You are going to screw up this kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect fiance knew the date conflicted and deliberately picked it.

+ 1

She wants to pretend this is a first wedding and marks the start of her family. Her husband’s teen son in all her pictures kind of destroys the fantasy...

OP here, I checked out earlier, but WHOA has this post blown up .

This makes ALOT of sense (About her not wanting him in pictures)! Especially a kid she barely knows and is of a different race than she and anyone in her or my ex’s social group. (Our son looks highly ethnic and gets his visual traits from my genes more than Dad’s) If dad never told anyone, they would never think that he had a dark skinned son).

I hadn’t thought about this at all... but this could definitely be a possiblity.

Then have him get to know her. Invite her to events and make her feel welcome. I would keep my distance too given your posts. You are looking for any justification. What does race have to do with it? It’s not appropiate for girlfriend to attend without an invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a 3rd option: Support your son in having a conversation with his dad. Role play with him how to talk with dad about wanting to go to the sports event. If he’s not sure what to say, you can offer language. What you can’t do is the talking. This has to be between your son and his dad. You have to stay focused on what your son says, not what you think his dad will say, what the fiancé wants or says or who’s right/wrong. Make this about helping your son advocate for himself, not taking sides.

Op here, great idea conceptually, just not certain that middle school aged DS is old enough/ready/mature enough to have to navigate that conversation without being made to feel guilty or manipulated by Dad/New wife.

My son has clearly stated that he wants to go to champs, to the point of getting very emotional (understandably) about it. I know that he probably wants his dad to be there as well.

I just don’t want my kid to feel guilty or distracted by having to have the conversation...

Tell your son you are making the decision for him and that he will be attending the sporting event. That way you relieve him of the anxiety and guilt over making the choice.

Family first. It should not be an option

Both decisions are family first, ironically.

No they are not. One is just a sporting event. If a Nationals pitcher can miss a game during the World Series to attend the birth of his child, this boy can miss a “national championship” (for a TWEEN team, natch) that in the great scheme of things means nothing, for the wedding of his father.

OP knows this deep down. She is just pissed her ex is getting remarried and is trying to use her son as leverage to express her disapproval.

Her contempt for the new wife oozes from her post.

She needs to be an adult, tell son this is life, there will be other sporting events, a “national championship” that is only theoretical at this point doesn’t matter. And if that does come to be, life is about hard choices, doing the right thing, and sometimes being disappointed.

LOL you got that so backward. If the Nationals pitcher can miss a game during the World Series to attend the birth of HIS CHILD, then this dad can move his second wedding to be there for HIS CHILD.

If a pitcher can miss a game, you just proved the point a child can.

[Anonymous]

Why do you have more say than his dad?

Family first.

[Anonymous]

The dads date is flexible.

The date of the sons event is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a 3rd option: Support your son in having a conversation with his dad. Role play with him how to talk with dad about wanting to go to the sports event. If he’s not sure what to say, you can offer language. What you can’t do is the talking. This has to be between your son and his dad. You have to stay focused on what your son says, not what you think his dad will say, what the fiancé wants or says or who’s right/wrong. Make this about helping your son advocate for himself, not taking sides.

Op here, great idea conceptually, just not certain that middle school aged DS is old enough/ready/mature enough to have to navigate that conversation without being made to feel guilty or manipulated by Dad/New wife.

My son has clearly stated that he wants to go to champs, to the point of getting very emotional (understandably) about it. I know that he probably wants his dad to be there as well.

I just don’t want my kid to feel guilty or distracted by having to have the conversation...

Tell your son you are making the decision for him and that he will be attending the sporting event. That way you relieve him of the anxiety and guilt over making the choice.

Family first. It should not be an option

Both decisions are family first, ironically.

No they are not. One is just a sporting event. If a Nationals pitcher can miss a game during the World Series to attend the birth of his child, this boy can miss a “national championship” (for a TWEEN team, natch) that in the great scheme of things means nothing, for the wedding of his father.

OP knows this deep down. She is just pissed her ex is getting remarried and is trying to use her son as leverage to express her disapproval.

Her contempt for the new wife oozes from her post.

She needs to be an adult, tell son this is life, there will be other sporting events, a “national championship” that is only theoretical at this point doesn’t matter. And if that does come to be, life is about hard choices, doing the right thing, and sometimes being disappointed.

LOL you got that so backward. If the Nationals pitcher can miss a game during the World Series to attend the birth of HIS CHILD, then this dad can move his second wedding to be there for HIS CHILD.

If a pitcher can miss a game, you just proved the point a child can.

wedding date can (should) be planned to take the championship into account. The birth of a baby can’t be planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect fiance knew the date conflicted and deliberately picked it.

+ 1

She wants to pretend this is a first wedding and marks the start of her family. Her husband’s teen son in all her pictures kind of destroys the fantasy...

OP here, I checked out earlier, but WHOA has this post blown up .

This makes ALOT of sense (About her not wanting him in pictures)! Especially a kid she barely knows and is of a different race than she and anyone in her or my ex’s social group. (Our son looks highly ethnic and gets his visual traits from my genes more than Dad’s) If dad never told anyone, they would never think that he had a dark skinned son).

I hadn’t thought about this at all... but this could definitely be a possiblity.

Then have him get to know her. Invite her to events and make her feel welcome. I would keep my distance too given your posts. You are looking for any justification. What does race have to do with it? It’s not appropiate for girlfriend to attend without an invitation.

Honestly — this is not OP’s job! she left this guy years ago, and now it’s HER job to foster the child’s relationship with his fiancé?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, to all that claim I’m a bitter ex, completely not true.

I left my ex years ago, and have had other children and a new relationship since.

This was strictly about either supporting my son’s wishes or to try to convince him to support a dad who has not supported him very much.

My son won’t even know anyone at this wedding ( other than his dad and a handful of living family members on his side who are all in their sixties/seventies. His dad hasn’t even asked him to be IN the wedding, just there.

Sticking with the original decision; he’s going to champs.

What 13 year old wants that?

So, you left dad or cheated and replaced dad with your husband or partner.

Do you actually invite dad and girlfriend? I doubt it. You probably limit contact and make it clear to son he is not a priority.

Just stop taking dads money and have his rights terminated. That’s what you really want. Have your husband adopt him.

Would you be ok if your son missed special events in your home.

You are going to screw up this kid.

You have a ... unique idea of how child custody and parental rights works.

[Anonymous]

Op, it is dads weekend. You cannot just cancel his visit as you determine son has something better to do. They planned it on dads weekend as you sound like you don’t work with dad at all. They probably did not know as you did not communicate. Not ok to dictate what happens on dads time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, to all that claim I’m a bitter ex, completely not true.

I left my ex years ago, and have had other children and a new relationship since.

This was strictly about either supporting my son’s wishes or to try to convince him to support a dad who has not supported him very much.

My son won’t even know anyone at this wedding ( other than his dad and a handful of living family members on his side who are all in their sixties/seventies. His dad hasn’t even asked him to be IN the wedding, just there.

Sticking with the original decision; he’s going to champs.

What 13 year old wants that?

So, you left dad or cheated and replaced dad with your husband or partner.

Do you actually invite dad and girlfriend? I doubt it. You probably limit contact and make it clear to son he is not a priority.

Just stop taking dads money and have his rights terminated. That’s what you really want. Have your husband adopt him.

Would you be ok if your son missed special events in your home.

You are going to screw up this kid.

You have a ... unique idea of how child custody and parental rights works.

DP. That poster is one of the sad incel trolls who haunt DCUM. You can safely ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, to all that claim I’m a bitter ex, completely not true.

I left my ex years ago, and have had other children and a new relationship since.

This was strictly about either supporting my son’s wishes or to try to convince him to support a dad who has not supported him very much.

My son won’t even know anyone at this wedding ( other than his dad and a handful of living family members on his side who are all in their sixties/seventies. His dad hasn’t even asked him to be IN the wedding, just there.

Sticking with the original decision; he’s going to champs.

What 13 year old wants that?

So, you left dad or cheated and replaced dad with your husband or partner.

Do you actually invite dad and girlfriend? I doubt it. You probably limit contact and make it clear to son he is not a priority.

Just stop taking dads money and have his rights terminated. That’s what you really want. Have your husband adopt him.

Would you be ok if your son missed special events in your home.

You are going to screw up this kid.

You have a ... unique idea of how child custody and parental rights works.

They are both the parents. I think if one parent refuses contact, then stop the child support and don’t hold the parent accountable if they don’t get an opinion. Mom is refusing a visit on dads time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect fiance knew the date conflicted and deliberately picked it.

+ 1

She wants to pretend this is a first wedding and marks the start of her family. Her husband’s teen son in all her pictures kind of destroys the fantasy...

OP here, I checked out earlier, but WHOA has this post blown up .

This makes ALOT of sense (About her not wanting him in pictures)! Especially a kid she barely knows and is of a different race than she and anyone in her or my ex’s social group. (Our son looks highly ethnic and gets his visual traits from my genes more than Dad’s) If dad never told anyone, they would never think that he had a dark skinned son).

I hadn’t thought about this at all... but this could definitely be a possiblity.

Then have him get to know her. Invite her to events and make her feel welcome. I would keep my distance too given your posts. You are looking for any justification. What does race have to do with it? It’s not appropiate for girlfriend to attend without an invitation.

Honestly — this is not OP’s job! she left this guy years ago, and now it’s HER job to foster the child’s relationship with his fiancé?

Sounds like she cheated and left. Yes, she comes across as she doesn’t want her there and complaining of the relationship. Mom should reach out and welcome her. Mom is clear she is not welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, to all that claim I’m a bitter ex, completely not true.

I left my ex years ago, and have had other children and a new relationship since.

This was strictly about either supporting my son’s wishes or to try to convince him to support a dad who has not supported him very much.

My son won’t even know anyone at this wedding ( other than his dad and a handful of living family members on his side who are all in their sixties/seventies. His dad hasn’t even asked him to be IN the wedding, just there.

Sticking with the original decision; he’s going to champs.

What 13 year old wants that?

So, you left dad or cheated and replaced dad with your husband or partner.

Do you actually invite dad and girlfriend? I doubt it. You probably limit contact and make it clear to son he is not a priority.

Just stop taking dads money and have his rights terminated. That’s what you really want. Have your husband adopt him.

Would you be ok if your son missed special events in your home.

You are going to screw up this kid.

You have a ... unique idea of how child custody and parental rights works.

They are both the parents. I think if one parent refuses contact, then stop the child support and don’t hold the parent accountable if they don’t get an opinion. Mom is refusing a visit on dads time.

Then he can switch the wedding to two weeks later during his weekend

honestly I would go to court over this. DH and stepmom need to learn a lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect fiance knew the date conflicted and deliberately picked it.

+ 1

She wants to pretend this is a first wedding and marks the start of her family. Her husband’s teen son in all her pictures kind of destroys the fantasy...

OP here, I checked out earlier, but WHOA has this post blown up .

This makes ALOT of sense (About her not wanting him in pictures)! Especially a kid she barely knows and is of a different race than she and anyone in her or my ex’s social group. (Our son looks highly ethnic and gets his visual traits from my genes more than Dad’s) If dad never told anyone, they would never think that he had a dark skinned son).

I hadn’t thought about this at all... but this could definitely be a possiblity.

Then have him get to know her. Invite her to events and make her feel welcome. I would keep my distance too given your posts. You are looking for any justification. What does race have to do with it? It’s not appropiate for girlfriend to attend without an invitation.

Honestly — this is not OP’s job! she left this guy years ago, and now it’s HER job to foster the child’s relationship with his fiancé?

Sounds like she cheated and left. Yes, she comes across as she doesn’t want her there and complaining of the relationship. Mom should reach out and welcome her. Mom is clear she is not welcome.

IT IS NOT HER JOB. Wow. no wonder men continue to pull this cr*p. How hard is it to understand whose job this is?