Dilemma: Support Son National Sports Championship or Ex’s Wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Courts goal “ what is best for the child”

Missing the championship is not what is best for the child.

Having a wedding on an impirtant date is the height of selfishness and showing to the child he does not matter.

Bingo.

[Anonymous]

TBH if the kid is in MS- this one "championship" will not make or break his career. If he was a sophomore in HS I would tell you to have him prioritize his game. Him being in MS, the game really means nothing. Sorry DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you marry someone who already has kids, you need to defer to their ability to attend the wedding if you actually want them to attend. It is the first of many, many times when you will be put second, third, or last. That's just how it is when you choose to marry someone who already has a family.

He is able to attend the wedding. There is nothing on his calendar yet. They haven’t qualified for nationals — OP just believes they will.[/quote

Just stop. Putting off the schedule conflict helps no one. The know today there is a strong possibility of a huge conflict. Fix it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you marry someone who already has kids, you need to defer to their ability to attend the wedding if you actually want them to attend. It is the first of many, many times when you will be put second, third, or last. That's just how it is when you choose to marry someone who already has a family.

He is able to attend the wedding. There is nothing on his calendar yet. They haven’t qualified for nationals — OP just believes they will.

Just stop. Putting off the schedule conflict helps no one. The know today there is a strong possibility of a huge conflict. Fix it now.

But dad isn’t going to. So OP is putting down a flag for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the bitter ex harpies here pushing so hard for the kid to go to a sporting event instead of his father's wedding are bitter exes precisely BECAUSE they put their children at the center of their relationships. This is a fatal mistake in marriages. The adult relationship needs to be prioritized. The kids' needs come second. I recognize this impulse and I know why most of these women are divorced.

Why do you assume people agreeing with OP are divorced? I am not and am appalled at this dad’s selfishness.

If you have a child-centered marriage and family, you soon will be divorced. Mark my words.

Dad's selfishness? I don't get that AT ALL. I see a mom actively trying to poison her kid's relationship with his father and succeeding.

What? Mom didn't schedule either event. Dad created the conflict here.

[Anonymous]

Well Mom just ruined the holidays with this one. I’m sure it will be the topic at every gathering etc. poor kid. Go to the wedding.
Child of divorce who attended both my parents 2nd weddings, even danced at my Mom’s (age 13)
Do t make this hard in your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TBH if the kid is in MS- this one "championship" will not make or break his career. If he was a sophomore in HS I would tell you to have him prioritize his game. Him being in MS, the game really means nothing. Sorry DCUM!

OP won't name the sport, but I'm guessing this is swimming and the event is the PVS Junior Olympics in March. A coach would know whether or not a kid is likely to qualify by this point in the swim season.

[Anonymous]

Team kid. Don’t force him to attend a wedding for a nasty step mother who has no interest in him. If dad had made the relationship a priority over the years, the kid would want to be there. He is old enough to make his own choice and has worked hard for the championship and shouldn’t be punished because of his dad’s selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect fiance knew the date conflicted and deliberately picked it.

+ 1

She wants to pretend this is a first wedding and marks the start of her family. Her husband’s teen son in all her pictures kind of destroys the fantasy...

OP here, I checked out earlier, but WHOA has this post blown up .

This makes ALOT of sense (About her not wanting him in pictures)! Especially a kid she barely knows and is of a different race than she and anyone in her or my ex’s social group. (Our son looks highly ethnic and gets his visual traits from my genes more than Dad’s) If dad never told anyone, they would never think that he had a dark skinned son).

I hadn’t thought about this at all... but this could definitely be a possiblity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect fiance knew the date conflicted and deliberately picked it.

+ 1

She wants to pretend this is a first wedding and marks the start of her family. Her husband’s teen son in all her pictures kind of destroys the fantasy...

OP here, I checked out earlier, but WHOA has this post blown up .

This makes ALOT of sense (About her not wanting him in pictures)! Especially a kid she barely knows and is of a different race than she and anyone in her or my ex’s social group. (Our son looks highly ethnic and gets his visual traits from my genes more than Dad’s) If dad never told anyone, they would never think that he had a dark skinned son).

I hadn’t thought about this at all... but this could definitely be a possiblity.

This thread really bout to blow up now.

[Anonymous]

OP here, to all that claim I’m a bitter ex, completely not true.

I left my ex years ago, and have had other children and a new relationship since.

This was strictly about either supporting my son’s wishes or to try to convince him to support a dad who has not supported him very much.

My son won’t even know anyone at this wedding ( other than his dad and a handful of living family members on his side who are all in their sixties/seventies. His dad hasn’t even asked him to be IN the wedding, just there.

Sticking with the original decision; he’s going to champs.

What 13 year old wants that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A dad who disappoints and stands up his own child for 20 weekends is a "garbage person" as pp put it. That's just basic failing at life. If you grew up with a shitty dad, you know how horrible this feels---especially if he is instead spending time with his new girlfriend.

+1

All the MRAs defending this douchebag are just making themselves look bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that there is anyone on this thread (or in real life) who thinks the kid should give up nationals after undoubtedly putting a massive amount of time into his sport, for a dad who skips most of his visitation weekends and couldn't be bothered to schedule his wedding around his son. I would not do that to a kid in a million years. I'm not sure why people are focused on the potential harm to the relationship with the dad, as it sounds like there isn't much of a relationship there to lose. For the people who think OP is lying or trying to place a wedge between her kid and ex, don't you realize that you are just projecting your own issues onto this family? What's the point of commenting if you are just going to make up an alternative reality for this anonymous person? Just to share your bitter screeds more broadly, I guess? It's bizarre.

As others have noted, there is also clearly a divide on DCUM between those who understand/care about elite sports and those who don't. My kid started competing nationally and internationally at 13. If we had told him he couldn't attend one of those events for any reason short of injury, I can't even imagine what he would have done--probably left home and figured out how to declare himself an independent. His dedication and love for his sport has led to great things for him, including incredible friendships, joy for his engaged extended family of supporters, and a scholarship to a great college. If, as OP says, there is a potential full ride to a good private school on the line, that's a serious consideration as well.

+1 voice of reason

[Anonymous]

The kid isn’t even in the wedding party? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DS will probably qualify for a spot in the natl champs for a sport he loves. He has worked very very hard at the sport and is an integral member of the team. Will be his first national champs ever, and he has been training for two years to get a spot. He’s a tween, so this opportunity will put him on the radar of really good coaches/ teams for high school recruitment.

Ex’s fiancé recently announced their upcoming wedding date; it’s is several months away, but scheduled on the same day/weekend as the natl champs. In the last three years she has never been to one of our sons events , has no interest in his life or well being, has actively lobbied to convince his dad to reduce child support, and dad has decreased involvement in DS life.

She refuses to move the date ( it has some importance to her) , and Ex is adamant that he wants our son to be involved in the event of the wedding. My son does not want to miss champs, and does not want to attend the wedding.

If I support my son I come off as the jealous ex. If I support dad, my son loses out on a major opportunity that directly impacts his life/future and does not impact his dad or new wife at all.

What would you do?

Son goes to the championship if he's in it. I can't believe his father would not move his wedding.