My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's really weird that you keep bringing the single mom thing into this.

The fact that you repeat it in almost all of your responses suggests you see some kind of connection between this issue with your daughter and your marriage status. It really doesn't.

Kids get into trouble. Yes, if you were married, I guess you would be discussing this with your DH, but it's not some magical guarantee that the two of you would have hit upon the perfect solution for how to resolve this.

Plenty of people post to DCUM with question regarding their children. I'm sure many are married. They want to get other opinions, not just their immediate family.

I post questions on DCUM, I sometimes talk parenting problems/issues with my friends, and yes, I talk with my husband. All are valid. None are guaranteed to be superior.

Again, you need to eliminate the "I'm a single mom" refrain from your brain. It's distracting you from focusing on what you need to do for your daughter.

To the PPs who are think too many of us are attacking the OP instead of giving advice, I'll say for myself the items from OP that triggered frustration are:

1. That she hadn't even done the most basic of punishments. (Taking away phone, grounding--until later.) I get a person asking for more guidance on how to discipline, improve behavior, but if person hasn't even done the most basic of punishments, and says things like "I think the suspension/injury is punishment enough" then yeah, I'm frustrated.

2. The single mom thing. As I stated above, it really needs to stop.

It's not "ganing up" on OP. It's multiple people all in agreement on the same points. When you get that kind of consensus on DCUM, it should be a big wake up call.

NOT OP but I think maybe being a single mom affects different mothers in different ways. Sometimes it can make you feel more alone and helpless. I don't think OP should use it as an excuse, but I also think people should try and be a bit more compassionate.

+1

Also, some moms are in abusive relationships, and doing the best they can for the time being. The husband/father might seem "perfect" to outsiders, but he might be an SOB to live with - you never really have the full picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look I'm a single mother too, OP. Grab a belt and whoop her ass. Bet you'll never have another problem at school again.

As if getting beaten up by another child isn't enough?

x1000

Who ARE these people?

[Anonymous]

too lazy to read through 20 pages. but good job on the kid that was being bullied to finally take a stand and say enough was enough. The school wasn't doing anything to stop it. She should not have been punished. Glad the girl got a black eye. glad she got suspended. Sorry mom, being a single parent is no excuse... Blame on the school as well for not calling mom and saying "hey your daughter is being a kunt, tell her to knock it off". Blame the school for not bringing the daughter in sooner by herself and telling her to stop.

I know back in the day being called into the principals office was akin to a death sentence. kids were afraid of being punished. Todays kids not so much.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:I put my daughters in martial arts. They're on their way to black belts. Martial arts teaches restraint -- don't use what you know unless you absolutely are forced into it -- but they'll have a mean roundhouse kick in reserve if they ever need it.

Bullies suck.

+1

BOTH children involved seem to need this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's really weird that you keep bringing the single mom thing into this.

The fact that you repeat it in almost all of your responses suggests you see some kind of connection between this issue with your daughter and your marriage status. It really doesn't.

Kids get into trouble. Yes, if you were married, I guess you would be discussing this with your DH, but it's not some magical guarantee that the two of you would have hit upon the perfect solution for how to resolve this.

Plenty of people post to DCUM with question regarding their children. I'm sure many are married. They want to get other opinions, not just their immediate family.

I post questions on DCUM, I sometimes talk parenting problems/issues with my friends, and yes, I talk with my husband. All are valid. None are guaranteed to be superior.

Again, you need to eliminate the "I'm a single mom" refrain from your brain. It's distracting you from focusing on what you need to do for your daughter.

To the PPs who are think too many of us are attacking the OP instead of giving advice, I'll say for myself the items from OP that triggered frustration are:

1. That she hadn't even done the most basic of punishments. (Taking away phone, grounding--until later.) I get a person asking for more guidance on how to discipline, improve behavior, but if person hasn't even done the most basic of punishments, and says things like "I think the suspension/injury is punishment enough" then yeah, I'm frustrated.

2. The single mom thing. As I stated above, it really needs to stop.

It's not "ganing up" on OP. It's multiple people all in agreement on the same points. When you get that kind of consensus on DCUM, it should be a big wake up call.

NOT OP but I think maybe being a single mom affects different mothers in different ways. Sometimes it can make you feel more alone and helpless. I don't think OP should use it as an excuse, but I also think people should try and be a bit more compassionate.

+1

Also, some moms are in abusive relationships, and doing the best they can for the time being. The husband/father might seem "perfect" to outsiders, but he might be an SOB to live with - you never really have the full picture.

PP here. In addition, I know in some cases one spouse lies and the other swears by it, so there is that perspective, also......

[Anonymous]

Alright I know this isn't the advice you asked for, but have you thought about putting your girl in some type of boxing lessons or something b/c now the other kids know she can't fight, and she may be a target. It's always good for kids to know how to defend themselves. There's no reason another 13 year old girl should be beating her until she has a black eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Alright I know this isn't the advice you asked for, but have you thought about putting your girl in some type of boxing lessons or something b/c now the other kids know she can't fight, and she may be a target. It's always good for kids to know how to defend themselves. There's no reason another 13 year old girl should be beating her until she has a black eye.

She's not a fighter at all. I think she was genuinely shocked when the girl hit her.

[Anonymous]

I can't speak for the OP, but as a single mom I sometimes feel very alone when it comes to more difficult parenting issues. I do the best that I can, but often wonder if I would be doing it better if there were someone else to share the parenting or just to prop me up when I am feeling overwhelmed. OP - I know this is difficult but keep at the front of your mind your responsibility to be a good steward to your dd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NOT OP but I think maybe being a single mom affects different mothers in different ways. Sometimes it can make you feel more alone and helpless. I don't think OP should use it as an excuse, but I also think people should try and be a bit more compassionate.

+1

Also, some moms are in abusive relationships, and doing the best they can for the time being. The husband/father might seem "perfect" to outsiders, but he might be an SOB to live with - you never really have the full picture.

Right. Kinda proves the point. Anybody can have stuff that adds challenges to parenting, single, married, whatever. But if you let that aspect of your life consume you, it hinders your ability to focus on parenting when you really need to do so.
If OP has said something like, "I'm trying to find a time to meet with counselor at the school, but I'm a single mom and the earliest I can rearrange my work schedule/find a sitter" then that is something that directly ties into the fact that she is the only adult. (I guess would be similar if there was an abusive spouse/partner as well.)

OP is basically saying,

I'm a single mom and THEREFORE I struggle with disciplining my child the bully.

That's what folks are taking issue with.

[Anonymous]

I know as a single mom, everything we deal with is 10x tougher on us than those who have a partner to help them. Hang in there OP.

[Anonymous]

There are some real a-holes on this thread, and it isn't the OP.

Kinda ironic, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know as a single mom, everything we deal with is 10x tougher on us than those who have a partner to help them. Hang in there OP.

I believe that, but OP has played down her daughter's actions every step of the way here, including letting her be active on social media on the same day that she got suspended.

Ruining another child's lunch isn't a harmless prank. It is deeply unkind and speaks to a type of class-linked bullying that I worry happens a lot in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alright I know this isn't the advice you asked for, but have you thought about putting your girl in some type of boxing lessons or something b/c now the other kids know she can't fight, and she may be a target. It's always good for kids to know how to defend themselves. There's no reason another 13 year old girl should be beating her until she has a black eye.

She's not a fighter at all. I think she was genuinely shocked when the girl hit her.

OP, either your daughter is incredibly naive, which makes her an easy prey by actual bullies to do their dirty job or she is arrogant and doesn't pay much attention to people (and, thus, can't assess the situations properly).

[Anonymous]

What part of "TALK SHIT GET HIT" do you not understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know as a single mom, everything we deal with is 10x tougher on us than those who have a partner to help them. Hang in there OP.

Unless your partner has a mental illness......it was far easier to handle parenting after I divorced my spouse who suffers from depression. Oh, and many parents of kids with SN have it tougher. There's a reason why divorce rates are higher for when you have a spouse with a mental illness or a child with a SN.

OP's marital status has nothing to do with disciplining her DD for bullying/abusing another student. She's just waiving the 'single mom' card in a lame attempt to deflect criticism of her parenting choices - in the same way her DD is crying/whining about her shame in the hopes of deflecting criticism of her bullying/abuse.