My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I find it peculiar that there are so few helpful posts, and so many Monday Morning Quarterbacks who are judging OP for doing the best she can - for crying out loud, the school never even told OP about any sat incidents (probably for fear of being sued).

What if OP's child was YOUR child? It is not one way. This could be any parent. Furthermore, when your child is (to your knowledge) not the one being left out - well, all is okay in your eyes. See how that works?

By ganging up on OP, how does that make your behavior any better?

In English, please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not using being a single mother as an excuse. I just need advice with something I've never dealt with before.

What do you think about my advice from above?

"If I were in the mother's shoes, I would put my daughter in a chess club or robotics class. One, it will allow her to interact with the "nerds" and two, it will get her more in touch with her cerebral side. She cares too much what others think of her and that is why she is bullying."

hmm I don't know if she's ever shown interest in that kind of thing. But i'll ask how she feels about it.

[Anonymous]

Why are so many PPs saying that it is acceptable to match "bullying" with more bullying? How on earth does this even make sense?

OP, agree with PPs that your daughter needs different activities with different people. If someone doesn't like her, time to move on. It is a simple yet valuable life lesson, which should be very, very obvious to PPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

No I wasn't, and Idk where you got the idea that I'm not horrified. I punished my daughter like I previously posted.

Are you kidding? Go back and read your responses. You are consoling her, blaming her behavior on her friends, and worrying that she will get bullied herself. You are making excuses.

You have to understand it is HARD for me to see my daughter hurting. I'm her mom. That doesn't mean I'm not disappointed and upset about what she did. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be asking for advice. I'm a single mom, and I'm a little ashamed to tell my family what happened so that's why I came here for help.

Hugs to you OP. It is awfully hard being a parent in situations like these. I can see your dilemma here. Teach your child not to be bitter about this but use it as a learning experience. Time will heal the deepest wounds. Be supportive and close to your daughter, as she heals from her own mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I find it peculiar that there are so few helpful posts, and so many Monday Morning Quarterbacks who are judging OP for doing the best she can - for crying out loud, the school never even told OP about any sat incidents (probably for fear of being sued).

What if OP's child was YOUR child? It is not one way. This could be any parent. Furthermore, when your child is (to your knowledge) not the one being left out - well, all is okay in your eyes. See how that works?

By ganging up on OP, how does that make your behavior any better?

In English, please?

What part are you pretending not to understand?

The other parents here are ganging up on OP. Peculiar that you don't want to understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

No I wasn't, and Idk where you got the idea that I'm not horrified. I punished my daughter like I previously posted.

Are you kidding? Go back and read your responses. You are consoling her, blaming her behavior on her friends, and worrying that she will get bullied herself. You are making excuses.

You have to understand it is HARD for me to see my daughter hurting. I'm her mom. That doesn't mean I'm not disappointed and upset about what she did. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be asking for advice. I'm a single mom, and I'm a little ashamed to tell my family what happened so that's why I came here for help.

Hugs to you OP. It is awfully hard being a parent in situations like these. I can see your dilemma here. Teach your child not to be bitter about this but use it as a learning experience. Time will heal the deepest wounds. Be supportive and close to your daughter, as she heals from her own mistakes.

+1

More hugs, OP. DP here.

[Anonymous]

Look I'm a single mother too, OP. Grab a belt and whoop her ass. Bet you'll never have another problem at school again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not using being a single mother as an excuse. I just need advice with something I've never dealt with before.

Ok. I would get as much information as possible from the school and your daughter. How long has this been going on. Just this girl or multiple other kids? Does she hate fronds who are also bullies? I would be upset with the school too for not alerting you earlier to this behavior so track that down as well. Talk to your kid. Why is she doing this, does it make her feel good?. Does she think good people bully others? What does she think her punishment should be? Words matter and actions matter. Yes she's only 13 but also already 13 and she needs to understand she's not that little and has responsibility to treat others as she would want to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look I'm a single mother too, OP. Grab a belt and whoop her ass. Bet you'll never have another problem at school again.

As if getting beaten up by another child isn't enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not using being a single mother as an excuse. I just need advice with something I've never dealt with before.

Ok. I would get as much information as possible from the school and your daughter. How long has this been going on. Just this girl or multiple other kids? Does she hate fronds who are also bullies? I would be upset with the school too for not alerting you earlier to this behavior so track that down as well. Talk to your kid. Why is she doing this, does it make her feel good?. Does she think good people bully others? What does she think her punishment should be? Words matter and actions matter. Yes she's only 13 but also already 13 and she needs to understand she's not that little and has responsibility to treat others as she would want to be treated.

I agree, ask her what she thinks her punishment should be. That always works with my kids.

[Anonymous]

I put my daughters in martial arts. They're on their way to black belts. Martial arts teaches restraint -- don't use what you know unless you absolutely are forced into it -- but they'll have a mean roundhouse kick in reserve if they ever need it.

Bullies suck.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's really weird that you keep bringing the single mom thing into this.

The fact that you repeat it in almost all of your responses suggests you see some kind of connection between this issue with your daughter and your marriage status. It really doesn't.

Kids get into trouble. Yes, if you were married, I guess you would be discussing this with your DH, but it's not some magical guarantee that the two of you would have hit upon the perfect solution for how to resolve this.

Plenty of people post to DCUM with question regarding their children. I'm sure many are married. They want to get other opinions, not just their immediate family.

I post questions on DCUM, I sometimes talk parenting problems/issues with my friends, and yes, I talk with my husband. All are valid. None are guaranteed to be superior.

Again, you need to eliminate the "I'm a single mom" refrain from your brain. It's distracting you from focusing on what you need to do for your daughter.

To the PPs who are think too many of us are attacking the OP instead of giving advice, I'll say for myself the items from OP that triggered frustration are:

1. That she hadn't even done the most basic of punishments. (Taking away phone, grounding--until later.) I get a person asking for more guidance on how to discipline, improve behavior, but if person hasn't even done the most basic of punishments, and says things like "I think the suspension/injury is punishment enough" then yeah, I'm frustrated.

2. The single mom thing. As I stated above, it really needs to stop.

It's not "ganing up" on OP. It's multiple people all in agreement on the same points. When you get that kind of consensus on DCUM, it should be a big wake up call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, were you a Mean Girl when you were in school? I think you must've been, because anyone who wasn't a bully themselves would be utterly horrified if their child did what your daughter has done.

No I wasn't, and Idk where you got the idea that I'm not horrified. I punished my daughter like I previously posted.

Are you kidding? Go back and read your responses. You are consoling her, blaming her behavior on her friends, and worrying that she will get bullied herself. You are making excuses.

You have to understand it is HARD for me to see my daughter hurting. I'm her mom. That doesn't mean I'm not disappointed and upset about what she did. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be asking for advice. I'm a single mom, and I'm a little ashamed to tell my family what happened so that's why I came here for help.

Hugs to you OP. It is awfully hard being a parent in situations like these. I can see your dilemma here. Teach your child not to be bitter about this but use it as a learning experience. Time will heal the deepest wounds. Be supportive and close to your daughter, as she heals from her own mistakes.

+1

More hugs, OP. DP here.

Yeah it's hard. One of the best parenting things my parents did was to tell me that they were ashamed to tell their friends and other family as to what I did (I lied about some test results and it snowballed into lying about getting into a special program when I didn't). Since it was a reflection of their failure as parents. That really sunk in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look I'm a single mother too, OP. Grab a belt and whoop her ass. Bet you'll never have another problem at school again.

What exactly would this solve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's really weird that you keep bringing the single mom thing into this.

The fact that you repeat it in almost all of your responses suggests you see some kind of connection between this issue with your daughter and your marriage status. It really doesn't.

Kids get into trouble. Yes, if you were married, I guess you would be discussing this with your DH, but it's not some magical guarantee that the two of you would have hit upon the perfect solution for how to resolve this.

Plenty of people post to DCUM with question regarding their children. I'm sure many are married. They want to get other opinions, not just their immediate family.

I post questions on DCUM, I sometimes talk parenting problems/issues with my friends, and yes, I talk with my husband. All are valid. None are guaranteed to be superior.

Again, you need to eliminate the "I'm a single mom" refrain from your brain. It's distracting you from focusing on what you need to do for your daughter.

To the PPs who are think too many of us are attacking the OP instead of giving advice, I'll say for myself the items from OP that triggered frustration are:

1. That she hadn't even done the most basic of punishments. (Taking away phone, grounding--until later.) I get a person asking for more guidance on how to discipline, improve behavior, but if person hasn't even done the most basic of punishments, and says things like "I think the suspension/injury is punishment enough" then yeah, I'm frustrated.

2. The single mom thing. As I stated above, it really needs to stop.

It's not "ganing up" on OP. It's multiple people all in agreement on the same points. When you get that kind of consensus on DCUM, it should be a big wake up call.

NOT OP but I think maybe being a single mom affects different mothers in different ways. Sometimes it can make you feel more alone and helpless. I don't think OP should use it as an excuse, but I also think people should try and be a bit more compassionate.