Blindsided

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]You should talk with family law attorneys about how utterly clueless most men are when they turn up to file themselves (rare) or when they get the 5-day letter to call back their wife’s lawyer.

More women’s work. [/quote]

Mine was so clueless he managed to spend $12k on his attorney before he even filed. I’m sure that firm loves him. His attorney probably has a wing of their house named after him at this point.

[Anonymous]

Mine was also ASD. I think at some point he just couldn’t handle family life anymore, so he just left. I was having sex with him whenever he wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine was also ASD. I think at some point he just couldn’t handle family life anymore, so he just left. I was having sex with him whenever he wanted.

Super common, I think. A lot of these guys look outwardly successful if they manage to align a special interest or hyperfocus with a lucrative or respected career. Eventually they hit a wall with family life and sometimes will do something deliberate to sabotage it and other times they’ll just disappear.

The best case scenario is they walk away quietly. The worst case scenario is they’re someone who has built some effective but maladaptive coping mechanisms and will try to blame everyone from the wife to the kids to the dog on their way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my ex did the same and kept on lingering it along for a while. We were engaged and she would talk about being married for a couple of weeks and then it is not working for another few weeks. It was crazy roller coaster for me and I ended up breaking up with her.

Trust me, it is easy that she knows it now than later.

That’s weird, glad you broke up.

Not sure that’s the mid life crisis OP’s situation tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was also ASD. I think at some point he just couldn’t handle family life anymore, so he just left. I was having sex with him whenever he wanted.

Super common, I think. A lot of these guys look outwardly successful if they manage to align a special interest or hyperfocus with a lucrative or respected career. Eventually they hit a wall with family life and sometimes will do something deliberate to sabotage it and other times they’ll just disappear.

The best case scenario is they walk away quietly. The worst case scenario is they’re someone who has built some effective but maladaptive coping mechanisms and will try to blame everyone from the wife to the kids to the dog on their way out.

Please stop with the autism wife schtick. Most people with autism are very loyal and would not run away with a younger colleague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was also ASD. I think at some point he just couldn’t handle family life anymore, so he just left. I was having sex with him whenever he wanted.

Super common, I think. A lot of these guys look outwardly successful if they manage to align a special interest or hyperfocus with a lucrative or respected career. Eventually they hit a wall with family life and sometimes will do something deliberate to sabotage it and other times they’ll just disappear.

The best case scenario is they walk away quietly. The worst case scenario is they’re someone who has built some effective but maladaptive coping mechanisms and will try to blame everyone from the wife to the kids to the dog on their way out.

Please stop with the autism wife schtick. Most people with autism are very loyal and would not run away with a younger colleague.

Insisting that your inaccurate stereotype is more relevant than people’s actual experience is what keeps people isolated and alone. If someone cannot share their own actual experience in an anonymous forum without being told it’s not real, imagine what it’s like to go through this in real life.

Be grateful that you have no idea it could be real and that it’s not your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was also ASD. I think at some point he just couldn’t handle family life anymore, so he just left. I was having sex with him whenever he wanted.

Super common, I think. A lot of these guys look outwardly successful if they manage to align a special interest or hyperfocus with a lucrative or respected career. Eventually they hit a wall with family life and sometimes will do something deliberate to sabotage it and other times they’ll just disappear.

The best case scenario is they walk away quietly. The worst case scenario is they’re someone who has built some effective but maladaptive coping mechanisms and will try to blame everyone from the wife to the kids to the dog on their way out.

Please stop with the autism wife schtick. Most people with autism are very loyal and would not run away with a younger colleague.

Insisting that your inaccurate stereotype is more relevant than people’s actual experience is what keeps people isolated and alone. If someone cannot share their own actual experience in an anonymous forum without being told it’s not real, imagine what it’s like to go through this in real life.

Be grateful that you have no idea it could be real and that it’s not your life.

lol interesting that you think you can just make sh*t up about autism and then get mad when I tell you that I have a different experience (and also that the type of conduct described doesn’t sound like autism but a personality disorder or just being a jerk.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was also ASD. I think at some point he just couldn’t handle family life anymore, so he just left. I was having sex with him whenever he wanted.

Super common, I think. A lot of these guys look outwardly successful if they manage to align a special interest or hyperfocus with a lucrative or respected career. Eventually they hit a wall with family life and sometimes will do something deliberate to sabotage it and other times they’ll just disappear.

The best case scenario is they walk away quietly. The worst case scenario is they’re someone who has built some effective but maladaptive coping mechanisms and will try to blame everyone from the wife to the kids to the dog on their way out.

Please stop with the autism wife schtick. Most people with autism are very loyal and would not run away with a younger colleague.

Insisting that your inaccurate stereotype is more relevant than people’s actual experience is what keeps people isolated and alone. If someone cannot share their own actual experience in an anonymous forum without being told it’s not real, imagine what it’s like to go through this in real life.

Be grateful that you have no idea it could be real and that it’s not your life.

lol interesting that you think you can just make sh*t up about autism and then get mad when I tell you that I have a different experience (and also that the type of conduct described doesn’t sound like autism but a personality disorder or just being a jerk.).

NP - it's weird that so many posters here have common experiences with these kinds of men and yet you insist that everyone else is wrong about their own experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was also ASD. I think at some point he just couldn’t handle family life anymore, so he just left. I was having sex with him whenever he wanted.

Super common, I think. A lot of these guys look outwardly successful if they manage to align a special interest or hyperfocus with a lucrative or respected career. Eventually they hit a wall with family life and sometimes will do something deliberate to sabotage it and other times they’ll just disappear.

The best case scenario is they walk away quietly. The worst case scenario is they’re someone who has built some effective but maladaptive coping mechanisms and will try to blame everyone from the wife to the kids to the dog on their way out.

Please stop with the autism wife schtick. Most people with autism are very loyal and would not run away with a younger colleague.

Insisting that your inaccurate stereotype is more relevant than people’s actual experience is what keeps people isolated and alone. If someone cannot share their own actual experience in an anonymous forum without being told it’s not real, imagine what it’s like to go through this in real life.

Be grateful that you have no idea it could be real and that it’s not your life.

lol interesting that you think you can just make sh*t up about autism and then get mad when I tell you that I have a different experience (and also that the type of conduct described doesn’t sound like autism but a personality disorder or just being a jerk.).

NP - it's weird that so many posters here have common experiences with these kinds of men and yet you insist that everyone else is wrong about their own experience.

1. I have my own experience with adults with autism.
2. The “autism wives” who post often describe behaviors that have little to do with autism yet they insist are autistic traits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was also ASD. I think at some point he just couldn’t handle family life anymore, so he just left. I was having sex with him whenever he wanted.

Super common, I think. A lot of these guys look outwardly successful if they manage to align a special interest or hyperfocus with a lucrative or respected career. Eventually they hit a wall with family life and sometimes will do something deliberate to sabotage it and other times they’ll just disappear.

The best case scenario is they walk away quietly. The worst case scenario is they’re someone who has built some effective but maladaptive coping mechanisms and will try to blame everyone from the wife to the kids to the dog on their way out.

Please stop with the autism wife schtick. Most people with autism are very loyal and would not run away with a younger colleague.

Wrong.
They are emotionless and cognitively can only focus on themselves. Just masking or mirroring you or others.

And they are not “loyal” in any deliberate or demonstrative sense.
You’re conflating their passiveness, lack of action or focus, and inertia in anything other than their hyper-focus, for “loyalty.”

They hang around - again not due to loyalty but personal ease & codependency - until they shift hyperfocus. That could be due to anything- an article they read, a divorced dude bragging, a pretty analyst hitting on them - and snap, they’re gone. Shortsighted? Yes. Are they planners? No, never. Do they care about anything other than their here & now? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was also ASD. I think at some point he just couldn’t handle family life anymore, so he just left. I was having sex with him whenever he wanted.

Super common, I think. A lot of these guys look outwardly successful if they manage to align a special interest or hyperfocus with a lucrative or respected career. Eventually they hit a wall with family life and sometimes will do something deliberate to sabotage it and other times they’ll just disappear.

The best case scenario is they walk away quietly. The worst case scenario is they’re someone who has built some effective but maladaptive coping mechanisms and will try to blame everyone from the wife to the kids to the dog on their way out.

Please stop with the autism wife schtick. Most people with autism are very loyal and would not run away with a younger colleague.

Wrong.
They are emotionless and cognitively can only focus on themselves. Just masking or mirroring you or others.

And they are not “loyal” in any deliberate or demonstrative sense.
You’re conflating their passiveness, lack of action or focus, and inertia in anything other than their hyper-focus, for “loyalty.”

They hang around - again not due to loyalty but personal ease & codependency - until they shift hyperfocus. That could be due to anything- an article they read, a divorced dude bragging, a pretty analyst hitting on them - and snap, they’re gone. Shortsighted? Yes. Are they planners? No, never. Do they care about anything other than their here & now? No.

Please stop with this prejudiced drivel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is give him a drama free divorce. It is best for your kids and your wallet. Litigation makes post divorce life harder. Don’t be stupid.

-divorced from an attorney

Much like divorce itself, it only takes one person to turn a divorce litigious. And if they do you can’t just lay down and accept it; you have to match like for like for the safety and security of your children and your future.

Of course, one person can make it litigious--but two reasonable people can decide not to make it litigious and do what is best financially and emotionally for everyone. The point is--don't be the one to go to war...you will pay dearly in money and emotionally...and create more difficulty for your kids. Parents can control the outcome of their divorce...if they are reasonable people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is give him a drama free divorce. It is best for your kids and your wallet. Litigation makes post divorce life harder. Don’t be stupid.

-divorced from an attorney

Much like divorce itself, it only takes one person to turn a divorce litigious. And if they do you can’t just lay down and accept it; you have to match like for like for the safety and security of your children and your future.

Well I am one of many who was dragged into litigation despite several requests to mediate. I asked his best friend to intervene. He also tried. My ex wouldn’t listen. So it annoys the bejesus out of me that posters like you never stop to consider that many of us never wanted to litigate. So sick of the shade. I could have been divorced 15 months ago. He has never even attempted to settle or counter offer any of my 3 attempts to settle.

Of course, one person can make it litigious--but two reasonable people can decide not to make it litigious and do what is best financially and emotionally for everyone. The point is--don't be the one to go to war...you will pay dearly in money and emotionally...and create more difficulty for your kids. Parents can control the outcome of their divorce...if they are reasonable people.

[Anonymous]

She knew there were issues. They weren’t having sex and she didn’t think it was a big deal. He thought it was a big deal but didn’t say anything. Someone else stepped up and gave him what he wanted from his wife. It is pretty straightforward, not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She knew there were issues. They weren’t having sex and she didn’t think it was a big deal. He thought it was a big deal but didn’t say anything. Someone else stepped up and gave him what he wanted from his wife. It is pretty straightforward, not rocket science.

Impressive fiction.