Blindsided

[Anonymous]

This thread is just sad. Grown women whining about their husbands leaving them.
Have some self-respect, seriously.
Why do you even need men? You can totally be happy and successful on your own. You really can. Actually, you might find more happiness without a man around.
They just bring drama into your life. Are you really that clueless to see it?
If you made the mistake of marrying a man, then be glad when he walks away, because that’s the start of your best life.

Quit whining: I was blindsided, he ruined our family, he did this, he did that… Only weak-minded women think like that.

Men are a$hole, and your life is always better without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.

You sound really grounded.

I bet your daughters are too!

I disagree.

The wife in the OP will be fine too. People who go through even worse will be fine too. It's silly to downplay the devastation that one rightly feels from having to adjust to new challenges and hurdles because of a divorce because, " they will be fine" when the dust settles.

Pp is stupid/naive if she thinks that these teenagers' lives would not be more difficult if they have to deal with the insecurity of step siblings from their father ( which will probably be the case in the OP since he is marrying a much younger woman).

Which mother wants that for her children? Yes, they will adjust in the end, but there will be trauma. There will be most likely be lifelong tension around step children and insecurities surrounding those relationships.

If marriage is not important to you, don't make the commitment. Go ahead and have your kids outside of the institution. Don't bring up kids under its warm embrace and then snatch it someday because " they will be fine".

Ofcourse no one is saying stay at all cost. But downplaying the downsides of breaking up a marriage when children are involved is stupid and selfish.

She is grounded i reality because she knows this is possible (it always is). And she has built a life that is not entirely dependent on another adult , whom she cannot control.

Very mature and wise.

I think it's kind of sad to be married to someone you couldn't care less about. I'm not financially dependent on my husband, but I don't think we'd have a real marriage if we weren't emotionally vulnerable with each other. How do you even have friendships without being vulnerable? Of course that then gives them the power to hurt you, but that's where trust comes in. I'm not dependent on anyone else but I'd be crushed if my close friends or husband betrayed me.

How old are you that you don’t know anyone’s marriage where trust is broken? Trust they pitch in, trust they put the kids first, trust they don’t cheat, trust with your feelings, trust they priorities their spouse & kids, trust they aren’t hiding income or assets.?.

I don't understand your question. I know plenty of marriages where trust has been broken. My point is that if you DON'T CARE IF THAT TRUST IS BROKEN, which is what the PP said, then what kind of marriage do you even have?

A different type of arrangement, either putting the kids first or finances or social image or you’re too busy or whatever.

Again, you act like you don’t know unhappy marriages that stay together. How old are you?

[Anonymous]

He was loveless and worked too much at the office, but stayed for the free high quality childcare, house management, meals, vacation planning, Married Family Guy image, and family management.

Then formally left once those 20 years were over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was loveless and worked too much at the office, but stayed for the free high quality childcare, house management, meals, vacation planning, Married Family Guy image, and family management.

Then formally left once those 20 years were over.

25 but yes. This. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What OP forgets is that the spouse, being so successful, has earned the right to move on from the starter marriage. If spouse is 52 and can pull a hotter 35-year-old woman, good on him. He’s putting in a ton of hard work over the years, and should be able to capitalize on his good fortune.

By capitalize, he mtake his half of the marital property, pay his ex child support and possibly alimony, pay for his first set of kids to go to college, then start all over with his hot 35-year-old who will surely want kids of her own. Starting all over includes sleepless nights with babies, chasing toddles, starting new 529 plans while putting the older set up kids through college (news flash, new wife will raise hell if he doesn't), teenagers (so fun staying up until midnight on weeknights waiting for them to come come), and then college all over. What a way to spend the next decade. Oh yes, and men seem to forget that all women age, even the "hot" 35 year old is going to be 52 someday, too. Have fun.

And she, too, will be disposable, along with the second batch of teenagers. He can then move on to Wife 3 and Family 3, but he probably won't live long enough to see those adorable kids become teenagers. Ah, the circle of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure she was one of those women who decided that sex was no longer important. Hard to feel sorry.

There are many reasons that marriages might go for periods without sex. Shockingly enough, it works both ways. If a partner is unhappy with the state of affairs (no pun intended), the answer is to openly communicate that. The majority of people saying they experienced this are also saying there was no communication that anyone was unhappy. Perhaps the marriage would have still ended in divorce, but a spouse deserves more than an FYI on the way out the door. But then it wouldn't be a surprise, and what fun is that?

Sure, but they aren’t exactly reliable narrators. Complaints were made, and promises were made (repeatedly) and broken (repeatedly) and they interpreted the status quo as everything being ok. They were obviously wrong, but want to take no responsibility for their role in the marriage failure. Instead, it’s “blindsided.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What OP forgets is that the spouse, being so successful, has earned the right to move on from the starter marriage. If spouse is 52 and can pull a hotter 35-year-old woman, good on him. He’s putting in a ton of hard work over the years, and should be able to capitalize on his good fortune.

By capitalize, he mtake his half of the marital property, pay his ex child support and possibly alimony, pay for his first set of kids to go to college, then start all over with his hot 35-year-old who will surely want kids of her own. Starting all over includes sleepless nights with babies, chasing toddles, starting new 529 plans while putting the older set up kids through college (news flash, new wife will raise hell if he doesn't), teenagers (so fun staying up until midnight on weeknights waiting for them to come come), and then college all over. What a way to spend the next decade. Oh yes, and men seem to forget that all women age, even the "hot" 35 year old is going to be 52 someday, too. Have fun.

Men are short sighted. They only care about the sex for as long as they can get it and are willing to break up a family and pay up the nose for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.

I'm curious about this statement. I am a financially independent woman but I love my husband and he is my best friend and while I don't NEED him in the sense that I could survive on my own, I am crushed at the thought of him leaving me. I love our life and our family and I would be heartbroken if it were to implode. Are you happily married? I know you say you love your husband, but if you love being with him, why would you be so nonchalant about him leaving? Would I be FINE if my husband left? I mean, sure, I am pretty strong and I could support myself and my kids but I am not indifferent to his presence at all! We both travel for fun (I am heading out for a girls' weekend shortly) but I miss him when he's gone although I appreciate the time apart. I just don't want to imagine a future where we're not together, so I'm shocked that you are so cavalier about it.

He’s my best friend too but if he opts to step outside our marriage and leave, I will see him as he is for that choice. I won’t mourn a relationship if he chooses to do that. I’d be surprised, but I will build a life without him.

I think you talk a big talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What OP forgets is that the spouse, being so successful, has earned the right to move on from the starter marriage. If spouse is 52 and can pull a hotter 35-year-old woman, good on him. He’s putting in a ton of hard work over the years, and should be able to capitalize on his good fortune.

By capitalize, he mtake his half of the marital property, pay his ex child support and possibly alimony, pay for his first set of kids to go to college, then start all over with his hot 35-year-old who will surely want kids of her own. Starting all over includes sleepless nights with babies, chasing toddles, starting new 529 plans while putting the older set up kids through college (news flash, new wife will raise hell if he doesn't), teenagers (so fun staying up until midnight on weeknights waiting for them to come come), and then college all over. What a way to spend the next decade. Oh yes, and men seem to forget that all women age, even the "hot" 35 year old is going to be 52 someday, too. Have fun.

He'll be dead by then so he won't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What OP forgets is that the spouse, being so successful, has earned the right to move on from the starter marriage. If spouse is 52 and can pull a hotter 35-year-old woman, good on him. He’s putting in a ton of hard work over the years, and should be able to capitalize on his good fortune.

By capitalize, he mtake his half of the marital property, pay his ex child support and possibly alimony, pay for his first set of kids to go to college, then start all over with his hot 35-year-old who will surely want kids of her own. Starting all over includes sleepless nights with babies, chasing toddles, starting new 529 plans while putting the older set up kids through college (news flash, new wife will raise hell if he doesn't), teenagers (so fun staying up until midnight on weeknights waiting for them to come come), and then college all over. What a way to spend the next decade. Oh yes, and men seem to forget that all women age, even the "hot" 35 year old is going to be 52 someday, too. Have fun.

Exactly this. My next door neighbor is playing dad again at age 54, to a set of newborn IVF twins with the younger wife. She promptly quit her job and demanded a nanny too. Meanwhile his ex-wife has rebuilt a great life and their children are close to her, not him.

+1000 minus the twins part - I had to re-read and make sure I hadn't posted this. It's so pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is just sad. Grown women whining about their husbands leaving them.
Have some self-respect, seriously.
Why do you even need men? You can totally be happy and successful on your own. You really can. Actually, you might find more happiness without a man around.
They just bring drama into your life. Are you really that clueless to see it?
If you made the mistake of marrying a man, then be glad when he walks away, because that’s the start of your best life.

Quit whining: I was blindsided, he ruined our family, he did this, he did that… Only weak-minded women think like that.

Men are a$hole, and your life is always better without them.

You doth protest too much...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t view my husband as a “ profound moral obligation”, that’s crazy. He can stay or he can go, I will be fine. I will also help my children through the process if needed. Marriage is so outdated in my opinion. Just because we decide something at 27, doesn’t mean it needs to carry over until I’m 90 or die. I have a realistic view, most marriages don’t work or aren’t very happy. I love my husband and have never cheated and I don’t think he has but I’m not naive enough to believe it’s not a possibility and I will certainly make sure I will be fine in the event our marriage doesn’t last.

You sound really grounded.

I bet your daughters are too!

I disagree.

The wife in the OP will be fine too. People who go through even worse will be fine too. It's silly to downplay the devastation that one rightly feels from having to adjust to new challenges and hurdles because of a divorce because, " they will be fine" when the dust settles.

Pp is stupid/naive if she thinks that these teenagers' lives would not be more difficult if they have to deal with the insecurity of step siblings from their father ( which will probably be the case in the OP since he is marrying a much younger woman).

Which mother wants that for her children? Yes, they will adjust in the end, but there will be trauma. There will be most likely be lifelong tension around step children and insecurities surrounding those relationships.

If marriage is not important to you, don't make the commitment. Go ahead and have your kids outside of the institution. Don't bring up kids under its warm embrace and then snatch it someday because " they will be fine".

Ofcourse no one is saying stay at all cost. But downplaying the downsides of breaking up a marriage when children are involved is stupid and selfish.

She is grounded i reality because she knows this is possible (it always is). And she has built a life that is not entirely dependent on another adult , whom she cannot control.

Very mature and wise.

I think it's kind of sad to be married to someone you couldn't care less about. I'm not financially dependent on my husband, but I don't think we'd have a real marriage if we weren't emotionally vulnerable with each other. How do you even have friendships without being vulnerable? Of course that then gives them the power to hurt you, but that's where trust comes in. I'm not dependent on anyone else but I'd be crushed if my close friends or husband betrayed me.

How old are you that you don’t know anyone’s marriage where trust is broken? Trust they pitch in, trust they put the kids first, trust they don’t cheat, trust with your feelings, trust they priorities their spouse & kids, trust they aren’t hiding income or assets.?.

I don't understand your question. I know plenty of marriages where trust has been broken. My point is that if you DON'T CARE IF THAT TRUST IS BROKEN, which is what the PP said, then what kind of marriage do you even have?

A different type of arrangement, either putting the kids first or finances or social image or you’re too busy or whatever.

Again, you act like you don’t know unhappy marriages that stay together. How old are you?

It's like you're having a conversation about a different post. I'm 47. I know some people who are unhappily married, that's not the point. Again. If you have a type of arrangement where you don't love your spouse then fine, but the original PP said she DID love her husband, she just couldn't care less if he stayed or left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What OP forgets is that the spouse, being so successful, has earned the right to move on from the starter marriage. If spouse is 52 and can pull a hotter 35-year-old woman, good on him. He’s putting in a ton of hard work over the years, and should be able to capitalize on his good fortune.

By capitalize, he mtake his half of the marital property, pay his ex child support and possibly alimony, pay for his first set of kids to go to college, then start all over with his hot 35-year-old who will surely want kids of her own. Starting all over includes sleepless nights with babies, chasing toddles, starting new 529 plans while putting the older set up kids through college (news flash, new wife will raise hell if he doesn't), teenagers (so fun staying up until midnight on weeknights waiting for them to come come), and then college all over. What a way to spend the next decade. Oh yes, and men seem to forget that all women age, even the "hot" 35 year old is going to be 52 someday, too. Have fun.

Men are short sighted. They only care about the sex for as long as they can get it and are willing to break up a family and pay up the nose for it.

And women need to expect this as a possible outcome going into a marriage and plan your finances accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What OP forgets is that the spouse, being so successful, has earned the right to move on from the starter marriage. If spouse is 52 and can pull a hotter 35-year-old woman, good on him. He’s putting in a ton of hard work over the years, and should be able to capitalize on his good fortune.

By capitalize, he mtake his half of the marital property, pay his ex child support and possibly alimony, pay for his first set of kids to go to college, then start all over with his hot 35-year-old who will surely want kids of her own. Starting all over includes sleepless nights with babies, chasing toddles, starting new 529 plans while putting the older set up kids through college (news flash, new wife will raise hell if he doesn't), teenagers (so fun staying up until midnight on weeknights waiting for them to come come), and then college all over. What a way to spend the next decade. Oh yes, and men seem to forget that all women age, even the "hot" 35 year old is going to be 52 someday, too. Have fun.

Men are short sighted. They only care about the sex for as long as they can get it and are willing to break up a family and pay up the nose for it.

And women keep marrying men, getting burned and never learn. When are they going to stop?

[Anonymous]

my ex did the same and kept on lingering it along for a while. We were engaged and she would talk about being married for a couple of weeks and then it is not working for another few weeks. It was crazy roller coaster for me and I ended up breaking up with her.

Trust me, it is easy that she knows it now than later.