Blindsided

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not unheard of and sorry, but sometimes it’s not preventable. This is why Belle Burden’s book is a bestseller. So many women can relate.

Also, I hope you fudged some of the identifying details about your friend.

+1 have your friend read this

[Anonymous]

Some men (and women) just pick stupid fights for years instead of admitting that they are unhappy and divorcing. At least he fessed up that he wants out. I dont see this as a huge tragedy, you see it to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The marriage was at best on cruise control. Two big careers, three daughters and he may have felt like the odd man out. Daily he’s with a late 30s woman likely smart and attractive and he begins to see a happier path. Did your friend put all of her attention on her job and daughters?

His ego wasn’t getting enough kibbles and he decided to dip his pen in the company ink. That’s what you’re saying.

[Anonymous]

She really shouldn’t be in deep depression. There’s no point. Move on and find another man.

[Anonymous]

In such cases, are there really no red flags that he is capable of such a thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men (and women) just pick stupid fights for years instead of admitting that they are unhappy and divorcing. At least he fessed up that he wants out. I dont see this as a huge tragedy, you see it to be.

You don’t think suddenly walking out on your wife and 3 teens for a much younger colleague is a big deal? It is a huge deal. Especially since he is probably going to go have more kids

OP I hope you encourage your friend to get every penny due to her and fight for whatever custody arrangement her kids want. It is not her job to meekly accept this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men (and women) just pick stupid fights for years instead of admitting that they are unhappy and divorcing. At least he fessed up that he wants out. I dont see this as a huge tragedy, you see it to be.

It’s no big tragedy for the dumper.

[Anonymous]

She lawyers-up hard

She doesn't have the luxury of emotion upheaval. Sure ideally, she keeps her emotions in check, does not yell and scream, or berate him to the children - - but meanwhile, her lawyer is getting the very best settlement possible. That is what you do for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men (and women) just pick stupid fights for years instead of admitting that they are unhappy and divorcing. At least he fessed up that he wants out. I dont see this as a huge tragedy, you see it to be.

You don’t think suddenly walking out on your wife and 3 teens for a much younger colleague is a big deal? It is a huge deal. Especially since he is probably going to go have more kids

OP I hope you encourage your friend to get every penny due to her and fight for whatever custody arrangement her kids want. It is not her job to meekly accept this.

I didn't say it wasn't a big deal. But no one died and no one is deathly ill. People divorce for all sorts of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do you think this happens?

I caught up with a grad school friend I hadn't seen or spoken to in 4 years. Married, 52, three daughters 12, 14, 17, lawyer. Husband is a lawyer too. No abuse, cheating , drugs or excessive alcohol according to her. Just a ho hum, one foot in front of the other marriage.

Husband came home from work one day last February and said:

"I'm done. I'm in love with a colleague (17 years younger) and I want a drama and trauma free divorce. Please don't make this messy for the girls. Please lets just end this. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen but I don't love you anymore."

It actually made me tear up typing this out because it's just so.... sad. She is a great person- so kind, funny, pretty and now she is.... in deep, deep depression.

I mean, that doesn't sound like a great marriage to me. Clearly there were cracks.

I know someone whose husband did the same thing but after the initial shock wore off I realized I wasn't actually that surprised - their marriage wasn't that great.

I'm sorry for your friend, that sounds awful, but if I had to list the people I'd expect something like this to happen to, it's all the ones where their marriages aren't very strong. Now, if it happened to some of my friends I would be jaw-on-the-floor shocked. But others? Sad, of course, but not all that surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It happened to me. Very similar scenario. He decided he wanted out and left as soon as he told me. It was/is pretty terrible. I think it happens more than people think, but people don’t talk about it because there is often tremendous shame felt by the dumped spouse.

I’m terribly sorry for your friend. I hope she has a good lawyer.

I mean, don't people notice that you got divorced? Or you're saying that people don't know HOW it happened? What do you say, oh we just went our separate ways?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The marriage was at best on cruise control. Two big careers, three daughters and he may have felt like the odd man out. Daily he’s with a late 30s woman likely smart and attractive and he begins to see a happier path. Did your friend put all of her attention on her job and daughters?

Late 30s is kinda old tho. He couldn’t go younger?

Maybe he didn't want someone who wanted (more) kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In such cases, are there really no red flags that he is capable of such a thing?

OP's description of the marriage is a red flag to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happened to me. Very similar scenario. He decided he wanted out and left as soon as he told me. It was/is pretty terrible. I think it happens more than people think, but people don’t talk about it because there is often tremendous shame felt by the dumped spouse.

I’m terribly sorry for your friend. I hope she has a good lawyer.

I mean, don't people notice that you got divorced? Or you're saying that people don't know HOW it happened? What do you say, oh we just went our separate ways?

That’s exactly what Belle Burden’s husband wanted her to say, that the split was mutual and amicable. She refused.

[Anonymous]

At least he came clean instead of carrying on decades worth of cheating…I am sorry for your friend’s pain, she will hopefully be able to rebuild as a stronger woman. But real talk, what kind of friend spills her friend’s most vulnerable tea, even anonymously? Water, water my love…to the water fountain, you must go…