Blindsided

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t want family life or responsibilities.

He just wants to work and date childless women.

Just be honest about it.

Right
I forgot if a man works that doesn't count as a contribution to the family, it's just his form of recreational activity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

DP, and first time commenting:

I bet she thought they had settled into a groove and were happy enough.

I bet she thought he was a good guy who was too decent to cheat…and perhaps assumed he was too busy and too smart to screw around and risk blowing up their family.

Regardless, it’s plausible she was blindsided. Anyone would be.

Nah, she knew it was bad. She’d have to be oblivious not to know. The kids knew, too. A zombie, roommate marriage. She might have waited a few more years, but this was always going to end in divorce. Maybe she’s surprised he pulled the trigger, but no way she was surprised, much less blindsided.

I have heard way too many stories in recent years of this exact thing happening and the wife being completely blindsided to believe that. I think sometimes it does happen out of the blue and that’s very hard because it’s such a betrayal of trust. These men are often not-great communicators and/or impulsive types.

If they have stopped having sex on a regular basis then that's willful blindness. I'm puzzled as to why people who decide that they aren't interested in marital sex any longer believe that their spouse should tolerate a sexless marriage

More like unresolved conflict.

Wonder who didn’t want to resolve the underlying conflict(s)?

. Unresolved conflict about what? Your post is not a response to anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t want family life or responsibilities.

He just wants to work and date childless women.

Just be honest about it.

Right
I forgot if a man works that doesn't count as a contribution to the family, it's just his form of recreational activity

Paycheck only + negligent spouse & father & homeowner days are long over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

DP, and first time commenting:

I bet she thought they had settled into a groove and were happy enough.

I bet she thought he was a good guy who was too decent to cheat…and perhaps assumed he was too busy and too smart to screw around and risk blowing up their family.

Regardless, it’s plausible she was blindsided. Anyone would be.

Nah, she knew it was bad. She’d have to be oblivious not to know. The kids knew, too. A zombie, roommate marriage. She might have waited a few more years, but this was always going to end in divorce. Maybe she’s surprised he pulled the trigger, but no way she was surprised, much less blindsided.

I have heard way too many stories in recent years of this exact thing happening and the wife being completely blindsided to believe that. I think sometimes it does happen out of the blue and that’s very hard because it’s such a betrayal of trust. These men are often not-great communicators and/or impulsive types.

If they have stopped having sex on a regular basis then that's willful blindness. I'm puzzled as to why people who decide that they aren't interested in marital sex any longer believe that their spouse should tolerate a sexless marriage

More like unresolved conflict.

Wonder who didn’t want to resolve the underlying conflict(s)?

. Unresolved conflict about what? Your post is not a response to anything.

The unresolved conflicts that led to no more sex. Fix those!
Health, respect, communication, roles & responsibilities, safety, addictions, abuse, disorders, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

DP, and first time commenting:

I bet she thought they had settled into a groove and were happy enough.

I bet she thought he was a good guy who was too decent to cheat…and perhaps assumed he was too busy and too smart to screw around and risk blowing up their family.

Regardless, it’s plausible she was blindsided. Anyone would be.

Nah, she knew it was bad. She’d have to be oblivious not to know. The kids knew, too. A zombie, roommate marriage. She might have waited a few more years, but this was always going to end in divorce. Maybe she’s surprised he pulled the trigger, but no way she was surprised, much less blindsided.

I have heard way too many stories in recent years of this exact thing happening and the wife being completely blindsided to believe that. I think sometimes it does happen out of the blue and that’s very hard because it’s such a betrayal of trust. These men are often not-great communicators and/or impulsive types.

If they have stopped having sex on a regular basis then that's willful blindness. I'm puzzled as to why people who decide that they aren't interested in marital sex any longer believe that their spouse should tolerate a sexless marriage

More like unresolved conflict.

Wonder who didn’t want to resolve the underlying conflict(s)?

. Unresolved conflict about what? Your post is not a response to anything.

The unresolved conflicts that led to no more sex. Fix those!
Health, respect, communication, roles & responsibilities, safety, addictions, abuse, disorders, etc.

No, cutting off sex as a form of blackmail led to no sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

DP, and first time commenting:

I bet she thought they had settled into a groove and were happy enough.

I bet she thought he was a good guy who was too decent to cheat…and perhaps assumed he was too busy and too smart to screw around and risk blowing up their family.

Regardless, it’s plausible she was blindsided. Anyone would be.

Nah, she knew it was bad. She’d have to be oblivious not to know. The kids knew, too. A zombie, roommate marriage. She might have waited a few more years, but this was always going to end in divorce. Maybe she’s surprised he pulled the trigger, but no way she was surprised, much less blindsided.

I have heard way too many stories in recent years of this exact thing happening and the wife being completely blindsided to believe that. I think sometimes it does happen out of the blue and that’s very hard because it’s such a betrayal of trust. These men are often not-great communicators and/or impulsive types.

If they have stopped having sex on a regular basis then that's willful blindness. I'm puzzled as to why people who decide that they aren't interested in marital sex any longer believe that their spouse should tolerate a sexless marriage

More like unresolved conflict.

Wonder who didn’t want to resolve the underlying conflict(s)?

. Unresolved conflict about what? Your post is not a response to anything.

The unresolved conflicts that led to no more sex. Fix those!
Health, respect, communication, roles & responsibilities, safety, addictions, abuse, disorders, etc.

No, cutting off sex as a form of blackmail led to no sex.

What was the blackmail ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

DP, and first time commenting:

I bet she thought they had settled into a groove and were happy enough.

I bet she thought he was a good guy who was too decent to cheat…and perhaps assumed he was too busy and too smart to screw around and risk blowing up their family.

Regardless, it’s plausible she was blindsided. Anyone would be.

Nah, she knew it was bad. She’d have to be oblivious not to know. The kids knew, too. A zombie, roommate marriage. She might have waited a few more years, but this was always going to end in divorce. Maybe she’s surprised he pulled the trigger, but no way she was surprised, much less blindsided.

I have heard way too many stories in recent years of this exact thing happening and the wife being completely blindsided to believe that. I think sometimes it does happen out of the blue and that’s very hard because it’s such a betrayal of trust. These men are often not-great communicators and/or impulsive types.

If they have stopped having sex on a regular basis then that's willful blindness. I'm puzzled as to why people who decide that they aren't interested in marital sex any longer believe that their spouse should tolerate a sexless marriage

More like unresolved conflict.

Wonder who didn’t want to resolve the underlying conflict(s)?

. Unresolved conflict about what? Your post is not a response to anything.

The unresolved conflicts that led to no more sex. Fix those!
Health, respect, communication, roles & responsibilities, safety, addictions, abuse, disorders, etc.

It’s been years and nothing has been fixed to either party’s satisfaction. Nobody is mistaking the cordial, superficially pleasant status quo for an acceptable or healthy relationship, much less marriage. When divorce finally comes, anyone who says they are surprised just isn’t being honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

DP, and first time commenting:

I bet she thought they had settled into a groove and were happy enough.

I bet she thought he was a good guy who was too decent to cheat…and perhaps assumed he was too busy and too smart to screw around and risk blowing up their family.

Regardless, it’s plausible she was blindsided. Anyone would be.

Let’s not forget he was the one that cheated and destroyed their family. He is choosing to cave into his midlife crisis. He’s having fun and good sex with his younger GF. He will probably abdicate parental responsibilities to his ex-wife. His daughters will hate him…unless he does a good job of buying their continued affection.

I hope she eventually finds a really good man. Screw the cheating husband who wants the mother of his children to politely eat his $hit with a spoon and quietly disappear. I hope his firm cuts him loose.

DP. I agree with you. Do I think sometimes people make assumptions/are willfully ignorant of their spouse's feelings? Yes. Do I also think some people can nurture and take of their marriages and their spouses can still do a 180 and leave them? Yes.

It's possible that OP's friend was in a ho hum marriage and she never discussed with her husband if he was ok with that. That doesn't mean she deserves the position she's in, it means that's a warning sign for others not to get too complacent. But it's also possible that OP's friend was in a ho hum marriage and she had discussed this with her husband and he has acknowledged that this was just the stage of life they were in, etc., and he was fine with it, only to come home one day and say actually he isn't.

It's common to want to point out the perceived flaws in OP's friend's marriage so that you can feel confident that this would NEVER happen to you. And I admit I am one of those people - I would be absolutely blindsided if my husband told me today that he wanted a divorce, so I'd like to think that OP's friend was negligent or did something to cause this chain of events. But it's quite possible that she didn't and her husband is just one of those men who turns into an ass and does something like this. And that's a scary thing to sit with, because I think it would be everyone's worst nightmare if their spouse did that. So we want to believe it won't happen to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

DP, and first time commenting:

I bet she thought they had settled into a groove and were happy enough.

I bet she thought he was a good guy who was too decent to cheat…and perhaps assumed he was too busy and too smart to screw around and risk blowing up their family.

Regardless, it’s plausible she was blindsided. Anyone would be.

Nah, she knew it was bad. She’d have to be oblivious not to know. The kids knew, too. A zombie, roommate marriage. She might have waited a few more years, but this was always going to end in divorce. Maybe she’s surprised he pulled the trigger, but no way she was surprised, much less blindsided.

I don't know why or how you speak with such certainty but that's not how real life works. It's almost like you don't know any married couples and you don't sound like you're married yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It happens a lot. I really think society needs to act more harshly to the younger woman as well as the main.

She isn't cheating on anyone. I get that she blew up a family but I don't see the point of throwing anger at the AP. And no, I've never been an AP and I don't think they're innocent and what they did is awful but she isn't the one breaking any vows. Now, if it were OP's best friend, she would owe something to her. But a random work colleague does not. Of course she should have more decency, but being mad at her just takes away from the anger directed at the husband, which is silly. He's the one who broke his vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The affair partner probably sees exactly the same thing that the blind sided friend saw when they first got together years ago. The difference is the new girlfriend doesn't take him and all he brings to the table completely for granted.

But if the husband is truly an evil screaming lunatic who is so horrible his wife can't bear to have sex with him, she should now be thanking him for pulling the plug on a dead marriage, which she didn't have the courage to do herself.

Not having sex with your husband for whatever reason and making that a permanent thing means the marriage as a romantic relationship is dead for all intents and purposes.

If the guy just told her he was unhappy because she is too clueless to realize that sex is very important, she would remain in denial and claim to not understand. This way she has no choice but to wake up.

Against she should be happy he's divorcing her. Now she will be free to find a much better man or no man at all.

This isn't remotely the case here. Try to keep up and save your fanfic for your other forums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

There are literally constantly posts here in various threads by women in their 40s and 50s who have lost interest in sex entirely, yet don't see it as a problem at all-- in fact it's their absolute right not only to not have marital sex but to be outraged that their husbands feel differently about it. Op sounds like one of them.

I realized post-separation that I had not lost interest in sex at all. Just sex with the ex. And fwiw in our sexless marriage my ex never once addressed it or asked for sex. I certainly wasn't interested in him so was happy to not address it if he wasn't going to address it. How does that fit the narrative of some of you that it's always the woman's fault when there were actually two people who didn't want to have sex with each other?....

Yeah, when the relationship is that far gone, the divorce is win/win.

Except for the kids, who are the losers in that scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

DP, and first time commenting:

I bet she thought they had settled into a groove and were happy enough.

I bet she thought he was a good guy who was too decent to cheat…and perhaps assumed he was too busy and too smart to screw around and risk blowing up their family.

Regardless, it’s plausible she was blindsided. Anyone would be.

Nah, she knew it was bad. She’d have to be oblivious not to know. The kids knew, too. A zombie, roommate marriage. She might have waited a few more years, but this was always going to end in divorce. Maybe she’s surprised he pulled the trigger, but no way she was surprised, much less blindsided.

I have heard way too many stories in recent years of this exact thing happening and the wife being completely blindsided to believe that. I think sometimes it does happen out of the blue and that’s very hard because it’s such a betrayal of trust. These men are often not-great communicators and/or impulsive types.

Our neighbors are getting divorced and it was the wife who blindsided the husband, so it goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

There are literally constantly posts here in various threads by women in their 40s and 50s who have lost interest in sex entirely, yet don't see it as a problem at all-- in fact it's their absolute right not only to not have marital sex but to be outraged that their husbands feel differently about it. Op sounds like one of them.

I realized post-separation that I had not lost interest in sex at all. Just sex with the ex. And fwiw in our sexless marriage my ex never once addressed it or asked for sex. I certainly wasn't interested in him so was happy to not address it if he wasn't going to address it. How does that fit the narrative of some of you that it's always the woman's fault when there were actually two people who didn't want to have sex with each other?....

Same. Plus I realized he was a deadweight in the bedroom just like he was with the home, kids and me. It was quite eye opening, how I was everything to everyone but when kid demands popped up, he disappeared.

Why did this take you a while to realize? I'm asking genuinely. Is this like a lobster in a pot of boiling water? How do you not realize when it starts to get slightly warm? I've been aware since day one, even before we had kids and only had dogs, of what our deal was (that we'd be equal partners in things) and how it was going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts. Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Are you new here? This exact scenario is posted on here all the time.

That's simply an example of selection bias

I don't think you understand the post. The above statement is incorrect, as shown here all the time. It also makes logical sense.