Blindsided

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She knew there were issues. They weren’t having sex and she didn’t think it was a big deal. He thought it was a big deal but didn’t say anything. Someone else stepped up and gave him what he wanted from his wife. It is pretty straightforward, not rocket science.

He knew there were issues, which led to no sex, but didn’t want nor care to address the underlying issues. So checked out and then later cheated, then left his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex did the same.

Mine too. Actually tomorrow is the 17th anniversary of it. I’m over the trauma of it now. I’ve forgiven him. He apologized to me. We have a reasonable relationship for the kids sake (who were a baby and toddler when it happened).

But it took a while and was devastating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knew there were issues. They weren’t having sex and she didn’t think it was a big deal. He thought it was a big deal but didn’t say anything. Someone else stepped up and gave him what he wanted from his wife. It is pretty straightforward, not rocket science.

He knew there were issues, which led to no sex, but didn’t want nor care to address the underlying issues. So checked out and then later cheated, then left his family.

She could have addressed the issues too but she didn't. She wasn't blindsided at all.
Because she didn't make her husband feel wanted, he found someone who wants and appreciates him and left her.
Lesson for today: Make your husband or wife happy otherwise they will leave you and you'll come crying here like OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex did the same.

Mine too. Actually tomorrow is the 17th anniversary of it. I’m over the trauma of it now. I’ve forgiven him. He apologized to me. We have a reasonable relationship for the kids sake (who were a baby and toddler when it happened).

But it took a while and was devastating

Isn't your life better without him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She knew there were issues. They weren’t having sex and she didn’t think it was a big deal. He thought it was a big deal but didn’t say anything. Someone else stepped up and gave him what he wanted from his wife. It is pretty straightforward, not rocket science.

So that's a reason to cheat? He should have not been a f'ing coward and just separated instead of lying to his family and trying to have the best of both worlds.

And someone else put it correctly: his ask not to make it messy is an ask for HIM to not have a consequence. I may mediate to make it easy on myself. But if he thinks he's just going to get what he wants? Hard pass. I'm no doormat. Further, his kids are ol enough to know he's been cheating and so that would be divulged. Period. Full stop.

He's not gonna have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It happens.
He wants out of the marriage.
Id support her divorcing him.

And he doesn’t want messy then this is her leverage to get everything she wants. I’m assuming the younger colleague wants to marry him and have a baby so the clock is ticking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do you think this happens?

I caught up with a grad school friend I hadn't seen or spoken to in 4 years. Married, 52, three daughters 12, 14, 17, lawyer. Husband is a lawyer too. No abuse, cheating , drugs or excessive alcohol according to her. Just a ho hum, one foot in front of the other marriage.

Husband came home from work one day last February and said:

"I'm done. I'm in love with a colleague (17 years younger) and I want a drama and trauma free divorce. Please don't make this messy for the girls. Please lets just end this. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen but I don't love you anymore."

It actually made me tear up typing this out because it's just so.... sad. She is a great person- so kind, funny, pretty and now she is.... in deep, deep depression.

80% of divorces are initiated by women. Men usually tend to stay. They might cheat, but they wouldn't just leave and abandon the family without a second thought. That's the reason they only account for 20% of divorce filings.

For a man to choose to leave like this guy did, he must have felt ignored, disrespected, and neglected to such an extent that he couldn't handle it any longer. Men typically prefer to cheat rather than leave and disrupt the family, especially when there are young kids involved, unless they feel like they're living in a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do you think this happens?

I caught up with a grad school friend I hadn't seen or spoken to in 4 years. Married, 52, three daughters 12, 14, 17, lawyer. Husband is a lawyer too. No abuse, cheating , drugs or excessive alcohol according to her. Just a ho hum, one foot in front of the other marriage.

Husband came home from work one day last February and said:

"I'm done. I'm in love with a colleague (17 years younger) and I want a drama and trauma free divorce. Please don't make this messy for the girls. Please lets just end this. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen but I don't love you anymore."

It actually made me tear up typing this out because it's just so.... sad. She is a great person- so kind, funny, pretty and now she is.... in deep, deep depression.

Ask your friend if she made sure to have lots of kinky sex with her husband. I'll bet she didn't. I'll bet she always had to win every argument. She had to always prove she was "just as good" if not "better" than her husband. She's in a deep depression because all her radical leftist college and law school professors lied to her, as did feminism itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often do you think this happens?

I caught up with a grad school friend I hadn't seen or spoken to in 4 years. Married, 52, three daughters 12, 14, 17, lawyer. Husband is a lawyer too. No abuse, cheating , drugs or excessive alcohol according to her. Just a ho hum, one foot in front of the other marriage.

Husband came home from work one day last February and said:

"I'm done. I'm in love with a colleague (17 years younger) and I want a drama and trauma free divorce. Please don't make this messy for the girls. Please lets just end this. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen but I don't love you anymore."

It actually made me tear up typing this out because it's just so.... sad. She is a great person- so kind, funny, pretty and now she is.... in deep, deep depression.

Ask your friend if she made sure to have lots of kinky sex with her husband. I'll bet she didn't. I'll bet she always had to win every argument. She had to always prove she was "just as good" if not "better" than her husband. She's in a deep depression because all her radical leftist college and law school professors lied to her, as did feminism itself.

There's websites out there if you want to write fanfic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knew there were issues. They weren’t having sex and she didn’t think it was a big deal. He thought it was a big deal but didn’t say anything. Someone else stepped up and gave him what he wanted from his wife. It is pretty straightforward, not rocket science.

He knew there were issues, which led to no sex, but didn’t want nor care to address the underlying issues. So checked out and then later cheated, then left his family.

Exactly. No one was “blindsided.”

[Anonymous]

Women think they are the price and expect that men will tolerate all their nonsense. That's why they feel blindsided when the man decides to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope she gets alimony for life. Hit him hard in the wallet. His children will lose respect for him and will hate his new lover. It won't last.

Depending on what state they live in, and how much money they each earn, it's far more likely she's gets zero alimony. Why are you assuming she .always less income than the husband? They're both attorneys, right?

Most likely outcome, by far, is no alimony either way; split custody 50/50; split marital assets 50/50. Telling her to lawyer up for the purpose of dragging things out and getting vengeance is insane. They'll just burn through hundreds of thousands of assets on pointless fees, and end up in the same place anyway. Yeah of course she needs an attorney to negotiate a standard property settlement agreement. Their may be some back and forth on valuation issues, qdros, etc. But she's probably mostly depressed because she's a lawyer, she knows what divorce lawyers do, and she's sick to her stomach she will have to spend a penny on lawyers fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The marriage was at best on cruise control. Two big careers, three daughters and he may have felt like the odd man out. Daily he’s with a late 30s woman likely smart and attractive and he begins to see a happier path. Did your friend put all of her attention on her job and daughters?

At the risk of drawing ire- so much this.

Men are simple creatures. There is simply no way she didn't see her husband was unhappy with a 'ho hum' marriage. Did she try to keep him close, happy and loved? Or did she just let him drift away to another woman who was eager to sleep with him, see him smile, listen to his thoughts....

Maybe it was “ho hum” because he was a deadweight at home, with her, and with the kids.

And yet he upgraded by bagging a hottie. She must be an ugly dumb ho. That's the only possible answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often do you think this happens?

I caught up with a grad school friend I hadn't seen or spoken to in 4 years. Married, 52, three daughters 12, 14, 17, lawyer. Husband is a lawyer too. No abuse, cheating , drugs or excessive alcohol according to her. Just a ho hum, one foot in front of the other marriage.

Husband came home from work one day last February and said:

"I'm done. I'm in love with a colleague (17 years younger) and I want a drama and trauma free divorce. Please don't make this messy for the girls. Please lets just end this. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen but I don't love you anymore."

It actually made me tear up typing this out because it's just so.... sad. She is a great person- so kind, funny, pretty and now she is.... in deep, deep depression.

I had a male colleague who did this to his wife. Oddly, his affair partner wasn't significantly younger, just really "physically exciting." His words, not mine. I'd say it was a classic midlife crisis combined with the fact he's probably somewhere on the autism spectrum and genuinely didn't seem to understand that blowing up his marriage would irrepreprably harm his relationship with his 3 kids (they were early to late teens at the time), his financial security (his first wife was a high earning professional who earned as much as he did, his affair partner shopped all the time and expected him to pay her credit card bills), and make things sort of awkward with a lot of his work colleagues who were very uncomfortable with the flamboyant nature of his new relationship. (Oh yes, it also damaged his relationship with his own parents because he opted to bring his affair partner to his parents' traditional post Christmas family snow country get away. People were storming out of the house and walking away into the woods.) A couple of years later I can say his ex wife does seem to be living her best life, kids seem focused on being more stable than dad. It was a traumatic disaster. But most of the innocent parties emerged ok after about 3 years of endless drama.

Menopausal women, and perhaps others, insist that because sex isn't important to them, it's not important at all. Many husbands disagree, and de-wife her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a great marriage. I thought so. All our friends thought so. Family thought so. And we have four great kids together.
But he chose to leave for his ugly coworker, mistress anyway, and shun future parental responsibilities

Watch out smug ladies. You could wake up tomorrow and find yourself in the same situation. Or you could try to have some sympathy when her husband single-handedly destroys a family due to his selfishness

Notice what you did there? Not only did you put everyone else's opinions about the state of your marriage above whatever your husband thought about it; you didn't even bother to mention it. Why try to make him the villain when his feelings never mattered to you at all? It's obvious just from what you posted