Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of DH's closest friends from law school is getting divorced. He is very successful and a high earner, but blames that for the demise of his marriage.

Lots of people get divorced. Poor people get divorced. MC people get divorced. Rich people get divorced.

I bet UMC stay married the most because they will lose their lifestyle if they get divorced. I have no stats to back this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

This is an assumption that isn't really accurate. My DH is a big law partner and I was also a big law lawyer before retiring. There are lots of axxholes for sure, but an equally nice number of really good men who truly value their family life and are involved parents. My own DH makes lots of money and has always prioritized being at our kids' games, back to school nights, etc. Now that he has been at this level for a while (mid 50s), he has more flexibility but definitely does not have complete control over his schedule (because clients can be demanding and unreasonable). Still, he can leave the beach and go to back to the room to do a conference call mid-day, or set up early morning zooms if we have plans in the afternoon. It works. I do know some of his partners never lift a finger at home and definitely exhibit narcissistic traits, but there are all kinds.

+1. I know a lot of nice/dorky, smart guys in big law. Several of them were pretty aimless until they decided to go to law school and are ultimately pretty successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse makes 1/20 of big law partner salary but works the same hours. She is a scientist. The society is really really fair. What does big law partner contribute to society? Do they generate new knowledge?

DH helps protect American workers and industries. To me that’s a contribution, but I’m not sure the need to compare. It all depends on who your client is. There are scientists who make bank. There are also govt lawyers who don’t. Also, I might argue that a lot of science is behind paywalls, so it doesn’t always benefit the public.

We definitely need good lawyers in many field including immigration. But most of these big law partners seem only to cater to rich people. I found the salary insanely inappropriate. They outsource childcare to black and latino nannies. What a great life!?

Large international law firms primarily represent corporations, not rich people.

That is worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse makes 1/20 of big law partner salary but works the same hours. She is a scientist. The society is really really fair. What does big law partner contribute to society? Do they generate new knowledge?

DH helps protect American workers and industries. To me that’s a contribution, but I’m not sure the need to compare. It all depends on who your client is. There are scientists who make bank. There are also govt lawyers who don’t. Also, I might argue that a lot of science is behind paywalls, so it doesn’t always benefit the public.

We definitely need good lawyers in many field including immigration. But most of these big law partners seem only to cater to rich people. I found the salary insanely inappropriate. They outsource childcare to black and latino nannies. What a great life!?

This is a thread about spouses married to big law partners. These women often don’t work.

For the women who married rich men and don't work, what do they want their daughters to be? Educated at GDS/Yale and marry someone rich? So 1950s?

Truly wealthy people, like women married to a Wacthell partner who has done well in the market, have trust funds already established for their daughters. They want them to be kind and happy and pursue meaningful work. They have the luxury of getting a degree from Yale and then staying home with their children if that brings them the most fulfillment.

Exactly. It gives our kids the luxury of choice. They start life with no loans and can pick a career based on what they want to do.

Sounds very boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Lawyer here. I’ve never heard this term used outside of Internet forums.

I’m trying to remember how the partners identify themselves. I’m pretty sure they just they work in law or they are a lawyer. It is isn’t like they say im a partner at a biglaw firm.

Pretty sure the SAHMs of the really successful biglaw partners just say their husbands are lawyers. You go to their homes and know they must make $$$$.

I’m a lawyer. And I just say I’m a lawyer. If there is a follow up question I will say where.

My DH just says “I work for the government” because he hates it when people brag about being a lawyer, and his job is relatively high profile. If people follow up, he’ll just say he is a lawyer. You have to pry it out of him to find out where and his title. When people ask what my DH does, I just say he’s a lawyer.

What these wives with no career of their own are out here bragging about with regard to their spouse’s jobs is another matter altogether, though, lol. My female lawyer friends from law school, and some work friends as well, have been laughing at “the wives” for a long time (actually we usually call them “the mommies” and when they have a kid we call the kids “Mommy’s little insurance policy’).

I was actually saying the opposite. The women of the very successful men don’t boast about their husbands at all. I don’t think being a lawyer is brag worthy in this town. The pay of the lawyers obviously vary greatly. I’m sure your husband has a great sounding job but he isn’t making $$$ being a government worker.

The woman of very successful men. Sounds so1950s. Do we live in different worlds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse makes 1/20 of big law partner salary but works the same hours. She is a scientist. The society is really really fair. What does big law partner contribute to society? Do they generate new knowledge?

DH helps protect American workers and industries. To me that’s a contribution, but I’m not sure the need to compare. It all depends on who your client is. There are scientists who make bank. There are also govt lawyers who don’t. Also, I might argue that a lot of science is behind paywalls, so it doesn’t always benefit the public.

We definitely need good lawyers in many field including immigration. But most of these big law partners seem only to cater to rich people. I found the salary insanely inappropriate. They outsource childcare to black and latino nannies. What a great life!?

This is a thread about spouses married to big law partners. These women often don’t work.

For the women who married rich men and don't work, what do they want their daughters to be? Educated at GDS/Yale and marry someone rich? So 1950s?

Truly wealthy people, like women married to a Wacthell partner who has done well in the market, have trust funds already established for their daughters. They want them to be kind and happy and pursue meaningful work. They have the luxury of getting a degree from Yale and then staying home with their children if that brings them the most fulfillment.

Exactly. It gives our kids the luxury of choice. They start life with no loans and can pick a career based on what they want to do.

Sounds very boring.

And stay at home moms of rich men.... are not good role models for girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Lawyer here. I’ve never heard this term used outside of Internet forums.

I’m trying to remember how the partners identify themselves. I’m pretty sure they just they work in law or they are a lawyer. It is isn’t like they say im a partner at a biglaw firm.

Pretty sure the SAHMs of the really successful biglaw partners just say their husbands are lawyers. You go to their homes and know they must make $$$$.

I’m a lawyer. And I just say I’m a lawyer. If there is a follow up question I will say where.

My DH just says “I work for the government” because he hates it when people brag about being a lawyer, and his job is relatively high profile. If people follow up, he’ll just say he is a lawyer. You have to pry it out of him to find out where and his title. When people ask what my DH does, I just say he’s a lawyer.

What these wives with no career of their own are out here bragging about with regard to their spouse’s jobs is another matter altogether, though, lol. My female lawyer friends from law school, and some work friends as well, have been laughing at “the wives” for a long time (actually we usually call them “the mommies” and when they have a kid we call the kids “Mommy’s little insurance policy’).

I was actually saying the opposite. The women of the very successful men don’t boast about their husbands at all. I don’t think being a lawyer is brag worthy in this town. The pay of the lawyers obviously vary greatly. I’m sure your husband has a great sounding job but he isn’t making $$$ being a government worker.

He's not. We don't need it. We have plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

This is an assumption that isn't really accurate. My DH is a big law partner and I was also a big law lawyer before retiring. There are lots of axxholes for sure, but an equally nice number of really good men who truly value their family life and are involved parents. My own DH makes lots of money and has always prioritized being at our kids' games, back to school nights, etc. Now that he has been at this level for a while (mid 50s), he has more flexibility but definitely does not have complete control over his schedule (because clients can be demanding and unreasonable). Still, he can leave the beach and go to back to the room to do a conference call mid-day, or set up early morning zooms if we have plans in the afternoon. It works. I do know some of his partners never lift a finger at home and definitely exhibit narcissistic traits, but there are all kinds.

+1. I know a lot of nice/dorky, smart guys in big law. Several of them were pretty aimless until they decided to go to law school and are ultimately pretty successful.

Do they become aimful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of their money. Not jealous of their spouses. Most of my law school classmates who stayed in big law are honestly the most obnoxious and insufferable people I know.

Really? This is not true of my ls classmates. In fact the two nicest people I know are "BigLaw" partners, and one is a managing partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Lawyer here. I’ve never heard this term used outside of Internet forums.

I’m trying to remember how the partners identify themselves. I’m pretty sure they just they work in law or they are a lawyer. It is isn’t like they say im a partner at a biglaw firm.

Pretty sure the SAHMs of the really successful biglaw partners just say their husbands are lawyers. You go to their homes and know they must make $$$$.

I’m a lawyer. And I just say I’m a lawyer. If there is a follow up question I will say where.

My DH just says “I work for the government” because he hates it when people brag about being a lawyer, and his job is relatively high profile. If people follow up, he’ll just say he is a lawyer. You have to pry it out of him to find out where and his title. When people ask what my DH does, I just say he’s a lawyer.

What these wives with no career of their own are out here bragging about with regard to their spouse’s jobs is another matter altogether, though, lol. My female lawyer friends from law school, and some work friends as well, have been laughing at “the wives” for a long time (actually we usually call them “the mommies” and when they have a kid we call the kids “Mommy’s little insurance policy’).

I was actually saying the opposite. The women of the very successful men don’t boast about their husbands at all. I don’t think being a lawyer is brag worthy in this town. The pay of the lawyers obviously vary greatly. I’m sure your husband has a great sounding job but he isn’t making $$$ being a government worker.

The woman of very successful men. Sounds so1950s. Do we live in different worlds?

Lawyers are so boring. Their knowledge base is so narrow. I once went to a law school party of a friend's and it is the most boring party ever. The know no physics, fine arts, music, history, and other cultures. Just watch some stupid baseball games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Lawyer here. I’ve never heard this term used outside of Internet forums.

I’m trying to remember how the partners identify themselves. I’m pretty sure they just they work in law or they are a lawyer. It is isn’t like they say im a partner at a biglaw firm.

Pretty sure the SAHMs of the really successful biglaw partners just say their husbands are lawyers. You go to their homes and know they must make $$$$.

I’m a lawyer. And I just say I’m a lawyer. If there is a follow up question I will say where.

My DH just says “I work for the government” because he hates it when people brag about being a lawyer, and his job is relatively high profile. If people follow up, he’ll just say he is a lawyer. You have to pry it out of him to find out where and his title. When people ask what my DH does, I just say he’s a lawyer.

What these wives with no career of their own are out here bragging about with regard to their spouse’s jobs is another matter altogether, though, lol. My female lawyer friends from law school, and some work friends as well, have been laughing at “the wives” for a long time (actually we usually call them “the mommies” and when they have a kid we call the kids “Mommy’s little insurance policy’).

I was actually saying the opposite. The women of the very successful men don’t boast about their husbands at all. I don’t think being a lawyer is brag worthy in this town. The pay of the lawyers obviously vary greatly. I’m sure your husband has a great sounding job but he isn’t making $$$ being a government worker.

The woman of very successful men. Sounds so1950s. Do we live in different worlds?

Lawyers are so boring. Their knowledge base is so narrow. I once went to a law school party of a friend's and it is the most boring party ever. The know no physics, fine arts, music, history, and other cultures. Just watch some stupid baseball games.

Found the unemployed loser who incorrectly imagines themself to the right of the bell...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Lawyer here. I’ve never heard this term used outside of Internet forums.

I’m trying to remember how the partners identify themselves. I’m pretty sure they just they work in law or they are a lawyer. It is isn’t like they say im a partner at a biglaw firm.

Pretty sure the SAHMs of the really successful biglaw partners just say their husbands are lawyers. You go to their homes and know they must make $$$$.

I’m a lawyer. And I just say I’m a lawyer. If there is a follow up question I will say where.

My DH just says “I work for the government” because he hates it when people brag about being a lawyer, and his job is relatively high profile. If people follow up, he’ll just say he is a lawyer. You have to pry it out of him to find out where and his title. When people ask what my DH does, I just say he’s a lawyer.

What these wives with no career of their own are out here bragging about with regard to their spouse’s jobs is another matter altogether, though, lol. My female lawyer friends from law school, and some work friends as well, have been laughing at “the wives” for a long time (actually we usually call them “the mommies” and when they have a kid we call the kids “Mommy’s little insurance policy’).

I was actually saying the opposite. The women of the very successful men don’t boast about their husbands at all. I don’t think being a lawyer is brag worthy in this town. The pay of the lawyers obviously vary greatly. I’m sure your husband has a great sounding job but he isn’t making $$$ being a government worker.

The woman of very successful men. Sounds so1950s. Do we live in different worlds?

The term is called a tradwife. It is currently trending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Lawyer here. I’ve never heard this term used outside of Internet forums.

I’m trying to remember how the partners identify themselves. I’m pretty sure they just they work in law or they are a lawyer. It is isn’t like they say im a partner at a biglaw firm.

Pretty sure the SAHMs of the really successful biglaw partners just say their husbands are lawyers. You go to their homes and know they must make $$$$.

I’m a lawyer. And I just say I’m a lawyer. If there is a follow up question I will say where.

My DH just says “I work for the government” because he hates it when people brag about being a lawyer, and his job is relatively high profile. If people follow up, he’ll just say he is a lawyer. You have to pry it out of him to find out where and his title. When people ask what my DH does, I just say he’s a lawyer.

What these wives with no career of their own are out here bragging about with regard to their spouse’s jobs is another matter altogether, though, lol. My female lawyer friends from law school, and some work friends as well, have been laughing at “the wives” for a long time (actually we usually call them “the mommies” and when they have a kid we call the kids “Mommy’s little insurance policy’).

I was actually saying the opposite. The women of the very successful men don’t boast about their husbands at all. I don’t think being a lawyer is brag worthy in this town. The pay of the lawyers obviously vary greatly. I’m sure your husband has a great sounding job but he isn’t making $$$ being a government worker.

The woman of very successful men. Sounds so1950s. Do we live in different worlds?

A sorority sister is married to BigLaw. She tennises and brunches with the ladies, multiples international trips a year. Gorgeous house.

I’d gladly be a 1950s wife for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Lawyer here. I’ve never heard this term used outside of Internet forums.

I’m trying to remember how the partners identify themselves. I’m pretty sure they just they work in law or they are a lawyer. It is isn’t like they say im a partner at a biglaw firm.

Pretty sure the SAHMs of the really successful biglaw partners just say their husbands are lawyers. You go to their homes and know they must make $$$$.

I’m a lawyer. And I just say I’m a lawyer. If there is a follow up question I will say where.

My DH just says “I work for the government” because he hates it when people brag about being a lawyer, and his job is relatively high profile. If people follow up, he’ll just say he is a lawyer. You have to pry it out of him to find out where and his title. When people ask what my DH does, I just say he’s a lawyer.

What these wives with no career of their own are out here bragging about with regard to their spouse’s jobs is another matter altogether, though, lol. My female lawyer friends from law school, and some work friends as well, have been laughing at “the wives” for a long time (actually we usually call them “the mommies” and when they have a kid we call the kids “Mommy’s little insurance policy’).

I was actually saying the opposite. The women of the very successful men don’t boast about their husbands at all. I don’t think being a lawyer is brag worthy in this town. The pay of the lawyers obviously vary greatly. I’m sure your husband has a great sounding job but he isn’t making $$$ being a government worker.

The woman of very successful men. Sounds so1950s. Do we live in different worlds?

A sorority sister is married to BigLaw. She tennises and brunches with the ladies, multiples international trips a year. Gorgeous house.

I’d gladly be a 1950s wife for that.

But she might be boring and get dementia age younger age. I also have several International trips a years, some are visiting families, and some are academic conferences. I make 1/30 of big law.

I don't like brunch with ladies. So boring and uncool. I 'd rather chat with nerds.

These can be the same, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Lawyer here. I’ve never heard this term used outside of Internet forums.

I’m trying to remember how the partners identify themselves. I’m pretty sure they just they work in law or they are a lawyer. It is isn’t like they say im a partner at a biglaw firm.

Pretty sure the SAHMs of the really successful biglaw partners just say their husbands are lawyers. You go to their homes and know they must make $$$$.

I’m a lawyer. And I just say I’m a lawyer. If there is a follow up question I will say where.

My DH just says “I work for the government” because he hates it when people brag about being a lawyer, and his job is relatively high profile. If people follow up, he’ll just say he is a lawyer. You have to pry it out of him to find out where and his title. When people ask what my DH does, I just say he’s a lawyer.

What these wives with no career of their own are out here bragging about with regard to their spouse’s jobs is another matter altogether, though, lol. My female lawyer friends from law school, and some work friends as well, have been laughing at “the wives” for a long time (actually we usually call them “the mommies” and when they have a kid we call the kids “Mommy’s little insurance policy’).

I was actually saying the opposite. The women of the very successful men don’t boast about their husbands at all. I don’t think being a lawyer is brag worthy in this town. The pay of the lawyers obviously vary greatly. I’m sure your husband has a great sounding job but he isn’t making $$$ being a government worker.

The woman of very successful men. Sounds so1950s. Do we live in different worlds?

A sorority sister is married to BigLaw. She tennises and brunches with the ladies, multiples international trips a year. Gorgeous house.

I’d gladly be a 1950s wife for that.

But she might be boring and get dementia age younger age. I also have several International trips a years, some are visiting families, and some are academic conferences. I make 1/30 of big law.

I don't like brunch with ladies. So boring and uncool. I 'd rather chat with nerds.

These can be the same, you know.

The type of woman married to one of these guys likely also attended a top college or grad school.

I recently asked my smart athletic teen son about nerds and he said smart kids are respected. I loved his answer.