Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I actually don’t think anyone cares what anyone does because most people have money. We live in an affluent neighborhood. Our next door neighbor is famous. The other next door neighbor we joke funds terrorists. I have no idea what they do but they are super rich and very to themselves. There are multiple big law partners and surgeons on our street too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

Lawyer here. I’ve never heard this term used outside of Internet forums.

I’m trying to remember how the partners identify themselves. I’m pretty sure they just they work in law or they are a lawyer. It is isn’t like they say im a partner at a biglaw firm.

Pretty sure the SAHMs of the really successful biglaw partners just say their husbands are lawyers. You go to their homes and know they must make $$$$.

I’m a lawyer. And I just say I’m a lawyer. If there is a follow up question I will say where.

My DH just says “I work for the government” because he hates it when people brag about being a lawyer, and his job is relatively high profile. If people follow up, he’ll just say he is a lawyer. You have to pry it out of him to find out where and his title. When people ask what my DH does, I just say he’s a lawyer.

What these wives with no career of their own are out here bragging about with regard to their spouse’s jobs is another matter altogether, though, lol. My female lawyer friends from law school, and some work friends as well, have been laughing at “the wives” for a long time (actually we usually call them “the mommies” and when they have a kid we call the kids “Mommy’s little insurance policy’).

Your husband sounds cool. You seem ick.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My spouse makes 1/20 of big law partner salary but works the same hours. She is a scientist. The society is really really fair. What does big law partner contribute to society? Do they generate new knowledge?

DH helps protect American workers and industries. To me that’s a contribution, but I’m not sure the need to compare. It all depends on who your client is. There are scientists who make bank. There are also govt lawyers who don’t. Also, I might argue that a lot of science is behind paywalls, so it doesn’t always benefit the public.

We definitely need good lawyers in many field including immigration. But most of these big law partners seem only to cater to rich people. I found the salary insanely inappropriate. They outsource childcare to black and latino nannies. What a great life!?

This is a thread about spouses married to big law partners. These women often don’t work.

For the women who married rich men and don't work, what do they want their daughters to be? Educated at GDS/Yale and marry someone rich? So 1950s?

Okay - I'll bite - my DD is currently getting a grad degree in a field that she loves that will also be flexible one day if she wants to have kids - it is not high paying but she could support herself and she is fine with that. Yes, she hopes to one day have a traditional life with an educated and motivated husband, and yes, she is accomplished and ambitious herself, but no, her dream is not to work 80 hours a week and have nannies raise her kids OR a high powered career that includes a stay at home husband while she earns. I call this practical and knowing what you want, not 1950s.

[Anonymous]

I’m jealous of their money. Not jealous of their spouses. Most of my law school classmates who stayed in big law are honestly the most obnoxious and insufferable people I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m jealous of their money. Not jealous of their spouses. Most of my law school classmates who stayed in big law are honestly the most obnoxious and insufferable people I know.

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

[Anonymous]

NP
I am grateful dh has a good environment at his firm with very level headed people, nobody too petty/catty/unprofessional and most are family oriented. This is a bonus in every profession if you can find good coworkers.

He works more than most and yes, I handle all kid stuff (minus weekend games) to a degree most would not want for their kids though in topics like this the drawbacks some people point at are not drawbacks to me and the benefits others like, are not appreciated by me. There is so much stress and I think that's the worst of it, even with a good workplace. Nobody wants that burden but I think some process it better. Stress creates so many other issues and the worst are health related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you fine if they're stuck working and on calls on holidays and in the middle of family vacations? With having them come home after 10pm many nights?

Our extended family vacation: we walk in the house, all the lawyers set up work stations. We join the rest of them for drinks and dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP
I am grateful dh has a good environment at his firm with very level headed people, nobody too petty/catty/unprofessional and most are family oriented. This is a bonus in every profession if you can find good coworkers.

He works more than most and yes, I handle all kid stuff (minus weekend games) to a degree most would not want for their kids though in topics like this the drawbacks some people point at are not drawbacks to me and the benefits others like, are not appreciated by me. There is so much stress and I think that's the worst of it, even with a good workplace. Nobody wants that burden but I think some process it better. Stress creates so many other issues and the worst are health related.

And alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saying big law a lot is also a weird flag. The people at the top firms are not generically saying "I work in big law" just like a Harvard grad isn't going around saying "I went to an Ivy League school." There are huge variations in prestige (and $$) based on the firm and practice area. Some positions would make people far more envious too.
Money and lifestyle wise, I'd be more jealous of PE or VC spouses or of doc spouses where the specialty is lucrative with easy hours.

People don't say it IRL; it's shorthand I've only seen used here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you fine if they're stuck working and on calls on holidays and in the middle of family vacations? With having them come home after 10pm many nights?

Our extended family vacation: we walk in the house, all the lawyers set up work stations. We join the rest of them for drinks and dinner.

+1!
There's only one lawyer but several need work stations. They are cutting up as much as the rest of us but with some calls sprinkled in. Not sure how much work gets done but there is always something and it's usually not too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse makes 1/20 of big law partner salary but works the same hours. She is a scientist. The society is really really fair. What does big law partner contribute to society? Do they generate new knowledge?

DH helps protect American workers and industries. To me that’s a contribution, but I’m not sure the need to compare. It all depends on who your client is. There are scientists who make bank. There are also govt lawyers who don’t. Also, I might argue that a lot of science is behind paywalls, so it doesn’t always benefit the public.

We definitely need good lawyers in many field including immigration. But most of these big law partners seem only to cater to rich people. I found the salary insanely inappropriate. They outsource childcare to black and latino nannies. What a great life!?

Large international law firms primarily represent corporations, not rich people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP
I am grateful dh has a good environment at his firm with very level headed people, nobody too petty/catty/unprofessional and most are family oriented. This is a bonus in every profession if you can find good coworkers.

He works more than most and yes, I handle all kid stuff (minus weekend games) to a degree most would not want for their kids though in topics like this the drawbacks some people point at are not drawbacks to me and the benefits others like, are not appreciated by me. There is so much stress and I think that's the worst of it, even with a good workplace. Nobody wants that burden but I think some process it better. Stress creates so many other issues and the worst are health related.

And alcoholism.

It's the sword of Damocles in my mind and hard to enjoy the good times worried about the road ahead

[Anonymous]

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

This is an assumption that isn't really accurate. My DH is a big law partner and I was also a big law lawyer before retiring. There are lots of axxholes for sure, but an equally nice number of really good men who truly value their family life and are involved parents. My own DH makes lots of money and has always prioritized being at our kids' games, back to school nights, etc. Now that he has been at this level for a while (mid 50s), he has more flexibility but definitely does not have complete control over his schedule (because clients can be demanding and unreasonable). Still, he can leave the beach and go to back to the room to do a conference call mid-day, or set up early morning zooms if we have plans in the afternoon. It works. I do know some of his partners never lift a finger at home and definitely exhibit narcissistic traits, but there are all kinds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1 I think it takes a huge ego to make it in big law. Would be tough to be married to that.

This is an assumption that isn't really accurate. My DH is a big law partner and I was also a big law lawyer before retiring. There are lots of axxholes for sure, but an equally nice number of really good men who truly value their family life and are involved parents. My own DH makes lots of money and has always prioritized being at our kids' games, back to school nights, etc. Now that he has been at this level for a while (mid 50s), he has more flexibility but definitely does not have complete control over his schedule (because clients can be demanding and unreasonable). Still, he can leave the beach and go to back to the room to do a conference call mid-day, or set up early morning zooms if we have plans in the afternoon. It works. I do know some of his partners never lift a finger at home and definitely exhibit narcissistic traits, but there are all kinds.

This is the case for high and low earners. I got blasted on the other thread about knowing quite a few high earning women divorcing their low earning spouses. It is hard enough dealing with a high earning spouse who doesn’t pull his weight around the house. At least these men make the money. Imagine the mom making all the money and still having a husband who does not pull his weight.

[Anonymous]

One of DH's closest friends from law school is getting divorced. He is very successful and a high earner, but blames that for the demise of his marriage.