For those of you whose parents divorced when you were 20+, if one of your parents started a second

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The father is an adult, he made his choice. One 2nd wife may have some issues, but you can't generalize it to all the 2nd wives. Some are working hard and trying to have good relationships with husband's adult children. Do the adult children make efforts to have better relationships?

The adult children don't want the relationship! You can't waltz in, take away a lot of their time with their father, and then tell them they aren't trying hard enough. You did this to them, you earn the relationship.

The adult children don't want the relationship, that is fair. Then how come the adult children want their dad's money? You are still selfish when the adult children don't want the relationship. Your father spent his time and money raising you. He could have you adopted.

Huh? I don't want the money, I actually am wealthier than my father is already. I want the relationship with my father, but I don't want the relationship with his new wife and her spoiled kids. I want the relationship I *could have had* with my father if he had chosen differently. But he didn't.

The way he treats me as an adult, by the way, is the way he's going to treat your children when they are adults-- if he lives that long. Think about what you want for your children.

Majority of the adult children here worried about their inheritance. For you, is it you are the one that dose not want a relationship with your father? I think your father will be more than happy to have a good relationship with you.

Again, you are selfish if you are the one that does not want the relationship. Your father raised you, and he has the rights to pursuer his happiness after you are an adult.

Like I said .I want a relationship with him, but not with her. It's not possible, because she wishes I didn't exist. But I sincerely wish him happiness with his new wife who threatens to dump him if he doesn't ignore his adult children and if he doesn't parent like the much younger man she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The father is an adult, he made his choice. One 2nd wife may have some issues, but you can't generalize it to all the 2nd wives. Some are working hard and trying to have good relationships with husband's adult children. Do the adult children make efforts to have better relationships?

The adult children don't want the relationship! You can't waltz in, take away a lot of their time with their father, and then tell them they aren't trying hard enough. You did this to them, you earn the relationship.

The adult children don't want the relationship, that is fair. Then how come the adult children want their dad's money? You are still selfish when the adult children don't want the relationship. Your father spent his time and money raising you. He could have you adopted.

Huh? I don't want the money, I actually am wealthier than my father is already. I want the relationship with my father, but I don't want the relationship with his new wife and her spoiled kids. I want the relationship I *could have had* with my father if he had chosen differently. But he didn't.

The way he treats me as an adult, by the way, is the way he's going to treat your children when they are adults-- if he lives that long. Think about what you want for your children.

Majority of the adult children here worried about their inheritance. For you, is it you are the one that dose not want a relationship with your father? I think your father will be more than happy to have a good relationship with you.

Again, you are selfish if you are the one that does not want the relationship. Your father raised you, and he has the rights to pursuer his happiness after you are an adult.

Like I said .I want a relationship with him, but not with her. It's not possible, because she wishes I didn't exist. But I sincerely wish him happiness with his new wife who threatens to dump him if he doesn't ignore his adult children and if he doesn't parent like the much younger man she wanted.

Then it is the 2nd wife's problem. I am sorry for you. You could try to work with your father before he is too old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The father is an adult, he made his choice. One 2nd wife may have some issues, but you can't generalize it to all the 2nd wives. Some are working hard and trying to have good relationships with husband's adult children. Do the adult children make efforts to have better relationships?

The adult children don't want the relationship! You can't waltz in, take away a lot of their time with their father, and then tell them they aren't trying hard enough. You did this to them, you earn the relationship.

The adult children don't want the relationship, that is fair. Then how come the adult children want their dad's money? You are still selfish when the adult children don't want the relationship. Your father spent his time and money raising you. He could have you adopted.

Huh? I don't want the money, I actually am wealthier than my father is already. I want the relationship with my father, but I don't want the relationship with his new wife and her spoiled kids. I want the relationship I *could have had* with my father if he had chosen differently. But he didn't.

The way he treats me as an adult, by the way, is the way he's going to treat your children when they are adults-- if he lives that long. Think about what you want for your children.

Majority of the adult children here worried about their inheritance. For you, is it you are the one that dose not want a relationship with your father? I think your father will be more than happy to have a good relationship with you.

Again, you are selfish if you are the one that does not want the relationship. Your father raised you, and he has the rights to pursuer his happiness after you are an adult.

No. they are talking about resources, and the 2nd wife doesn't want any going to adult children. that includes visiting, or buying grandchildren gift or golf trips... it's all her money and she doesn't want it going to his relationship with his adult children.... and yes, if he dies why would his money go to his 2nd wife?

Happiness is spending time with your adult children not being bogged down with 2nd wifes constant needs for money and help with the kids and H home for every.single.holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The father is an adult, he made his choice. One 2nd wife may have some issues, but you can't generalize it to all the 2nd wives. Some are working hard and trying to have good relationships with husband's adult children. Do the adult children make efforts to have better relationships?

The adult children don't want the relationship! You can't waltz in, take away a lot of their time with their father, and then tell them they aren't trying hard enough. You did this to them, you earn the relationship.

The adult children don't want the relationship, that is fair. Then how come the adult children want their dad's money? You are still selfish when the adult children don't want the relationship. Your father spent his time and money raising you. He could have you adopted.

Huh? I don't want the money, I actually am wealthier than my father is already. I want the relationship with my father, but I don't want the relationship with his new wife and her spoiled kids. I want the relationship I *could have had* with my father if he had chosen differently. But he didn't.

The way he treats me as an adult, by the way, is the way he's going to treat your children when they are adults-- if he lives that long. Think about what you want for your children.

Majority of the adult children here worried about their inheritance. For you, is it you are the one that dose not want a relationship with your father? I think your father will be more than happy to have a good relationship with you.

Again, you are selfish if you are the one that does not want the relationship. Your father raised you, and he has the rights to pursuer his happiness after you are an adult.

Like I said .I want a relationship with him, but not with her. It's not possible, because she wishes I didn't exist. But I sincerely wish him happiness with his new wife who threatens to dump him if he doesn't ignore his adult children and if he doesn't parent like the much younger man she wanted.

Then it is the 2nd wife's problem. I am sorry for you. You could try to work with your father before he is too old

That’s all people arecsayinv 2nd wives stand in the way of all of this. Time and money. They are a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many self centered people here. Me me me.... My reduced share of money, my reduced quality of time with dad, and my kids' reduced share of money from grandpa...

You are not entitled to anything. How about your father's life and happiness? You father has done his share of taking care of you. Are you going to take care of your father when he needs care?

Me me me

Why are 2nd wives do selfish.

Denying him time with his kids fishing and golfing and spending weekends at sports events.

How about his happiness? Instead he’s changing diapers and watching kids lol v shoes. So sad.

Why do you need a man to support you, support yourself.

Yes adults take care of their parents when they need care, you seriously over estimate your mental and physical ability as an old woman. Your ability to move a man from bed to chair with your frail 70 yo body.

No marriage with young kids goes well where one parent goes fishing and golfing while the other takes care of toddlers. If it’s a one-off thing, okay. If it’s a regular thing. The souse doing the heavy lifting with the little kids will grow to hate the one who’s out recreating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The father is an adult, he made his choice. One 2nd wife may have some issues, but you can't generalize it to all the 2nd wives. Some are working hard and trying to have good relationships with husband's adult children. Do the adult children make efforts to have better relationships?

The adult children don't want the relationship! You can't waltz in, take away a lot of their time with their father, and then tell them they aren't trying hard enough. You did this to them, you earn the relationship.

The adult children don't want the relationship, that is fair. Then how come the adult children want their dad's money? You are still selfish when the adult children don't want the relationship. Your father spent his time and money raising you. He could have you adopted.

Huh? I don't want the money, I actually am wealthier than my father is already. I want the relationship with my father, but I don't want the relationship with his new wife and her spoiled kids. I want the relationship I *could have had* with my father if he had chosen differently. But he didn't.

The way he treats me as an adult, by the way, is the way he's going to treat your children when they are adults-- if he lives that long. Think about what you want for your children.

Majority of the adult children here worried about their inheritance. For you, is it you are the one that dose not want a relationship with your father? I think your father will be more than happy to have a good relationship with you.

Again, you are selfish if you are the one that does not want the relationship. Your father raised you, and he has the rights to pursuer his happiness after you are an adult.

No. they are talking about resources, and the 2nd wife doesn't want any going to adult children. that includes visiting, or buying grandchildren gift or golf trips... it's all her money and she doesn't want it going to his relationship with his adult children.... and yes, if he dies why would his money go to his 2nd wife?

Happiness is spending time with your adult children not being bogged down with 2nd wifes constant needs for money and help with the kids and H home for every.single.holiday.

You are mistaken. Go back to the long lists of things they listed, most of them are about money. You are wealthier than your father so that is less an issue for you.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor (widow) just divorced her 2nd husband because he complain when she bought her adult kids… table for new house, co-signed loan for car upon graduation from college, tons of baby clothes for new grandchildren, etc.

This is from the life insurance, etc.

Luckily that money was in a trust so he could not get his grubby hands on her money.

He has a younger child and played the “but they are adults” card.

Sorry not sorry.

Bye Felicia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many self centered people here. Me me me.... My reduced share of money, my reduced quality of time with dad, and my kids' reduced share of money from grandpa...

You are not entitled to anything. How about your father's life and happiness? You father has done his share of taking care of you. Are you going to take care of your father when he needs care?

Me me me

Why are 2nd wives do selfish.

Denying him time with his kids fishing and golfing and spending weekends at sports events.

How about his happiness? Instead he’s changing diapers and watching kids lol v shoes. So sad.

Why do you need a man to support you, support yourself.

Yes adults take care of their parents when they need care, you seriously over estimate your mental and physical ability as an old woman. Your ability to move a man from bed to chair with your frail 70 yo body.

No marriage with young kids goes well where one parent goes fishing and golfing while the other takes care of toddlers. If it’s a one-off thing, okay. If it’s a regular thing. The souse doing the heavy lifting with the little kids will grow to hate the one who’s out recreating.

It's not about fishing and golfing just for fun! It's about spending time with and being a good father to your adult children. Things like helping me care for my toddler when I'm on bed rest with a difficult pregnancy. Visiting to spend time with the grandkids so I don't have to travel with them every single time. If you just can't stand the idea of your DH being a good father to his children, what does that say about you? You knew he had adult children, and you chose to marry him.

Remember, how he treats his adult children is how he's going to treat your children when they are adults, if he lives that long. What do you want for your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older men who run out and start a second family are utter morons. We have a few friends who are the 2nd wife/mother and the level of delusion is unreal. Strained relations with the older kids, etc. I’d say in nearly all the cases the husbands are wealthy executives. The worst are guy where the kids are in college or beyond, then start over again with new babies. Wtf!

Those friends are now starting to go thru the divorce process. The first one just popped up out of nowhere, but I suspect we will see more.

I have two young kids now. I can’t even begin to imagine starting another family in my 50s, even with tons of money. I’m already tired and stretched for time now. I can’t even imagine being a 60 year old dad at Little League. WTF.

-Married dad in his 40s

You realize sometimes the wives cheat and leave for their ap so the dads have no say. Nothing wrong with more kids.

Yes, there is a lot wrong with having more kids. And men certainly have a say in that.

So, mom can move on and be with someone else and have more kids but dad should stay single and never have more kids to cater to his ex who cheated on him? There is nothing wrong with having more kids. Most married couples have more than one child.

Nobody is saying they can’t marry again, just that they shouldn’t have more kids. Mom CAN’T have more kids if she’s 40+, and dad is fully in control to choose not to as well. It’s not about “catering to his ex,” it’s about respect for his adult kids. Nobody has to “stay single.”

Yes, there is a lot wrong with having more kids.

Mom absolutely can have more kids. Nothing wrong with more kids.

Do you know any 45 year old women giving birth?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The father is an adult, he made his choice. One 2nd wife may have some issues, but you can't generalize it to all the 2nd wives. Some are working hard and trying to have good relationships with husband's adult children. Do the adult children make efforts to have better relationships?

The adult children don't want the relationship! You can't waltz in, take away a lot of their time with their father, and then tell them they aren't trying hard enough. You did this to them, you earn the relationship.

The adult children don't want the relationship, that is fair. Then how come the adult children want their dad's money? You are still selfish when the adult children don't want the relationship. Your father spent his time and money raising you. He could have you adopted.

Huh? I don't want the money, I actually am wealthier than my father is already. I want the relationship with my father, but I don't want the relationship with his new wife and her spoiled kids. I want the relationship I *could have had* with my father if he had chosen differently. But he didn't.

The way he treats me as an adult, by the way, is the way he's going to treat your children when they are adults-- if he lives that long. Think about what you want for your children.

Majority of the adult children here worried about their inheritance. For you, is it you are the one that dose not want a relationship with your father? I think your father will be more than happy to have a good relationship with you.

Again, you are selfish if you are the one that does not want the relationship. Your father raised you, and he has the rights to pursuer his happiness after you are an adult.

No. they are talking about resources, and the 2nd wife doesn't want any going to adult children. that includes visiting, or buying grandchildren gift or golf trips... it's all her money and she doesn't want it going to his relationship with his adult children.... and yes, if he dies why would his money go to his 2nd wife?

Happiness is spending time with your adult children not being bogged down with 2nd wifes constant needs for money and help with the kids and H home for every.single.holiday.

You are mistaken. Go back to the long lists of things they listed, most of them are about money. You are wealthier than your father so that is less an issue for you.

Yes it’s about money because it costs time and money to visit and 2nd wife is so money grubbing she won’t allow it,

Face it … it’s more fun to go golfing with an adult child than dealing with your toddler and you are jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older men who run out and start a second family are utter morons. We have a few friends who are the 2nd wife/mother and the level of delusion is unreal. Strained relations with the older kids, etc. I’d say in nearly all the cases the husbands are wealthy executives. The worst are guy where the kids are in college or beyond, then start over again with new babies. Wtf!

Those friends are now starting to go thru the divorce process. The first one just popped up out of nowhere, but I suspect we will see more.

I have two young kids now. I can’t even begin to imagine starting another family in my 50s, even with tons of money. I’m already tired and stretched for time now. I can’t even imagine being a 60 year old dad at Little League. WTF.

-Married dad in his 40s

You realize sometimes the wives cheat and leave for their ap so the dads have no say. Nothing wrong with more kids.

Yes, there is a lot wrong with having more kids. And men certainly have a say in that.

So, mom can move on and be with someone else and have more kids but dad should stay single and never have more kids to cater to his ex who cheated on him? There is nothing wrong with having more kids. Most married couples have more than one child.

Nobody is saying they can’t marry again, just that they shouldn’t have more kids. Mom CAN’T have more kids if she’s 40+, and dad is fully in control to choose not to as well. It’s not about “catering to his ex,” it’s about respect for his adult kids. Nobody has to “stay single.”

Yes, there is a lot wrong with having more kids.

Mom absolutely can have more kids. Nothing wrong with more kids.

Do you know any 45 year old women giving birth?

Yes

Only 1% of women can successfully get pregnant at that age. So you might know 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many self centered people here. Me me me.... My reduced share of money, my reduced quality of time with dad, and my kids' reduced share of money from grandpa...

You are not entitled to anything. How about your father's life and happiness? You father has done his share of taking care of you. Are you going to take care of your father when he needs care?

Me me me

Why are 2nd wives do selfish.

Denying him time with his kids fishing and golfing and spending weekends at sports events.

How about his happiness? Instead he’s changing diapers and watching kids lol v shoes. So sad.

Why do you need a man to support you, support yourself.

Yes adults take care of their parents when they need care, you seriously over estimate your mental and physical ability as an old woman. Your ability to move a man from bed to chair with your frail 70 yo body.

No marriage with young kids goes well where one parent goes fishing and golfing while the other takes care of toddlers. If it’s a one-off thing, okay. If it’s a regular thing. The souse doing the heavy lifting with the little kids will grow to hate the one who’s out recreating.

Oh FFS. It's not like he's out having fun. Ideally a man in this situation would make the time to be a good, nice, normal parent to his adult children, at the expense of his own recreational activities. Look, young adult children can be time-consuming! Even if you're *only* seeing them for major life events and never just for a visit, it can be a lot. There's college graduation, then there's masters or JD graduation. There's a wedding. Maybe an engagement dinner to meet the parents (nobody's asking you to pay, just be present). Maybe they'll buy a house and that's something they'll want you to see. Then there's a baby, got to spend time with the baby, then there's another baby. There could be health problems at any age, and they might-- I know it sounds crazy-- want their parents to take an interest in them. And if you have two or three adult children, it's even more. There's basically a major life event once a year, for someone-- and that's if everything goes well! If things don't go well, it could be much, much more time-consuming. This stuff might be enjoyable, but it isn't recreation. It's called "being a family"-- but if you're someone who doesn't think of your DH's children as family, I can see why you wouldn't like it.

Do you think your children won't have these events in their lives when they are young adults? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many self centered people here. Me me me.... My reduced share of money, my reduced quality of time with dad, and my kids' reduced share of money from grandpa...

You are not entitled to anything. How about your father's life and happiness? You father has done his share of taking care of you. Are you going to take care of your father when he needs care?

Me me me

Why are 2nd wives do selfish.

Denying him time with his kids fishing and golfing and spending weekends at sports events.

How about his happiness? Instead he’s changing diapers and watching kids lol v shoes. So sad.

Why do you need a man to support you, support yourself.

Yes adults take care of their parents when they need care, you seriously over estimate your mental and physical ability as an old woman. Your ability to move a man from bed to chair with your frail 70 yo body.

No marriage with young kids goes well where one parent goes fishing and golfing while the other takes care of toddlers. If it’s a one-off thing, okay. If it’s a regular thing. The souse doing the heavy lifting with the little kids will grow to hate the one who’s out recreating.

It’s what you sign up for when you marry someone with grown children.

You are going to deny a person time with their children and grandchildren?

If they are home 50% or more there should not be an issue since that is more than the now adult kids got.

You get what you signed up for.

It’s called bonding not recreating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many self centered people here. Me me me.... My reduced share of money, my reduced quality of time with dad, and my kids' reduced share of money from grandpa...

You are not entitled to anything. How about your father's life and happiness? You father has done his share of taking care of you. Are you going to take care of your father when he needs care?

Me me me

Why are 2nd wives do selfish.

Denying him time with his kids fishing and golfing and spending weekends at sports events.

How about his happiness? Instead he’s changing diapers and watching kids lol v shoes. So sad.

Why do you need a man to support you, support yourself.

Yes adults take care of their parents when they need care, you seriously over estimate your mental and physical ability as an old woman. Your ability to move a man from bed to chair with your frail 70 yo body.

No marriage with young kids goes well where one parent goes fishing and golfing while the other takes care of toddlers. If it’s a one-off thing, okay. If it’s a regular thing. The souse doing the heavy lifting with the little kids will grow to hate the one who’s out recreating.

It’s what you sign up for when you marry someone with grown children.

You are going to deny a person time with their children and grandchildren?

If they are home 50% or more there should not be an issue since that is more than the now adult kids got.

You get what you signed up for.

It’s called bonding not recreating

This. Every-other-weekend dad was good enough for his first set of kids. You and your kids can make do with less as well. It's called "blended family".

Remember, these are the only grandchildren he's going to be young enough to really know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many self centered people here. Me me me.... My reduced share of money, my reduced quality of time with dad, and my kids' reduced share of money from grandpa...

You are not entitled to anything. How about your father's life and happiness? You father has done his share of taking care of you. Are you going to take care of your father when he needs care?

Me me me

Why are 2nd wives do selfish.

Denying him time with his kids fishing and golfing and spending weekends at sports events.

How about his happiness? Instead he’s changing diapers and watching kids lol v shoes. So sad.

Why do you need a man to support you, support yourself.

Yes adults take care of their parents when they need care, you seriously over estimate your mental and physical ability as an old woman. Your ability to move a man from bed to chair with your frail 70 yo body.

No marriage with young kids goes well where one parent goes fishing and golfing while the other takes care of toddlers. If it’s a one-off thing, okay. If it’s a regular thing. The souse doing the heavy lifting with the little kids will grow to hate the one who’s out recreating.

Oh FFS. It's not like he's out having fun. Ideally a man in this situation would make the time to be a good, nice, normal parent to his adult children, at the expense of his own recreational activities. Look, young adult children can be time-consuming! Even if you're *only* seeing them for major life events and never just for a visit, it can be a lot. There's college graduation, then there's masters or JD graduation. There's a wedding. Maybe an engagement dinner to meet the parents (nobody's asking you to pay, just be present). Maybe they'll buy a house and that's something they'll want you to see. Then there's a baby, got to spend time with the baby, then there's another baby. There could be health problems at any age, and they might-- I know it sounds crazy-- want their parents to take an interest in them. And if you have two or three adult children, it's even more. There's basically a major life event once a year, for someone-- and that's if everything goes well! If things don't go well, it could be much, much more time-consuming. This stuff might be enjoyable, but it isn't recreation. It's called "being a family"-- but if you're someone who doesn't think of your DH's children as family, I can see why you wouldn't like it.

Do you think your children won't have these events in their lives when they are young adults? Come on.

All of this ^^^^