When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think there should be laws that equate proven continuous adultery as moral abuse. Cheaters do this to take advantage of their spouse, often a financial advantage or to sting along spouse for convenient sex, home and child care. This often comes at expense of spouse loosing career etc.

For example, if there was a law that allowed the wife to sue a mistress who willingly came along announced to wife, and stayed in a hotel across your family gateway hotel for moral damage that it cause your children, then fewer ladies would be willing to do such outrageous things.

In some states (I think only 7 states currently allow for this) you can sue the mistress/OM/OW in an 'alienation of affection' lawsuit. As early as the summer of 2018, a man sued another man for a similar issue and was ordered to pay $8.8 million. In 2011, a woman was forced to pay another woman, who was married, $30 million dollars for reportedly breaking up the marriage.

A law firm in North Carolina, McIlveen Family Law Firm, has an entire page dedicated to reminding potential, or current, clients about this option. Titled “Calling all homewreckers,” the page describes how a “homewrecker” doesn’t have to be a lover. In fact, it can be a meddling in-law or therapist, to name a couple of examples.

The alienation of affection lawsuit allows you to sue the 3rd party (Affair Partner) for loss of affection that your spouse provided you through marriage. Most states still allow for these types of lawsuits to be filed against 3rd party lovers. They can also be filed against anyone who interfered with your marriage including parents, therapists, in-laws and clergy members who may have encouraged your spouse to file a divorce.

It's all dependent on the state. Some states see as many as 200 alienation of affection lawsuits filed by wronged spouses each year. However, some states don’t allow you to file an alienation of affection lawsuit against a third party. You will be limited to only filing for separation or divorce.

If you can show that your spouse had an extra-marital affair, you can use this as grounds for divorce or separation. Evidence of adultery can have significant impact in some courts in certain states when it comes to division of property and awarding alimony.

Unfortunately, my case was in DC where such lawsuits are not allowed. But I do think that marital contracts/marriages do need additional judicial protection of the martial pledges. It's both a moral and a financial contract. If a 50% shareholder exists a corporation without following a procedure, there will be repercussions. But a partner can exit marriage, cause serious financial and moral damage to spouse for the remainder of life. People invest years and years into marriages, and often out of someone's whim your life ends without serious repercussions to other party who's a fault. Marriage becomes such a risky contract with very high costs and no exit penalties for breaking it! For many it would soon make no sense entering it.

[Anonymous]

Code of the District of Columbia
§ 16–923. Abolition of action for breach of promise, alienation of affections, and criminal conversation.
Causes of action for breach of promise, alienation of affections, and criminal conversation are hereby abolished.

Struck down in 1981

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

I suspect you would also be angry at family members who go public about being a victim of child abuse by family members, so I’m glad not to agree with you on this.

Because child abuse and cheating are the same thing.

On the side of the family secret keepers, I see. Yeah, that’s not a side I want to be on, thanks. I am not protecting the secrets of abusers.

Oh please. Focus on your child. That's whose side you should be on.

Of course. That means honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers. I don’t tolerate not being honest about abusive family members. Obviously you do but we are different that way.

You are hiding your urge to punish your ex and turn your kids against him behind a fig leaf of "honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers". Would it help you to know that when your kids grow up they will understand your true motives and they won't be impressed with you?

I’m happily married and have been for over 20 years. My spouse is the child of a cheater, though, and feels very strongly that hiding the truth is nearly always harmful. I believe him, especially because the people who want cheating kept hidden tend to also want things like abuse and child molestation hidden. It’s the wrong side to be on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

I suspect you would also be angry at family members who go public about being a victim of child abuse by family members, so I’m glad not to agree with you on this.

Because child abuse and cheating are the same thing.

On the side of the family secret keepers, I see. Yeah, that’s not a side I want to be on, thanks. I am not protecting the secrets of abusers.

Oh please. Focus on your child. That's whose side you should be on.

Of course. That means honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers. I don’t tolerate not being honest about abusive family members. Obviously you do but we are different that way.

You are hiding your urge to punish your ex and turn your kids against him behind a fig leaf of "honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers". Would it help you to know that when your kids grow up they will understand your true motives and they won't be impressed with you?

I’m happily married and have been for over 20 years. My spouse is the child of a cheater, though, and feels very strongly that hiding the truth is nearly always harmful. I believe him, especially because the people who want cheating kept hidden tend to also want things like abuse and child molestation hidden. It’s the wrong side to be on.

My exwife cheated. It’s none of our kid’s business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

OMFG with the victim blaming! Cheating is ALWAYS aired in the end. The kids always figure it out one way or another.

There’s no victim blaming in the post, it’s speaking to the abstract. That you apply the scenario to your behavior is pretty telling. Clearly you have inappropriately burdened your kids, there’s no other reason for the ratcheting hysterics. Get help - your posts are filled with rage and pretty scary at this point.

My "posts" (plural)? Uh, no. And I haven't been cheated on, but I've seen it ruin marriages around me and the kids universally knew. In one case, it was the talk of the town.

Don’t worry. Of course this is the logical answer. There is an insane cheater here posting repeatedly who is clearly terrified his kids will find out the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

I suspect you would also be angry at family members who go public about being a victim of child abuse by family members, so I’m glad not to agree with you on this.

Because child abuse and cheating are the same thing.

On the side of the family secret keepers, I see. Yeah, that’s not a side I want to be on, thanks. I am not protecting the secrets of abusers.

Oh please. Focus on your child. That's whose side you should be on.

Of course. That means honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers. I don’t tolerate not being honest about abusive family members. Obviously you do but we are different that way.

You are hiding your urge to punish your ex and turn your kids against him behind a fig leaf of "honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers". Would it help you to know that when your kids grow up they will understand your true motives and they won't be impressed with you?

I’m happily married and have been for over 20 years. My spouse is the child of a cheater, though, and feels very strongly that hiding the truth is nearly always harmful. I believe him, especially because the people who want cheating kept hidden tend to also want things like abuse and child molestation hidden. It’s the wrong side to be on.

What source are you using for this claim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

I suspect you would also be angry at family members who go public about being a victim of child abuse by family members, so I’m glad not to agree with you on this.

Because child abuse and cheating are the same thing.

On the side of the family secret keepers, I see. Yeah, that’s not a side I want to be on, thanks. I am not protecting the secrets of abusers.

Oh please. Focus on your child. That's whose side you should be on.

Of course. That means honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers. I don’t tolerate not being honest about abusive family members. Obviously you do but we are different that way.

You are hiding your urge to punish your ex and turn your kids against him behind a fig leaf of "honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers". Would it help you to know that when your kids grow up they will understand your true motives and they won't be impressed with you?

I’m happily married and have been for over 20 years. My spouse is the child of a cheater, though, and feels very strongly that hiding the truth is nearly always harmful. I believe him, especially because the people who want cheating kept hidden tend to also want things like abuse and child molestation hidden. It’s the wrong side to be on.

My exwife cheated. It’s none of our kid’s business.

Well, it will be when your kid finds out eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

OMFG with the victim blaming! Cheating is ALWAYS aired in the end. The kids always figure it out one way or another.

There’s no victim blaming in the post, it’s speaking to the abstract. That you apply the scenario to your behavior is pretty telling. Clearly you have inappropriately burdened your kids, there’s no other reason for the ratcheting hysterics. Get help - your posts are filled with rage and pretty scary at this point.

My "posts" (plural)? Uh, no. And I haven't been cheated on, but I've seen it ruin marriages around me and the kids universally knew. In one case, it was the talk of the town.

Don’t worry. Of course this is the logical answer. There is an insane cheater here posting repeatedly who is clearly terrified his kids will find out the truth.

It must be really scary to realize that there are many non-cheaters on here advocating to not use your children as a dumping ground for your adult issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

OMFG with the victim blaming! Cheating is ALWAYS aired in the end. The kids always figure it out one way or another.

There’s no victim blaming in the post, it’s speaking to the abstract. That you apply the scenario to your behavior is pretty telling. Clearly you have inappropriately burdened your kids, there’s no other reason for the ratcheting hysterics. Get help - your posts are filled with rage and pretty scary at this point.

My "posts" (plural)? Uh, no. And I haven't been cheated on, but I've seen it ruin marriages around me and the kids universally knew. In one case, it was the talk of the town.

Don’t worry. Of course this is the logical answer. There is an insane cheater here posting repeatedly who is clearly terrified his kids will find out the truth.

It must be really scary to realize that there are many non-cheaters on here advocating to not use your children as a dumping ground for your adult issues.

Well, I’ve never cheated or been divorced, and I’m in a long term happy marriage, so I’m not really worried about hiding truths from my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

OMFG with the victim blaming! Cheating is ALWAYS aired in the end. The kids always figure it out one way or another.

There’s no victim blaming in the post, it’s speaking to the abstract. That you apply the scenario to your behavior is pretty telling. Clearly you have inappropriately burdened your kids, there’s no other reason for the ratcheting hysterics. Get help - your posts are filled with rage and pretty scary at this point.

My "posts" (plural)? Uh, no. And I haven't been cheated on, but I've seen it ruin marriages around me and the kids universally knew. In one case, it was the talk of the town.

Don’t worry. Of course this is the logical answer. There is an insane cheater here posting repeatedly who is clearly terrified his kids will find out the truth.

It must be really scary to realize that there are many non-cheaters on here advocating to not use your children as a dumping ground for your adult issues.

Well, I’ve never cheated or been divorced, and I’m in a long term happy marriage, so I’m not really worried about hiding truths from my kids.

Wait so you have no idea WTF you're talking about and espousing on it with a conviction truly impressive even for DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

OMFG with the victim blaming! Cheating is ALWAYS aired in the end. The kids always figure it out one way or another.

There’s no victim blaming in the post, it’s speaking to the abstract. That you apply the scenario to your behavior is pretty telling. Clearly you have inappropriately burdened your kids, there’s no other reason for the ratcheting hysterics. Get help - your posts are filled with rage and pretty scary at this point.

My "posts" (plural)? Uh, no. And I haven't been cheated on, but I've seen it ruin marriages around me and the kids universally knew. In one case, it was the talk of the town.

Don’t worry. Of course this is the logical answer. There is an insane cheater here posting repeatedly who is clearly terrified his kids will find out the truth.

It must be really scary to realize that there are many non-cheaters on here advocating to not use your children as a dumping ground for your adult issues.

Well, I’ve never cheated or been divorced, and I’m in a long term happy marriage, so I’m not really worried about hiding truths from my kids.

Wait so you have no idea WTF you're talking about and espousing on it with a conviction truly impressive even for DCUM?

But their spouse knows! So therefore they know exactly what to do. That PP probably jumps in on the questions on the Jobs Forum all the time answering questions based on what their spouse does. While clearly having zero clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

OMFG with the victim blaming! Cheating is ALWAYS aired in the end. The kids always figure it out one way or another.

There’s no victim blaming in the post, it’s speaking to the abstract. That you apply the scenario to your behavior is pretty telling. Clearly you have inappropriately burdened your kids, there’s no other reason for the ratcheting hysterics. Get help - your posts are filled with rage and pretty scary at this point.

My "posts" (plural)? Uh, no. And I haven't been cheated on, but I've seen it ruin marriages around me and the kids universally knew. In one case, it was the talk of the town.

Don’t worry. Of course this is the logical answer. There is an insane cheater here posting repeatedly who is clearly terrified his kids will find out the truth.

It must be really scary to realize that there are many non-cheaters on here advocating to not use your children as a dumping ground for your adult issues.

Well, I’ve never cheated or been divorced, and I’m in a long term happy marriage, so I’m not really worried about hiding truths from my kids.

Wait so you have no idea WTF you're talking about and espousing on it with a conviction truly impressive even for DCUM?

My experience comes from being the child in this situation. You keep claiming you care about children, but your comment here reveals the truth: you forgot there are children impacted by cheating parents. I care about truth because I’ve lived lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

I suspect you would also be angry at family members who go public about being a victim of child abuse by family members, so I’m glad not to agree with you on this.

Because child abuse and cheating are the same thing.

On the side of the family secret keepers, I see. Yeah, that’s not a side I want to be on, thanks. I am not protecting the secrets of abusers.

Oh please. Focus on your child. That's whose side you should be on.

Of course. That means honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers. I don’t tolerate not being honest about abusive family members. Obviously you do but we are different that way.

You are hiding your urge to punish your ex and turn your kids against him behind a fig leaf of "honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers". Would it help you to know that when your kids grow up they will understand your true motives and they won't be impressed with you?

I’m happily married and have been for over 20 years. My spouse is the child of a cheater, though, and feels very strongly that hiding the truth is nearly always harmful. I believe him, especially because the people who want cheating kept hidden tend to also want things like abuse and child molestation hidden. It’s the wrong side to be on.

My exwife cheated. It’s none of our kid’s business.

Men often don't like talking about exW cheating as it diminishes their manhood for others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother and her aunt were sexually abused by a family member when they were young. When they started seeking therapy as adults and chose to name their abuser, I was shocked by how many people in the family were FURIOUS with them for airing dirty laundry, not thinking about how it would impact others, not just getting over it, etc.

Abusers and dysfunctional people are fine with continuing the cycle of shame, secret keeping, denial, and gaslighting. It’s what they know, it’s what they are comfortable with. People who were raised this way will continue is the cycle.

The kids can’t be protected from something that already occurred. The cheating already took place. Their lives have been massively altered. The damage already happened. Stop blaming the victim for putting a name to the event that caused the damage.

Lunacy. No wonder there are so many messed up adults. The mentality of treating children like adults and putting adult burdens on them is absolutely insane. These kids stand no chance to grow up and be healthy adults with your beliefs.

I suspect you would also be angry at family members who go public about being a victim of child abuse by family members, so I’m glad not to agree with you on this.

Because child abuse and cheating are the same thing.

On the side of the family secret keepers, I see. Yeah, that’s not a side I want to be on, thanks. I am not protecting the secrets of abusers.

Oh please. Focus on your child. That's whose side you should be on.

Of course. That means honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers. I don’t tolerate not being honest about abusive family members. Obviously you do but we are different that way.

You are hiding your urge to punish your ex and turn your kids against him behind a fig leaf of "honesty and not hiding the secrets of abusers". Would it help you to know that when your kids grow up they will understand your true motives and they won't be impressed with you?

I’m happily married and have been for over 20 years. My spouse is the child of a cheater, though, and feels very strongly that hiding the truth is nearly always harmful. I believe him, especially because the people who want cheating kept hidden tend to also want things like abuse and child molestation hidden. It’s the wrong side to be on.

My exwife cheated. It’s none of our kid’s business.

Men often don't like talking about exW cheating as it diminishes their manhood for others

It’s called not whining in public. It’s called being an adult and moving on.

[Anonymous]

Cheating is ok. Talking about cheating is bad. You are supposed to let your spouse destroy your marriage and family, expose you to stds and stis without your knowledge, have a one sided, secret open marriage, and spend (secretly, of course) their time and marital money on their affair partner. That’s all perfectly fine. Never speak of it. You are the monster for speaking of it. Whiner.