So upset I'm shaking - DH wayward dad asked us for money...
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Anonymous
| OP Your opinion is totally valid and your DH is wrong to be an ass. He asked for an opinion not an absolution. If I were in this situation and had a say in it-I just wouldn't agree to it as it is not going to be $500. It will be $500 followed by a call for $1200 until the next paycheck comes in; just $600 for a house repair, doctor appointment, groceries-on and on and on. If your DH wants to do-together you decide how much you feel comfortable with him giving his Dad. Make it a hard number that cannot be reopened and then give him complete control of it. |
Anonymous
| Your posts give no sense that you recognize your husband is a wrenching and painful position. 16 years is almost grown-it’s not like his dad is a stranger. He shouldn’t feel obligated to give but if giving is what feels least painful and you can afford it he should be able to. You sound really insensitive. |
Anonymous
| You are a real piece of something op. |
Anonymous
Um, seems like the dad is.. |
Anonymous
| Nope, absolutely not. |
Anonymous
No one is disagreeing with that. We’re saying it’s up to the dh to decide how to handle this situation. Op’s position seems to be that it’s her decision to make, not his. That strikes me as disrespectful to her dh. |
Anonymous
| If you could afford it, you should give the money. Asking your kids for money is its own punishment. Obviously if he could do better (in life) he would. |
Anonymous
| You should give him the money. |
Anonymous
OP please ignore this nasty comment. You have every right to be upset. Don't disclose your HHI, it has nothing to do with this conversation. |
Anonymous
| I would say this time was fine under the condition that DH saw a therapist for his unresolved issues surrounding his dad. |
Anonymous
did you not read OP's initial post? He walked out on his family!!! he didn't pay child support!!! he remarried!!! your comment shows warped thinking. |
Anonymous
And if her dh refused to give him money because of that, it would make perfect sense and this board would be supportive. But that’s the dh’s decision to make, not op’s. |
Anonymous
| HHI OP? |
Anonymous
| OP, you are right. This man has no right to ask for a dime from your family. I’m so sorry that this has come up. I just feel such compassion for your husband though, and understand why he wants to give his dad the money. The parent-child bond is complicated and not logical. Maybe let him give the guy the money this time with the explanation that no more will be forthcoming. Then DH gets into therapy stat to deal with these complicated feelings and to learn to set boundaries. No matter what you guys say or do now, he’s going to keep asking you for money. To be clear, you guys don’t owe the dad anything at all, but your husband’s piece of mind is worth something. |
Anonymous
| Op, why do you think your feelings about this situation matter more than your dh’s feelings about it? Because if I were your dh, that would be my takeaway. |