Considering getting my parents an apartment in the same building as me...am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

That's a great idea. Please realize that one of them may need to move again in another 10 years or so. This is not the final solution. Uni

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's crazy as all. I would encourage your parents to downsize and move now before they're forced to. My grandma entered assisted living when her dementia became too much and she just can't adjust to it. She probably would have enjoyed it 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds wonderful. I would do it.

+1

[Anonymous]

This is your parents’ decision. Leaving a home of many years and their neighborhood is a big deal. Whether it is good for them depends on their attachments and their wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be fine with it. Heck I would be fine with living with my family and friends in a commune, because I want to spend my time on Earth with my wonderful friends and family. But what do I know? I did not send my kids to daycare either so maybe I need family close to me.

PP, I completely agree. Here in the US we are so obsessed with the concept of independence. So much so that many people (especially the elderly) feel very lonely and isolated. If OP gets along with her parents (and values time spent with them) then she should go for it.

[Anonymous]

I would not do this. Have them move close by in a senior living condo or apartment. They will need friends while you are working, dating etc. They could become isolated in your building, forget concierge and handyman! The main thing is to have them downsize. Find a place where they can have own friends and activities. You will all be happier in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be fine with it. Heck I would be fine with living with my family and friends in a commune, because I want to spend my time on Earth with my wonderful friends and family. But what do I know? I did not send my kids to daycare either so maybe I need family close to me.

PP, I completely agree. Here in the US we are so obsessed with the concept of independence. So much so that many people (especially the elderly) feel very lonely and isolated. If OP gets along with her parents (and values time spent with them) then she should go for it.

OP here - thanks for this perspective. I didn't mention that the apartment I'm moving to is inside the beltway and a lot closer to all five of my other siblings. My parents would be closer to their other kids and their grandchildren. I really think they'd be willing to move to a smaller place and be closer to all of us if someone (me) made it easy for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be fine with it. Heck I would be fine with living with my family and friends in a commune, because I want to spend my time on Earth with my wonderful friends and family. But what do I know? I did not send my kids to daycare either so maybe I need family close to me.

PP, I completely agree. Here in the US we are so obsessed with the concept of independence. So much so that many people (especially the elderly) feel very lonely and isolated. If OP gets along with her parents (and values time spent with them) then she should go for it.

OP here - thanks for this perspective. I didn't mention that the apartment I'm moving to is inside the beltway and a lot closer to all five of my other siblings. My parents would be closer to their other kids and their grandchildren. I really think they'd be willing to move to a smaller place and be closer to all of us if someone (me) made it easy for them.

OP again - i hate to say that traffic is a factor, but they live in western Fairfax and on any given day it can take an hour or more to get out there from downtown. We just don't see them as much as we would like.

As for people suggesting a retirement home or assisted living, the cost was also a factor. I was shocked by how expensive it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

Why do you assume she would do everything for them?

Because they'd be constantly calling and knocking on the door and guilt-tripping her.

She's basically signing up to be an unpaid maid / go-fer / lackey.

I don't see where she says that in her post. She says her dad might knock on her door a lot, but I saw that as about seeking her company, not about guilt-tripping or turning her into a maid/lackey, whatever. She knows her parents and her relationship with them.

If he was in an over 55 community he would find a plethora of people with tons of time on their hands and the same interests. He would not need "her company". ... besides, her company is limited at least to when she is not working, working out, doing hobbies, having a life.

So if he depends on her for "company" it will be limited. At an over 55 community his company (which helps with memory, happiness, etc) will be plenty.

My ILs live in a 55 and older; they're in their late 70s, as are many of the people in the neighborhood. Not a lot of late 80s, early 90s folks at the wine tastings, pickle ball tournaments, progressive dinners, etc. OP doesn't say she will be the only social outlet, just one of them. And if she's going to be checking on them anyway, why not make it convenient to her?

Weird, my mom is 90 and dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

Why do you assume she would do everything for them?

Because they'd be constantly calling and knocking on the door and guilt-tripping her.

She's basically signing up to be an unpaid maid / go-fer / lackey.

I don't see where she says that in her post. She says her dad might knock on her door a lot, but I saw that as about seeking her company, not about guilt-tripping or turning her into a maid/lackey, whatever. She knows her parents and her relationship with them.

If he was in an over 55 community he would find a plethora of people with tons of time on their hands and the same interests. He would not need "her company". ... besides, her company is limited at least to when she is not working, working out, doing hobbies, having a life.

So if he depends on her for "company" it will be limited. At an over 55 community his company (which helps with memory, happiness, etc) will be plenty.

You sound kind of mean, tbh. Are your parents still living? Are you maybe projecting your own stuff on to the OP?

My mother just dies this Fall sadly. I work in the field though. I see people that could do so much more if people just realized they are not equipped to care for the elderly and I watch people's ability to care for themselves drastically decline when they are living in areas designed for the young. I work to build "elderly" parks in the community. They build parks for kids but none for the elderly.

In a community designed for over 55 their life expectancy is longer and their quality of life is extended. The average age to go to a nursing home or need nursing care is much higher for those not engaged with their community on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

Why do you assume she would do everything for them?

Because they'd be constantly calling and knocking on the door and guilt-tripping her.

She's basically signing up to be an unpaid maid / go-fer / lackey.

I don't see where she says that in her post. She says her dad might knock on her door a lot, but I saw that as about seeking her company, not about guilt-tripping or turning her into a maid/lackey, whatever. She knows her parents and her relationship with them.

If he was in an over 55 community he would find a plethora of people with tons of time on their hands and the same interests. He would not need "her company". ... besides, her company is limited at least to when she is not working, working out, doing hobbies, having a life.

So if he depends on her for "company" it will be limited. At an over 55 community his company (which helps with memory, happiness, etc) will be plenty.

My ILs live in a 55 and older; they're in their late 70s, as are many of the people in the neighborhood. Not a lot of late 80s, early 90s folks at the wine tastings, pickle ball tournaments, progressive dinners, etc. OP doesn't say she will be the only social outlet, just one of them. And if she's going to be checking on them anyway, why not make it convenient to her?

Weird, my mom is 90 and dating.

Woops MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

Why do you assume she would do everything for them?

Because they'd be constantly calling and knocking on the door and guilt-tripping her.

She's basically signing up to be an unpaid maid / go-fer / lackey.

I don't see where she says that in her post. She says her dad might knock on her door a lot, but I saw that as about seeking her company, not about guilt-tripping or turning her into a maid/lackey, whatever. She knows her parents and her relationship with them.

If he was in an over 55 community he would find a plethora of people with tons of time on their hands and the same interests. He would not need "her company". ... besides, her company is limited at least to when she is not working, working out, doing hobbies, having a life.

So if he depends on her for "company" it will be limited. At an over 55 community his company (which helps with memory, happiness, etc) will be plenty.

My ILs live in a 55 and older; they're in their late 70s, as are many of the people in the neighborhood. Not a lot of late 80s, early 90s folks at the wine tastings, pickle ball tournaments, progressive dinners, etc. OP doesn't say she will be the only social outlet, just one of them. And if she's going to be checking on them anyway, why not make it convenient to her?

Weird, my mom is 90 and dating.

Woops MIL.

But it's not weird. STD/STIs are up for the older population. We were talking about day to day activities and social involvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

You are looking at assisted living through rose colored glasses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a great idea. Please realize that one of them may need to move again in another 10 years or so. This is not the final solution. Uni

When they are 95 and 102? Inshallah!

[Anonymous]

You will regret this!