Considering getting my parents an apartment in the same building as me...am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

Why do you assume she would do everything for them?

Because they'd be constantly calling and knocking on the door and guilt-tripping her.

She's basically signing up to be an unpaid maid / go-fer / lackey.

This. Her ability to go out of town or just have a weekend to herself will be compromised. If they are going to move it should be to an over 55.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're crazy to think you'll be able to convince them to move into an apartment. Otherwise, it makes a lot of sense.

this. Also, if there is any dementia, moving will make it much much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're crazy to think you'll be able to convince them to move into an apartment. Otherwise, it makes a lot of sense.

This.

My parents purchased a house in our neighborhood that they currently rent out. They will move when they are ready. Nothing I can say or do will change that. They are 79 and 80.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a bit too close for comfort, but maybe have them move to a building very close by? Why won't they consider an assisted living place?

[Anonymous]

Sounds great to me. I hope they are open to the idea. If you have any worries about privacy talk about - don't assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a bit too close for comfort, but maybe have them move to a building very close by? Why won't they consider an assisted living place?

They visited some retirement homes a few years back and HATED them. My Dad, who was probably older than 75% of the residents, said "everyone here is so old". Lol.

They really are in good shape and quite independent, my mom still works (she's a teacher). I think my mom is much more on board for moving, but my Dad is more attached to the house they've been in. That being said, he's really social and he's been isolated out in the suburbs. If we were in the same building, he would be more socially engaged - obviously with me, but even in the building, he's a friendly outgoing guy and i could see him becoming friends with the concierge, handyman, etc....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a bit too close for comfort, but maybe have them move to a building very close by? Why won't they consider an assisted living place?

They visited some retirement homes a few years back and HATED them. My Dad, who was probably older than 75% of the residents, said "everyone here is so old". Lol.

They really are in good shape and quite independent, my mom still works (she's a teacher). I think my mom is much more on board for moving, but my Dad is more attached to the house they've been in. That being said, he's really social and he's been isolated out in the suburbs. If we were in the same building, he would be more socially engaged - obviously with me, but even in the building, he's a friendly outgoing guy and i could see him becoming friends with the concierge, handyman, etc....

This is valuable, especially as people age.

If your parents are resistant, you might gently point out that this would relieve some stress and anxiety for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

Why do you assume she would do everything for them?

Because they'd be constantly calling and knocking on the door and guilt-tripping her.

She's basically signing up to be an unpaid maid / go-fer / lackey.

I don't see where she says that in her post. She says her dad might knock on her door a lot, but I saw that as about seeking her company, not about guilt-tripping or turning her into a maid/lackey, whatever. She knows her parents and her relationship with them.

If he was in an over 55 community he would find a plethora of people with tons of time on their hands and the same interests. He would not need "her company". ... besides, her company is limited at least to when she is not working, working out, doing hobbies, having a life.

So if he depends on her for "company" it will be limited. At an over 55 community his company (which helps with memory, happiness, etc) will be plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a bit too close for comfort, but maybe have them move to a building very close by? Why won't they consider an assisted living place?

They visited some retirement homes a few years back and HATED them. My Dad, who was probably older than 75% of the residents, said "everyone here is so old". Lol.

They really are in good shape and quite independent, my mom still works (she's a teacher). I think my mom is much more on board for moving, but my Dad is more attached to the house they've been in. That being said, he's really social and he's been isolated out in the suburbs. If we were in the same building, he would be more socially engaged - obviously with me, but even in the building, he's a friendly outgoing guy and i could see him becoming friends with the concierge, handyman, etc....

You need to take them and don't take them to the nursing home section. Take them to the activity center, take them to a class, take them to a party.

The handyman is not a friend... he has a job to do and might be nice. Your dad needs people that will become his friends. There are tons of activities at over 55 communities.

Are you lonely? You sound like you need friends and you are doing this to stave off your own loneliness.

P.S. I don't know any suburbs that don't have a ton of activities for over 55. Where is he?

[Anonymous]

If one of your parents passes away, the surviving parent will need a lot more companionship and support than Op can possibly give them. When that time comes, it would be so much better if her parents already had some friendships established in an over 55 community.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a great idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

Why do you assume she would do everything for them?

Because they'd be constantly calling and knocking on the door and guilt-tripping her.

She's basically signing up to be an unpaid maid / go-fer / lackey.

I don't see where she says that in her post. She says her dad might knock on her door a lot, but I saw that as about seeking her company, not about guilt-tripping or turning her into a maid/lackey, whatever. She knows her parents and her relationship with them.

If he was in an over 55 community he would find a plethora of people with tons of time on their hands and the same interests. He would not need "her company". ... besides, her company is limited at least to when she is not working, working out, doing hobbies, having a life.

So if he depends on her for "company" it will be limited. At an over 55 community his company (which helps with memory, happiness, etc) will be plenty.

My ILs live in a 55 and older; they're in their late 70s, as are many of the people in the neighborhood. Not a lot of late 80s, early 90s folks at the wine tastings, pickle ball tournaments, progressive dinners, etc. OP doesn't say she will be the only social outlet, just one of them. And if she's going to be checking on them anyway, why not make it convenient to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

Why do you assume she would do everything for them?

Because they'd be constantly calling and knocking on the door and guilt-tripping her.

She's basically signing up to be an unpaid maid / go-fer / lackey.

Wow! We did it with my parents and it was amazing. Of course it works if you and your parents are good people.

[Anonymous]

I would be fine with it. Heck I would be fine with living with my family and friends in a commune, because I want to spend my time on Earth with my wonderful friends and family. But what do I know? I did not send my kids to daycare either so maybe I need family close to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is unhealthy.

If they moved to an over 55 community all their amenities will be right there which will encourage independence ... which is healthy.

If you are close you will do everything for them which will make their health decline faster.

Why do you assume she would do everything for them?

Because they'd be constantly calling and knocking on the door and guilt-tripping her.

She's basically signing up to be an unpaid maid / go-fer / lackey.

I don't see where she says that in her post. She says her dad might knock on her door a lot, but I saw that as about seeking her company, not about guilt-tripping or turning her into a maid/lackey, whatever. She knows her parents and her relationship with them.

If he was in an over 55 community he would find a plethora of people with tons of time on their hands and the same interests. He would not need "her company". ... besides, her company is limited at least to when she is not working, working out, doing hobbies, having a life.

So if he depends on her for "company" it will be limited. At an over 55 community his company (which helps with memory, happiness, etc) will be plenty.

You sound kind of mean, tbh. Are your parents still living? Are you maybe projecting your own stuff on to the OP?