my 12year old has received 52 texts from the same kid wanting to hang out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Block the phone number from the phone and be done with it. How is this even a discussion?

It's a flip phone and I don't think it has "block" on it, though i could be wrong.

Change the phone number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

[Anonymous]

Are these the same people who were advocating that a poster call the police after her daughter had been asked out persistently (over the course of one week)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SN or not, what happens when this kid in in the workforce?

That is a long, long way off. Part of what rational people are talking about here is to get the counselor on board to start working on social skills and conflict resolution now, so there won't be a problem a decade from now in the work force. Children aren't dropped on the planet knowing how to navigate the adult work force.

[Anonymous]

Op I would encourage your child to treat this child kindly and let them down as gently as they can and would not tell the friend you are not interested in hanging out with them. There are many other ways to distance yourself from someone. I would NOT tell your son to tell the boy to leave him alone. It could push the child off the edge. He can tell the child he’s busy during the week and not allowed to use his phone because of schoolwork during the week and then he can tell him on the weekends he’s busy with sports and family activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - sounds like you are doing the right thing but my heart aches for the young person trying to make a friend. I imagine their mom is saying, “just keep trying honey.” I feel for that young person but think of are doing the right thing. It’s nice your child has empathy for the other child.

+1

I agree, but enough is enough. Adults wouldn't tolerate that behavior, why should kids? Can you block the number OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SN or not, what happens when this kid in in the workforce?

That is a long, long way off. Part of what rational people are talking about here is to get the counselor on board to start working on social skills and conflict resolution now, so there won't be a problem a decade from now in the work force. Children aren't dropped on the planet knowing how to navigate the adult work force.

No, but he is 12, that is old enough to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

This is the issue. It is not fair to the other kid that he doesn't get it - that is where his parents should be helping him!

It is also not fair to OP's kid - it is a problem on many levels, not least of which when this other kid loses his sh*t and escalates matters, because his parents failed him. Then, what happens, the other kids parents will (guaranteed) try to get OP's kid in trouble - because the other kid doesn't take a hint. The other kid's parents need to pay more attention to their own chid and stay in their lane, because otherwise their kid will be in hot water quick.

Where are his parents, OP? Talk to the school counselor, and don't downplay your concerns. You don't want this to escalate, but it will. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

52 texts is not normal. If it is your normal, then find other like moms so you can text each other 52 times each to hang out, and be with your people. Otherwise, guide, correct and PARENT your kid. Don't deflect and name call other parents for not entertaining you and your kid's foibles (see above).

It is like the mom (a grown woman) who doesn't understand when you don't answer your phone, that you are not available, then shows up at your doorstep to drop off her kids. No excuse. I have seen it. Some people are not reasonable, and live in their own world - not in the real world. OP is irritated, and she has every right to be. You don't get to say how you or your kid's actions makes OP or her kid feel, PP.

Reign it in - know when to say when, and teach your kid. PARENT.

[Anonymous]

I am guessing this other kid has anger issues, OP. Nip it in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

You should read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. It’s the seminal work on personal safety. And one of his biggest points is that people ignore their intuition and disregard danger signals because they want to be “nice” and “non-judgmental” and don’t want to seem neurotic. After something horrible happens, they are able to point to all the signals they glossed over that would have warned them. He says to never ignore your intuition or a bad feeling because your subconscious is telling you something and it’s much more powerful than logic. And a person not respecting boundaries is a big flag. This kid has sent OP”s DS 52 texts even though DS has shown no interest and tried to put him off nicely. Your examples of typing in caps or using too many emojis are ridiculous and not at all comparable. 52 texts is way over the top and signals that this kid has an issue and is not reading DS’s boundaries. Often when these people are confronted about their boundary violations they become angry. DS should not handle this own his own. Being nice hasn’t worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

You should read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. It’s the seminal work on personal safety. And one of his biggest points is that people ignore their intuition and disregard danger signals because they want to be “nice” and “non-judgmental” and don’t want to seem neurotic. After something horrible happens, they are able to point to all the signals they glossed over that would have warned them. He says to never ignore your intuition or a bad feeling because your subconscious is telling you something and it’s much more powerful than logic. And a person not respecting boundaries is a big flag. This kid has sent OP”s DS 52 texts even though DS has shown no interest and tried to put him off nicely. Your examples of typing in caps or using too many emojis are ridiculous and not at all comparable. 52 texts is way over the top and signals that this kid has an issue and is not reading DS’s boundaries. Often when these people are confronted about their boundary violations they become angry. DS should not handle this own his own. Being nice hasn’t worked.

+1

Behaviors like this being endorsed, excused and/or not stopped by their parent is unfathomable. It seems like the parent wants the child to have friends so bad (parent projecting), the parent over looks completely what is really happening, or the parent likely has boundary issues themselves. Hint: friends and/or well-meaning people don't over step boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Block his number. You can do it on a flip phone, just google instructions for your model.