Reply to my 12year old has received 52 texts from the same kid wanting to hang out

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Reply to "my 12year old has received 52 texts from the same kid wanting to hang out"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.[/quote]

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."[/quote]

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.[/quote]

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.[/quote]

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

[/quote]

You should read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. It’s the seminal work on personal safety. And one of his biggest points is that people ignore their intuition and disregard danger signals because they want to be “nice” and “non-judgmental” and don’t want to seem neurotic. After something horrible happens, they are able to point to all the signals they glossed over that would have warned them. He says to never ignore your intuition or a bad feeling because your subconscious is telling you something and it’s much more powerful than logic. And a person not respecting boundaries is a big flag. This kid has sent OP”s DS 52 texts even though DS has shown no interest and tried to put him off nicely. Your examples of typing in caps or using too many emojis are ridiculous and not at all comparable. 52 texts is way over the top and signals that this kid has an issue and is not reading DS’s boundaries. [b]Often when these people are confronted about their boundary violations they become angry. DS should not handle this own his own. Being nice hasn’t worked. [/b][/quote]

Behaviors like this being endorsed, excused and/or not stopped by their parent is unfathomable. It seems like the parent wants the child to have friends so bad (parent projecting), the parent over looks completely what is really happening, or the parent likely has boundary issues themselves. Hint: friends and/or well-meaning people don't over step boundaries. [/quote]

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