my 12year old has received 52 texts from the same kid wanting to hang out

[Anonymous]

I agree with letting the school counselor know. Make sure they know you’re trying to get the kid in trouble, just trying to see if the school can help since he’s clearly not responding to social cues. Don’t tell the kids you’re calling, tell the counselor that your child doesn’t know and to please not bring it up with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with letting the school counselor know. Make sure they know you’re trying to get the kid in trouble, just trying to see if the school can help since he’s clearly not responding to social cues. Don’t tell the kids you’re calling, tell the counselor that your child doesn’t know and to please not bring it up with him.

+1

Definitely tell the school. Try to be sensitive. If this kid has social issues (it seems so), the parent may too, and the parent may try to force the issue. I know someone who tried to let the kid down easy, and very nicely, but the kid wouldn't take no for an answer and their mom tried to make it a million times worse. To add to it, the mom is in PR - so you can imagine the spin she tried to put on it to the school! Now the mom and the kid are on the school's radar. The school knows damn well what is happening, and it turns out that the kid has anger issues, on top of the social skills thing.

I hope this kid's mom doesn't ruin it for him like the kid I am talking about, OP. I hope someone teaches the kid what he should know by now. It strikes me as sad, because sometimes the parents make things worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they go to the same school? School counselors can be very helpful in managing situations like this.

Yes, same school. I hate to involve the school counselor in something that isn't bullying. Plus, I mentioned it to my son and he was mortified. He does not want to have to talk it out. He just wants to be left alone.

You wouldn't be complaining about bullying, and your son would not be expected to 'talk it out' with the other kid. Counselors know things about other kids you don't, and while they won't tell you confidential information they can offer strategies to manage the situation sensitively, and once she knows, she can also bring it up with the other kid (or the kids parents) and give that kid strategies to not annoy other kids by text. In fact, you could talk to the counselor yourself. Your son doesn't need to.

[Anonymous]

And, OP, kudos to your kid and his good instincts. Some kids would get mean about this situation real fast and make things much worse. Good on him for talking to you about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And, OP, kudos to your kid and his good instincts. Some kids would get mean about this situation real fast and make things much worse. Good on him for talking to you about it.

OP here. Thank you. I would be quite upset if he had been rude, but I have to admit I feel uncomfortable that this kid keeps pursuing my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they go to the same school? School counselors can be very helpful in managing situations like this.

Yes, same school. I hate to involve the school counselor in something that isn't bullying. Plus, I mentioned it to my son and he was mortified. He does not want to have to talk it out. He just wants to be left alone.

You wouldn't be complaining about bullying, and your son would not be expected to 'talk it out' with the other kid. Counselors know things about other kids you don't, and while they won't tell you confidential information they can offer strategies to manage the situation sensitively, and once she knows, she can also bring it up with the other kid (or the kids parents) and give that kid strategies to not annoy other kids by text. In fact, you could talk to the counselor yourself. Your son doesn't need to.

I appreciate this. My concern was having to "talk it out" which just seems cringe-worthy for anyone to have to do in this situation. I do plan to contact the counselor and won't mention to my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: He has texted back various excuses over the weeks and when that didn't work he gave a blunt "no thanks" but it continues. He thought the kid was Ok last year and hung out with him a little, but they didn't click much. He feels stalked and isn't interested now and it's making him really uncomfortable. He is now asking me for advice and I basically think he has done everything he should. I have read the texts and I think he handled it well. What would y'all suggest?

Tell him to treat him the way you would want someone to treat your son if he was doing that. Tell him to say he is busy with such and such on most weekends. Let him down gently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

That’s fair. I really would talk to the guidance counselor. She might be able to set up a lunch bunch and help the other kid make more friends. ( or learn social skills). It’s not gossiping—it’s getting him help. Neither kid ever needs to know you made the call.

Good point! Will do-thanks!

+1 on guidance counselor.

I called and asked for assistance with a kid my son was struggling with. They'd been friends and my kid didn't want to be friends any more but couldn't make the other kid leave him alone. The guidance counselor was great. Brought them together and then was fairly direct to the other kid about backing off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Block the phone number from the phone and be done with it. How is this even a discussion?

It's a flip phone and I don't think it has "block" on it, though i could be wrong.

You're wrong. Flip phones do have block options, but you need to search for them, they are not as obvious as the block button on a smartphone. If I remember correctly, you need to go into Settings and search for Blocked numbers or something like that, and then add that number to the list.
Check your phone's manual online.

[Anonymous]

You can also just call your provider to block the #.

[Anonymous]

My DD had this happen. She responded with reasons she couldn't hang out like 4 or 5 times in a row (I told her she can always say 'my mom won't let me') and then just stopped reading that girls' texts. The girl couldn't take a hint.

I've told my daughter she can ALWAYS blame me for things. My mom took my phone away. I'm grounded. I'm not allowed to do sleepovers right now. My mom is making me do errands/clean the house with her.

[Anonymous]

Kudos to your child for being respectful and courteous in spite of being annoyed. There is clearly a social issue there and your child is being very kind. I too think a contact should be made to the school or the other parent to help the other child, not to complain. “I’m worried that X is reaching out so much for time that Timmy just isnt able to give”. I would also ask that the counselor not involve your child or mention the specifics but I would tell your child that you were going to do this so someone can help X learn to navigate friendships better because other kids might not be as kind as yours. Worst case, yes you can reply back or your child can that you say there are too many messages and it’s time for a break from texting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kudos to your child for being respectful and courteous in spite of being annoyed. There is clearly a social issue there and your child is being very kind. I too think a contact should be made to the school or the other parent to help the other child, not to complain. “I’m worried that X is reaching out so much for time that Timmy just isnt able to give”. I would also ask that the counselor not involve your child or mention the specifics but I would tell your child that you were going to do this so someone can help X learn to navigate friendships better because other kids might not be as kind as yours. Worst case, yes you can reply back or your child can that you say there are too many messages and it’s time for a break from texting.

We tried this (PP here) and the mom (the one in the PR field at a major company, and should know better, but prob has social issues herself) escalated matters. OP needs to go to the counselor before that kid loses his proverbial sh*t on your child, OP. Then, that will involve assault charges against that kid (remember schools have cameras everywhere now, thankfully). Seriously, some people don't get it, and they don't have coping mechanisms, and if their parent is SN or had anger issues, or both - they will just POUR that gasoline on the spark. Try to head this off nicely, before you have to step it up legally (good chance of that happening - and this family has a lot to lose - not least of all directly affecting their child - so I would think they would have known better). Now their child has a police record - which isn't what they wanted, but they also refused to get help, and refused to back off. Apparently, they tend to think they are always right, and don't know when to say when, which is their downfall (I would think she would know better, being in the PR field!). They are risking a lot now, and are on very thin ice, because they tried to blame another student, and the truth was/is obvious. If the parent doesn't know when to say when, when to back off - it really is a huge problem for their child. Sorry you are going through this. Some people try to make matters difficult, but end up hurting only themselves.

[Anonymous]

SN or not, what happens when this kid in in the workforce?

[Anonymous]

Op - sounds like you are doing the right thing but my heart aches for the young person trying to make a friend. I imagine their mom is saying, “just keep trying honey.” I feel for that young person but think of are doing the right thing. It’s nice your child has empathy for the other child.