my 12year old has received 52 texts from the same kid wanting to hang out

[Anonymous]

It's time to involve the school. OP's son already said no. That "no" is not being respected and OP's son is uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

But OP's kid already said no. And has stopped responding. There's nothing more for OP's kid to learn here - he politely responded to the request and removed himself from the situation. The other kid needs to back off. They are 12, not 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

But OP's kid already said no. And has stopped responding. There's nothing more for OP's kid to learn here - he politely responded to the request and removed himself from the situation. The other kid needs to back off. They are 12, not 6.

+1

Other PP, and parents like other PP, are not parenting - they are flat out failing their children.

Also, why don't they find like minded parents, with like minded kids, so their kids can hang out, texting each other all day, every day? My God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SN or not, what happens when this kid in in the workforce?

That is a long, long way off. Part of what rational people are talking about here is to get the counselor on board to start working on social skills and conflict resolution now, so there won't be a problem a decade from now in the work force. Children aren't dropped on the planet knowing how to navigate the adult work force.

No, but he is 12, that is old enough to get it.

For all we know he is on the autism spectrum. 'Old enough' is actually a more relative term than you seem to realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 52 declines - I think he could also stop replying - ghosting can be cruel but not sure there are any other options

He tries ghosting and the texts keep coming so he responds now and then.

Ok, teach your child not to respond now and then. That's "intermittent reinforcement" and it's extremely effective in getting the behavior to continue. It makes the other child think 10 texts will result in a reply. Ghost and stay ghosted and eventually, after way too long, the other kid will get bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SN or not, what happens when this kid in in the workforce?

That is a long, long way off. Part of what rational people are talking about here is to get the counselor on board to start working on social skills and conflict resolution now, so there won't be a problem a decade from now in the work force. Children aren't dropped on the planet knowing how to navigate the adult work force.

No, but he is 12, that is old enough to get it.

For all we know he is on the autism spectrum. 'Old enough' is actually a more relative term than you seem to realize.

Yes, but even if the mom is on the spectrum, she should know how to teach her kid properly, by now. The mom and one of the PPs seem terribly out of touch, which is detrimental for their kid/s. In no way is it good for their kids. If you don't know how to act, don't impose that on your kid.

[Anonymous]

That parent would do well by joining a parent/child social skills group.

[Anonymous]

Block the number, OP. If their parent doesn't care so much, why should you?

[Anonymous]

Obviously the parents see their kid as a problem, and are trying to make their problem your problem, OP.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

But OP's kid already said no. And has stopped responding. There's nothing more for OP's kid to learn here - he politely responded to the request and removed himself from the situation. The other kid needs to back off. They are 12, not 6.

False. Even in true "stalking" situations and harassment cases, one is often told they need to specifically say "stop contacting me." Just relying on signals does not always communicate a position. And it is kind of lame. Just tell him to "stop contact me." or stop texting me. He has NOT said that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

But OP's kid already said no. And has stopped responding. There's nothing more for OP's kid to learn here - he politely responded to the request and removed himself from the situation. The other kid needs to back off. They are 12, not 6.

+1

Other PP, and parents like other PP, are not parenting - they are flat out failing their children.

Also, why don't they find like minded parents, with like minded kids, so their kids can hang out, texting each other all day, every day? My God.

On the contrary, I teach my child how to manage social interactions. Asking for what she wants. Telling someone when they are making her uncomfortable. You know, communicating in a society. You're the ones failing. Labeling normal 12 year old conduct as "stalking" and acting fearful over an overzealous texter. My god is right. You're failing and creating a neurotic kid, afraid to speak up for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

But OP's kid already said no. And has stopped responding. There's nothing more for OP's kid to learn here - he politely responded to the request and removed himself from the situation. The other kid needs to back off. They are 12, not 6.

+1

Other PP, and parents like other PP, are not parenting - they are flat out failing their children.

Also, why don't they find like minded parents, with like minded kids, so their kids can hang out, texting each other all day, every day? My God.

On the contrary, I teach my child how to manage social interactions. Asking for what she wants. Telling someone when they are making her uncomfortable. You know, communicating in a society. You're the ones failing. Labeling normal 12 year old conduct as "stalking" and acting fearful over an overzealous texter. My god is right. You're failing and creating a neurotic kid, afraid to speak up for himself.

Denial is NOT your friend. If your child is texting someone (52 TIMES) after the other child has indicated to stop - you AND your child need serious help. OP, this might be out of the hands of the school, after all - according tho this PP's behavior Grown adult PP here that thinks that kind of behavior is okay, resorting to trying to insult the potential victim, and that becomes dangerous, fast. No wonder their child doesn't understand basic social cues. The parent is trying to provoke, and clearly their child thinks that is perfectly acceptable. You need to escalate before the other child does, OP. SN or not, they are not off the hook when their child does wrong. If it gets worse, they are opening themselves up to law suits, and seem proud to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

But OP's kid already said no. And has stopped responding. There's nothing more for OP's kid to learn here - he politely responded to the request and removed himself from the situation. The other kid needs to back off. They are 12, not 6.

False. Even in true "stalking" situations and harassment cases, one is often told they need to specifically say "stop contacting me." Just relying on signals does not always communicate a position. And it is kind of lame. Just tell him to "stop contact me." or stop texting me. He has NOT said that.

Google law is not your friend. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread gently, as the other child obviously has some social skills issues.

OP here. I figured that and neither I nor my son want to upset this kid, but he has a right to say "no."

No one is saying he doesn't have the "right to say no."

But, this is your opportunity to have him advocate for himself. This is not dangerous or threatening situation. He has to be able to say: "Larlo, you've been texting me a lot. And it's making me [uncomfortable/fell awkward]. I don't appreciate being texted 52 times in a day. I'll see you in school." If it escalates, THEN you get the school involved.

It sounds like BOTH boys need some social skills, but in different ways.

When somebody is really obsessive you sometimes need to walk on eggshells. Your suggestion could make things escalate IMO. If a child has already declined many times that should be clear enough and if it isn't then there are other things going on where it makes more sense to have a counselor involved.

Sorry, but you're being ridiculous. 12 year old kids are learning social norms, including lots of them being new to using the phone. It's our job to guide them.

I've seen kids typing in all caps. Sending lines and lines of emojis. "Stalking" each other to hang out. Jumping straight to the conclusion that the kid in the OP has something wrong with him or is dangerous or is truly "stalking" him is ABSURD. There is nothing that indicates the OPs kids told him to stop; just that he doesn't want to hand out. Those are two different things. If AFTER he has told him to stop and he doesn't, then the counselor should be involved. Not before.

Are you all so nervous in real life? Jesus help us all if you are.

But OP's kid already said no. And has stopped responding. There's nothing more for OP's kid to learn here - he politely responded to the request and removed himself from the situation. The other kid needs to back off. They are 12, not 6.

+1

Other PP, and parents like other PP, are not parenting - they are flat out failing their children.

Also, why don't they find like minded parents, with like minded kids, so their kids can hang out, texting each other all day, every day? My God.

On the contrary, I teach my child how to manage social interactions. Asking for what she wants. Telling someone when they are making her uncomfortable. You know, communicating in a society. You're the ones failing. Labeling normal 12 year old conduct as "stalking" and acting fearful over an overzealous texter. My god is right. You're failing and creating a neurotic kid, afraid to speak up for himself.

Signed, Your Own Worst Enemy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He has texted back various excuses over the weeks and when that didn't work he gave a blunt "no thanks" but it continues. He thought the kid was Ok last year and hung out with him a little, but they didn't click much. He feels stalked and isn't interested now and it's making him really uncomfortable. He is now asking me for advice and I basically think he has done everything he should. I have read the texts and I think he handled it well. What would y'all suggest?

Tell him to treat him the way you would want someone to treat your son if he was doing that. Tell him to say he is busy with such and such on most weekends. Let him down gently

Why does he need to be "let down gently"? No means no. OP's son has done more than he is required to even continuing to respond to the requests. This kid is harassing him, plain and simple. And regardless of his possible "social issues", someone in authority needs to intervene and make him stop. The onus is not on OPs son to fix this.