my 12year old has received 52 texts from the same kid wanting to hang out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic example why 12 year olds don't need phones. They aren't mature enough to handle, for goodness sake, just wait until they are at least 13-14

Maybe for your own child.

There is a condescending poster who thinks they know it all, and is giving bad advice. OP, you need to contact he school. Why? Because the PP I mention is just the type of parent who would try to turn the tables on your kid. If the school knows about the other kid's behavior now, you will intercept any fallout when the other kid loses their sh*t (like their parent PP on here). he just doesn't get it, I suspect their parent doesn't either, and you need a third party involved. If you call the parent, the parent is going to try to "patch things up" because they don't get it either, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, geez. My DS12 has ADHD--(he's the opposite, so anxious over rejection, I can't get him to text anyone once).

You need to call the child's parents-- this isn't really a school matter- it's an area where the parents need to intervene. The other child has impulse control issues or possibly anxiety. His parents need to be involved to help him manage these impulses and feelings.

You can do it in a way that's kind and neutral--simply say, "hey, friends move on, but Larlo seems to be having difficulty with it. I'm a parent too, and I would want to know if this was happenening."

I would want to be called--if you don't want to do it, it's time to involve school counselor for both kids' sakes.

This is all fine and good, but if OP's DC has already said stop, and the kid doesn't get it, I suspect that the parent is not the reasonable type - and may have impulse control issues themselves.

There are plenty of great parents out there whose kids are immature, struggle with social cues, impulsivity, anxiety, etc. We don't know this child or his parents, but I wouldn't assume that they are unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, geez. My DS12 has ADHD--(he's the opposite, so anxious over rejection, I can't get him to text anyone once).

You need to call the child's parents-- this isn't really a school matter- it's an area where the parents need to intervene. The other child has impulse control issues or possibly anxiety. His parents need to be involved to help him manage these impulses and feelings.

You can do it in a way that's kind and neutral--simply say, "hey, friends move on, but Larlo seems to be having difficulty with it. I'm a parent too, and I would want to know if this was happenening."

I would want to be called--if you don't want to do it, it's time to involve school counselor for both kids' sakes.

This is all fine and good, but if OP's DC has already said stop, and the kid doesn't get it, I suspect that the parent is not the reasonable type - and may have impulse control issues themselves.

There are plenty of great parents out there whose kids are immature, struggle with social cues, impulsivity, anxiety, etc. We don't know this child or his parents, but I wouldn't assume that they are unreasonable.

It is reasonable to assume that most parents know what is up on their teens phone, no? Wouldn't the teen say "mom, I don't know why Larlo isn't responding or doesn't want to hang out anymore?" Hint: this is a teachable moment for the parent - not anyone else. It's fine if you disagree, but you have been quite rude on this thread, and probably others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, geez. My DS12 has ADHD--(he's the opposite, so anxious over rejection, I can't get him to text anyone once).

You need to call the child's parents-- this isn't really a school matter- it's an area where the parents need to intervene. The other child has impulse control issues or possibly anxiety. His parents need to be involved to help him manage these impulses and feelings.

You can do it in a way that's kind and neutral--simply say, "hey, friends move on, but Larlo seems to be having difficulty with it. I'm a parent too, and I would want to know if this was happenening."

I would want to be called--if you don't want to do it, it's time to involve school counselor for both kids' sakes.

This is all fine and good, but if OP's DC has already said stop, and the kid doesn't get it, I suspect that the parent is not the reasonable type - and may have impulse control issues themselves.

There are plenty of great parents out there whose kids are immature, struggle with social cues, impulsivity, anxiety, etc. We don't know this child or his parents, but I wouldn't assume that they are unreasonable.

It is reasonable to assume that most parents know what is up on their teens phone, no? Wouldn't the teen say "mom, I don't know why Larlo isn't responding or doesn't want to hang out anymore?" Hint: this is a teachable moment for the parent - not anyone else. It's fine if you disagree, but you have been quite rude on this thread, and probably others.

No, actually. I DO check my child's phone. And the things I see on their from other kids makes me believe that I'm in the minority. There is no way a parent could see their kids posting some of the things they do and be ok with it. Moreover, on this Board, I've seen parents talk about not checking to protect their kids' privacy. So, this is not an accurate assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, geez. My DS12 has ADHD--(he's the opposite, so anxious over rejection, I can't get him to text anyone once).

You need to call the child's parents-- this isn't really a school matter- it's an area where the parents need to intervene. The other child has impulse control issues or possibly anxiety. His parents need to be involved to help him manage these impulses and feelings.

You can do it in a way that's kind and neutral--simply say, "hey, friends move on, but Larlo seems to be having difficulty with it. I'm a parent too, and I would want to know if this was happenening."

I would want to be called--if you don't want to do it, it's time to involve school counselor for both kids' sakes.

This is all fine and good, but if OP's DC has already said stop, and the kid doesn't get it, I suspect that the parent is not the reasonable type - and may have impulse control issues themselves.

There are plenty of great parents out there whose kids are immature, struggle with social cues, impulsivity, anxiety, etc. We don't know this child or his parents, but I wouldn't assume that they are unreasonable.

It is reasonable to assume that most parents know what is up on their teens phone, no? Wouldn't the teen say "mom, I don't know why Larlo isn't responding or doesn't want to hang out anymore?" Hint: this is a teachable moment for the parent - not anyone else. It's fine if you disagree, but you have been quite rude on this thread, and probably others.

Rude on this thread? I honestly have no idea what you are talking about- I've been very polite and I'm (almost) always polite on threads. I'm saying that you are jumping to a conclusion about the other child's parents. Also, no, I wouldn't assume that most parents know what their kid is up to on their phone- they should, but not knowing doesn't put them in the minority of parents in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Just. Block. The. Number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just. Block. The. Number.

+1

Other PP is an overactive loose cannon. Probably new, but no excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just. Block. The. Number.

+1

Other PP is an overactive loose cannon. Probably new, but no excuse.

Blocking the number may get OP's kid some peace, but it doesn't get the texter help understanding boundaries. That's why you tell the school counseling.

[Anonymous]

"Hi this is Larlo's mom. I take his phone at night. Please stop texting him, the number of texts on here is inappropriate." And if I could I would kindly mention it to a parent.

That is assuming he can't block him, which is what my kids do on their iphones.

I wouldn't worry too much though about the kid, he is likely immature (I didn't read further posts so maybe its come out that its something more sinister) reminds of when my kids first got to text on ipads and would send a million texts of emojis. He might have just gotten a phone ? Novelty plus immaturity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just. Block. The. Number.

+1

Other PP is an overactive loose cannon. Probably new, but no excuse.

Blocking the number may get OP's kid some peace, but it doesn't get the texter help understanding boundaries. That's why you tell the school counseling.

Both. I could see the other parent trying to flip things against OP (after all, the other parent presumably does not know about the 52 !!! texts), so OP needs to be clear with the school. I am worried about a kid without impulse control losing their sh*t on OP's kid, as I have stated. There is a mom on here who thinks she is self appointed DCUM police and disagrees with my theory, but I have seen it (maybe it was her kid who acted out, and she is defensive - is my thought), and it is very real. Unless that other kid wants to get in over his head, he better cut the crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Hi this is Larlo's mom. I take his phone at night. Please stop texting him, the number of texts on here is inappropriate." And if I could I would kindly mention it to a parent.

That is assuming he can't block him, which is what my kids do on their iphones.

I wouldn't worry too much though about the kid, he is likely immature (I didn't read further posts so maybe its come out that its something more sinister) reminds of when my kids first got to text on ipads and would send a million texts of emojis. He might have just gotten a phone ? Novelty plus immaturity?

I would send the text then block, but not bother with the other parents, as they seem dense to me. The other kid may be immature, and not understand consequences for his actions (and clearly the other parents aren't enforcing many, if at all), which is my (rather large and legitimate) concern.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We let the counselor know and she is reaching out to the counselor assigned to the boy. I did not feel comfortable texting the boy myself because I don't know him well enough to know how stable he is, but the counselor suggested we have him text something like, "I am sorry I don't have the time to hang out. You are a great kid, but getting so many texts makes me really uncomfortable. I will not be responding to more texts." Then he blocked the number. Not sure how I feel about that because again I don't know the child's level of emotional well being and what he can handle. I won't reach out to the mom because I do know she is a pistol when it comes to defending her son and she is at the school a lot causing trouble.

I'm sure I will get some backlash, but I support my child's right to decline an invite from someone he already have chances to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just. Block. The. Number.

+1

Other PP is an overactive loose cannon. Probably new, but no excuse.

Blocking the number may get OP's kid some peace, but it doesn't get the texter help understanding boundaries. That's why you tell the school counseling.

I don't disagree, and I'm torn but ultimately I think it's not OP or OP's kid's job to teach or help the boy understand boundaries. OP's job is to protect her child from the excessive texting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We let the counselor know and she is reaching out to the counselor assigned to the boy. I did not feel comfortable texting the boy myself because I don't know him well enough to know how stable he is, but the counselor suggested we have him text something like, "I am sorry I don't have the time to hang out. You are a great kid, but getting so many texts makes me really uncomfortable. I will not be responding to more texts." Then he blocked the number. Not sure how I feel about that because again I don't know the child's level of emotional well being and what he can handle. I won't reach out to the mom because I do know she is a pistol when it comes to defending her son and she is at the school a lot causing trouble.

I'm sure I will get some backlash, but I support my child's right to decline an invite from someone he already have chances to.

No one said he didn't have the "right" to decline and invite. Jesus, lady.