my 12year old has received 52 texts from the same kid wanting to hang out
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Anonymous
OP here. Let me explain. I know there are some out there who would say the boy is simply lonely and needs a friend. My son gave him chances and it is not a match. Perhaps my choice of language offended you, but my point is even if this boy is struggling, he does need help, but my child also needs to be free to decline. It does sound like most people understand boundaries. I do hope he gets the support he needs which is why I appreciated the suggestion to speak with the counselor. |
Anonymous
Hopefully this works and this child will now back off. No backlash, your child doesn't have to engage with someone who makes him uncomfortable. |
Anonymous
WHOA. You sound sane. |
Anonymous
Good job, OP. Now the school is on notice of what is really happening. The part about the kid's mother is exactly what I suspected, by the information you gave. You did the right thing. Well done. The school knows the types of parents very well, BTW (see other PP - yikes). |
Anonymous
OP, I think you and your son handled this with empathy and appropriate boundaries. I am a mom of a special needs boy (who is 13) and I could easily see him doing this. From his perspective, when someone leaves even a little tiny bit of hope, he latches on to that and constantly bothers the person. Luckily, I'm able to curb his behavior, but if it were up to him, he'd invite or go knock on a friend's door 10 or 20 times in one afternoon if they responded with "I can't right now" In his view, right now means this exact minute, so 10 minutes later they might be able to. From my perspective I much rather prefer a peer to be nice but direct (I can't hang out/play with you anymore. You're nice but I'm not allowed (or just I can't)). You can't text me anymore) Because of my son's ASD, he really doesn't take offense to that and simply takes it as a fact and moves on. It's only when kids are gray about it (not today, I'm busy, etc.) that he obsesses about it and keeps trying. I just wwanted to give you the perspective from a kid that's probably a lot like the kid you describe that has no threatening behaviors and wouldn't go crazy if someone just said No in a kind but blunt way. I know I'm differnet than that kid's mother, but just thought I'd reassure you that you and your son were great in the way you handled it. |
Anonymous
Pot, meet kettle. |
Anonymous
To be clear, no one (including me) is saying he needs to be friends with the boy, engage his texts, or anything. It "offends" me only to the extent that I think you greatly exaggerated the danger/issue here. And I also think you did your son a disservice and not teaching him how to set firm boundaries in an awkward situation. But, that's just my view and others clearly feel differently. Having said that, it seems to be handled fine in that the resolution seems to have worked for your son, and hopefully the boy. |
Anonymous
OP really didn't have a choice. Those parents are likely spending more time trying to watch other people's kids than their own. I suspect the school already knows that family, but not in the way you seem to want them to. I know this story hits close to home - maybe, just maybe you learned something constructive from it, PP. |
Anonymous
| OP is this is a public school or private school? I’m just trying to get a sense of how large the grade is? |
Anonymous
| I just want to say that 52 texts from one child isn't that many if it's spread out over several months. OP didn't say they were all in one day. If the OP's son responded intermittently to them, the texter may have thought it was ok to send one text a day or every couple days. Shoot, for kids who like each other, they could text back & forth that many times in 48 hrs. I think you handled it just right, just am not as sure as all the other PPs that the awkward kid texting is an unhinged stalker - sounds more like a clueless 12 year old boy who doesn't realize that the friendship is not mutual (or does realize it & is freaked out & wishes that weren't true). |
Anonymous
"Please stop texting me", "let's take a break", or blocking the number is pretty clear. |
Anonymous
I was going to say something similar. She can also say, please don't text me so much, my mom says I can't text so much. The other child might think twice knowing that a parent is paying attention. |
Anonymous
The bolded is the issue. She's probably obnoxious and highly controlling at home too and telling her kid to keep pushing your son and your son will eventually say yes. Pretty sad, but in this day and age and country, my mind went to a potential school shooting threat. I hope the counselors can get the boy the support he needs. |
Anonymous
x100000 Exactly this. Well said. Thank you. |
Anonymous
| I've had to deal with this issue as a school counselor. I encouraged the parents (who totally got it) to get much more involved in their child's cell phone use and monitor everything. This child needed a lot of modeling and teaching. I also convinced them to switch to a "dumb" phone because he wasn't ready for having a computer in his pocket. I explained it was protective. I was worried he'd mess up the few friendships that were working for him. I also met with the boy and talked to him about how everyone has a different way of signaling that they need space. I told him that if someone is only answering one out of 50 of your messages, they are trying to set some boundaries. Because I knew he was concrete and lacking skills, I also recommended a social skills group. The parents were amazing and kicked into gear and worked with him themselves, too. If the parents are not open to feedback and nothing changes, you have to help your own child say "no" firmly but kindly and block if needed. And I agree with the PP who suggesting blaming any phone-related stuff on parents, ie "please don't text me, my parents really limit my texts." Or whatever. Think about the long run. If your kid thinks they can't say "no" to texts, what message are you sending them about saying no when someone they don't like repeatedly asks for a nude selfie or asks them out over and over again. It's good practice for setting other boundaries later. |