my 12year old has received 52 texts from the same kid wanting to hang out

[Anonymous]

OP, also be mindful that there are parents who scream “bullying!!!” when no such thing is happening. It is because those parents are bullies raising bullies, and they don’t want to be found out. The school staff is generally well trained to spot this. Generally, not always. Just be aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had to deal with this issue as a school counselor. I encouraged the parents (who totally got it) to get much more involved in their child's cell phone use and monitor everything. This child needed a lot of modeling and teaching. I also convinced them to switch to a "dumb" phone because he wasn't ready for having a computer in his pocket. I explained it was protective. I was worried he'd mess up the few friendships that were working for him. I also met with the boy and talked to him about how everyone has a different way of signaling that they need space. I told him that if someone is only answering one out of 50 of your messages, they are trying to set some boundaries. Because I knew he was concrete and lacking skills, I also recommended a social skills group. The parents were amazing and kicked into gear and worked with him themselves, too. If the parents are not open to feedback and nothing changes, you have to help your own child say "no" firmly but kindly and block if needed. And I agree with the PP who suggesting blaming any phone-related stuff on parents, ie "please don't text me, my parents really limit my texts." Or whatever. Think about the long run. If your kid thinks they can't say "no" to texts, what message are you sending them about saying no when someone they don't like repeatedly asks for a nude selfie or asks them out over and over again. It's good practice for setting other boundaries later.

This sounds like a good way to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, also be mindful that there are parents who scream “bullying!!!” when no such thing is happening. It is because those parents are bullies raising bullies, and they don’t want to be found out. The school staff is generally well trained to spot this. Generally, not always. Just be aware.

YES. This is why kids are reluctant to be direct and parents are reluctant to advise them to be direct. As soon as you finally say "I am not interested. Stop contacting me" you run the risk of the parent crying bullying, sobbing to their friends and sharing the story of your mean, heartless child without the context to anyone who wants to comfort them.

Unfortunately sometimes school personnel get involved in the wrong way. poor Larlo has this text that tells him to leave the person alone and your kid gets called in to explain it.

It's the crazy parents who escalate things. The ones in tune with their kids see it as a social learning experience and get their kids some help with social skills rather than blaming the evil rejector.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, also be mindful that there are parents who scream “bullying!!!” when no such thing is happening. It is because those parents are bullies raising bullies, and they don’t want to be found out. The school staff is generally well trained to spot this. Generally, not always. Just be aware.

YES. This is why kids are reluctant to be direct and parents are reluctant to advise them to be direct. As soon as you finally say "I am not interested. Stop contacting me" you run the risk of the parent crying bullying, sobbing to their friends and sharing the story of your mean, heartless child without the context to anyone who wants to comfort them.

Unfortunately sometimes school personnel get involved in the wrong way. poor Larlo has this text that tells him to leave the person alone and your kid gets called in to explain it.

It's the crazy parents who escalate things. The ones in tune with their kids see it as a social learning experience and get their kids some help with social skills rather than blaming the evil rejector.

x10000

Thank you for the clarification. This is so true. Everyone knows who those parents are - over involved, and projecting, and they try to drag your kid into their insecurities and drama. My God woman, get you and your kid some help - I will gladly pay!