6th grader is only kid in his peer group without a phone

[Anonymous]

My 7th grader does not have a phone - we plan to get him one in 8th. He uses his iPad at home to text. All of his friends have iPhones. Most use them excessively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay strong, OP. Your fellow resisters are out here.

+1. Mine is in 6th as well and does not have a phone, nor will he be getting one until at least 8th.

OP, I did allow him to join the school group chat on my phone. That has the added benefit of me being able to read the texts, plus I can obviously limit the time that he spends on the phone. It's working for now.

[Anonymous]

My son is in 7th grade and doesn’t have one. Fortunately some of his best friends don’t either. I don’t care what others are doing. My son isn’t mature enough to own one yet.

[Anonymous]

6th grader doesn’t have a phone. He is fine. Has friends and we truly believe we are doing him a favor by not giving him one. I think it’s awful you all believe your young children need phones. It’s ridiculous. Justify it all you want, but deep down you know it’s not healthy for them.

[Anonymous]

8th grads DS has my old iPhone but is not allowed to take it to school. (We drive and pick him up from school.) He is allowed to take his phone with him when he is out with friends and is done with homework. So long as your DS can message he should be fine socially.

[Anonymous]

If you give kids an iPad to text a phone is no different. I guess you can say your kid is phone-free, but I don’t get the point if they have access to an iPad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 11, I think it's okay for your kids to have a phone. I know EVERYTHING my 12 year old DD is doing....and I mean EVERYTHING. I know where she is, I know who she is calling, I know who she is texting, I know every site she visits, etc. I control if she can download an app, a request comes to my phone that I have to approve before it's installed on her phone. I get a nice report and she knows I do too. I was so against her having a phone until I realized the power it actual gives me to know what she is up to.

I also think parents need to remember what they did when they were 11. I know the first thing I did was come home, do my homework, then I would call up my five friends that all could walk to each other and we would make plans to play outside, etc. We all hand landlines then....we would stretch that phone card as far as it would go to get a little privacy too. Today, I only know of one of my DD friend's parents that still have a landline. This is just this generations version of what we used to do....I know my parents would have killed for today's technology to track me when I was teenager.

Could you please share what apps you use? I also have a tween (without a phone so far) but have no idea how those tracking apps work.

[Anonymous]

Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

Children in elementary school do not need phones. Period. They don't need to be learning how to text.

Kids will eventually need to learn to use phones and social media responsibly. Elementary school is not that time. Parents like you are a NIGHTMARE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got our 6th grader an iPod primarily to listen to music but another feature is that she can text and use FaceTime while she's at home or anywhere she's hooked up to WiFi. She has her own iCloud email (in place of the phone number), so it feels more grown-up than having her friends text her on the family iPad. Apple also has a lot of parental controls built in so we get to monitor which apps she puts on it.

We did the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Kids will eventually need to learn to use phones and social media responsibly. Elementary school is not that time. Parents like you are a NIGHTMARE.

I know, it's hard for your kids to keep up with my smart, savvy, independent, socially-skilled kids. They make yours look bad.

My view is, kids learn what they are ready to learn. Putting off learning and independence because it makes adults uncomfortable is foolishness.

It's a celly. It's a tool. Our job is to teach them how to use them. Providing access is a key part of that.

FWIW, my kids have also ridden the public bus from middle school grade (well from 5th but w/buddy system), the younger one can cook a full course dinner, and the older one can change a tire -- and oh has a youtube channel that makes about $1000 / month (about shoes, sometimes hip hop.) He puts that money in a bank account he's managed himself since he was 12 and is saving for college, has saved close to 10k in the last year.

Using his phone.

Which he's had since he was 10.

My goal has always been to raise capable, self-sufficient young people. In 2019, independent digital access is part of that.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what would be worse.
Having no phone or having your parent breathing down your neck 24/7.
There's probably a compromise to this. good habits/good influences are probably better than ridiculous moderation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Kids will eventually need to learn to use phones and social media responsibly. Elementary school is not that time. Parents like you are a NIGHTMARE.

I know, it's hard for your kids to keep up with my smart, savvy, independent, socially-skilled kids. They make yours look bad.

My view is, kids learn what they are ready to learn. Putting off learning and independence because it makes adults uncomfortable is foolishness.

It's a celly. It's a tool. Our job is to teach them how to use them. Providing access is a key part of that.

FWIW, my kids have also ridden the public bus from middle school grade (well from 5th but w/buddy system), the younger one can cook a full course dinner, and the older one can change a tire -- and oh has a youtube channel that makes about $1000 / month (about shoes, sometimes hip hop.) He puts that money in a bank account he's managed himself since he was 12 and is saving for college, has saved close to 10k in the last year.

Using his phone.

Which he's had since he was 10.

My goal has always been to raise capable, self-sufficient young people. In 2019, independent digital access is part of that.

So I guess you’re not a regular mom, you’re a “cool mom.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s fine in my opinion as long as you are not contacting his friends when he’s with them to check on your kid. My daughter has two friends whose parents are on this big high horse about their children not having any technology until eighth grade. However they rely heavily on my daughter and her phone to know where their kids are and if they need anything which I think is so hypocritical

This is why more than one of DS’s friends got phones the summer before 6th. Their parents realized how often they were texting DS to check in on where them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Kids will eventually need to learn to use phones and social media responsibly. Elementary school is not that time. Parents like you are a NIGHTMARE.

I know, it's hard for your kids to keep up with my smart, savvy, independent, socially-skilled kids. They make yours look bad.

My view is, kids learn what they are ready to learn. Putting off learning and independence because it makes adults uncomfortable is foolishness.

It's a celly. It's a tool. Our job is to teach them how to use them. Providing access is a key part of that.

FWIW, my kids have also ridden the public bus from middle school grade (well from 5th but w/buddy system), the younger one can cook a full course dinner, and the older one can change a tire -- and oh has a youtube channel that makes about $1000 / month (about shoes, sometimes hip hop.) He puts that money in a bank account he's managed himself since he was 12 and is saving for college, has saved close to 10k in the last year.

Using his phone.

Which he's had since he was 10.

My goal has always been to raise capable, self-sufficient young people. In 2019, independent digital access is part of that.

So I guess you’re not a regular mom, you’re a “cool mom.”

I’d say she’s a normal mom. She gets it. And she’s clearly not anxiety ridden.