6th grader is only kid in his peer group without a phone

[Anonymous]

Our son is starting middle school without a phone. I don't think he's mature enough for a phone, and he doesn't really need one, as it's a short walk to school and we have a landline. Plus he has ADHD and I feel like having a phone so young will make it harder for him to learn to stay focused. My friends with older kids strongly urge us to wait until at least age 13.

But now that school is underway, I can see that all his peers have phones with texting capability. There's a large group of boys in the neighborhood who have an ongoing group text, sending emojis and talking about girls. Our son is a little socially challenged as it is, and I'm worried that not having a phone will further isolate him. But then again, maybe having a phone lead to other problems such as bullying (already one kid is picking on my son) or inappropriate texts. And aren't there 6th graders who don't yet have phones? Or have phones but are willing to initiate get-togethers with kids who don't have phones? How real is the social isolation of kids who don't have phones in 6th grade?

Hoping that parents of slightly older kids can weigh in with some different perspectives to consider.

[Anonymous]

My son was too. I wasn't bothered, and he knew he'd get nowhere by asking. We got him a phone in the middle of 8th grade because he needed to call us for pick-up at one of his activities.

[Anonymous]

What about getting him a flip phone? Can text and call, but no browser ability and texting is not easy.

[Anonymous]

My son is in 6th and the only one without a phone too. I give him mine to communicate. They do homework via FaceTime sometimes and send silly texts. Could that be an interim solution for you?

[Anonymous]

My son's in 7th grade and doesn't have a phone. Doesn't need one and I think you swap one set of problems for another when you go down the slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

Yes they all have phones and it’s terrible parenting. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

My son got a phone in 6th and after that I encouraged him to plan his own things with friends. But he has friends without phones so for those the parents still reach out to me or they use the landline. But it certainly is easier when the other kids have phones. But it is not like my son carries his all the time, so parents often text me anyway.

Just try to avoid saying negative things about other kids having phones. Those parents are so annoying, especially since this is usually followed by them suggesting thier kid rely on my son’s phone ( as in they expect my son to take his phone every where). If you want the convenience of a phone, you pay for it.

[Anonymous]

My kids would have had zero interaction with their friends and classmates outside of school without their own phones. You can stand firm on this, but just know that he'll be isolated from his peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about getting him a flip phone? Can text and call, but no browser ability and texting is not easy.

We got my son a slider phone (w/ keyboard for texting) in 6th. It was fine for us calling him but since kids' texting is so full of emojis etc. it didn't really keep him in the loop with friends. We switched a smart phone in 7th but it was heavily locked down with a parental control app so all he could do was call, text, and play a couple games we approved, and we could track his location. No social media, no app store or web browser access. I liked him having it for communication with friends and with us when he wanted to go to a friend's house after school or decided to stay after school for an activity.

[Anonymous]

Stay strong, OP. Your fellow resisters are out here.

[Anonymous]

At 11, I think it's okay for your kids to have a phone. I know EVERYTHING my 12 year old DD is doing....and I mean EVERYTHING. I know where she is, I know who she is calling, I know who she is texting, I know every site she visits, etc. I control if she can download an app, a request comes to my phone that I have to approve before it's installed on her phone. I get a nice report and she knows I do too. I was so against her having a phone until I realized the power it actual gives me to know what she is up to.

I also think parents need to remember what they did when they were 11. I know the first thing I did was come home, do my homework, then I would call up my five friends that all could walk to each other and we would make plans to play outside, etc. We all hand landlines then....we would stretch that phone card as far as it would go to get a little privacy too. Today, I only know of one of my DD friend's parents that still have a landline. This is just this generations version of what we used to do....I know my parents would have killed for today's technology to track me when I was teenager.

[Anonymous]

All of my kids and my friends' kids had phones by sixth grade - most even before that. In fact, I don't know any kids in real life who didn't have phones by the start of sixth grade.

I can tell you unequivocally that my kids do not ever communicate with kids who don't have cellphones because all of their communication and planning goes on through texts. Also, by this age, I didn't know anyone who was making their kids' plans.

Regardless of which decision you make, there are going to be problems. If you don't allow it, your kid will likely be socially isolated. If you do allow it, there could be inappropriate things or other problems. You just have to decide which risk you are more willing to take. As a mom of a kid with ADHD and social immaturity, there is no way I would have chosen the isolation of no phone. He was already behind the eight ball and didn't need to have a year or more of limited social interaction when social interaction is what helps him mature.

[Anonymous]

My 6th grader texts using his iPad. That limits his texting to outside of school and he can only use it during his screen time. For calling/texting me during the day, he has a Gizmo.

[Anonymous]

I have to say, I love that my 6th grader has a phone, we use it all the time to coordinate. But, she is responsible and doesn’t loose it. If she wasn’t, I would do a cheap flip phone. And YES, all friend communication is via text. Maybe it’s not a big deal for boys, but it is for girls.

[Anonymous]

My eighth grader still has no phone. Yes, he is almost a unicorn, but he still manages to have friends and connect. He is able to text a very few people using an iPad, but only one school friend. He also texts some friends to make plans using my phones. And the old fashioned phone call still works like it always has.