6th grader is only kid in his peer group without a phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

Children in elementary school do not need phones. Period. They don't need to be learning how to text.

Kids will eventually need to learn to use phones and social media responsibly. Elementary school is not that time. Parents like you are a NIGHTMARE.

The wise one has spoken! No more replies necessary. Period.

[Anonymous]

lol she had me until the youtube channel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Kids will eventually need to learn to use phones and social media responsibly. Elementary school is not that time. Parents like you are a NIGHTMARE.

I know, it's hard for your kids to keep up with my smart, savvy, independent, socially-skilled kids. They make yours look bad.

My view is, kids learn what they are ready to learn. Putting off learning and independence because it makes adults uncomfortable is foolishness.

It's a celly. It's a tool. Our job is to teach them how to use them. Providing access is a key part of that.

FWIW, my kids have also ridden the public bus from middle school grade (well from 5th but w/buddy system), the younger one can cook a full course dinner, and the older one can change a tire -- and oh has a youtube channel that makes about $1000 / month (about shoes, sometimes hip hop.) He puts that money in a bank account he's managed himself since he was 12 and is saving for college, has saved close to 10k in the last year.

Using his phone.

Which he's had since he was 10.

My goal has always been to raise capable, self-sufficient young people. In 2019, independent digital access is part of that.

Hmmm..let's see where you kid is when he or she is 20. Being a star on Youtube is not something normal parents are wishing for their kids .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

'Cos it takes all of 2 minutes to learn how to text and takes years to learn to write well. Duh! If you cannot see the difference between the two, you are not someone I would take advice from anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay strong, OP. Your fellow resisters are out here.

+1. Stay strong. I have a 6th grade girl without a phone. They do not need them, and the risks at this age far outweigh the rewards. Our DD is sweet and responsible but no 6th grader should have to handle the responsibility of a phone.

[Anonymous]

My son is in 7th grade, ADD, screens can be a problem. Recently we gave him a (handed down) phone. He uses it on WiFi only (it's not on phone plan) and it counts as screen time. So he can use it within his limits how he chooses. He plays some games/browses internet and texts friends. He gets 30 min/day during the school week and no matter what, at 7pm, it goes in the device basket for the night. It stays in the house.

[Anonymous]

My now 7th grader didn't get one until the end of his 6th grade year. It has only texting & calling and is WiFi enabled.

It's been fantastic for him to coordinate with is friends' group. We have a large public park nearby, and he uses it to meet his buddies there. It's great how it's increased his outdoor time! Prior to the phone, he would go and there would be nobody there, or he couldn't find them.

We are also pretty strict about how much he uses it at home over WiFi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids would have had zero interaction with their friends and classmates outside of school without their own phones. You can stand firm on this, but just know that he'll be isolated from his peers.

+1. Social suicide

This is INSANE and this is why so many kids are so messed up. We are talking about sixth graders! My phoneless 6th grader has a number of ways to get in touch with her friends — email from family computer after school, arranging plans via parents, calling friends from our landline, talking in person at school and on the bus, walking to a friends’ house after school.

In the short term maybe it requires more work on your part if your child doesn’t yet have a phone. Maybe you will have to get to know their friends’ parents, maybe you will have to install a landline. Maybe you will have to go over other emergency scenarios and come up with contingency plans that are not “call us.” Get your kid a phone if it is easier on you and you don’t want to say no, but to act like they have to have one in order to have friends is suuuuuuper short sighted and wrong. Be smarter than the tech companies, please. Figure something out for the best interest of your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you give kids an iPad to text a phone is no different. I guess you can say your kid is phone-free, but I don’t get the point if they have access to an iPad.

It means they can only use the device at home, as part of our scheduled screen time. No texting at school, the park, friends, etc. I don't say my kid is phone free (he has a Gizmo). I can say we have been able to limit the texting. it works for us. Just offering it up as a suggested compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

Your first couple of paragraphs are absolutely true for late high schoolers, but absolutely not true for early middle schoolers. You are (1) greatly underestimating the dangers of the internet and tech addiction and (2) justifying putting your kids in harms way. I am far from a helicopter parent, but the way to teach kids independence is by giving them responsibility in the real world, not online. You did a good job rationalizing your abdication of parental responsibility though. A for effort. F for actually helping your kids.

[Anonymous]

My kids (7th and 8th) don't have phones for the same reasons you state. I was stunned when every single one of their friends got phones in 6th or 7th. Oh well. They'll get it when we decide it's appropriate. They have tons of friends--all is well on that front. you are not alone, OP, though I know it feels like you are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

Your first couple of paragraphs are absolutely true for late high schoolers, but absolutely not true for early middle schoolers. You are (1) greatly underestimating the dangers of the internet and tech addiction and (2) justifying putting your kids in harms way. I am far from a helicopter parent, but the way to teach kids independence is by giving them responsibility in the real world, not online. You did a good job rationalizing your abdication of parental responsibility though. A for effort. F for actually helping your kids.

+1 what a moron!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids would have had zero interaction with their friends and classmates outside of school without their own phones. You can stand firm on this, but just know that he'll be isolated from his peers.

+1. Social suicide

This is INSANE and this is why so many kids are so messed up. We are talking about sixth graders! My phoneless 6th grader has a number of ways to get in touch with her friends — email from family computer after school, arranging plans via parents, calling friends from our landline, talking in person at school and on the bus, walking to a friends’ house after school.

In the short term maybe it requires more work on your part if your child doesn’t yet have a phone. Maybe you will have to get to know their friends’ parents, maybe you will have to install a landline. Maybe you will have to go over other emergency scenarios and come up with contingency plans that are not “call us.” Get your kid a phone if it is easier on you and you don’t want to say no, but to act like they have to have one in order to have friends is suuuuuuper short sighted and wrong. Be smarter than the tech companies, please. Figure something out for the best interest of your kid.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Kids will eventually need to learn to use phones and social media responsibly. Elementary school is not that time. Parents like you are a NIGHTMARE.

I know, it's hard for your kids to keep up with my smart, savvy, independent, socially-skilled kids. They make yours look bad.

My view is, kids learn what they are ready to learn. Putting off learning and independence because it makes adults uncomfortable is foolishness.

It's a celly. It's a tool. Our job is to teach them how to use them. Providing access is a key part of that.

FWIW, my kids have also ridden the public bus from middle school grade (well from 5th but w/buddy system), the younger one can cook a full course dinner, and the older one can change a tire -- and oh has a youtube channel that makes about $1000 / month (about shoes, sometimes hip hop.) He puts that money in a bank account he's managed himself since he was 12 and is saving for college, has saved close to 10k in the last year.

Using his phone.

Which he's had since he was 10.

My goal has always been to raise capable, self-sufficient young people. In 2019, independent digital access is part of that.

So I guess you’re not a regular mom, you’re a “cool mom.”

+1. A cool YouTube mom, at that! YouTube mom, you and your children are the problem here.

[Anonymous]

We gave a phone in seventh grade. No regrets on waiting and no regrets on starting when we did. We did use the gizmo watch in 6th grade for things like sports practice or wandinerg around the neighborhood with friends, where I wanted DC to be able to reach me in an emergency.