6th grader is only kid in his peer group without a phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

Oh, the horror! A 10-year-old doesn't know how to use emojis properly!
PP, you win. Your kid is fully prepared for life challenges that lie ahead because she learned to text in K.

[Anonymous]

Even CHOP says cellphones can have benefits, and it’s not an all or nothing:

https://injury.research.chop.edu/blog/posts/it’s-all-about-balance-navigating-pros-and-cons-smartphones-teens-and-children#.XW_WHSQpAlQ

Ps - if you google “benefits of smartphones for kids” you get a ton of articles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

My son’s friend got a phone in 2nd grade, brought it to my son’s b-day party and spent the last 30 minutes of the party sitting by himself playing games on the phone while everyone else ran around having fun. Daughter’s friend in 5th grade brings her phone to sleepovers and the other girls complain that she spends the whole night looking at it. So congrats to you parents whose kids have advanced texting skills by the age of 10, but I’m sorry to tell you their real life social skills suck.

Dp I think there is a big difference between second grade and sixth grade, don't you think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

My son’s friend got a phone in 2nd grade, brought it to my son’s b-day party and spent the last 30 minutes of the party sitting by himself playing games on the phone while everyone else ran around having fun. Daughter’s friend in 5th grade brings her phone to sleepovers and the other girls complain that she spends the whole night looking at it. So congrats to you parents whose kids have advanced texting skills by the age of 10, but I’m sorry to tell you their real life social skills suck.

Dp I think there is a big difference between second grade and sixth grade, don't you think

Definitely, but I was responding to the PP who said her kid has had a phone since mid-elementary and is now a shining model of emoji restraint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even CHOP says cellphones can have benefits, and it’s not an all or nothing:

https://injury.research.chop.edu/blog/posts/it’s-all-about-balance-navigating-pros-and-cons-smartphones-teens-and-children#.XW_WHSQpAlQ

Ps - if you google “benefits of smartphones for kids” you get a ton of articles

Unpersuasive. Your link discusses a single online game for designed for children with PTSD and which can be played on a tablet at home, not just a smartphone. And states "teens who spend more time online... are more likely to be depressed."

[Anonymous]

So I didn't get my 6th grade DS a phone at the start of the school year this year. But now I'm thinking about getting him one and only allowing him to text and call on it and locking down all other apps. He says he doesn't care about not having a phone but he is one of the few that don't have one. He does have an iPad that he texts on.

I did get my DD a phone at the start of the 6th grade though because I do think it was way more important to her for social reasons.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids who have gone through something similar. I felt like without a smart phone they were being left out of lots of group chats (which later became instagram stories, etc).

My recommendation is to get him a phone with very strong limits. For instance, he can only use for a couple of hours after school and then it goes away to YOUR room til the next day. He won't get breaking news, but can at least follow the conversation. Also, make sure you have all passwords and he knows that you check regularly for poor behavior.

FYI, my 8th grader came home telling me that the school went from banning phones in the classroom last year to assuming they have one this year so teachers used it for a 20 questions game yesterday. I asked if everyone had one and she said one kid didn't, but she didn't know what the teacher expected him to use. IMHO, that seems very problematic for the school to broadcast one kid's lack of phone, but it shows you how ubiquitous they are by 8th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

My son’s friend got a phone in 2nd grade, brought it to my son’s b-day party and spent the last 30 minutes of the party sitting by himself playing games on the phone while everyone else ran around having fun. Daughter’s friend in 5th grade brings her phone to sleepovers and the other girls complain that she spends the whole night looking at it. So congrats to you parents whose kids have advanced texting skills by the age of 10, but I’m sorry to tell you their real life social skills suck.

Dp I think there is a big difference between second grade and sixth grade, don't you think

Definitely, but I was responding to the PP who said her kid has had a phone since mid-elementary and is now a shining model of emoji restraint.

I mean, I wouldn't give my 8 year old a phone, but I think her point was that there are social skills involved and late-adopters have some catching up to do. Which for most seems to be just fine...! But I can see how my kid with her new phone at the start of middle school might have been *that* kid sending along every stupid meme that came her way... Oh well!

[Anonymous]

We have a flip phone for our daughter. Not a smart phone. It works for what we and she needs it for. Kids in sixth grade don’t need smart phones, and most are also underage to be legally using any social media platforms as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biking is better than Netflix which is better than video games which might be better than cell phones for 11 and 12 yo’s. Depends on the game and the kid.

And biking is literally the #1 cause of concussion and head injury in kids.

Everything has risks and rewards. Netflix can be super-addictive. Video gaming is at least active whereas binge-watching shows is passive. Cell phone are tools. My kid uses hers for audible and kindle, texting (lots of rules about that,) managing her calendar, chore-tracking, and a few other things.

Phones -- personal, portable networked computers! -- are incredibly powerful tools. That power should be respected, and they should be used with care.

The level of denial and rationalization here is truly mind-boggling. It is unreal what parents will do to justify short-term convenience over long-term health and well-being.

Yep. Youtube Mom takes the cake. She is truly a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please get your kid a phone! Or other digital device that allows texting. They need to learn how to use it properly -- keeping phones away doesn't teach that. This is the world, it's so strange to me that people want their kids to learn 20th century communication skills but neglect 21st century training. Why should they be able to write essays at 11 but not text? This is basic social functioning in the world today.

And impose rules and structure and teach digital hygiene and all the rest, but please do not monitor everything. Have better things to do. Stop spying on your kid. Spot check, sure, but give them some privacy and focus on building trust and having actual conversations with your kid instead of "monitoring" them. Otherwise they will very quickly learn to evade - focus on teaching good judgment instead. Ask questions. Hard ones. But for the love of god stop reading every single text they send and receive, it's exhausting just hearing about it.

My kid has had a phone since mid-elementary school and rolls her eyes every time a friend gets a new phone because they send a million emojis and chain-mail -style texts and generally have no idea how to communicate properly. It usually takes a few months for kids to get the hang of it.

My other kid has also had a phone since the 5th grade. He's now in 11th and says the kids who are obsessively instagramming and always have their phones out and don't know how to have face-to-face conversations are inevitably the kids who are new to smartphones. They haven't developed their social skills co-extensively with their tech skills and they are the ones that make all the mistakes.

Also, I am so over having to contact parents to make plans. These are middle schoolers. They should be able to socialize more or less independently. If your kid cannot communicate independently, they will probably not hang out with my kid, because she is not going to call you to hang out, and neither am I, sorry!

ps for the love of god stop calling it a "playdate." It's infantilizing.

Children in elementary school do not need phones. Period. They don't need to be learning how to text.

Kids will eventually need to learn to use phones and social media responsibly. Elementary school is not that time. Parents like you are a NIGHTMARE.

They don’t need bikes, or Netflix, or video games either. But many kids their age enjoy these things. What a dumb argument.

Where to begin...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh for those of you that think your protected little darling isn't exposed to the big bad dangerous world of cellular communications because they have an iPad or Touch but no calling - think again. They are sneaking those in their backpacks and tethering to their friend's hotspots. They know how to turn off location services temporarily and turn them back on before you're off work. They are using your phone, your computer, their siblings' phone and computers, their siblings' friends devices... They go to the apple store at the mall and use them. These are a million ways to get online.

I have even seen an app that hides other apps (so you don't know why have it.) And I haven't seen this yet, but I would bet good money there is an app out there that provides false location data to parents who are trying to track their kids.

I don't think people who buy their kids iPads or iPods are just handing them over without putting basic controls in place. My kids iPads do not have cellular, they are on my apple account, and they don't leave the house unless I'm with them, so I have a pretty good idea what they are used for. And I talk to my kids, regularly, about online safety, what they are doing, etc. I can't possibly hope to control everything all the time, so I don't. But your job is to keep educating yourself on what's out there and keep talking with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids would have had zero interaction with their friends and classmates outside of school without their own phones. You can stand firm on this, but just know that he'll be isolated from his peers.

+1. Social suicide

If this is true, it is 100% on the backs of the irresponsible parents who give their kids phones in elementary and middle schools.

So many stupid parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hmmm..let's see where you kid is when he or she is 20. Being a star on Youtube is not something normal parents are wishing for their kids .

Haha no we are certainly outside the norm. Also outside the norm: A teen who is expert at video editing, viral marketing, et al. And no he is not a youtube star. He used to get about 5k views / video, now it's 10-50 times that, and his face or name has never appeared in any of his pieces, just his voice. He uploads regularly and is building up a subscriber base. It's a hobby, but he treats is like a job. Video quality has improved markedly, and he is very diligent.

Also not normal: Being on the way to paying for own college education while only halfway through HS.

Look, I get it. Technology has the potential to amplify both risks and rewards exponentially, and with developing brains, those amplified risks are not insignificant. So I am all for rules, restrictions, and scaffolding as they develop the savvy and maturity to use technology responsibly -- just the same as we teach them to cross the street. We don't say, Never cross streets, it's dangerous. But we teach them slowly and over time and the GOAL is independence. You get to independence by practicing early and often.

Meanwhile, I will bet good money that the kids of every single poster who has said, Kids that age don't need phone, have access to tv's. Which is a more useful tool?

With every post you sound worse and worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biking is better than Netflix which is better than video games which might be better than cell phones for 11 and 12 yo’s. Depends on the game and the kid.

And biking is literally the #1 cause of concussion and head injury in kids.

Everything has risks and rewards. Netflix can be super-addictive. Video gaming is at least active whereas binge-watching shows is passive. Cell phone are tools. My kid uses hers for audible and kindle, texting (lots of rules about that,) managing her calendar, chore-tracking, and a few other things.

Phones -- personal, portable networked computers! -- are incredibly powerful tools. That power should be respected, and they should be used with care.

The level of denial and rationalization here is truly mind-boggling. It is unreal what parents will do to justify short-term convenience over long-term health and well-being.

Yep. Youtube Mom takes the cake. She is truly a nightmare.

Who’s that?