6th grader is only kid in his peer group without a phone

[Anonymous]

We got our 6th grader an iPod primarily to listen to music but another feature is that she can text and use FaceTime while she's at home or anywhere she's hooked up to WiFi. She has her own iCloud email (in place of the phone number), so it feels more grown-up than having her friends text her on the family iPad. Apple also has a lot of parental controls built in so we get to monitor which apps she puts on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 6th grader texts using his iPad. That limits his texting to outside of school and he can only use it during his screen time. For calling/texting me during the day, he has a Gizmo.

+1. You can text via Wifi from an iPad. No need to text during school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay strong, OP. Your fellow resisters are out here.

That’s fine, but do you have any sort of Apple device at home where he can use iMessage with your supervision for a limited amount of time? An iPad or old iPod? Years ago I would have said to resist but my 6th grader ever everyone he knows has a phone or at least iMessage. I can’t think of any that don’t have cells anymore. We got our son one because he was starting to spend more time on his bike with friends and they would ride for hours further away from home. Last year they started going out to lunch together at local restaurants. You don’t seem to have this safety concern, but it would be nice if your son could participate the group chats that are most certainly happening. My son does not have access to his phone all of the time and has limited apps. He doesn’t have with him at school.

[Anonymous]

^sorry for the typos. To answer your other question, sure DS would be willing to plan something social with some without a phone but it wouldn’t happen as often and be a little more difficult. Kids at this age are texting each other and planning these themselves. He’d call a landline if you have it but would be hesitant to call your cell. He’d be fine if your son used your cell to call or text him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 6th grader texts using his iPad. That limits his texting to outside of school and he can only use it during his screen time. For calling/texting me during the day, he has a Gizmo.

+1. You can text via Wifi from an iPad. No need to text during school.

+2 I started out letting 6th grade DC text from my phone this summer. Now we've worked up to an icloud address that DC can use to text friends during screen time on the iPad at home. No plans to give a phone until 8th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son got a phone in 6th and after that I encouraged him to plan his own things with friends. But he has friends without phones so for those the parents still reach out to me or they use the landline. But it certainly is easier when the other kids have phones. But it is not like my son carries his all the time, so parents often text me anyway.

Just try to avoid saying negative things about other kids having phones. Those parents are so annoying, especially since this is usually followed by them suggesting thier kid rely on my son’s phone ( as in they expect my son to take his phone every where). If you want the convenience of a phone, you pay for it.

OP here - no judgement on families who decide to get phones for their 6th grader. Just doesn't seem right for ours right now given our circumstances. And no I don't say anything negative to my kid about other families whose kids have phones.

[Anonymous]

He should meet my son then.

My 8th grader has one, but my 6th grader does not have a phone yet.

A lot of his friends got into trouble with iPhones in elementary school.

We gave his brother a text/call only phone a few months into 6th and will do the same. 8th grader now has an iPhone.

[Anonymous]

That’s fine in my opinion as long as you are not contacting his friends when he’s with them to check on your kid. My daughter has two friends whose parents are on this big high horse about their children not having any technology until eighth grade. However they rely heavily on my daughter and her phone to know where their kids are and if they need anything which I think is so hypocritical

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids would have had zero interaction with their friends and classmates outside of school without their own phones. You can stand firm on this, but just know that he'll be isolated from his peers.

+1. Social suicide

[Anonymous]

Do you like his friends?

If you find that he is excluded and missing out, it is probably because kids really don't go out of their way for the random person not on the group text.

Sure, some kids manage and maybe it is ok, but some kids don't.

I can also tell you from experience that kids in middle school are more maliable than they will be a few years later. Think about whether it is worth buying him a good-enuf phone so that you can teach him good habits while he is still mostly under your control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids would have had zero interaction with their friends and classmates outside of school without their own phones. You can stand firm on this, but just know that he'll be isolated from his peers.

+1. Social suicide

+100 And my son and his friends would also use the group chat while working on their science together.

[Anonymous]

My son didn’t get one until just before he started 8th grade. He has plenty of friends. The boys mostly talk online playing video games.

[Anonymous]

You are limiting him socially and making it harder for him to fit in.

My ds has a really good friend (also middle school) who doesn't have a phone, but she is at a different school and the situation is just very different socially than you describe for your ds.

I do believe in scaffolding them (and my ds has ADHD as well). No social media apps like instagram or snapchat and we can read all his texts.

You have to weigh the pros and cons for your son specifically. Middle school can be a particularly brutal time socially so if he is already struggling there, then you really should factor that in.

Yes, it is work to stay on top of it. Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

“Every one else” had a phone according to my kids - each of whom got theirs at age 13.

[Anonymous]

Our kids had a brick in MS (text and talk only, no internet even when there is wifi). They got smart phones when they went to HS.