DD’s friend suspended for drugs; Disinvite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's kid clearly smokes weed too. She probably got the friend started. Whenever you see a mouse, remember there is always more than one.

"Clearly"? You're clairvoyant? A friend of this family maybe?

You can't believe any kid could possibly know someone who smokes, yet not smoke themselves? Oh, right, you'll say that's naive. I say OP probably knows her own kid a little better than you do. Then you'll insist, no, OP is being fooled.

How you leap to OP's kid actually starting the other kid smoking is remarkable. Consider a career in fiction.

Ok, OP. All the kids smoke weed except your kid.

I didn’t write the comment you are replying to. I don’t believe my DD is smoking pot. I’m not going to go into the very personal reason why, but it’s a big barrier. But I don’t believe ALL the other kids are either. I think it’s a small percentage.

[Anonymous]

DD’s party is in 2 weeks. We always chaperone, but this incident shows that a teen can hand a vape pen to another child at the bathroom door.

I can’t see anyone trying to vett our guest list, but there was a group text yesterday about who was going to the movies. Several moms wanted to make sure the big group didn’t include the suspended girl. It didn’t. However, she is not grounded according to DD.

[Anonymous]

Don’t disinvite. It will cause so much drama.

For future things you can choose if you don’t want your child hanging out with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD’s party is in 2 weeks. We always chaperone, but this incident shows that a teen can hand a vape pen to another child at the bathroom door.

I can’t see anyone trying to vett our guest list, but there was a group text yesterday about who was going to the movies. Several moms wanted to make sure the big group didn’t include the suspended girl. It didn’t. However, she is not grounded according to DD.

I don’t understand all these moms who cause such drama. It’s the kids with these moms injecting drama needlessly that I would try to keep DD away from.

[Anonymous]

Invite her. Let her know she's not a complete screw up. Focus on your own daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD’s party is in 2 weeks. We always chaperone, but this incident shows that a teen can hand a vape pen to another child at the bathroom door.

I can’t see anyone trying to vett our guest list, but there was a group text yesterday about who was going to the movies. Several moms wanted to make sure the big group didn’t include the suspended girl. It didn’t. However, she is not grounded according to DD.

It’s the story of the day....it will die down in 2 weeks. Any parent who wants to ostracize a teen by having you disinvite a girl who is not implicated directly with inappropriate behavior with your child or their child can choose not to send their kid. And for those kids also caught vaping...weed or not...are those kids also disinvited? Coming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD’s party is in 2 weeks. We always chaperone, but this incident shows that a teen can hand a vape pen to another child at the bathroom door.

I can’t see anyone trying to vett our guest list, but there was a group text yesterday about who was going to the movies. Several moms wanted to make sure the big group didn’t include the suspended girl. It didn’t. However, she is not grounded according to DD.

It’s the story of the day....it will die down in 2 weeks. Any parent who wants to ostracize a teen by having you disinvite a girl who is not implicated directly with inappropriate behavior with your child or their child can choose not to send their kid. And for those kids also caught vaping...weed or not...are those kids also disinvited? Coming?

The other teens caught were never coming. They weren’t in the mutual circle of friends.

DD is nervous about it either way.

[Anonymous]

I do think it’s a big deal but I would not disinvite her. There will be plenty of other bad decisions made by every kid in the friend group during the teenage years and just because someone makes one bad decision doesn’t mean you can never be friends with them. Or else none of us would have any friends...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you hope to achieve by disinviting the girl? To isolate her, make sure she is labeled the "bad" kid, thereby further making her the target of mean girl behavior that you are clearly instigating?

Quite a few posters here don't seem to get that OP is not out to get this kid. OP just doesn't want her daughter labeled among other kids, parents and, yeah, at school, as part of a group that uses weed. That's smart of OP because once that gets started it will follow those kids into next school year. The girl needs help but hell, she was selling hits off her vape. That's a level beyond personal toking, to me. Disassociate.

If you, PP, think it's "mean girl" behavior to separate a teen from others who are doing things of which a parent disapproves, and which is both against school rules and against the law....Fine for you. Not for OP.

OP, you said your daughter is nervous about the party. Have you talked to her? Really gotten her to talk out why she's nervous, to lay out the pros and cons? Are the four girls who would not come closer friends of hers than the girl in question? Does she think she somehow could help this girl by inviting her? (Not her job but I get the impulse.) I would involve her in thinking this through and being part of the decision here. And it is not "mean girl" behavior to choose not to associate with someone who is in this level of trouble, no matter what DCUM tells you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you hope to achieve by disinviting the girl? To isolate her, make sure she is labeled the "bad" kid, thereby further making her the target of mean girl behavior that you are clearly instigating?

Quite a few posters here don't seem to get that OP is not out to get this kid. OP just doesn't want her daughter labeled among other kids, parents and, yeah, at school, as part of a group that uses weed. That's smart of OP because once that gets started it will follow those kids into next school year. The girl needs help but hell, she was selling hits off her vape. That's a level beyond personal toking, to me. Disassociate.

If you, PP, think it's "mean girl" behavior to separate a teen from others who are doing things of which a parent disapproves, and which is both against school rules and against the law....Fine for you. Not for OP.

OP, you said your daughter is nervous about the party. Have you talked to her? Really gotten her to talk out why she's nervous, to lay out the pros and cons? Are the four girls who would not come closer friends of hers than the girl in question? Does she think she somehow could help this girl by inviting her? (Not her job but I get the impulse.) I would involve her in thinking this through and being part of the decision here. And it is not "mean girl" behavior to choose not to associate with someone who is in this level of trouble, no matter what DCUM tells you.

Maybe she's nervous because her mom is overly involved in her social life.

[Anonymous]

How old are these girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are these girls?

13 and 14.

Of course, we’re involved in DD having a party in our home.

[Anonymous]

If you know her to be an otherwise courteous, decent kid, then there is no reason to disinvite her.

If you don't know her at all, or you fear she might try to sneak alcohol or vape in to your party, then no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD’s party is in 2 weeks. We always chaperone, but this incident shows that a teen can hand a vape pen to another child at the bathroom door.

I can’t see anyone trying to vett our guest list, but there was a group text yesterday about who was going to the movies. Several moms wanted to make sure the big group didn’t include the suspended girl. It didn’t. However, she is not grounded according to DD.

Well that's not very nice of them. I have a 14 year old. This is not the right way of handling teen issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you know her to be an otherwise courteous, decent kid, then there is no reason to disinvite her.

If you don't know her at all, or you fear she might try to sneak alcohol or vape in to your party, then no.

I don’t know her well. She’s a newish friend to DD. They met in the fall arts elective. She started socializing lightly with DD’s circle, but also kept other groups of friends. I have known her to be courteous when she came to my home or I gave her a ride home. I felt uncomfortable that she always had a lot of cash and a lot of freedom to move about in the evening without checking in with her parents.

I absolutely worry that she might vape weed in my home. I can hardly ask to search her.