DD’s friend suspended for drugs; Disinvite?

[Anonymous]

No, don't disinvite her. Just supervise the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the girl will need some non-drugging friends. We’re hoping for clues from her parents about what steps they will take to get her on a better path. Right now, they are focused on the suspension. That isn’t inspiring confidence that they take it seriously.

Even if our thinking was “It’s just a little weed.”, there are other parents in the friend group who told their teens to drop the girl. Partly because the girl’s parents appear to want to fight the suspension although there’s no doubt she possessed on school grounds. If she comes to DD’s party, at least 4 other girls might not. I’m worried this will label us soft on drugs. Maybe splinter DD off into a peer group of weed smokers.

These people are ridiculous.

Agree. Kids make mistakes, and what the girl did was hardly egregious.

A mistake is an unintended error. An accident. I forgot to put my cellphone in my locker before taking my AP Exam and it fell out in front of the proctor.

I used my vape to consume weed at school. That’s a poor judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the girl will need some non-drugging friends. We’re hoping for clues from her parents about what steps they will take to get her on a better path. Right now, they are focused on the suspension. That isn’t inspiring confidence that they take it seriously.

Even if our thinking was “It’s just a little weed.”, there are other parents in the friend group who told their teens to drop the girl. Partly because the girl’s parents appear to want to fight the suspension although there’s no doubt she possessed on school grounds. If she comes to DD’s party, at least 4 other girls might not. I’m worried this will label us soft on drugs. Maybe splinter DD off into a peer group of weed smokers.

These people are ridiculous.

Agree. Kids make mistakes, and what the girl did was hardly egregious.

A mistake is an unintended error. An accident. I forgot to put my cellphone in my locker before taking my AP Exam and it fell out in front of the proctor.

I used my vape to consume weed at school. That’s a poor judgment.

Teenagers use poor judgment. Blah blah pre-frontal cortex blah blah. You know?

[Anonymous]

OP's kid clearly smokes weed too. She probably got the friend started. Whenever you see a mouse, remember there is always more than one.

[Anonymous]

Part of me says to include her but the other part says i dont want my kid hanging around someone who not only does weed but charges other kids to do it. Thats almost like dealing.

[Anonymous]

Really should not matter if you invite or not. If the offender were my kid, she wouldn't be going anywhere for quite a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the girl will need some non-drugging friends. We’re hoping for clues from her parents about what steps they will take to get her on a better path. Right now, they are focused on the suspension. That isn’t inspiring confidence that they take it seriously.

Even if our thinking was “It’s just a little weed.”, there are other parents in the friend group who told their teens to drop the girl. Partly because the girl’s parents appear to want to fight the suspension although there’s no doubt she possessed on school grounds. If she comes to DD’s party, at least 4 other girls might not. I’m worried this will label us soft on drugs. Maybe splinter DD off into a peer group of weed smokers.

Please don't listen to the other posters, do not invite this girl. You want your kid to end up with the non-drug group when this group breaks up into two. You don't want to have to worry that this girl is bringing weed to the party. If it were my kid getting caught with weed at school and potentially selling, my kid wouldn't be attending any party in the summer.

+1. Lots of "just a little weed" no-big-deal posters on DCUM and more will be back here. But OP, your perception that this could end up fracturing the friend group is right. As the PP here notes, you don't want your DD on the wrong side (and yeah, it IS wrong) of that fracture. And teachers at school will know who is and who isn't in the friend groups and believe me,

It is truly sad that the girl's family may have more money than sense. It's sad especially if she is otherwise an OK kid. Please listen to and watch out for your DD; teen girls often want to help and save friends who are in trouble--many teen girls feel they need to stand by the troubled friend, won't abandon her etc. That is compassionate and kind and laudable yet can end up in a very bad place for the kind and caring kid. I've seen it happen, OP. Teen girls trying to be the supportive friend who end up sucked into drama that drags them down.

Rather than flat-out ordering your DD to disinvite, talk to DD about the party and point out that the girl isn't a close friend. Talk to DD about how peer group counts more and more through high school and how the girl will get help from those qualified to help. And in the end ensure the girl doesn't come. I sound uncaring, I'm sure, but I'm not. The kid does need help. But other teens aren't responsible for that.

Unless this is a year-round school-- Fortunately summer is very close so the daily school routine stops. If DD wouldn't have seen much or anything of this girl over the summer, good. It created a natural break in how much the other kids will see and think of her. I hope DD has a full, busy summer planned.

[Anonymous]

The kid probably has enough people passing judgement on her without this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's kid clearly smokes weed too. She probably got the friend started. Whenever you see a mouse, remember there is always more than one.

"Clearly"? You're clairvoyant? A friend of this family maybe?

You can't believe any kid could possibly know someone who smokes, yet not smoke themselves? Oh, right, you'll say that's naive. I say OP probably knows her own kid a little better than you do. Then you'll insist, no, OP is being fooled.

How you leap to OP's kid actually starting the other kid smoking is remarkable. Consider a career in fiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid probably has enough people passing judgement on her without this!

OP is correctly focused not on judging the kid but on protecting her own DD. Really read her posts. OP actually is quite non-judgmental about the girl (but appropriately judgmental of the parents who seem to not want to see what their kid is actually doing).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the girl will need some non-drugging friends. We’re hoping for clues from her parents about what steps they will take to get her on a better path. Right now, they are focused on the suspension. That isn’t inspiring confidence that they take it seriously.

Even if our thinking was “It’s just a little weed.”, there are other parents in the friend group who told their teens to drop the girl. Partly because the girl’s parents appear to want to fight the suspension although there’s no doubt she possessed on school grounds. If she comes to DD’s party, at least 4 other girls might not. I’m worried this will label us soft on drugs. Maybe splinter DD off into a peer group of weed smokers.

How will anyone know who is and is not invited to the party and who will be in attendance? Are the families of these girls asking to review the guest list before allowing their kids to accept?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of me says to include her but the other part says i dont want my kid hanging around someone who not only does weed but charges other kids to do it. Thats almost like dealing.

News flash: Your kid already hangs around with someone who does weed and, likely, charges for it. You just aren't aware of it.

[Anonymous]

What do you hope to achieve by disinviting the girl? To isolate her, make sure she is labeled the "bad" kid, thereby further making her the target of mean girl behavior that you are clearly instigating?

[Anonymous]

When is the party? Does your DD still want her there? Isn’t your party going to be properly supervised? If so, why would other parents be concerned and if they are why not invite them to join the celebration so they can watch their own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's kid clearly smokes weed too. She probably got the friend started. Whenever you see a mouse, remember there is always more than one.

"Clearly"? You're clairvoyant? A friend of this family maybe?

You can't believe any kid could possibly know someone who smokes, yet not smoke themselves? Oh, right, you'll say that's naive. I say OP probably knows her own kid a little better than you do. Then you'll insist, no, OP is being fooled.

How you leap to OP's kid actually starting the other kid smoking is remarkable. Consider a career in fiction.

Ok, OP. All the kids smoke weed except your kid.