My fiance died recently in a car accident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! How do you know he died? Maybe this is all a big hoax to get you out of his life and that is the reason they want every single thing back from you that links you together.

This was my first thought too. Something is off, and it sounds like his family wasn't happy about the relationship. Don't underestimate the weight of family expectations, *especially* in other cultures. Plenty of relationships have ended in the US because a family was against it, and the US has much much much less oppressive family expectations than most other countries.

Why wouldn't her fiance be contacting Op, though? If he's still alive, he is still engaged to her and anticipating getting married and starting a family with her.

Do you think he's being held captive by his family somewhere against his will? That doesn't seem very likely...

No, I don't think he's being held captive. I can't explain what's telling me something is off, it's a gut feeling.

OP, you mentioned you went and lived in SA with him, because you have more financial resources than he did (reasonable). Were you sending him any money when you weren't in country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! How do you know he died? Maybe this is all a big hoax to get you out of his life and that is the reason they want every single thing back from you that links you together.

This was my first thought too. Something is off, and it sounds like his family wasn't happy about the relationship. Don't underestimate the weight of family expectations, *especially* in other cultures. Plenty of relationships have ended in the US because a family was against it, and the US has much much much less oppressive family expectations than most other countries.

Why wouldn't her fiance be contacting Op, though? If he's still alive, he is still engaged to her and anticipating getting married and starting a family with her.

Do you think he's being held captive by his family somewhere against his will? That doesn't seem very likely...

The guy's parents sound like mine; they made me break up with my boyfriend in high school and used similar tactics. Though they didn't go so far as to say that I was dead.

I agree that the whole thing sounds fishy and that he might not even be dead.

But it's also possible that the parents simply bribed him or threatened him into ending the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! How do you know he died? Maybe this is all a big hoax to get you out of his life and that is the reason they want every single thing back from you that links you together.

This was my first thought too. Something is off, and it sounds like his family wasn't happy about the relationship. Don't underestimate the weight of family expectations, *especially* in other cultures. Plenty of relationships have ended in the US because a family was against it, and the US has much much much less oppressive family expectations than most other countries.

Why wouldn't her fiance be contacting Op, though? If he's still alive, he is still engaged to her and anticipating getting married and starting a family with her.

Do you think he's being held captive by his family somewhere against his will? That doesn't seem very likely...

No, I don't think he's being held captive. I can't explain what's telling me something is off, it's a gut feeling.

OP, you mentioned you went and lived in SA with him, because you have more financial resources than he did (reasonable). Were you sending him any money when you weren't in country?

NO I WAS NOT SENDING HIM MONEY. The speculation is pissing me off. I have already explain above other details that were asked. My fiance has died in a horrific accident and I confirmed it with medical professionals. And your gut feeling is probably just your bowels.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe this thread isn't going to be a helpful resource for you. It's an unusual story/situation that most people can't relate to, and understandably, most speculation or suggestions sound like they're going to upset you. You don't need random internet strangers making you angry on top of the grief you already feel and anger at his family. May be best just to use the forum to type out what you needed to get out, but not feel like you need to read or respond to every answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! How do you know he died? Maybe this is all a big hoax to get you out of his life and that is the reason they want every single thing back from you that links you together.

This was my first thought too. Something is off, and it sounds like his family wasn't happy about the relationship. Don't underestimate the weight of family expectations, *especially* in other cultures. Plenty of relationships have ended in the US because a family was against it, and the US has much much much less oppressive family expectations than most other countries.

Why wouldn't her fiance be contacting Op, though? If he's still alive, he is still engaged to her and anticipating getting married and starting a family with her.

Do you think he's being held captive by his family somewhere against his will? That doesn't seem very likely...

No, I don't think he's being held captive. I can't explain what's telling me something is off, it's a gut feeling.

OP, you mentioned you went and lived in SA with him, because you have more financial resources than he did (reasonable). Were you sending him any money when you weren't in country?

NO I WAS NOT SENDING HIM MONEY. The speculation is pissing me off. I have already explain above other details that were asked. My fiance has died in a horrific accident and I confirmed it with medical professionals. And your gut feeling is probably just your bowels.

Medical professionals can be bribed in other countries and also the police sometimes. If he has indeed died then maybe the family got him killed etc. There is an angle here that you are not seeing. However, if it is confirmed that he is dead, then let it go and try and rebuild your life without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe this thread isn't going to be a helpful resource for you. It's an unusual story/situation that most people can't relate to, and understandably, most speculation or suggestions sound like they're going to upset you. You don't need random internet strangers making you angry on top of the grief you already feel and anger at his family. May be best just to use the forum to type out what you needed to get out, but not feel like you need to read or respond to every answer.

Thank you, I agree with you completely. It was a mistake for me to post here. I know my situation is unusual but you would think that after I explained I actually spoke to doctors who confirmed my fiance's death, that people wouldn't be so ignorant and insensitive to keep speculating that he's being held captive or that something "fishy" is going on. Grief is a very lonely island in the situation I'm in. Pretty much no one understands what I'm going through because most families don't act the way my fiance's family does. They made his life hell and are now doing it to me because he isn't around anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! How do you know he died? Maybe this is all a big hoax to get you out of his life and that is the reason they want every single thing back from you that links you together.

This was my first thought too. Something is off, and it sounds like his family wasn't happy about the relationship. Don't underestimate the weight of family expectations, *especially* in other cultures. Plenty of relationships have ended in the US because a family was against it, and the US has much much much less oppressive family expectations than most other countries.

Why wouldn't her fiance be contacting Op, though? If he's still alive, he is still engaged to her and anticipating getting married and starting a family with her.

Do you think he's being held captive by his family somewhere against his will? That doesn't seem very likely...

No, I don't think he's being held captive. I can't explain what's telling me something is off, it's a gut feeling.

OP, you mentioned you went and lived in SA with him, because you have more financial resources than he did (reasonable). Were you sending him any money when you weren't in country?

NO I WAS NOT SENDING HIM MONEY. The speculation is pissing me off. I have already explain above other details that were asked. My fiance has died in a horrific accident and I confirmed it with medical professionals. And your gut feeling is probably just your bowels.

Medical professionals can be bribed in other countries and also the police sometimes. If he has indeed died then maybe the family got him killed etc. There is an angle here that you are not seeing. However, if it is confirmed that he is dead, then let it go and try and rebuild your life without him.

Let it go and try to rebuild your life without him? Wow. Please do not ever open your mouth to a grieving person again. You really have no business doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Medical professionals can be bribed in other countries and also the police sometimes. If he has indeed died then maybe the family got him killed etc. There is an angle here that you are not seeing. However, if it is confirmed that he is dead, then let it go and try and rebuild your life without him.

I agree about the bribing potential - or not even bribed, they can be involved/family members posing as those people or even actually the ones that have those jobs.

I feel like this is a romance scam that got out of control, although the pieces don't quite add up. I don't think they would have let her come stay 6 month "several times." They are ending it because they need to move on to less involved but more lucrative marks. They want the photos because they can use those in future scams. He's in on ending it, that's why he's not reaching out to her.

[Anonymous]

If he is going along with some kind of fake death story, then he is lost to Op anyway.

I can't understand why a grown man who lives in another country and has literally lived with Op for 6 month stretches at a time would feel so beholden to his birth family that he would fabricate his own death to the woman he had planned to marry and start a family with.

Honestly, I don't think that this line of thinking is at all helpful because it sounds extremely unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Medical professionals can be bribed in other countries and also the police sometimes. If he has indeed died then maybe the family got him killed etc. There is an angle here that you are not seeing. However, if it is confirmed that he is dead, then let it go and try and rebuild your life without him.

I agree about the bribing potential - or not even bribed, they can be involved/family members posing as those people or even actually the ones that have those jobs.

I feel like this is a romance scam that got out of control, although the pieces don't quite add up. I don't think they would have let her come stay 6 month "several times." They are ending it because they need to move on to less involved but more lucrative marks. They want the photos because they can use those in future scams. He's in on ending it, that's why he's not reaching out to her.

If they were out for a lucrative mark, why not have Op come to their country, marry their son and then have Op killed in an "accident". That way they'd have full access to Op's bank accounts, right?

[Anonymous]

Sorry for your loss. Cut off all contact with the family, then visit his memorial/grave without alerting them about it, so you can pay your own respects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I meant "continents" -- not countries. I know Africa is a continent. Sigh. I am exhausted mentally and physically by the weight of this grief. And I just feel like no one gets what I've gone through. This is a nightmare situation. To have private communication read by his family on top of losing him is hell.

You can't undo what his family saw on his computer. And I don't think it's that unusual for officials to require an autopsy when a person dies in a car crash. They don't just automatically assume that it was an accident and it is part of the death investigation.

His family probably hacked onto his computer in attempt to get other types of necessary information in order to settle his estate. Would seems like a huge invasion of your (and his) privacy may have been equally unexpected and shocking to them.

Try to find forgiveness, Op. Remember everything amazing about your fiance. Let his love live on in everything that you do.

You're totally missing the poiint. Unless you've lost the person you're in love with, you wouldn't understand. I know medically why it was necessary. The reality of having his body sliced open and all his internal organs taken out including his brain is painful for me as the woman who loved this man. My future husband the father of my children - that's who he was supposed to be. I get frustrated trying to express myself because of comments like yours.

I get it. I do. But when young, healthy people die unexpectedly, death investigations happen. You can't let your mind dwell on this aspect. When this happened, he was already gone. I am so very sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP, new poster. I’m sorry for your grief, your loss, the isolation, the icing out from yhis family. Big hugs. It’s hard to grieve a vision for the future and having a family try to interrupt that with new drama is dysfunctional. Remove yourself from them, as you said its what he would have wanted. One day, maybe you can write them a letter.

I’m sorry you couldn’t attend he memorial service. It’s possivle that the service held by people he wanted to cut ties from didn’t truly represent who he was. Maybe you can find a unique way to honor him, in his home country. Take a visit there, go to a place where you two held a memory or vision, and plant a tree that will have long standing roots. Water it with your love and perhaps some tears. Visit it from time to time. You can also think about interests he was involved in, and carry that torch - did he have a passion for nature, animals, rights, children, etc? Perhaps involve yourself in some charity work here (or there) that could support it.

Prayer and deepest condolences as you navigate this. Br your life isn’t over. You will rise again, the sun sets in one place to rise in another. Your fiancé would want that for you - and I do to. May peace comfort you in knowing that he experienced your love - and that gift is something that he cherished too. That is a beautiful mark to leave in the world.

Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Don't get mad at me. I don't mean to sound insensitive. But, are you sure he died? Do you have proof?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't get mad at me. I don't mean to sound insensitive. But, are you sure he died? Do you have proof?

Not OP, but did you READ the thread to this point? OP addressed this thought multiple times. It doesn’t help to have to deal with the grief of someone passing away suddenly, then have others nonchalantly suggest maybe the grief is unwarranted because the deceased isn’t deceased. That is insensitive, OP has rehashed enough. At this point future posters need to help OP with the grieving process, or move on to another thread. I’m frustrated for her. Get it together DCUM.